Folklore: modern proverb

Subject: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 12:15 PM

Once upon a time, I went to the state convention of the folklore society, and I gave a talk on modern proverbs. The talk was well received, with an interested audience. Since then I have kept my eye out for modern proverbs, and here's one I just encountered.

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."

Do you know any others?

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Ray
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 12:26 PM

“If a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth doing to excess.”

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 12:56 PM

I read a longer version of the tomato is a fruit thing but haha cannot remember it!

Ok I looked it up: And philosophy is wondering if that makes ketchup a smoothie.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Dave Hunt
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 01:00 PM

Too many brothels spoil the cook
A bird in the hand makes it difficult to blow the nose
People that live in glasshouses should undress in the dark
A stitch in Time holds the magazine together
A rolling stone gathers momentum

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 01:04 PM

Attributed to Joseph Kennedy:

    "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 01:11 PM

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving's not for you.


The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not the mineral rights.
- J Paul Getty.

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 02:23 PM

A quote from Harold MacMillan, former Prime Minister of the UK. Although he died in 1963, it is particularly apt in the current situation:

      "To be alive at all involves some risk"

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 06:41 PM

Those are interesting. Keep em coming.

Another one relates to small children: Don't say don't.

It means, tell the child what you want him to do, because there are dozens of bad things to do but only a few good things. Also, a young child may not understand that "don't" negates what follows.

If we say "Don't climb on the dining room table," the child may hear something vague about the table. If we say "You may play on the floor or get on the furniture," then that is clear.

It's interesting that the proverb violates itself, using "Don't".

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 09 Oct 20 - 06:47 PM

The meek shall inherit the earth; if that's all right with you chaps.

If a job's really worth doing it's even worth doing badly.

Robin

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: BobL
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 02:42 AM

A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular -- Adlai Stevenson.

If the result confirms the hypothesis, you've made a measurement. If the result is contrary to the hypothesis, you've made a discovery -- Enrico Fermi.

It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide.

Remember, your sole purpose in life may be to serve as a warning to others -- Les Barker.

Politicians are like ships - noisiest when lost in fog.

Don't believe everything you read on the internet -- Abraham Lincoln.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 04:06 AM

Although he died in 1963, ...

Oops! I mis-read the dates. MacMillan served as Prime Minister until 1963. He died in 1986.

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 04:11 AM

If at first you don't succeed, give up. (Homer Simpson)

A rolling gallstones gathers remorse. (My Mrs.)

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 04:14 AM

Ancient proverb: "The early bird catches the worm".

Modern proverb: "The early worm gets caught".

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: G-Force
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 06:44 AM

Was it Ronnie Scott who used to say 'If God had meant us to fly he would have given us tickets'?

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 06:59 AM

If you can keep your head in a crisis, then you don't understand the problem.

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Lighter
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 07:06 AM

Interesting that so many of these ridicule long-recognized proverbs.

Why should that be? I can't recall anything like it in old collections.

And by "old," I mean before about 1970.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Roderick A Warner
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 08:10 AM

‘Never educate a mug... ‘

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 08:37 AM

You can't educate pork.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Anon
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 08:57 AM

The early bird catches the worm.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,wireharp
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 09:11 AM

"If at first you don't succeed, try try again. Then Quit. No need to be a damned fool about it" - W.C.Fields

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Mark Finn
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 09:18 AM

"If at first you don't succeed - try the outfield."

"My get-up-and-go got up and went."

“Some people fight fire with fire. I've found water to be more effective.”

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 10:07 AM

When I gave my talk, I showed that many modern proverbs take a word and use it two different ways. Here's an example:

They're sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I collected that from a loud voice in a Wendy's restaurant near the University of Kansas Medical Center.
=========
Here are three I made up myself, based on older proverbs:

The watched pot never boils over.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird. (a common theme)
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

Lighter, I know what you mean. Apparently some people think proverbs have to be old-fashioned and preferably rural. That's not my view.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Jos
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 10:21 AM

Shouldn't a proverb include an element of advice, or at least useful information?

Not sure if this counts as a proverb but it does offer advice - I remember my mother saying "If you can't go out and enjoy yourself, stay in and enjoy yourself."

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mo the caller
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 11:17 AM

The one I heard from my mother
Be good. If you can't be good be careful.

And the version I heard from my daughter
... If you can't be careful, buy a pram.

The one quoted above about skydiving is from Les Barker. Who twists several sayings in one of his monologues.

Can't find that one online so how about this one of his
A boomerang's not just for Christmas;
A boomerang is for life.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,paperback
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 03:13 PM

Whatever Hits the Fan is Never Evenly Distributed

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 04:29 PM

Jos, that's a good question. I guess it's true that a proverb offers advice. Here's one that does, but it doesn't seem to at first. It's from my husband:

Gravity never gives up.

