BS: Sexual lies we believe

Subject: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Mar 19 - 07:45 AM

"You've still got a wonderful bottom, dear"

(The lie in this case being that you left out "for your age...")

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Mar 19 - 07:58 AM

The older I get, the stronger I am.

When I was 20 I couldn't bend my boner. I can now.

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: gillymor
Date: 19 Mar 19 - 08:34 AM

"Yes it really is 10 inches" then mumbling "of course that's in dog inches."

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Mar 19 - 08:50 AM

I"m sterile.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 19 Mar 19 - 09:06 AM

I promise I won't come in your mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Mar 19 - 10:24 AM

Bloke in pub told me this one (hastening to add that I don't share any of its underlying sexist sentiment): "Know why women can't judge distance?" (holds up finger and thumb tip two inches apart)... "Because all their lives they've been told that this is nine inches..."

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 19 - 08:29 PM

"I'm God's Gift to sex!"

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: gillymor
Date: 20 Mar 19 - 07:05 AM

"The credit card is in my front pocket, dear. Heh, heh, heh."

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 20 Mar 19 - 07:59 AM

"My wife and I have this understanding..."

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 20 Mar 19 - 12:13 PM

of course I love you, and if you really loved me....

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Jos
Date: 20 Mar 19 - 12:55 PM

A man in his fifties at a bus stop decided to have a conversation with me. He told me he had been at school with my daughter. He had obviously spent most of the morning in the pub, and started to tell me how much he loved women (a bit like people who say they love dogs). He said the secret to pleasing a woman was to praise her, agree with everything she said, and give her everything she wanted. BUT - the important thing that you had to remember was that women like to be put in their place now and then ...

It obviously hadn't worked for him.

I decided to walk home instead of waiting for the bus.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Helen
Date: 22 Mar 19 - 11:13 AM

gillymor, I'm a bit confused. Dog inches? Is that like one year of a dog's life = 7 years in human life?


dog years

I think, looking at the chart on that page, a) no one would even believe you, b) you'd never get any action at all.

:-D

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: gillymor
Date: 22 Mar 19 - 01:19 PM

Yes, Helen, 1=7 in that joke. Very well spotted.

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”- E.B White


Btw, the dog inches joke was related to me by a derelict named Chook and does not come from personal experience.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 22 Mar 19 - 01:29 PM

Some while back it occured to me it might be profitable
to get 3/4 scale imperial one foot rulers bulk manufactured
and sell them on ebay as "Penis Measuring Rulers"...

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Mar 19 - 02:04 PM

Man sidles up to other man in pub.

"Hey, pal, between you and me we've got five bollocks."

"Really, mate? Why, have you only got the one?"

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Helen
Date: 22 Mar 19 - 02:19 PM

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, gillymor!

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Mar 19 - 11:35 AM

Steve Shaw, also My wife doesn't understand me...

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual lies we believe
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 24 Mar 19 - 11:52 AM

Old Liverpool one
"Trust me, I'm a docker"
Jim Carroll