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Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)

DigiTrad:
BOLD SIR JOHN


Related threads:
Lyr Add: Gilbert and Sullivan (The Two Ronnies) (9)
The two Ronnies (28)
Obit: Ronnie Corbett (1930-2016) (19)
Two Ronnies Barbershop Sketch song (7)
Lyr Req: Songs by 'Jehosaphat and Jones' (Ronnies) (32)
BS: Two Ronnies on Freeview ITV3 (1)
Obit: Ronnie Barker (1929-2005) (47)
Lyr Req: The Two Ronnies - The Morris dancers (17)
two ronnies - a puritan am i (4)


Hutch 02 Jun 97 - 11:53 AM
Murray 03 Jun 97 - 12:52 AM
Hutch (England) 03 Jun 97 - 04:21 AM
Murray 04 Jun 97 - 03:35 AM
Hutch 04 Jun 97 - 04:55 AM
Dave Barnes dave.barnes@lis.co.uk 13 Jun 97 - 03:39 AM
Hutch 13 Jun 97 - 04:35 AM
alison 30 Apr 98 - 07:32 PM
GUEST,Penny Price 15 Mar 04 - 06:36 PM
DG&D Dave 16 Mar 04 - 09:01 AM
Fiolar 16 Mar 04 - 09:14 AM
GUEST, Hamish, no cookie 16 Mar 04 - 09:41 AM
HipflaskAndy 16 Mar 04 - 09:54 AM
HipflaskAndy 16 Mar 04 - 09:55 AM
MoorleyMan 16 Mar 04 - 10:00 AM
Flash Company 16 Mar 04 - 10:58 AM
GUEST 16 Mar 04 - 12:42 PM
GUEST,Steve 16 Mar 04 - 01:42 PM
Tyke 17 Mar 04 - 02:35 PM
GUEST 17 Mar 04 - 06:40 PM
Fiolar 18 Mar 04 - 09:45 AM
lady penelope 18 Mar 04 - 01:18 PM
clueless don 18 Mar 04 - 01:21 PM
Schantieman 18 Mar 04 - 02:25 PM
GUEST,Wyziwyg 19 Mar 04 - 06:33 AM
Tam the Bam (Nutter) 19 Mar 04 - 07:39 AM
clueless don 19 Mar 04 - 08:20 AM
GUEST,Tracey Dragonsfriend (no cookie here) 19 Mar 04 - 08:29 AM
Fiolar 19 Mar 04 - 09:27 AM
HuwG 19 Mar 04 - 10:40 AM
GUEST,Jon 20 Mar 04 - 10:11 AM
HuwG 21 Mar 04 - 07:52 PM
Schantieman 22 Mar 04 - 05:13 PM
Snuffy 22 Mar 04 - 08:16 PM
GUEST,Me 25 Mar 04 - 11:05 PM
Splott Man 26 Mar 04 - 03:43 AM
Penny Price 26 Mar 04 - 07:05 PM
Raedwulf 27 Mar 04 - 10:18 AM
GUEST,Tracey Dragonsfriend (no cookie here) 05 Apr 04 - 07:49 AM
GUEST,KB 05 Apr 04 - 09:20 AM
DG&D Dave 06 Apr 04 - 05:42 AM
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Tracey Dragonsfriend 05 Oct 05 - 08:06 AM
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mooman 16 Dec 05 - 11:16 AM
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Subject: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Hutch
Date: 02 Jun 97 - 11:53 AM

Now here's an obscure one. Think of it as a challange.

I remember about 20 years ago a two Ronnies sketch whereby a mock morris dance was performed (for which I forgive messers Barker and Corbet). This was followed by a skit folk song, which, not actually taking the p--s of folk tradition (for once) I really found ammusing. It was about this knight called Bopld Sir John, and went something like this:

Oh, Bold Sir John he da da da, de-de da da da da dah- (etc... yes, I know, not much help, but I can remember the tune vividly.... and so to the chorus)

Poor cow, poor cow, poor cow, poor cow, POUR COWSLIPS DEW INTO MY CUP,

The bum, (etc), THE BUMBLE BEES AT PLAY.

OK, so a bit childish, but a pretty good tune!!

TO THE POINT - anyone know the rest of the words. Please!!


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Murray
Date: 03 Jun 97 - 12:52 AM

I used to know this (actually I arranged it from a tape for a charity performance), and if I rack my brains it'll maybe come back. The joke lay in the choruses, for as the example shows, there's a pun--which changes with each verse. One stanza ends "So doff your hat, I pray"--and the chorus repeats "Sod off, sod off" [vulgar British], the point being stressed by ending it "get lost" etc. If there are any other transposed Brits out there, maybe they'll recall it.


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Hutch (England)
Date: 03 Jun 97 - 04:21 AM

That's the one, Oh please, please, please, I beg you, rack your brains, You don't know how long it's taken me to find someone that even remembers it. What was the tape, was it a commercial recording, or do you know of someone that has it, or better still, are you in a position to contact anyone with whome you performed it, in the possibility that they still have a copy of your arrangement. How did you transcribe it? Did you use vocal harmony?

As you can tell - I'm pretty keen about this one!!


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Murray
Date: 04 Jun 97 - 03:35 AM

My brains are still racking, and we'll see. The tape belonged to a friend who's since died, and I'm hanged if I know where to go from there; but maybe another mutual friend has ideas, to put me in touch with the chaps who performed the travesty. Also: I've often seen advertisements for videos of TV programmes, in the papers of Brits in exile, Scottish, English, whatever, and that may be a useful place to look. Or enquire. Thank you for reminding me of this--it was good fun! Cheers Murray


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Hutch
Date: 04 Jun 97 - 04:55 AM

Any help that you can give will be appreciated more than you can possibly begin to speculate about imagining!!


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Subject: Lyr Add: BOLD SIR JOHN (from the Two Ronnies)
From: Dave Barnes dave.barnes@lis.co.uk
Date: 13 Jun 97 - 03:39 AM

Here are the lyrics as best as I can remember.

BOLD SIR JOHN

Now Bold Sir John was young at heart,
And Bold Sir John was gay;
He strolled the woods, the fields all round,
A-heeding Mother Nature's sounds;
The twittering of the birds all day,
The bumblebees at play.
The Twit! The Twit! The Twit! The twit!
The twittering of the birds all day;
The Bum! The Bum! The Bum! The Bum!
The bumblebees at play.

As Bold Sir John continued on,
A-viewing natures ways;
He asked the Lord, "Come tell me pray,
Why elephants live so long, they say;
Your flies live but a day then they,
Drop dead upon the ground".
Your Flies! Your Flies! Your Flies! Your Flies!
Your flies live but a day then they;
Drop Dead! Drop Dead! Drop Dead! Drop Dead!
Drop dead upon the ground.

As Bold Sir John walked on afar,
He spied a maiden fair;
"I beg you sir don't come too near,
For I've seen many a maiden here;
Get lost amongst the new mown hay,
So doff your hat I pray".
Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost!
Get lost amongst the new mown hay.
Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! Sod off!
So doff your hat I pray.