The reason it's advice is that it's usually spoken when something is missing, and the missing thing is apt to be found under a piece of furniture or somewhere else that gravity took it to.

Let's be careful. Defining proverbs could turn into one of those Mudcat wrangles that never ends, just like defining a folksong.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 05:39 PM

After consulting my bookshelf for the correct details, I can report the following.

In 1969, the book Thank you for the Giant Sea Tortoise was published, containing answers to competitions from New York magazine. One of the competitions was for meaningless proverbs, and these were among the entries that were published:

You can't straighten a snake by pulling it through a straw.

Old goats make good wineskins.

Not every firstborn becomes king.

You can make a pigskin wallet out of a sow's ear.

A short man on horseback can look down on a tall man on the ground.

While three wise men can pull a troika, a fool can be eating kasha.

The stars do not wait for the king's birthday to shine.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 06:16 PM

When tempted to make a generalization about Christians, try it out on Communists, and vice versa.

The world goes its way past all who will not partake of its folly.

Better to shut your mouth and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.

Ask a foolish question, feel foolish. Don't ask it, stay foolish.

Be sincere: fool yourself first.

What sticks to the spoon doesn't get stirred.

Imprudent sexual activity completes the life cycles of many pests.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Charmion
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 06:23 PM

Time spent in reconnaissance is seldom wasted.

Measure twice, cut once.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 06:31 PM

He who hesitates is sometimes saved is James Thurber's:

“The Glass In The Field” By James Thurber

A short time ago some builders, working on a studio in Connecticut, left a huge square of plate glass standing upright in a field one day. A goldfinch flying swiftly across the field struck the glass and was knocked cold. When he came to, he hastened to his club, where an attendant bandaged his head and gave him a stiff drink.

“What the hell happened?” asked a sea gull.

“I was flying across a meadow when all of a sudden the air crystallized on me,” said the goldfinch.

The sea gull and a hawk and an eagle all laughed heartily. A swallow listened gravely. “For fifteen years, fledgling and bird, I’ve flown this country,” said the eagle, “and I assure you there is no such thing as air crystallizing. Water, yes; air, no.” “You were probably struck by a hailstone,” the hawk told the goldfinch.

“Or he may have had a stroke,” said the sea gull. “What do you think, swallow?”

“Why, I—I think maybe the air crystallized on him,” said the swallow.

The large birds laughed so loudly that the goldfinch became annoyed and bet them each a dozen worms that they couldn’t follow the course he had flown across the field without encountering the hardened atmosphere. They all took his bet; the swallow went along to watch.

The sea gull, the eagle and the hawk decided to fly together over the route the goldfinch indicated. “You come, too,” they said to the swallow.”

“I—I—well, no,” said the swallow. “I don’t think I will.”

So the three large birds took off together, and they hit the glass together, and they were all knocked cold.

Moral: He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GerryM
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 06:54 PM

It's not clear to me how recent a proverb has to be to be considered "modern" for this thread. One of the ones Joe F gave a couple of posts upthread, "Better to shut your mouth and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt," goes back over a century. Quote Investigator studies it, and concludes,

"The earliest known appearance of the adage discovered by QI occurred in a book titled “Mrs. Goose, Her Book” by Maurice Switzer. The publication date was 1907 and the copyright notice was 1906. The book was primarily filled with clever nonsense verse, and the phrasing in this early version was slightly different:

"It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it."

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 06:57 PM

Moral: He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

This is already covered by "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread"
and by "Look before you leap"

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: ketchdana
Date: 10 Oct 20 - 07:24 PM

A couple of Les Barker's monologues on youtube:

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4XD127TgL4 ]

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohneoZKw8es ]

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Norval
Date: 11 Oct 20 - 12:54 AM

Test the Covid-19 vaccine on politicians,
If they Live the vaccine is safe,
If they Die the country is safe.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Long Firm Freddie
Date: 11 Oct 20 - 08:55 AM

It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it.

LFF

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Newport Boy
Date: 11 Oct 20 - 11:38 AM

Not really a proverb, but it does offer (negative) advice.

A response to any suggested action (often political) that has little chance of success:

That's about as much use as shouting 'shit' up a dark alley! (My father-in-law)

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 11 Oct 20 - 03:00 PM

Got it, Mrrzy. I'm an admirer of Thurber and must have picked that proverb up by reading one of his books.

As a matter of fact, I've been reading "The Thurber Carnival" at bedtime, including such favorites as The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and the Night the Bed Fell. I've got to admit that some pieces are just not interesting, but nobody's perfect.

"The Man who Hated Moonbaum" used to baffle me, but now that I've read P.G. Wodehouse's descriptions of life in the movie industry and I've read some livre noir, I understand it.

