Song Challenge! Part 17

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:09 PM

Here we go again, CHALLENGE!RS -- From the dull, grey and boring to the . . . well, uh . . . NOT! This idea is Barky's, so talk to Daddy Amos if you've got a problem with it(!) {Notice - this has been edited in places because I was just too embarrassed to type it. -- Á.}

Hey Mister -- Want A Little Extra Off The Sides?

Women in the Quebec city of Laval suspected their husbands and boyfriends were getting a bit more than a shave and a haircut at a local hair salon. Apparently, they were right. Police arrested eight people at Le Salon Sex Symbol, where stylists (disrobed), performed exotic dances and talked dirty as they clipped clients' hair, said police spokesman Guy Lajeunesse. The 2-month-old undercover investigation started after several women called police worried that the hairdressers were offering their husbands and boyfriends sexual services. Customers of the 5-year-old business received haircuts from scantily-clad women who 'for more money' (Ed. well, did 'very' naughty things). Though erotic hair salons are legal if no touching takes place, police believe patrons at Le Salon Sex Symbol could (do more than 'touch'). "We found some hair on the ground," Lajeunesse said. "One of the men got his hair cut. They have a few clients who just go for that. It's supposed to be the main attraction."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:22 PM

As a young sailor I was forced to get a haircut at one of those new Unisex hairdressing Salons. The young girl who cut and washed my hair then proceeded to get the hair dryer out and told me I was about to"get the best blow job I ever had" I am not sure if it was the expression of joy on my face, or her own realization of what she just said, she quickly left, and another girl came in to finish the "job" Yours,(still waiting)Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:32 PM

Good luck, Davey Mate! Lemme know if it comes through.

I want to make it clear that I had no prior knowledge of this Challenge, and do not condone this sort of soft-core titillation on the Mudcat. I think I will send Barky to work for Praise over summer vacation... which would really jump me out of the frying pan and into the fire... (**BG**)

Áine, I can only apologize for any embarassment this submission caused you. I will have a word with young Barky. I would take out my leather belt at this point, except she has already liberated it to use as a strap for her guitar (sigh).

Oh, well, I suppose she could always get a job writing for the Los Angeles Times...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:45 PM

Amos,

Barky is always welcome in Pennsyltucky, and we don't have near enough fun at our house since our son, who "prayed for our death on a nightly basis," entered the Navy's nuke propulsion program. (You'd have enjoyed having him, I'm sure a trade could have been worked out.)

So I am sure we can handle having here here, but... she would come back a new woman, and... well... we could leave the decision to her, but....

Tellya what. I have an invite all saved on WP for a weeklong houseparty for all of you to *visit* me and Hardiman here in the Northern Tier. I'll post it as soon as someone edits it for me, it's too damn long.

PS-- Amos, never choose between the frying pan and the fire-- you are always in both at the same time. Gotta give up that narrow thinking, dear!

~~T~h~e~~~B~i~g~~~G~r~i~n~~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:47 PM

PPS-- Hey, I know!!

Aine, let's modify the challenge, to make it adverising jingles for the salon! Or its clean competition next door!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 04:55 PM

That's the spirit, Praise! (pardon the pun *BG*) --

This CHALLENGE! is hereby modified to wit -- Write a advertising jingle about said subject and/or about the 'straight' barber shop next door!!

Well done, Praise -- Now, GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS --

(P.S. Amos, don't be too hard on our little darlin' - after all, you let one ferret-lovin' panty thrower in the door and see what happens???)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:01 PM

Waidaminnit-- are we 'sposed to throw our panties to Amos? I know he was a big help with mine but did I miss a key feature of denewbification?

I need to know. Tell the truth, too, I can take it.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:03 PM

Bajo picks in background the tune of "'Til I Came to Arkansas"

I never threw no panties
Til I came into the Cat
I was always much too dignified
To carry on like that!
But my palisades were overrun
My defenses were thrown down
And I became a garbage-mouth
Way down in Mudcat town...

Banjo fades out..

Wal, alright, she can elect her own vocabulary by now, I guess...besides it is pretty funny to think of the ramifications. "Honey, I'm going down town for a haircut..."
"But John, that's the third one this week!!!:

"Yeah, isn't it weird how fast it grows back since I started taking them there Vigra pills?..."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:11 PM

Well, he's cute, ya gotta give him that much.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:18 PM

Oh goodness! Ain't my face red! Praise -- I wasn't calling you no 'ferret-lovin' panty thrower' -- although I certainly hold no grudges against those folks what are -- I was jez makin' a little joke about former Challenge! subjects, i.e. the Panty Throwin' Challenge! and the Ferret Freedom Challenge!.

But you go girl, if yer in the mood to be tossin' yer Sunday best to the one and only Infamous Amos -- he really is a honey, ain't he! Jez as cute as a 'wired bee'!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 05:24 PM

No no no, I didn't take it that way, but you know he made off with mine recently in the most delightful, gennlemunly way, so clearly he has some experience in that area.... you know if we're going to have titles here I think he oughtta get one as the ..... anyone else care to go there?

Oh! Thread creep again!!! Forgive me O Lord.