When Bold Sir John return'ed home,
They gave him gin to try;
"Don't fill me with strong liquor up,
Nor give me grape nor grain to sup;
Pour cowslips dew into my cup,
A Puritan am I".
Poor Cow! Poor Cow! Poor Cow! Poor Cow!
Pour cowslips dew into my cup.
Up You! Up You! Up You! Up You!
A Puritan am I.


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Hutch
Date: 13 Jun 97 - 04:35 AM

Dave - How wonderful are the sounds of you words to my ears, How marvelous technology, How great my undying gratitude, How deep and famthomles (tautology?) my thanks, How sincere my praise.... (very!)


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: alison
Date: 30 Apr 98 - 07:32 PM

Here you go Tony

Refresh.

Slainte

Alison


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Penny Price
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 06:36 PM

Hello,

Well, I've just found the words to this song, many years after this thread was posted! And what a rollocking good 'un it is. Worth singing at any good folk gathering that provides a lusty chorus! I'm just short of the exact melody of the third line of the verse so don't know if anyone here has got the music to it.

Ronnie Barker tended to write parodies of songs - but it's difficult to trace the original of this song, so maybe he wrote the tune as well. What a clever and funny man!

Regards
Penny


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: DG&D Dave
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 09:01 AM

I was that Dave Barnes, posted when I first discovered Mudcat and before I was a member. Please don't send anything to the e-mail address that was included in my Guest ID as that was another life.
These days you can just "PM" me!


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Fiolar
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 09:14 AM

Nearly every one of the Two Ronniess' sketches were were marvellous. The above one was a classic there is no doubt and I wonder in today's politically correct TV world if some of their acts would ever have seen thre light of day. To end, who can ever forget the hilarious "Four Candles"?


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST, Hamish, no cookie
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 09:41 AM

The Four Candles sketch has passed into our everyday conversation and still cracks us up every time. "'ose?" "Naow: 'O's"


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: HipflaskAndy
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 09:54 AM

Restuarant cusomer: I C U F M?
Waiter: S, V F M
Restuarant cusomer: F U N E X? ...and so on...
A wee snippet, all I can remember, of another gem from them.
Tt went on a good while - and included numbers as well as letters in the conversation.
I also remember Barker sang among hay bales in a 'Hillbilly' parody - one line being ....
'Down in the barn where the oil lamp flickers
I lost me heart and she lost her parasol'
Grand comedy. Sadly missed.
Brandy helps me remember. HFA


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: HipflaskAndy
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 09:55 AM

cusTomer!
Bad enough, the typo - then to copy and paste it too! More brandy! HFA


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: MoorleyMan
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 10:00 AM

Hic Andy - sick gloria in transit (or camper van)?
Too much celebrating all the deserved plaudits for the woodshed boys methinks - tut tut!


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Flash Company
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 10:58 AM

Don't really remember 'Bold Sir John', but their C & W act was 'Big Jim Jehosophat (Ronnie C) & Fat Belly Jones (Ronnie B).
They did a number called 'The Stuttering Bum' with lots of lyrics in the ' F-f-f-f-feel the way I do' style. I suspect Bob Williamson of Bolton may have had a hand in it.

FC


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 12:42 PM

F U N E X?

S V F M N X

And Bold Sir John was repeated quite recently


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Steve
Date: 16 Mar 04 - 01:42 PM

The lyrics and much much more is in Ronnie Barker's book, the title is something like "All That I Wrote".   The book is big and light blue.


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Subject: Lyr Add: BOLD SIR JOHN (from the Two Ronnies)
From: Tyke
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 02:35 PM

Just seen this thread. I've been singing Bold Sir John since about 1983. I collected by the use of a video recorder when they repeated some of the Two Ronnies programmes in a series called 20 Years of the Two Ronnies. I do not however use the same tune having devised my own in DADFAD. Having learned DADGAD and DADFAD tunings to stop people like Raggytash from borrowing my Guitar J.

The original show was broadcast in the 70's and prior to the Morris Team, which included the Two Ronnies dancing a Morris Dance. The joke was, as first sight not politically correct as the Morris team included a last minute replacement of one of the Morris men's sisters. Said buxom blonde danced about taking turns having her bottom spanked as part of the dance by the Morris team. Its first broadcast in the 70's was at a time when there was a certain amount of male chauvinism was being shown towards female Morris dance sides by some traditional male men. Some traditional sides were refusing to dance along side the female teams. The sketch was in fact a satire on this attitude. The jealous cavorting of the Two Ronnies around the young maiden and animosity created towards each other was then with a change of tempo transferred to the song. Whilst the leader of the Morris team sang the verse The Two Ronnies use the chorus to call each other names by placing emphasis on The Twit The Twit The Twit leaving the other to reply the The Bum The Bum The Bum and so on. Your flies was a suggestion that Ronnie Corbet's flies (trouser, pants, buttons) were undone.

Dave Barn's recollection of the song is not bad at all however this is my version which I had the pleasure of performing and perfecting whilst travelling around the country as "Dab Hands Roadie". The trouble with comic songs is that you can overdo them if you sing them every week to the same audience. So the perfection of comic timing can be tricky. Here is my version which is mainly copy and paste of Dave Barn's version with a few changes.

BOLD SIR JOHN

Now Bold Sir John was young and fair, and Bold Sir John was gay.
He said I'll tread the morning dew to take the air and listen to
The twittering of the birds all day, the bumblebees at play.
The twit! The twit! The twit! The twit! The twittering of the birds all day;
The bum! The bum! The bum! The bum! The bumblebees at play.

So Bold Sir John walked along observing natures farce.
Oh Mother Nature, come tell me pray, why elephants live so long they say;
But your flies live but a day then they, drop dead upon the grass".
Your flies! Your flies! Your flies! Your flies! Your flies live but a day then they
Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead upon the ground.

Then Bold Sir John he met a maid as on her back she lay.
Stand off stand off and come not near for I've seen many a maiden here
Get lost amongst the new mown hay so doff your cap I pray.
Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost amongst the new mown hay.
Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! So doff your hat I pray.

When Bold Sir John return'ed home, they gave him gin to try;
"Don't fill my cup with liquor up, nor give me grape nor grain to sup;
Pour cowslips dew into my cup, a Puritan am I".
Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Pour cowslips dew into my cup.
Up you! Up you! Up you! Up you! A Puritan am I.
Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Pour cowslips dew into my cup.
Up you! Up you! Up you! Up you! A Puritan am I.

If anyone wants the tune "LIKE WOT I WRIT" Send me a PM or I could be persuaded to put it on a CD once I finished recording the project I am at present recording with Coblers Monday.
Cheers George Clarke


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 06:40 PM

I remembered the bit about "So doff your hat I pray" and "Sod off..sod off...sod off") but very little else, so thanks to Dave Barns, etc, for supplying the rest.

The Two Ronnies are actually due to make a comeback on British TV (BBC) soon, which is either very brave or very stupid considering it is many years (?25 or more) since they appeared together and Ronnie Barker retired some years ago, also he must be at least must be 70 or so. However the very best of luck to them from me (and from him).

To Hipflask Andy, the sketch you refer to was about "Learning Swedish" (as RB said, "We are going to have a Swedish lesson, but this one is different - it is in Norwegian"). They used single letters to represent words (English words of course), which appeared on the screen as well as being spoken somewhat slowly by Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett.