It's not a proverb, but here's a noir phrase that lives on at my house:

    Hot coffee, black and bitter as sin...

also:

    I gave her one of my cards, one without a picture of a tommy gun
    on it.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Oct 20 - 03:20 PM

Love that book, leeneia! That quote about the morning coffee wearing off and with it the impression that Things are Right and Life is Good, or something, has stuck with me.
Also the moral from another Fable for our times, something like It is harder to fool little girls nowadays?

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Oct 20 - 04:14 PM

Yes, it's harder to fool little girls these days. I have that around here somewhere.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 11 Oct 20 - 05:43 PM

The starting point of conversation is contradiction.

There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

Those who will not do arithmetic are doomed to talk nonsense.

Be sweet, and you'll be eaten.

Feeling better? Watch out!

The prince of virtues is courage, and the crown of courage is contempt for public opinion.

Truth is too small a fish to be caught in the law's coarse meshes.

If you think you've said something smart about the mind-body problem, try it out on the wave-water problem.

Too lively, and your dead.

If you rest on your laurels, you're wearing them in the wrong place.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Allanwill
Date: 11 Oct 20 - 09:46 PM

My philosophy on life? - "Always put off until tomorrow what you should do today". A bit like the Aussie adage when things go pear-shaped - "She'll be right, mate".

One saying that really annoys me - "cheap at half the price" OF COURSE, if it is half the original price it is, ergo, cheaper! Now, if a thing is "cheap at TWICE the price" then it really is a bargain.

Allan

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 01:11 AM

Joe, I read something like one yours in the horoscope:

   Slow down, and do it right the first time.

I thought to myself, "That could be a proverb."

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: BobL
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 03:02 AM

When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

A millisecond is a long time in computing.

Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity (Hanlon's razor).
BUT
Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice (Grey's Law).

When eating wild mushrooms, leave some for the doctor to analyse.

Laughter is the best medicine, unless you've got asthma.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Mark
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 06:04 AM

Alanwill: The late great Dave Allen always claimed that the Irish didn't have a word for "manana" as they didn't understand that level of urgency,
and the Irish proverb ran "Never leave till tomorrow what you can leave till next Wednesday, and if it can wait that long, you probably needn't bother".

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,John from Kemsing
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 06:30 AM

Measure twice, cut once.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 06:40 AM

As Les Barker says "It's a small world, unless you are the one that has to paint it".

Robin (doing some DIY).

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 06:53 AM

Rights come with responsibilities.

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 07:12 AM

The further you swing to either left or right, the nearer you come to the same point on the circle.

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 07:51 AM

If a job looks neat, it's probably right. If it's not neat, it can't possibly be right.

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 09:20 AM

Power tools enable mistakes to be made more swiftly.

If at first you don't succeed, Google it.

You may kiss a nun once, but don't get into the habit.

When your pigeons come home to roost, don't look upwards.

Dyslexic witches can put a speel on you.

Keep the dream alive; press the snooze button.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks (unless you're on F*c*book).

Politics is the second-oldest profession, due to its close resemblance to the first.

A journey of a thousand Youtube videos begins with a single click.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Richard Mellish
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 09:47 AM

I'm surprised that no-one has yet offered "If it looks too good to be true, it is too good to be true".

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 02:07 PM

Oh, I dunno, Richard. Great things sometimes happen.
============
I found a good new proverb on a video from Bob & Brad, the physical therapists:

   Broken crayons still color.

By the way, if you have joint pain, Bob & Brad have a lot of good advice.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Oct 20 - 09:44 PM

It is tasteless to recommend one's own taste, but scarcely honest to recommend any other.

Better pissed off than on.

Had enough? Drop dead.

Better a clown than a clone.

Calling someone stupid is a cheap substitute for saying something smart.

Happiness is the best preparation for misery, if misery must come.

First of all, don't make it worse.

An exact answer to the wrong question may be a rough answer to the right one.

If you don't like the fortune, don't eat the cookie.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Allanwill
Date: 13 Oct 20 - 12:04 AM

Try that again!

Thanks, Mark - I can just picture Dave Allen sitting on his stool with his glass of booze, his cigarette and his missing finger uttering those profound words.

I feel vindicated!

Allan

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 13 Oct 20 - 05:22 AM

The real genius was the man who invented the second telephone.

Illegitimes non carborundum (Don't let the b*ast*ards grind you down).

One man's fish is another man's poisson.

Give a man a bucket of coal and you keep him warm for the night. Set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Nick Dow
Date: 13 Oct 20 - 04:33 PM

He who keeps his head when all around are losing theirs has thought of somebody to blame it on.

