BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 08:09 PM

Y'mean facking cant??

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: The Sandman
Date: 01 May 20 - 02:28 AM

Croydon will be the 2023 Borough of Culture and is planning a music festival and a recycling fashion show.
hopefully bonzo 3 legs will be singing how much is that doggy in the window but since croydon is 9 miles from london how about
I've done my share of shearing sheep,
Of droving and all that,
And bogged a bullock team as well,
On the Penge and Croydon flat.
I've seen the bullock stretch and strain,
And blink his bleary eye,
And the dog shat on the tuckerbox
Nine miles from London aye.

I've been jilted, jarred and crossed in love,
And sand-bagged in the dark,
Till if a mountain fell on me,
I'd treat it as a lark.
It's when you've got your bullocks bogged
That's the time you flog and cry,
And the dog sits on the tucker box,
Nine miles from London aye.

We've all got our little troubles,
In life's hard, thorny way.
Some strike them in a motor car
And others in a dray.
But when your dog and bullocks strike
It ain't no apple pie,
And the dog shat on the tucker box
Nine miles from London aye.

But that's all past and dead and gone,
And I've sold the team for meat,
And perhaps some day where I was bogged,
There'll be an asphalt street,
The dog, ah! well he got a bait,
And thought he'd like to die,
So I buried him in the tucker box,
Nine miles from London aye.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 03:46 AM

"Uncalled for, Bonz."
Nah - nice to see the gentility fall away and get a glimpse of the real intellect
"Who could wish for anything more?" as the song says
My experiences with the aforesaid part of the female anatomy have usually been pleasant ones anyway :-)
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 May 20 - 04:53 AM

There was a young lady called Dinah
With a music box in her vagina
The boys they had larks
To the sweet sound of Bach's
Toccata and fugue in D minor

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 05:26 AM

There was a young lady named Hunt

On second thoughts... (aren'y you the same Steve on the joke thread then ?
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 May 20 - 06:13 AM

I am. But though this limerick is a bit nowty, I was hoping it wouldn't lighten the mood after the posting by the resident buffoonish cnut...Oops, sorry, I'm alway fcuking up my spellings...

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 06:16 AM

In that case
Who walked on her hands for a stunt,
Passer's by, they did pause when the saw she's no draws,
And the shouted, "Come and look at this lady
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 May 20 - 06:17 AM

WOULD lighten the mood! God, I've having a bad morning....

Unite and unite, and let us all unite
For summer is a-come unto day....

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 May 20 - 06:19 AM

Well as Johnson is a joke on two fat legs, I suppose jokes are appropriate in this thread...

Or no joke....

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Iains
Date: 01 May 20 - 06:49 AM

But unlike the joke starmer, Boris is in power

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 07:03 AM

See the imagination is still working in overdrive in among some
Must be having a creative day
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 May 20 - 07:10 AM

A lovely young lady from Exeter
So fine that the lads craned their necks at 'er
And one was so brave
As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at 'er

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 01 May 20 - 07:11 AM

"Well as Johnson is a joke on two fat legs, I suppose jokes are appropriate in this thread..."

How right you are Steve. As me old Briggensian Gran used to say, "He looks like a bag o'shit, tied up ugly". And that's on a good day.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 07:25 AM

No look at what you started !!
What about Boris's babby ?
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 01 May 20 - 07:32 AM

Well we only have his and his lady-friend's word that he's actually the father. it could be a Grudge-Baby - you know, somebody had it in for him...

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 01 May 20 - 09:01 AM

There was a young man name of Boris
Who everyone said he had gor is
Cummupance when he
Had a bouncing baby
But he just buggered off to dance Morris

Poetic licence with a folky finish :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 01 May 20 - 09:22 AM

"Uncalled for, Bonz. "

No it was called for, Carroll even surpassed his normal level of hideous school playground obnoxiousness.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 01 May 20 - 10:13 AM

Ever heard the one about the kettle and the pot, Bonz?