Following a pictorial introduction, eg " C T " (picture of a city), P T (picture of a crying child being comforted, ie PITY), there was a picture of a womans cleavage, which Ronnie Barker as the Swedish professor type introduced by saying "And here (slight pause) we have another picture for you" as "T T " came up on the screen. The main scene was in a restuarant with Ronnie Corbett as the customer and Ronnie Barker as the waiter.

The main part started by RC saying "F U N E X" (HAVE YOU ANY EGGS?), followed by RB saying " S V F X " (YES, WE HAVE EGGS), "F U N E M" (HAVE YOU ANY HAM?), "S V F M" (YES, WE HAVE HAM), "F U N E T" (HAVE YOU ANY TEA?), "S V F T" (YES, WE HAVE TEA), THEN "L F X M N T" (I'll have Eggs, Ham and Tea)- not quite so sure about some of the last phrase, though it did end " X M N T". There was probably more, and it was funnier than it sounded on the page. I think Ronnie Barker as the waiter had a hilarious haircut (this probably gave rise to the expression "the lunatic fringe"). This however might have been in another restaurant scene with RC again as the customer (this time with his wife) and RB again as the waiter. Or perhaps both. The latter was in a Resturant where everything served was to do with Rook (a bird of the Crow family), such as "Rook and Raspberry Ripple" (Ice-cream), etc. The only joke I can remember was when RC said to RB something like "This is certainly not the place to come to do if you don't like Rook", whereupon RB said "Actually it is". RC: "Why?". RB; "Because we serve bloody awful Rook, that's why, old, tough and stringy".

Seem to be experiencing slight thread creep again (this sounds like a problem Ronnie Corbett might have experienced with his colourful pullovers which he wore when pioneering "sit down comedy"), but I can't really add anything to the Bold Sir John saga. Why were knights of Old always Bold (perhaps it was a misprint for Bald?), or maybe because it rhymes with Bold. As someone once said, they were always looking for a damsel to distress.


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Fiolar
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 09:45 AM

A farther thread creep but remember Ronnie Barker as the butler serving the lord and lady. With such comments as "Your sweet, m'lady" and "Your nuts, m'lord" and "Your crackers, m'lord". Still cracks me up.


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: lady penelope
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 01:18 PM

All these classics are now available on video and DVD from the Beeb, on two volumes.

Keep a spare set of underwear handy is all I can say..............

TTFN Lady P.


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: clueless don
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 01:21 PM

Jumping on the thread creep bandwagon,

I saw a little of the Two Ronnies many years ago when their show appeared on PBS stations here in the USA. One of my favorite bits went something like this (I've forgotten the exact words):

Ronnie Barker is standing there with a large (maybe 8.5" by 11", or perhaps a bit larger) replica of a postage stamp. He says something like "The [insert official name of the British postal authority] announced today that they were recalling this stamp because of a printing error. Can you see what's wrong?" He then waits for a couple of beats, and then says "That's right! It's too big to put on an envelope!"

Great stuff!

Don


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Schantieman
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 02:25 PM

Ronnie Barker is one of the all-time greats of British comedy, right up there with Tommy Cooper, the Goons, Python etc. If either Open All Hours or Porridge doesn't win this Best British Sitcom award there ain't no justice. The Two Ronnies was absolutely hilarious. I remember as a teenager literally laughing till I cried at some of the sketches and, unlike some (notably Fawlty Towers) they still bear repeating.

I seem to remember him announcing when he retired several years ago that he wasn't going to come out of retirement for anything. In the last few years, however, he's kept on popping up to promote this, that or the other but I'd be surprised if he actually made any more programmes. He surely can't need the dosh!

'Four candles' was indeed his finest hour.

Steve


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Subject: Lyr Add: BOLD SIR JOHN (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Wyziwyg
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 06:33 AM

Hi, folks:

The following are the exact words from a video recording of the original broadcast.

BOLD SIR JOHN

1. Oh! bold Sir John was young and fair,
And bold Sir John was gay.
He said, "I'll tread the morning dew,
To take the air and listen to
The twittering of the birds all day,
The bumblebees at play,
The twit, the twit, the twit, the twit, the twittering of the birds all day,
The bum, the bum, the bum, the bum, the bumblebees at play."

2. So bold Sir John, he went his way,
Observing nature's farce.
"Kind Mother Earth, oh! tell me, pray,
Why elephants live so long, they say,
Your flies live but a day,
Then they drop dead upon the grass,
Your flies, etc.
Drop dead, etc."

3. Now bold Sir John, he met a maid,
As on her back she lay.
"Please show respect, and come not near,
For I've seen many a maiden here
Get lost among the new-mown hay,
So doff your hat I pray,
Get lost, etc.
So doff, etc."

4. When bold Sir John return-ed home,
They gave him gin to try.
"Nay, fill me not with liquor up,
Nor give me grape or grain to sup.
Pour cowslip's dew into my cup.
A puritan am I.
Pour cow, etc.
A pew, etc."

When I do this one at folk clubs, I add one extra verse, which I wrote. This one becomes verse 4, following So Doff, and goes after this fashion: -

5. Then bold Sir John assured the maid,
He was just passing by.
He said, "Fair maid, now fear me not,
For, though me blood be wild and hot,
Addicted to love's ways I'm not.
No cocksure rake am I.
Adic, adic, adic, adic, addicted to love's ways I'm not.
No cock, no cock, no cock, no cock, no cocksure rake am I.

It seemed to me that the song needed some extra to round out the story, and that verse gets a lorra, lorra laffs chuck. I'm not quite sure what this says about us folkies, but I like it anyway. Anyone wanting to use the song, feel free to include my bit, or not, as you choose.

Enjoy
Don "Wysiwyg" Thompson


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Tam the Bam (Nutter)
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 07:39 AM

I rember the four candles one, that to me is the best.


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: clueless don
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 08:20 AM

Now I'm curious! How did the "four candles" sketch go?

Don


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Tracey Dragonsfriend (no cookie here)
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 08:29 AM

Here you go (hoping th breaks come out):

In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer.

CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go.

(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie)

BARKER: Four Candles!

CORBETT: Four Candles?

BARKER: Four Candles.

(Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter)

BARKER: No, four candles!

CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles!

BARKER: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!

(Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said 'four candles!' (more clearly) Next?

BARKER: Got any plugs?

CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs?

BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom.

(Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter)

CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size?

BARKER: Thirteen amp!

CORBETT (muttering): It's electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs!

(He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away)

BARKER: Saw tips!

CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn't know what he means) What d'you want? Ointment, or something like that?

BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws.

CORBETT: Oh, haven't got any, haven't got any. (he mutters) Comin' in, but we haven' got any. Next?

BARKER: 'O's!

CORBETT: 'O's?

BARKER: 'O's.

(He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter)

BARKER: No, 'O's!

CORBETT: 'O's! I thought you said 'O! (he takes the hose back, and gets a hose, whilst muttering) When you said 'O's, I thought you said 'O! 'O's!

(He places the hose onto the counter)

BARKER: No, 'O's!

CORBETT (confused for a moment): O's? Oh, you mean panty 'o's, panty 'o's! (he picks up a pair of tights from beside him)

BARKER: No, no, 'O's! 'O's for the gate. Mon repose! 'O's! Letter O's!

CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O's! (muttering) You had me going there!

(He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O's)

CORBETT: How many d'you want?

BARKER: Two.

(Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O's on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter)

CORBETT: Yes, next?

BARKER: Got any P's?

CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd' sake, why didn' you bleedin' tell me that while I was up there then? I'm up and down the shop already, it's up and down the bleedin' shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I've got all this shop, I ain't got any help, it's worth it we plan things. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P's) How many d'you want?

BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas!

CORBETT: You're 'avin' me on, ain't ya, yer 'avin' me on?

BARKER: I'm not!

(Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas)

CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next?

BARKER: Got any pumps?

CORBETT (getting really fed up): 'And pumps, foot pumps? Come on!

BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps!

CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Tidy up in 'ere.

(He puts the pump down on the counter)

BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine!

CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are 'avin' me on, you are definitely 'avin' me on!

BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett's mood): I'm not!

CORBETT: You are 'avin' me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next?

BARKER: Washers!

CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers?

BARKER: 'Alf inch washers!

CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers? (He finally breaks, and makes to confiscate his list) Look, I've had just about enough of this, give us that list. (He mutters) I'll get it all myself! (Reading through the list) What's this? What's that? Oh that does it! That just about does it! I have just about had it! (calling through to the back) Mr. Jones! You come out and serve this customer please, I have just about had enough of 'im. (Mr. Jones comes out, and Ronnie Corbett shows him the list) Look what 'e's got on there! Look what 'e's got on there!

JONES (who goes to a drawer with a towel hanging out of it, and opens it): Right! How many would ya like? One or two?

(He removes the towel to reveal the label on the drawer - 'Bill hooks'!)


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Fiolar
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 09:27 AM

To appreciate the "Four Candles" sketch you really need to see it. What impressed me was the incredible realism of the shop. It was the exact replica of an old fashioned hard-ware store where a person could buy anything from a few nails to an anvil.
Thanks to Tracey for the script.


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: HuwG
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 10:40 AM

The "Two Ronnies" are indeed immortal among British comedians. Their shows often featured a spoof private eye adventure, with Barker as "Piggy Malone" and Corbett as his assistant, "Charley Farley". To an extent, their short sketches could become a little repetitive, but some were remarkably refreshing.


I recall Corbett as an extremely shortsighted man in an equally myopic optician's. Barker keeps trying ever larger test cards.

Barker: Can you read the top line on this chart, sir ?
Corbett: No.
Barker: (pulling back a blind to reveal a letter 'A' covering almost an entire wall) Then, can you read this one ?
Corbett: Er, "A" !
Barker: Ah ! Well, that's at least something. (moves to replace the blind)
Corbett: Er, "I" !
Barker: No sir, that's a hat stand.
Corbett: Er, "H" !
Barker: No, that's a bookcase. Sir, you're reading all the furniture.

The sketch continued with the two stumbling around until by accident they put on each others' glasses, and found they could see perfectly.




Barker's series, "Porridge" didn't survive the trip across the Atlantic. Barker's character, "Fletcher", was a burglar who had been convicted many times and finally sentenced to seven years' imprisonment, the maximum for his offence. When the show was taken to US producers, they didn't think such a character would go down too well. They said, "Couldn't he be wrongfully convicted ?"

Eventually, Barker made a follow-up series, "Going straight", which followed Fletcher's adventures once released. It didn't go down quite as well as "Porridge", although it was pleasant enough. Only one series was made, due to the tragically early death of actor richard Beckinsale, who played Fletcher's cell-mate (and later son-in-law), Lennie Godber.


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Subject: Tune Add: BOLD SIR JOHN (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Jon
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:11 AM

Copied over from folkinfo where Panny's original question and this thread refresh stemmed from...

OK, Penny has kindly supplied us with the tune as she remembers it and Pip has provided an abc based on a scan (please note that some bars do not quite add up but that is a minor detail we opted not to correct and perhaps caused by our reading of the scan). It's not a tune I recognise. An abc follows:

%%scale 1
X:1
T:Bold Sir John
F:http://www.folkinfo.org/songs
B:
S:
M:4/4
L:1/4
K:F
C|F F E C|F F E C|F F G G|
A3 c|d d B3/2 d|c B A A|B A G F|
E D C C|D D E E|F F B B|A F G E|
F3 F|D F C F|B, A, G, F|C F F E|F3 F|
D F C F|B, A, G, D|C F F E|(F3 F2)||

Currently this is in our test post should anyone want graphic or MIDI.

Jon


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: HuwG
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 07:52 PM

Here is a blue clicky to an unofficial but good site for the Two ronnies.


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Schantieman
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 05:13 PM

I am reminded of an apparently rude song that we used to find amusing at school. I don't suppose the Two Ronnies would have ventured anything quite so apparently crude. (The crudity is of course, all in the ear of the listener....)

A sol-, a-sol, a soldier I will be,
Two pis-, two pis-, two pistols at my knee,
I'll fight for the old count- fight for the old count- fight for the old country!


A girl I knew (I think it was Samantha from I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue asked for an example of a double entendre so I gave her one.

S


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Snuffy
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 08:16 PM

Look here, Steve, for previous discussion of that gem


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Me
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 11:05 PM

There's an MP3 of the Bold Sir John song ripped directly from the Two Ronnies TV show at http://homepage.ntlworld.com/keytops/The%20Two%20Ronnies%20-%20Morris%20Dancers.mp3


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Splott Man
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 03:43 AM

A bit more thread creep, but my crusty memory seems to recall that the two Ronnies made a parody C & W album using top British bluegrass band The Orange Bloosom Sound as their musicians. I do know that they also worked with Benny Hill on an LP.
They'd do anything for a laugh.

Splott Man


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Penny Price
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 07:05 PM

Thank you Guest Me - you've got it!! So grateful for the actual music which I'd got nearly right but not quite.

Regards
Penny


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Raedwulf
Date: 27 Mar 04 - 10:18 AM

That blicky doesn't work for me, I'm afraid. I remember a lot of Two Ronnies stuff (The Phantasm Raspberry Blower of Old London Town springs to mind...). I don't remember Bold Sir John, though, & I'd love to hear it!


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Tracey Dragonsfriend (no cookie here)
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 07:49 AM

Hey, all you Two Ronnies fans - if you have UK Gold, you're in luck. Next Saturday & Sunday, it's non-stop Two Ronnies from 5pm to 10pm! What a great way for you (or your video recorder!) to spend Easter...


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,KB
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 09:20 AM

I laughed for hours at their "Spooner" sketch:
Something like : "He's put dirtaliser on my failures".....
Still strikes me as one of the funniest things I ever heard.


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Subject: RE: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: DG&D Dave
Date: 06 Apr 04 - 05:42 AM

Splott Man;

The C&W characters you refer to are 'Jehosophat and Jones' (Corbett and Barker respectively). I have the vinal somewhere and must get it transfered to CD for posterity.