The four stages of becoming a professional Folk Singer..
1. Don't be stupid, stop wasting your time.
2. Well I suppose it might work, but it isn't worth doing.
3. I said it was a good idea all along!
4. I knew ****** before anybody had heard of them.

A corollary has been added to the well known Murphy's law, also known as Sod's Law. A fellow researcher called O'Toole has summed up his discoveries in one sentence.
Murphy was an optimist!

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 13 Oct 20 - 05:39 PM

Pessimism can offer only the empty consolation of being right.

The tragedy is not what we suffer, but what we miss.

Be inobviously tuitive.

Threats are expensive when they fail; promises are expensive when they succeed.

Look if you like, but you will have to leap.

A proof tells us where to concentrate our doubts.

We can learn a lot about ourselves by studying the lower animals, especially those of our own species.

Take it easy, but take it.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 13 Oct 20 - 05:57 PM

The first law is: if anything can go wrong it will go wrong.

The second law is: The first law cannot be used to advantage.


Robin

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Nick Dow
Date: 13 Oct 20 - 07:26 PM

When you're up to your nose in it, keep your mouth shut!

Nothing can be fool proof, because fools are ingenious.

Never argue with a fool, some people might not know the difference.

If God had meant the Americans to vote he would have given them candidates. (Utah Phillips)

Absence of mind is a cerebral condition essential to survive exposure to Party Political Broadcasts, preaching, traffic wardens, jobsworths, and the BBC. (Nick Dow influenced by Ambrose Bierce)

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Jack Campin
Date: 13 Oct 20 - 08:36 PM

Nine women can't make a baby in a month.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Big Al Whittle
Date: 13 Oct 20 - 09:04 PM

Derek brimstone used to say...never ignore an omen

Never walk across the M1 with your eyes closed.

It a wise man who forbears from kicking a bulldog in the knackers, when he's got his hand in its mouth.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Richard Mellish
Date: 14 Oct 20 - 05:41 AM

Nick Dow quoted
> Nothing can be fool proof, because fools are ingenious.

Here's a variation on that which seems worth quoting, albeit that it is highly politically incorrect. It came from a late boss of mine, applying to the design of medical equipment. "You can make it foolproof. You can even make it bloody fool proof. But you can't make it nurse proof."

Behind that is the sad truth that nurses are often overworked and under-trained for the tasks that they are expected to perform. RTFM does presume that the M is even available.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Nick Dow
Date: 14 Oct 20 - 10:11 AM

Say that again Doug?

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 14 Oct 20 - 10:41 AM

Jack, I love your proverb "Nine women can't make a baby in a month."

It reminds me a legislators who think that if we just put enough pressure on teachers and kids, then neglected kids who have almost no vocabulary will become excellent readers.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Jack Campin
Date: 14 Oct 20 - 12:38 PM

That one is from the software engineering guru Frederick Brooks - he quotes it in his book "The Mythical Man-Month" (dunno if he invented it).

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Nick Dow
Date: 14 Oct 20 - 04:08 PM

After 34 years working as a radio presenter for the BBC I am aware of certain incontrovertible laws. This also works for other corporate sectors.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

Instructions to managers.

1. When in doubt mumble
2. Always write something down this indicates you have been working.
3. Always carry a clipboard and a serious expression.
4. If faced with a question you cannot answer-paraphrase the question back to the worker with a look of incredulous contempt.
5. It's never your fault.
6. Always keep the office door shut, this puts people on the defensive.
7. Admit to small faults to hide the bigger ones.
8. If you are clueless about the job in hand, simply say ' Great work Carry on!' with a satisfied smile.

You will climb the corporate ladder, which probably explains why I presented the same programme for three decades!

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Oct 20 - 04:24 PM

And "you're" dead.

Another Les Barker: always borrow from pessimists. They don't expect it back.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Nick Dow
Date: 14 Oct 20 - 07:33 PM

That's the thing about death. It severely limits your future.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Oct 20 - 06:46 PM

Its better to be a fruit than a vegetable.

Republican moral courage is more rare than a fossilized bible.

It is noble to be good, and it is nobler still to just teach others to be good -- and more fun too.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Oct 20 - 06:59 PM

Is making up stuff just for the sake of posting "folklore?"

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 15 Oct 20 - 08:52 PM

If you will not while you may, you shall not when you will.

Investing is not the same as gambling, and downtown is not the same as uptown.

It is a great thing to die in your own bed, though it is better still to die in your boots.

Eager to please, and a nuisance. Easy to please, and a comfort.

Big prizes make many losers.

Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil.

And always remember, the longer you live,
The sooner you bloody well die.

To be born is to fall down the chimney of a strange house.

The temptation in business, politics, and public health is to judge everything by one number.

Wealth adds to strength, but multiplies weakness.