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 11:07 AM

Can I suggest you ignore this braindead wind-up merchant Baccie -

"He only does it to annoy
Because he knows it teases"

Leave him to hell or Croydon - it really is a case of "All the lights are on...."
I'm sure he only does it because nobody who knows him wants anything to do with him
Any porm in a stort, as they say
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 01 May 20 - 11:14 AM

Why Croydon kids grow up confused about their father's feelings for them..

"Daddy, can I go out to play now ?"

"No.. you can't.."

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 11:46 AM

:-) :-)
I shall use that whenever and wherever appropriate - Birmingham second to top of my list
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 01 May 20 - 12:02 PM

"No it was called for, Carroll even surpassed his normal level of hideous school playground obnoxiousness."

"Well, Jim got charm, he got class
All the women love him oh yeah, yeah, yeah.."...

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 12:18 PM

I ***** wish PFR - too many pints and curries, I'm afraid
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 01:11 PM

I saw Eddie Cochran ar The Liverpool Empire once
There was a joke going around The Pool at one time - what sings and drives into lamp-posts ?
No prizes, I'm afraid
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 01 May 20 - 01:49 PM

I and all my old mates are extremely envious..

.. not only did you see Eddie,
but he also wrote a song about you,
back when you were a young teddy boy stud...!!!

My old next door neighbor saw him at theat fateful Bristol gig...

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 02:47 PM

Nah - back in the days when I had more money than sense :-)
Joking of course, loved every minute of it
I also say Little Richard nad all of Larry Parnes's studs. Mary Wilde Gene Vincent (plus Blue-cats)
I can'rt exactly remember if I saw Jerry Lee Lewis or I had bought tickets the year he was banned - the Empire didn't let in underage girls
I remember seeing Cliff Richards on stage before he became a virgin
All part of a miss0-spent youth before I walked around the corner and discovered The Liverpool Spinners
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 May 20 - 02:50 PM

Forgot to mention - I gave Cilla Black (Né White) my coat to hang up in the Cavern several times in in those days
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 01 May 20 - 03:04 PM

Jim - I'm gonna explode with envy - you jammy git..
If you dare tell me you saw Billy Fury...!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: fat B****rd
Date: 01 May 20 - 03:56 PM

Hi PFR I dare tell you I saw Billy Fury 3 times [:-]

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: The Sandman
Date: 01 May 20 - 03:57 PM

however i saw jim hendrix in 1966 not far from croydon, bromley court oitel

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: fat B****rd
Date: 01 May 20 - 04:02 PM

Speaking of Jerry Lee Lewis. He came to the Gaiety Ballroom, Grimsby and my parents wouldn't let me go(I was 16). All my mates went and got their photo in the local paper watching JLL !. Same happened when Gene Vincent came :-{. On both occasions I really did hate my parents.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 01 May 20 - 04:02 PM

I saw Jimi Hendrix at the Roundhouse, Manor House, Marquee, Upper Cut and other places.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Raggytash
Date: 01 May 20 - 04:05 PM

FB Billy Fury was still gigging until just before his death. He was booked in my local labour club in Oxford sometime in early/mid 1982.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 01 May 20 - 05:49 PM

There was a good documentary about Billy Fury not long back. Cannabis kept him alive for a good while longer than he would have had otherwise. Some sort of heart issue. I was pleased to see he had a statue on the riverside in Liverpool.

I saw Mungo Jerry perform in a local park and Francis Rossi said hello to me on Deansgate in Manchester.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 May 20 - 07:22 PM

I have a cherished photo of Mrs Steve standing next to that Billy Fury statue in Liverpool (I have an equally cherished one of her standing next to the statue of Phil Lynott in Dublin).

But bollocks to all that. My mate has bloody sat with and chatted to Buzz Aldrin. Beat that, punks...

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 01 May 20 - 07:29 PM

Steve - what band was he in...???