Dave.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,AndrewtheHat
Date: 04 Oct 05 - 09:27 AM

The Jehosophat&Jones song that still makes me proud to be of the same genus as Ronnie Barker is the immortal stammering one - I can remember only one verse and a chorus:

Oh Emmylou, I followed you
Up on the Telephone
To say thanks for coming to the dance with me
and for lettin me take you home

I'm sorry I seemed so nervous
and s-started to s-stammer and s-sweat
but it s-started ever since I saw you, and
I aint got over it yet...
(Chorus)
I stared at your great big ber-b-b-berber b-b-b-b-blue green eyes
I wondered if you'd fer f-f-fer fer flirt with all the guys
When you smiled I nearly sher-sh-sh-sher sher shot right out the door
Cos I'd never see such pretty little ter t-t-ter ter teeth before


THere's another verse with the immortal their line
"I get a funny feelin in my ber b-b-ber ber
ber b-b-ber-b-brain" - can anyone fill in the rest?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Robin Madge
Date: 05 Oct 05 - 07:42 AM

I remember one of their songs was arranged so that one of them sang a verse and the last three sylables were repeated, music hall style, by the other. I can't remember any of them now except the one they changed. "Upon that far canal" had "fancy that" sung after it!

Robin Madge


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,AndrewtheHat
Date: 05 Oct 05 - 08:06 AM

Anyone remember...

"Oh what a pity the pubs in the City all close at half past ten!
If I had the power they'd shut for an hour then open up again...

OH! I could get chronic on vodka and tonic at any time I like -
I'd wave at the p'liceman standing by my car, then nick his bike!

And we'd all have a damn good time!
(Barker) On peaches and cream!
(Corbett) And vodka and lime!"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Tracey Dragonsfriend
Date: 05 Oct 05 - 08:06 AM

Perhaps we'll see a re-release of that album, as it doesn't seem to be available on CD, only old vinyl at collector's prices...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Davis
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 03:35 PM

I once had an LP of Big Jim and Fat Belly and regret mistakenly including it in a pile of LP's to go to a charity shop.
The track I remember most was 'She's the gal who's gonna marry me'
which included the line...
'She can move a grand piano, she can move a man to tears'

Does anyone remember any more of this one?


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Subject: RE: tune : Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 01:08 PM

require backing to the song Bold Sir John by the Two Ronnies


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Davis
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 03:52 PM

I've remembered the rest of one verst to 'She's the girl who's gonna marry me'.....
She can cook, she can sew, she can drink dozen beers
She can move a grand piano, she can move a man to tears
She's as pretty as a picture, as fickle as a flea
Yep, she's the girl who's gonna marry me.

Can anyone remember this from Big Jim and Fat Belly?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 16 Dec 05 - 09:28 AM

Yeah I have the LP of The Two Ronnies "Jehosophat and Jones" which I recently got transfered to CD. I'll post up the full lyrics for "The Gal Who's Gonna Marry Me" soon.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 16 Dec 05 - 10:16 AM

Thanks for the link, Huw.

I sat at the keyboard and laughed at this news item:

The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister's question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said it was like looking for a needle in a haystack."

Unfortunately, the purple background they have on their home page is just awful! So hard to read! WHY do they do it?!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: mooman
Date: 16 Dec 05 - 11:16 AM

Happy memories!

I seem to remember another similar one they did. Could be a parody of The Pirates of Penzance?

I think one of the rhymes went:

The Navy has most efficient ships...
Fish and chips!

Anyone remember the rest (or correct words) of that? (or am I just imagining something as usual!)

Peace

moo


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE GAL WHO'S GONNA MARRY ME
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 17 Dec 05 - 11:06 AM

"The Gal Who's Gonna Marry Me"

She can sow, she can hoe
She can read, she can write
She can cook a man a breakfast in the
middle of the night
She can cut up a chicken
She can cut down a tree
Wow! That's the gal who's gonna marry me

She can dig, she can jig
She can juggle, she can jump
She can drive a fella crazy with a wiggle of
he rump
She can stand in the saddle
She can sit on your knee
Wow! That's the gal who's gonna marry me

She can joke, she can smoke
She can drink a dozen beers
She can move a grand pianner, she can
move a man to tears
She can pour out her heart or
She can pour out your tea
Wow! That's the gal who's gonna marry me

She can roast, she can toast
She can boil, she can bake
She can cut a fella dead and she can cut a
slice of cake
She can cook a fellas goose and
She can fry a fricassee
Yep! That's the gal who's gonna marry me

She can sweep, she can weep
She can giggle, she can grin
She can play a little poker, she can play a
little gin
She's as spicy as a pickle
And sweeter than a pea
Hup! She's the gal who's gonna marry me
Hup! Hup! She's the gal who's gonna marry me


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Dec 05 - 04:27 PM


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: brass band medley two ronnies
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 06:05 AM

does anyone know the lyrics to this musical finale?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 01:52 PM

Yes I have them somewhere. I'll post them up during the week.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Lady Nancy
Date: 06 Jan 06 - 02:58 PM

I've just stumbled across this and it is a scream! But the link to the tune for bold sir John does not work for me... Can someone please either post the URL or re-do the clicky? Many thanks... LN


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Ben
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 04:16 AM

Im after the lyrics for the song that goes - "the navy needs more efficient ships....fish and chips!" Can anyone help? many thanks...Ben


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Peter Green
Date: 24 Jan 06 - 06:46 PM

Hi all,
I'm trying to find the title/lyrics/recording of this:

"I knew a girl called droopy drawers,
Her ears stuck out like taxi doors,
Tall as a pole & thin as a candle,
Hard to please but easy to handle"

Seem to remember it was Ronnie Barker on his own, dressed up like a C&W singer. Is it on the Jehosophat and Jones LP?

cheers
Pete


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: David C. Carter
Date: 24 Jan 06 - 07:25 PM

"Austin Schmaustin"....... One of Corbett's great inventions.


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Subject: Lyr Add: GIRLS I'VE MET
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 25 Jan 06 - 08:28 AM

No it's a song called "Girls I've Met" which he sang on the show.
He performed it as a character called Lightweight Louie Danvers.

Lyrics:

I knew a girl called Jeannie Jones
She was nothing but skin and bones
I knew a girl called Janie Scott
She had bumps where Jean had not
I knew a girl called Susie Strong
Her feet were large and her legs were long
Her feet were so large it is said
She had to take her pants off over her head

I'm talking about
Girls – Girls I met
Ice is cold and waters wet
Up is up and feathers is down
That's what makes the world go round

I knew a girl called Droopy Drawers
Her ears stuck out like taxi doors
Tall as a pole and thin as a candle
Hard to please but easy to handle
Took her out in the wind and rain
She blew round like a weather vane
By the fire, warm and snug
Melted her upon the rug

I'm talking about
Girls – Girls I've known
Oats I've scattered, seeds I've sown
Up is in and down is out
(You all know what I'm talking about)

I knew a girl called Jennifer Goafer
She had hips like a well stuffed sofa
If she sat on you she'd squash you flat
(Boy! I sure kept out of THAT)
She was buxom, big and round
Gave good value, pound for pound
Like a mountaineer, upon a climb
I conquered her a bit at a time

I'm talking about
Girls – Girls I've seen
Faces I've known and places I've been
Tales I've told and songs I've sang
That's what makes the world go bang

I knew a girl called Big-time Bella
'Til I found out she was a fellah
We parted friends and everything
But he never sent back that engagement ring
I knew a girl called Topsy Turvey
She was cute and she was curvy
She was sweet and she was sunny
Now I'm paying her alimony

I'm talking about
Girls – Girls I've known
Birds have nested, and have flown
Black or white or pink or brown
That's what makes the world go round!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 06:32 AM

Hi,

Does anyone know the exact name of the original tune from Gilbert and Sullivan
that is parodied as "What the Navy needs is more efficient ships...
Fish and chips!".
I have the full transcript for this musical melody typed but this is the only part of it that I don't know the name of the tune.
You help would be appreciated and I can then post up the full transcript.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: Snuffy
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 08:41 AM

That sounds like a parody of G&S's A Policeman's Lot Is Not A Happy One


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: mooman
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:59 AM

That's exactly the one Snuffy.