To do good is virtuous, and to wish good to be done is amiable, but to wish to do good is as vain as it is vain.

Never being in love is like never being in debt.

If you never do anything stupid, you're not as smart as you think.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Oct 20 - 09:33 PM

James Thurber

"Unicorn in the Garden"


"You are a booby, and you belong in a booby-hatch. >

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Pappy Fiddle
Date: 16 Oct 20 - 12:15 AM

Break the heart of complacency and smack the ass of adventure. < Jonny Ox

When you see a place that's really lush and green, there's usually a reason for it. < Woody Brison, after living in Oregon for a year

He who has money can eat sherbet in hell. < Lebanese proverb.

What the boss don't know, the boss won't mind < Anaïs Mitchell?

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: BobL
Date: 16 Oct 20 - 03:40 AM

Never...

... be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century -- Dame Edna Everage.
... believe everything you think.
... do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
... feed the cat anything that doesn't match the carpet.
... stand between the dog and the lamppost -- Les Barker.
... test the depth of the water with both feet.
... under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 16 Oct 20 - 03:55 AM

"It's not for me, it's for all of us" is said by the person receiving the honour, not by those looking on.

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 16 Oct 20 - 06:17 PM

If you do the right thing under duress, you still get credit, but you don't have as much fun.

If it moves, fondle it, except porcupines, ball lightning, and policemen.

Money is especially valuable in that it is overvalued.

It is a sin to think evil of others, but not always a mistake.

Failure teaches a valuable lesson: that we are liable to fail again.

You have to die of something.

Reason will conflict with faith so long as respect for evidence conflicts with contempt for evidence.

Some difficulties present valuable opportunities, and the rest present valuable excuses.

Compromise is the business of politicians. Leadership is the business of martyrs.

Mens sana qui mal y pense.

The one who loses an auction is called the winner, and the one who wins is called the auctioneer.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 17 Oct 20 - 04:28 AM

Big prizes make many losers

That's one that I am going to take away from here.

DC

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Dave Hunt
Date: 17 Oct 20 - 10:07 AM

If it moves and it shouldn't = Gaffa tape
If it should move and it doesn't = WD40

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mrrzy
Date: 17 Oct 20 - 05:03 PM

If you DO not when you may, you shall not when you will, is how I heard that one.

Don't count your boobies before they are harched is my total fave of those James Thurber ones.

Being told to get over it is not one of the stages of grief.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Oct 20 - 05:38 PM

Hold your nose and vote the straight Democratic ticket. [This advice has been traced to the election of 1896. It has worn well.]

Quantity for the young, quality for the middle-aged, reliability for the old.

Dress for success: wear a white penis.

The most valuable losers are ahead most of the time.

A little of what you fancy does you good.

Malt does more than Milton can
To justify God's ways to man.

When you have taken a wrong turn, a step backward is a step in the right direction.

Rules, tomatoes, entertainment: homegrown is best.

Of all the adornments of power, the most impressive is restraint.

People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.

When you see an obituary and say "Was that old bastard still alive?", you know you have reached a certain age.

When you are trying to make an impression, the chances are that is the impression you will make.

The ability to enjoy oneself at a low level of competence is a precious resource for happiness.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 18 Oct 20 - 01:05 PM

"The ability to enjoy oneself at a low level of competence is a precious resource for happiness."

That reminds me of a quotation from Robert Schumann that I keep on my piano.

"Endeavor to play easy pieces well and with elegance; that is better than to play difficult pieces badly."

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,paperback
Date: 18 Oct 20 - 02:17 PM

Annus horribilis

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: meself
Date: 18 Oct 20 - 03:15 PM

The house always wins.

The Peter Principle: in a bureaucracy, every employee rises to his level of incompetence.

No pain, no gain - and its more sensible corollary, No pain, no pain.

No gets out of here alive.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Nick Dow
Date: 18 Oct 20 - 05:01 PM

THE FOOL
A member of a powerful and far reaching tribe, with overpowering influence in every area of human affairs.
It was he who invented nationalism and taught the nations war, it was he who invented class prejudice, the poll tax, newspapers, the legal system and car clampers.
As the dawn of civilisation first beheld he fooleth now! When the rest of us have retired to oblivion from old age and pestilence he will sit up and write ten volumes of his memoirs.
(Nick Dow with tongue firmly in cheek and once again heavily influenced by Ambrose Bierce)

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Oct 20 - 05:43 PM

If you know your customers' business better than they do, you are all in the wrong business.

Choice of attention is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer.

Everyone is entitled to the minimum of self-deception required for self-respect.

So be warned by my lot, which I know you will not.

Applause makes a good time to fart.

It is only the dead who have seen the end of war.

Whatever is not worth doing is worth doing well.

Money is like muck, no good unless it be spread.