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 May 20 - 07:29 PM

Oh yes, and I saw the Yardbirds in their Jeff Beck manifestation at Bolton Palais...

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 May 20 - 07:30 PM

The Moondogs...

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 02 May 20 - 02:44 AM

"If you dare tell me you saw Billy Fury...!!!"
Did I'm afraid PFR - and Tommy Steele, Ricky Nelson, Fats Domino, The Drifters (think they might have been The Spinners first)
I saw all of Larry Parnes boys at Sunday Night concerts at the Liverpool Empire - sfa else to do on Sunday nights there in those days so I had to hang around till I discovered Samson and Barlow's Restaurant 100 yards up London Road, around the corner - The Spinners Club
It was either that, hanging around street corners or breaking into shops   
Around the corner from S & B was the remains of the old Liverpool Shakespeare Theatre where they regularly put on The Bards plays - I was taken to see Hamlet when I was eight
Over the ouad, to the left of St George's Hall was a crummy pub called The Victoria where I was later heard some excellent traditional singing - the area was bisected by Lime Street Liverpool's traditional red light district
A short walk away was the finest Jazz Club I have ever been in Colyer, Barber, Ball, Lyttleton, (Terry and McGee one night)   
That part of Liverpool was a hive of culture until the ***** Beatles moved in with the bulldozers :-)
Croydon - you can stick it
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 02 May 20 - 05:56 AM

Dunno if this has been mentioned earlier, but they aren’t’ ‘the Johnsons’. Not only are they unmarried, but Johnson is married to someone else. They can’t even be Common-Law husband and wife.

Daft, romantic notions are one thing, but facts are something else.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 02 May 20 - 06:50 AM

We're not 'The Carrolls' - we'te Jim Carroll and Pat Mackenzie
I seem to remember we did get married at one time but buggered if I remember when (I do vaguely recall something happening in Wandsworth Town Hall that I'm pretty sure wasn't a dance !)
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Senoufou
Date: 02 May 20 - 09:02 AM

I see that they're calling the little boy Wilfred Lawrie Nicholas.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 02 May 20 - 09:33 AM

Poor kid - perhaps he can sue them when he grows up
(Wilfred Pickes (ee- bah-goom; John Lawre (Frazer (Dad's Army): Nicholas Soams (Tory letch)) :-)
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulatiowhns to the Johnsons!!
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 02 May 20 - 10:36 AM

What's wrong with ee-bah-goom? The Wikipedia entry for Wilfred Pickles says that his regional accent was chosen by the BBC as a deliberate attempt to make it more difficult for Nazis to impersonate BBC broadcasters. At least it gave a chance for someone, who didn't sound like they had a plum in their mouth, to break into old school tie establishmrnt.

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 02 May 20 - 10:51 AM

‘Wilfie Symonds‘ - has the sound of a cockney spiv, innit?

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 02 May 20 - 11:03 AM

"What's wrong with ee-bah-goom?"
Eeee - nowt lad
It always tickled me that the BBC sacked Wilf Pickles as a newsreader because they couldn't understand what he was saying

Accents, dialects and all form of vernacular speech are, as far as I'm concerned, the Shakespeare of the'ordinary' people
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 02 May 20 - 12:18 PM

Infinitely better than some irish gypo name I think.

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 May 20 - 12:20 PM

bonzo do you ever go dogging,

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 02 May 20 - 12:29 PM

Wilf sounds more like a dog's name..

"Here Wilf, come here Wilf.. there's a good boy..
what's that in your mouth ?.. drop it.. in your bed..
who's a clever boy..."..

His nanny will probably even sound like a dog owner...

Subject: RE: BS: Congratulations to the Johnsons!!
From: Raggytash
Date: 02 May 20 - 12:36 PM

"Infinitely better than some irish gypo name I think."

Not only is this an extremely racist comment I somehow doubt if the poster could give a typical "irish gypo" name.

Perhaps a Mod could delete his post.

PS Irish has a capital letter.