Peace

moo


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Subject: Lyr Add: GILBERT AND SULLIVAN (The Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 01:04 PM

Here is the full transcript for the Two Ronnies "Gilbert and Sullivan" parodies. Just some trivia regarding this. There was an abbreviated version of this performed on the shows second series that omitted some of the best verses within the melody. A version was released on LP that contained everything bar the last verse. The last verse was included in a Christmas special they done in which the whole show was set in Edwardian times. Anyway, here is the full melody that includes all the verses…

(Tune: "Here's a How-de-do")

Hello how'd you do
We are bringing you
Songs by Sullivan and Gilbert
Hope they're going to fill the bill, but
Let us not waste time
Let us start the rhyme

(Tune: Yum Yum")

We, won't
Sing anything that is glum (Yum yum)
For this is the season
That gives us a reason
For drinking and filling our tum (Yum yum)
I must say it's alright for some
I eat what I like and don't put on a pound
I like what I eat; that is why I'm so round
Just keep off the starches
I've got fallen arches,
With carrying this lot around

(Tune: "The flowers that bloom in the spring Tra la")

The flowers that bloom in the spring, tra la,
Are blooming all over the place
The girls in the chorus that sing, tra la,
Each one is a beautiful thing, tra la,
A flower of feminine grace,
(A flower of feminine grace)
There's Lily and Iris, and Daisy, and Rose
There's also sweet William, but he's one of those,
But our favourite flower
She blooms by the hour
At twenty-six Bloomsbury Place

(Spoken: The next song is dedicated to my dear wife)

(Tune: "Take a pair of sparkling eyes")

Take a pair of bloodshot eyes
And a nose that's round and red
And a set of loose false teeth
Picture two gigantic thighs
And a pair of knobbly knees
With enormous boots beneath

Some men have pretty women
To go ridin' with, or swimmin'
Or parading round the park
Not for me those smiles and dimples
It's just bandy legs and pimples
So, if I fancy a saunter, I go after dark

Take a pair of rubber lips
And a pair of bumpy hips
And a voice just like a knife
Like a knife,
A complexion green as grass, it's a farce,
Yet alas!
That's what I see every day
In my looking glass!

(Tune: "Three little maids")

Three little maids one night I met
Each one a perfect little pet
Popped to the pub for something wet
Three little maids came too

Three lemonades I ordered first
That didn't satisfy their thirst
Then I realised the worst
Three lemonades won't do

They said "Let us try champagne"
Then they tried it once again
"Now we'll try the beer" they said
"Then we must be off to bed"

Well…
Fourteen pints and six gins later
Went upstairs for a baked potato
I woke up with the hotel waiter –
The three little chicks had strayed
Three little maids – unmade!

(Tune: "Tit-Willow")

A shy samurai went to London to buy
Two blankets, two sheets, and a pillow
And he married a maiden who first caught his eye
At that firm run by Waring and Gillow
There was never a subject they quarrelled about
Of their love for each other there wasn't a doubt
Till she wore a low neckline, 'twas then they fell out
They willow, they willow, they willow

(Tune: "A Policeman's lot is not a Happy one)

There's a sailor lying drunk and feeling peaky
Feeling peaky!
In the gutter where the pavement kerb he grips
Kirby grips!
And he cries my boat the Pinafore is leaky
Fore is leaky!
What the navy needs is more efficient ships
Fish 'n' chips!
When Lord Nelson lay a-dying at Trafalgar
At Trafalgar!
What did the gallant captain Hardy do?
Howdy Do!
Oh he kissed his leader sadly on the poop deck
On the poop deck!
There has never been a fond caress so blue!
Esso Blue!

(Tune: "He is an Englishman")

But now pray let us sing
Of that patriotic thing
That we call and Englishman
A true blue Englishman
Though beset by Income Taxes
They clutch their Union Jackses
And they wave them when they can
From the Khyber to the Congo
You will find a Pete or Pongo
That Intrepid Englishman
That ill-fated
Celebrated
Under-rated
Dear Old Englishman

(Tune: "Buttercup")

Dear little buttercup
Sweet little buttercup
Nonsense of course you're not fat
But dear little buttercup
Life you left buttock up
You've squashed my opera hat flat

(Tune: "When I was a lad")

When I was a lad of seventeen
I took my girls upon the village green
When I was a lad of twenty-one
I took 'em in the hayloft which was much more fun

Chorus:
He took 'em in the hayloft which was much more fun

But now I'm middle-aged you know
I take 'em anywhere they want to go
And when I'm old, why you can bet
I'll have to take what I can get

(Tune: "The Sunny Spanish Shore")

Now it's Christmas once again
Peace on earth goodwill to me
And of course the ladies too
They're the ones that see us through
When the relatives all come
Aunts and Uncles, Dad and Mum
And the air begins to hum

Very merry Christmas and the same to you
What a very pretty bonnet, why it looks brand new
Are you comfortable? Very
Will you take a glass of sherry?
It's so nice to see you merry,
Oh, sit down please do
(It's so nice to see you merry,
Oh, sit down please do)

When a trumpet blasts you ear
You awake at 5 o'clock
Then the children will appear
With an orange in a sock
And you wish that you were dead
And they thump you on the head
Till they get you out of bed
And it's

Look what Father Christmas brought along for me
Can I have another sweetie from the Christmas tree
And you try to mend a dolly
While pretending to be jolly
Then you sit upon some holly
And you spill your tea
(You sit upon some holly and its agony)

Quite apart from noise and fuss
What does Christmas mean to us?
It's a thing that we can share
It's a family affair
When we're once more far away
We will think about today
And then perhaps we'll say
Oh they

Really did it nicely as it should be done
There was such a lot of presents, and we all got one
Such pretty snowy weather
It was nice to be together
Such a very merry Christmas, oh we did have fun!
(Such a very merry Christmas, oh we did have fun!)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Nigel the Morris man
Date: 14 May 06 - 05:54 AM

We sing them and perform the Morris (in Australia no less)
Just watched the video to check ...

The words are:
BOLD SIR JOHN

OH Bold Sir John was young and fair,
And Bold Sir John was gay;
He said I'll tread the morning dew
To take the air and listen to
The twittering of the birds all day,
The bumblebees at play.
The Twit! The Twit! The Twit! The twit!
The twittering of the birds all day;
The Bum! The Bum! The Bum! The Bum!
The bumblebees at play.