Have you set up your environment so that you are punished for being careful?

It must needs be that offenses come, but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh!

The brain is supposed to stop what goes in the ears from coming out the mouth.

Less negativity, more nakedivity.

Don't call him a fool; ask yourself *whose* fool.

Each came prepared to forgive; neither came prepared to be forgiven.

The bottom line is in hell.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Oct 20 - 05:54 PM

Anus horribilis: Her Maj's haemorrhoids in the year 1992.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,The Man from UNCOOL
Date: 18 Oct 20 - 08:48 PM

Isn't the tomato one from the OP by the late Miles Kington (of Instant Sunshine)?
There are those who like money round, so it goes round; the rest like it flat, so it piles up.
Happiness is a bouquet made from those flowers within reach.
Grant me faith, spare me religion, and God protect me from the Church. (This has that same knowingly ironic self-reference that "Don't say don't" has).
"If you know your customers' business better than they do… " you're prob. CEO of Facebook.
Eschew obfuscation.
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can get someone else to do.
Nothing succeeds like a budgie without teeth.
Don't do anything _I_ wouldn't do (not that that leaves much… )
You can't be proud of who YOU are until you're proud of who everyone else is (Dick Gaughan's mum: perhaps that makes it not modern?)

10 Oct 20 05:39 IMHO, some of those NYTimes meaningless proverbs DO seem to have meaning:
"Not all firstborns become king" sounds like advice to parents not to assume their first baby will succeed without [their, or someone else's] input, or perhaps not to become too starstruck.
"The stars don't wait for the king's birthday to shine" speaks of some things being eternal, or of worldly (even supposedly respected worldly) things NOT being: a kind of reverse "sic transit gloria mundi" — itself a translation of "Just after the weekend, I threw up / barfed in Gloria's van"  :-)

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Nick Dow
Date: 19 Oct 20 - 02:32 AM

IF

(Virginia Graham)

If you can go unswerving as an arrow,
Favouring neither foreigner nor friend,

If though the gate be straight, the pathway narrow,
You can pursue it to the very end,

If you can wait for those who lag behind you,
If you can gather strangers to your breast,

If the sorbate traveller can find you
A home from home, an harbinger of rest.

If you are guided by some heavenly power,
Lit from within by a celestial light,

If you can keep your bearings hour by hour
However grey the day or dark the night,

If you can nurse the iron in your soul,
Finish the journey you have well begun,

Live on these lines till you have reached your goal,
You’ll be a tram, my son.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 19 Oct 20 - 07:36 AM

I had a work colleague who always maintained that

"Many a true jest is spoken in words"

one of my bosses avered

"Hard work kills horses"

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mo the caller
Date: 19 Oct 20 - 08:18 AM

Guest quoted

"It must needs be that offenses come, but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh"

How modern does it have to be to qualify? Matthew 18:7 was written a while ago.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mo the caller
Date: 19 Oct 20 - 08:20 AM

Reminds me of a party quiz /game where you are given a list of quotations and have to say whether they come from the Old Testament, new Testament or Shakespeare.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,Nick Dow
Date: 19 Oct 20 - 10:10 AM

or Ambrose Bierce. Check out the Devil's Dictionary if you haven't already.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: The Man from UNCOOL
Date: 19 Oct 20 - 10:55 AM

e.g. "Consult" the sham of seeking opinions on a course already decided upon.
(I may be paraphrasing slightly, from AB's DD, cited above). This was compiled from about the 1880s thru the ?early 1900s, yet it sounds like it could have been coined in the 2000s.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Oct 20 - 11:11 AM

'But thy eternal summer shall not fade'

I saw this line from Sonnet 18 used as the epigraph in a biography of Mozart (The Life And Death Of Mozart by Michael Levey). I've always nurtured a vague hope that someone will have found my personality to have been sufficiently sunny to put this on my headstone... ;-)

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 19 Oct 20 - 09:56 PM

You need two out of three: altitude, airspeed, and a brain.

Consoling the useless is some use.

Be careful what you do with your resentment.

If you can't pay it back, pay it forward.

You don't have to outrun the enemy as long as you can outrun your friends.

"Need" needs "in order to" in order to make sense.

Wanking is fine, but fucking you can actually meet people.

When scared of the dark, it may help to close your eyes.

As Balaam found out, even an ass may see something you don't.

Try to make the next to last mistake.

Here is truth by the bucketful:
There's sex and friendship; the rest is bull.

Put down love if you like, but don't knock heat.

Human nature is something we are supposed to rise above.

When the water reaches the upper decks, follow the rats.

Home is heaven and orgies are vile,
But I like an orgy, once in a while.

The graduations on a whiskey bottle: Jocose, Morose, Bellicose, Comatose.