So Bold Sir John he went his way,
Observing nature's farce
Dear Mother Earth, Oh tell me Pray,
Why elephants live so long, they say;
Your flies live but a day then they,
Drop dead upon the grass".
Your Flies! Your Flies! Your Flies! Your Flies!
Your flies live but a day then they;
Drop Dead! Drop Dead! Drop Dead! Drop Dead!
Drop dead upon the grass.

Now Bold Sir John he met a maid,
As on her back she lay
Please show respect and come not near
For I've seen many a maiden here;
Get lost among the new mown hay,
So doff your hat I pray".
Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost!
Get lost among the new mown hay.
Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! Sod off!
So doff your hat I pray.

When Bold Sir John return'ed home,
They gave him gin to try;
"Nay fill me not with liquor up,
Nor give me grape nor grain to sup;
Pour cowslips dew into my cup,
A Puritan am I".
Poor Cow! Poor Cow! Poor Cow! Poor Cow!
Pour cowslips dew into my cup.
Up You! Up You! Up You! Up You!
A Puritan am I.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (from the Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Daddo
Date: 18 May 06 - 06:15 AM

On the more recent compilation show they did of old sketches, Ronnie B said that he was never fully happy with the ending of "Four Candles". He said that in later years he thought of a better ending. The last bit, "bill hooks", was replaced with Ronnie B asking for "knockers", Ronnie C loses his rag and calls for his assistant - a buxom blonde appears>


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Goldcrest 307955
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 10:57 AM

Does anyone have the words to 'the terrible tale of teeny todd'?
all i can remember is the very begining:
I'll tell you a tale of teeny todd
hoorah, hoorah
a terible tale of teeny todd
hoorah, hoorah.....

thats all i can remember of it, tune included!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: DMcG
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 11:22 AM

Sweeney Todd, I'm sure, and by Sondheim, not the two Ronnies (who would be flattered, I expect!)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Murray MacLeod
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 01:53 PM

The classic Four candles sketch can be seen here in its entirety, along with Ronnie Barker's comments on the ending.

Unfortunately, nobody appears to have uploaded the Bold Sir John sketch yet, but it can only be a matter of time.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Scrump
Date: 22 Jan 07 - 10:00 AM

I remember one of their songs was arranged so that one of them sang a verse and the last three sylables were repeated, music hall style, by the other. I can't remember any of them now except the one they changed. "Upon that far canal" had "fancy that" sung after it

I can also remember that. I think it was a parody of a Gilbert & Sullivan song, but I can't remember which. It appeared on an LP of some musical highlights from the TV show, but I was disappointed on hearing it to find that the verse with "far canal" had been edited out of the record. I assume this was for space reasons, as I can't imagine why they would have removed it on taste grounds, since it had been broadcast at peak time on BBC TV in the 1970s.

I probably have a tape of the incomplete version from the LP, somewhere, if I can find it.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,squishyfishy
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 07:58 AM

I am so glad i found this thread. I've loved the Bold Sir John sketch for years. Used to have it on video but can't find it anywhere. Now I know what it is called I will buy the DVD. thanks


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Bainbo
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 09:28 AM

Someone told me that on the back of their LP, Jehosophat & Jones claimed to have worked as sock-tuckers and coke-sackers ... don't know whether he was right or not.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Brendan Richards
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 02:27 AM

Here's the corrected lyrics to "Bold Sir John":

Oh, Bold Sir John was young and fair, and Bold Sir John was gay.
He said I'll tread the morning dew to take the air and listen to
The twittering of the birds all day, the bumblebees at play.
The twit! The twit! The twit! The twit! The twittering of the birds all day;
The bum! The bum! The bum! The bum! The bumblebees at play.

So Bold Sir John he went his way observing nature's farce.
Dear Mother Earth, oh tell me pray, why elephants live so long they say;
Your flies live but a day then they, drop dead upon the grass".
Your fly's, your fly's... Your flies! Your flies! Your flies live but a day then they
Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead upon the grass.

Now Bold Sir John he met a maid as on her back she lay.
Please show respect and come not near for I've seen many a maiden here
Get lost among the new mown hay so doff your hat I pray.
Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost among the new mown hay.
Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! So doff your hat I pray.

When Bold Sir John return'ed home, they gave him gin to try;
"They filled me not with liquor up, nor give me grain nor gBiscuit! to sup,
"Pour cowslips dew into my cup, a Puritan am I".
Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Pour cowslips dew into my cup.
Up you! Up you! Up you! Up you! A Puritan am I.
Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Pour cowslips dew into my cup.
Up you! Up you! Up you! Up you! A Puritan am I.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Sky Sailor
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 04:21 AM

You can listen to this song on YouTube Here .
It is the third song (about halfway through). There is no video.

Sky Sailor


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 07:54 AM

The extra verse in Bold Sir John seems palusable but I saw the sketch recently and it didn't seem to include it of have an ending that would indicate editing - but repeats are chopped about a bit usually.

& I also heard about the alternative ending for "Fork Handles". Leaving out the Bill Hooks for "Knockers" rather than having both would be a shame but I am sure Ronnie Barker knew a lot more about timing and cadence than I ever will.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Mr Happy
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 08:47 AM

Here's some corrections & explanations for
GUEST,Curious Clouseau's post
Date: 08 Feb 06





(Tune: "A Policeman's lot is not a Happy one)

There's a sailor lying drunk and feeling peaky
Feeling peaky!
In the gutter where the pavement curvy gripsKirby Grips
Curvy grips!Kirby Grips!


And he cries my boat the Pinafore is leaky
For is leaky!
What the navy needs is more efficient ships
Fish n chips!
When Lord Nelson lay a dying at Trafalgar
At Trafalgar!
What did the gallant captain Hardy do
Howdy Do!
Oh he kissed his leader sadly on the poop deck
On the poop deck!
There has never been a fond caress so blue!
S so Blue! Esso Blue!



Kirbigrip
kirbigrip
Kirby grip

Kirbies




A type of hairgrip with one straight side and the other bent into ridges to prevent slipping. Also (colloq) called Kirby.

Etymology:

1920s: named after Kirby, one of the original manufacturers, Kirby, Beard & Co. Ltd.



ESSO BLUE:

Domestic paraffin [kerosene] popular in the 1950's for heating mostly, & sometimes for small lamps, & containing a blue dye.

Advertising jingles:

'They asked me how I knew
It was Esso Blue
I of course replied
With lower grades one buys
Smoke gets in your eyes.'

Joe, the tongue-tied Esso Blue paraffin salesman who called himself the 'Esso Blee Dooler'.

Joe was created in 1958 when paraffin was a relatively common household fuel, but its use steadily declined over the years, as did Joe.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Mr Happy
Date: 01 Oct 07 - 08:50 AM

Oh no!

Made a cockup meself there!

The line should read

'In the gutter where the pavement curvy grips kerb he grips'


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Chris Bryans
Date: 14 Feb 08 - 12:13 PM

Hi. Can anyone tell me which series/episode of The Two Ronnies included Ronnie B singing Girls I've Met in the guise of Lightweight Louie Danvers?

Many thanks in advance.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 11:42 AM

It was done in one of the Christmas Specials. I'll check it out and let you know which one.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 07:53 AM

Anyone remember...

"Oh what a pity the pubs in the City all close at half past ten!
If I had the power they'd shut for an hour then open up again...