Eat, drink, and be merry, and live to regret it.

You find out what's really wrong with an idea when it succeeds.

You can accomplish plenty if you don't care who gets the credit.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,The Man from UNCOOL
Date: 19 Oct 20 - 10:23 PM

I think the orgy one is Ogden Nash.
The "accomplish plenty" one (or a variant of it) is sometimes credited to Ronald Reagan [unlikely he coined it, but he displayed a block on his desk with it written on].
Winner of a BBC epithet competition some years ago [to my chagrin, I didn't log the name of the author]: "Casualties are the first truth of war."

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mo the caller
Date: 20 Oct 20 - 11:54 AM

We were often told "They that ask don't get" My friend added "they that don't ask don't want". Good excuse for not sharing anything.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Oct 20 - 06:00 PM

Mixima should be rendered manimal.

Quotation marks and car horns are warning devices that are used by the vulgar to express their feelings.

Six days shalt thou work and do all thou are able --
The seventh, the same, and clean out the stable.

How we got here is no indication of what to do next.

Beware of single-issue people and multiple-issue organizations.

Be grateful when what makes no sense makes no difference.

A potato without pepper is like a kiss without a mustache.

There is nothing wrong with devil theories in politics. Just look to the devil in the mirror.

If you insist on working like a badly programmed computer, you will have plenty of cheap competition.

One compass points north. Two compasses point at each other.

Treat a cold with the contempt it deserves.

Be sloppy enough that a surprise can happen, and careful enough that you can tell what it was.

Pretense must be more perfect than performance.

The greater the love, the more false to its object.

It is the duty of a patriot to protect his country from its government.

Ice belongs in bourbon, not underfoot.

Be 30% more considerate of others than they are of you, to allow for bias.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,paperback
Date: 21 Oct 20 - 01:56 AM

The squeaky mouse gets the cat

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Jos
Date: 21 Oct 20 - 04:23 AM

"Be 30% more considerate of others than they are of you, to allow for bias."

That one reminds me of my mother's view of give and take as a recipe for a happy marriage - each of the couple should give fifty per cent more than they take. It worked for her.

(I'm not sure about the one about moustaches and kissing though. Was that one composed by someone who had a moustache, rather than the kissee?)

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Oct 20 - 04:50 AM

Is making up stuff just for the sake of posting "folklore?"

It will be one day. Is what common folk did in years gone by Folklore? Or History? The answer is yes and yes.
And with the ubiquity of the internet, it probably is already.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,John from Kemsing
Date: 21 Oct 20 - 06:20 AM

My mother, having bought some wooden clothes pegs from a woman at the door step was thanked with, " Bless you dear. May you never have more than you want and may you never have less than you need!"

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Oct 20 - 05:58 PM

If you have friends in any large organization, you also have enemies there.

Two stupidities: "If it isn't a fight, I can't win." "It's never a fight, so we can't lose."

In the end, deceivers deceive themselves.

Beware of geeks baring gifs.

Some things are true even though some people say them.

Stifle a bad impulse, and you have some consolation. Stifle a good impulse, and you are in a bad way.

Don't worry. It won't last. Nothing does.

Don't be childish. The children might hear you.

Public opinion might be worthy of attention if you were the only one paying attention to it.

It is the fate of fools to amuse their enemies and bore their friends.

What sinners remember best is that they were happy while sinning.

You're never too old to do something stupid.

Every moment of happiness is a timeless victory over Satan that can never be annulled.

One doesn't fly the enemy's flag, but there is no need to call it a bad flag.

Cheap repairs for the cheap ones.

Easy writing, hard reading.

Of the components of love, jealousy has the longest decay time.

If you can't get the blues off your mind, get your mind off the blues.

Politicians need to have an indecent respect for the opinion of mankind.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Lost Chicken in High Weeds
Date: 25 Oct 20 - 08:44 PM

"never stick your ____ in crazy"

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Jos
Date: 26 Oct 20 - 08:11 AM

From the same list:

"What sinners remember best is that they were happy while sinning."

"Every moment of happiness is a timeless victory over Satan that can never be annulled."

So ... you can defeat Satan by sinning ...

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Gda Music
Date: 26 Oct 20 - 03:22 PM

The Russians fight with Timoshenko
The British with a tin of Blanco
Bullshit baffles brains!

GJ

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Oct 20 - 04:19 PM

When I was leaving for the States to go to college, paternal advice included If you don't know whom to vote for, vote the straight democratic ticket. I did not know what either democratic or ticket meant...

And it was Hatched. Don't count your boobies until they are Hatched. Sorry.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 26 Oct 20 - 09:49 PM

If you handle other people's money, you need to pay yourself well to protect yourself from the temptation to steal.

Life doesn't come with a meaning. That's a user modification and voids the warranty.

You can't fake out a train.

WYSIWYG, but NWYW.

As a cure for stupidity, rudeness is no substitute for assault and battery.

A little good luck, a little bad luck, and you lose your underwear.

Live each day as if it were your last. Someday you'll be right.

The secret to originality is knowing how to hide your sources.

The most respectful thing you can do to a bully is hit back.

The right to hurt people's feelings is the only right worth having.

Know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.

Sincerity is so cheap, it's a wonder anyone bothers to be a hypocrite.

If you did not wish to be ridden, why did you become an ass?

Women expect men to change when they marry, and men expect women to stay the same; but they never do.

Look into the pewter pot
To see the world as the world is not.

A hard heart is no infallible protection against a soft head.

Always some flakes rise,
But it is correct to say
The snow is falling.

Markets can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent.

Relax! It's already hopeless.

Repulsive up close, less so at a distance. Attractive at a distance, less so up close.

Make sure in advance that when the forces of evil triumph, you will be on the losing side.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: GUEST,paperback
Date: 27 Oct 20 - 04:31 PM

Can't shit a bullshitter and hand me a shovel it's getting pretty deep in here

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: BobL
Date: 28 Oct 20 - 05:12 AM

One last trawl through my file of sayings that should be on badges, T-shirts or bumper stickers...

A man who admits he is wrong when he is wrong, is wise. A man who admits he is wrong when he is right, is married.
Always predict the worst and you'll be hailed as a prophet -- Tom Lehrer.
Anything asserted without evidence may be dismissed without evidence (Hitchens' Razor).
Better to look a fool with an umbrella on a dry day than a fool without an umbrella on a wet day.
Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
EVERYTHING is ALWAYS in the last place you look for it.
How come to falsify a document is to doctor it, but to verify it is to vet it?
If you have to eat two frogs, eat the uglier one first.
If you torture the data sufficiently, it will confess to anything.
If your mistakes are big enough, the pain only lasts a second -- Demotivators Inc.
Just because you can doesn't mean you should.
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
More people have won a Darwin Award than a Nobel Prize.
Nothing brings tears to the eyes of a native speaker so much as a Yorkshireman trying to speak Welsh.
On some days you're the pigeon, on others you're the statue.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one -- Albert Einstein.
Reality may be an illusion, but it's the only place where you can get a decent cup of coffee -- Tom Gauld.
Sometimes a cigar is simply a cigar -- Sigmund Freud.
The paperless office is like the paperless toilet: achievable but not desirable.
The skin is mightier than the banana.
There is NO substitute for cheating.
Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first grind exceeding small -- Frank Johnson.
To find your handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of frogs.
Where there's smoke, there's an engineer in trouble.
You never understand any task really thoroughly until you try to teach someone else to do it.
Youth and enthusiasm are no match for old age and treachery.

Apologies if I've repeated anything earlier in the thread.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 28 Oct 20 - 08:14 AM

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Joe_F
Date: 28 Oct 20 - 09:16 PM

A $150 bill is just as queer as a $3 bill.

Conversation should have a distinctive lack of purpose.

Inner conflict is the best kind.

"I have to draw a line somewhere" is rhetorically weak, but morally it tells the truth.

No-one ever lacks a good reason for suicide.

Write drunk; edit sober.

Malice is punished by neglect.

Why tell lies, when the truth is so much more offensive?

Nonloving kindness is the more admirable kind.

Deliver me from every pride -- the Middle, High, and Low --
That bars me from a brother's side, whatever pride he show.

If you can't say anything good, make up something bad.

The wise man gratifies every appetite and ever passion; the fool sacrifices all the rest to pall and satiate one.

Make the program complicated enough to feel pain; then punish it until it does what you want it to.

Occasions for being in touch with your emotions are about as common as occasions for being in touch with your intestines.

Wire your fetishisms in parallel.

Two stupidities: "If it's worth doing, you can get a grant for it." "If it's worth doing, there's a market for it."

Never express yourself more clearly than you think.

What is not surrounded by uncertainty cannot be the truth.

Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon.

If you pray to God to smite your enemies, Satan is your god.

Good scientists try to prove their favorite theories are wrong.

If "multiculturalism" means "freedom of association", it is superfluous; if any more or less, it is pernicious.

Beware of anything that answers everything.

Don't waste time killing the snake.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: leeneia
Date: 29 Oct 20 - 04:06 PM

He[a rich person] was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple.

From a column by Leonard Pitts, a black columnist in Miami. Pitts says it is a common saying.

A triple is a good hit in baseball which lets the batter get to three of the four bases.

Subject: RE: Folklore: modern proverb
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Oct 20 - 05:16 PM

These are great but, um, should this thread not be below the line?