OH! I could get chronic on vodka and tonic at any time I like -
I'd wave at the p'liceman standing by my car, then nick his bike!

And we'd all have a damn good time!
(Barker) On peaches and cream!
(Corbett) And vodka and lime!"

Can anyone please please tell me which episode I can find this song in?? I seem to remember they were arguing about whether to go for something to eat or something to drink!

Many many thanks in advance!

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Bernard Quenby
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:46 AM

And if anyone can help with this I'll be extremely grateful! It's the solo sketch where Ronnie Barker plays an innebriated business man giving an after-dinner type speech. Naturally, the whole speech is gibberish, and the only bit I can remember is where he says something like "... and after all, who am I, and I repeat who am I?" (then looks inside his jacket), "Ah yes, that's it - who am I, a mere Moss Bros..." Really hoping someone can oblige!

Bernard


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 12:30 PM

The YouTube link given above for the Bold Sir John sketch doesn't work (video got pulled) but it can be seen here


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: banjoman
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 06:50 PM

I think they also did a C&W song with the line "do they play country music in heaven2 which I used to do with a few words of my own added to the chorus. Does anyone know the full original version?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John - Two Ronnies sketch
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Sep 08 - 08:59 AM

Anyone got an mp3 of the music behind the bold sir john song??

Thanks in advance.

David


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 04:29 PM

Some years ago, somebody composed an anthem for church choir, in classical style, with Handel-esque repititions, entitled "Our souls shall dwell with the Lord".

Our souls,
Our souls,
Our souls shall dwell with the Lord .....


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 04:31 PM

I have tried playing the tune, but keep slipping into "The Lambton Worm".

Oh well!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST,Moleman
Date: 02 Oct 08 - 04:43 PM

Re the "Gilbert and Sullivan" sketch - does anyone know the words for the missing verse - possibly the last? - of "A Policeman's Lot?"

I'm sure it's along the lines of a Gondolier plying his trade "upon a far canal - fancy that!"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Mr Red
Date: 03 Oct 08 - 09:33 AM

The Far Canal joke was repeated recently - I assume they only did it once & in the Gondoliers.

FWIW I still have the Bold Sir John sketch on my PVR and have burnt a DVD for Steamchicken (a rather excelent ceilidh band).

For a small consideration (I only drink cider - the proper stuff mind) I could take a copy or two to a festival near me. Banbury and Cheltenham are the next up. I am always at Upton & Chippenham.

PM me if you are studying advanced 2 Ronnies at (say) the OU.
David - if you are serious webmail me from cresby.com


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST,Marty in Zim
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 03:48 AM

Reply to Gareth the guest "anyone remember", it's from the vinyl "The best of the two Ronnies", track 2 "The Brass Band" shown here http://pegnsean.net/~occupant/media.htm.
I'm looking for the words to the skit they did called "The boys in the Ballet", performed to the music of Nutcracker.

Martin


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 05:41 PM

Does anyone know the name of the tune used for Bold Sir John. Was it an original arrangement or a traditional folk song with their lyrics used instead ?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 12:12 PM

Bold Sir John seems to be back on Youtube, but better watch it quick before it gets pulled off again! Loads of other 2 Ronnies videos for those seeking other songs mentioned above!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=woqfb12h4y4


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 12:33 PM

There's a longer clip of the same, but preceded by the Morris dancing (of sorts!) from about 1/3 of the way through the clip.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=urFKP3iy7BY&feature=related


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: romany man
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 04:38 AM

oh deep joy, what a giggle , id forgotten the whole thing , now firmly planted in the memory banks,


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST,Guest CS
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 05:48 AM

Thanks for the replies. I know the tune but can't put a name to it and am not clever enough to rewrite the score for the piano. If anyone could help out it would be fab. We plan to include it in our Gang Show at Easter.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Weasel
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 07:43 AM

I can probably sort you out with something very simple (probably by this afternoon). Send me a private message.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Weasel
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 08:54 AM

It's done - tell me where to send it!


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Subject: Stuttering Bum
From: GUEST,Davy T
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 04:40 PM

Hi there!

I have been trying to get "Stuttering Bum" on mp3 for years now! Is there anyone out there who can help me???

Payment can be made via PayPal, cash, IOU's, livestock or half drunk bottles of Olde English............

Thank you!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Curious Clouseau
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 12:11 PM

Yes I have the "Stuttering Bum" in MP3 format. Send me a private message with your e-mail and I'll send it to you.

Maybe someone on the list can help me this. I am looking for an lp that Ronnie Barker done in the seventies called "A Pint Of Old and Filthy". I anyone has a copy or could make me a copy I would really appreciate it. Thanks.


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Subject: Gripping
From: GUEST,Estabistusino
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 10:21 AM

Hello my friends, I'm Estabistusino. I here at www.mudcat.org for the first time. It's
very interesting forum, but how I can start a new topic?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 10:23 AM

100


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 10:27 AM

Hi Estabistusino .
             At the top of the page is a 'Start New Thread' Click on option - It fairly self explanatory !
               And Joining is free and has benefits ! Welcome aboard and Good Luck


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 07:31 PM

"Adic, adic, adic, adic, addicted to love's ways I'm not.
No cock, no cock, no cock, no cock, no cocksure rake am I"

I like it, I like it.


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Subject: RE: The Roadsweepers Song : Somebodys got to do it
From: GUEST,Andy G
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 05:39 PM

This lovely lilting song and dance with the two Ronnies dressed as Dustmen/Roadsweepers has haunted me for years. Can anyone out there remember the date of the show and better still provide me with the words The Chorus goes 'And Somebodys decided that its us'. Please help!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 10:18 AM

Avie Two Ronnies Barber shop quintet


Goodbye baldies,goodbye baldies, goodbye baldies,
Its time to leave you now.
Now that you have lost your hair
Your all bare, we dont care
Stick your hats on fair and square,
Then no one will know.

Reapeat first three lines.

First three lines to the tune of "Good noght ladies" the rest to the tune of "Merrily we roll along"


2.Now hows he chin this morning sir?
Its on the hairy side,its on the hairy side,
The grizzly beary side.
So kindly take this warning sir,
Be on the wary side in case you scratch the girl that you adore.

A shave is whats intended sir,
makes you feel good inside, makes you look good ouitside,
Hold uo your head with pride.
This soap is recomended sir
Contains insecticide, gives each little spot what for

Sung to the tune "Down by the riverside!

Now dont upet yourself and dont fell rotten,
Your hair is gone but not forgotten,
HIP HOORAY, HIP HORRAY , WE CAN RAISE IT UO AGAIN.
Thers some wigs in the cupboard and I dont know were i got em,
But theyre made of nylon mixed with cotton.
get away, get away, get away, its a fact.

well they could be rather tricky to keep in place.
What we need is soemthing sticky and we'll splash it on all over.
By gum! theyre stuck! A srrong man couldnt lift em.
The best of luck, you'll never never shift enm.

You,ll never nevr shift them!

Sung to the tune of "Down by the river side"

Hope this is what you wanted


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch)
From: Mr Red
Date: 12 Jun 17 - 04:52 AM

the The Phantasm Raspberry Blower of Old London Town springs to mind sketch was written by Spike Milligan


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