That would be a whole new thread, I'm sorry.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 06:29 PM

Just for the sake of historical accuracy, the guy who made off with Praise's panties found them while pushing a pushbroom through the Mudcat Tavern the morning after Praise's ... umm..adventures in the Jello pit. They came up on the broom, which dislodged them from behind a potted plant or something in the corner...that's all. He merely thought the courteous thing to do would be to run them up the flagpole for the whole county to salute. An exercise in propriety of scale, you might say.

So don't be casting aspersions about anyone making off with them. I also notice you declined a gentlemanly attempt to return them to you! Now there's a twist to get your knickers into! Usually a lady has to decline the reverse effort!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 06:47 PM

Damn! I just mustered all my creative juices in Song Challenge 16, and now #17 is already up 'n running. I think Aine is repackaging these songs we're writing and selling them on the Singapore Black Market.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 06:55 PM

LEJ -- if you're running short of juices just imagine yerself getting a haircut. Kinda like Samson and Delilah... I loved your #16. This is addictive. I have to get a grip on myself -- we're supposed to be living a serious life here!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 07:30 PM

Dang it, Amos! I swear that I was in the tub having a 'Calgon moment' and working on this song with Dear Hubby, when you posted that Samson and Delilah comment! Well, now that you've blown my surprise, here it is anyway:

Delilah and Sam
by Áine and Dear Hubby
(Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike)

Chorus:
Her name is Delilah, if truth be to tell,
She's got my poor husband, Sam, under her spell,
If wishes were horses, she'd ride into Hell,
She's a hussy if there ever was one.

She rode into town in the back of a truck,
With her short-shorts and tube top, she was in luck,
A men-only barber shop was new in town,
Where all of the married men had run to ground.

The beauty and nail shops were now all a-buzz,
There were rumours that someone had called up the fuzz,
The 'No. 2 Special' wasn't all it appeared,
It seemed that Young Tommy'd lost more than his beard!

Chorus

The line from the door to the car lot was long,
And bare domes were spotted that didn't belong,
When asked what they needed when no hair was showin',
One said, 'I heard ladies here can get it growin'.'

This town used to sport many beards and mustaches,
Now you'd be lucky to spot a man still with eyelashes,
When they started to lose all the hair on their arms,
The women in town they rose up in alarm.

Chorus

I thought my dear Sam was immune to her wiles,
'Cause he never went in for fancy hairstyles,
But when he came home with a Vidal Sasoon,
I knew what he'd been planting out under the moon!

Oh Officer, Officer, please take her in,
A haircut should never be reason for sin,
And as for my Sammy, please send him straight home,
I'll make sure that he has no more reason to roam.

Chorus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 07:40 PM

In case you think this is all impossible, the following pr1ce list is from the web site of the insitution in question, which can itself be found here.

Coupe de cheveux
                                             Cabine privée             22 $
                                             Visionnement de film érotique
                                             La coiffeuse est en lingerie fine
                                             Options:
                                             La coiffeuse semi-nue+ 10 $
 
                                             La coiffeuse nue  + 20 $
 
 
 
 
 

                                           Danse en privé (20 min.)  40 $
                                             Options:
                                             Discutable avec l'hôtesse + 10 $ à + 30 $

 

 
 

                                 Venez rencontrer Stéphanie, Sophie et nos autres hôtesses

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 07:43 PM

TGG, no points for first in, since you had a head start. But that is definitely a fall on the floor qualifier! Nice job!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:05 PM

Oy Barky, yer killin' me here! How am I going to put together enough dirtyness to think up a song now! You're one NAUGHY NAUGHTY girl! But hey, y'know if you and Praise get one of these joints going....I get my hair cut every three weeks...HA HA HA Ho Ho he he cough cough....um...yeah...ok...sorry...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:08 PM

Police arrested eight people at Le Salon Sex Symbol, where stylists (disrobed),
 performed exotic dances and talked dirty as they clipped clients' hair, said police spokesman Guy Lajeunesse.

    Tarifs:                                         Cabine privée             22 $
                                             Visionnement de film érotique
                                             La coiffeuse est en lingerie fine
                                             Options:
                                             La coiffeuse semi-nue+ 10 $
                                             La coiffeuse nue  + 20 $
                                          Danse en privé (20 min.)  40 $
                                             Options:
                                             Discutable avec l'hôtesse + 10 $ à + 30 $

                                 Venez rencontrer Stéphanie, Sophie et nos autres hôtesses

Will Ye Go, Mikey?

Click to Play

Oh, the summer time is coming,
And the weather it is warming
And the wild blood is in me
For a clip from Sophie darling
Will ye go, Mikey, go?

Cho:

And  we'll all go to Lavall
Where the lasses are so willing
And the hairs they gently fall,
Will ye go, Mikey go?

Oh I think I need a haircut
Though I've had two this week already
But I need to see me Sophie,
And I'm just a mite unsteady
Will ye go, Mikey go?

I will drain out all my coin
From the bank on Laurentiles
And with it I will buy
Private cabins, private smiles
Will ye go, Mikey go?

I will buy myself a coat
Made of mink or lovely sable
And I'll show it to my Sophie
Pour les options discutable
Will ye go, Mikey, go?

If my barber is not in
I will surely use another
If my dear wife she complains
I will send her to her mother,
Will ye go, Mikey, go?

Oh the summer it is in,
Like no other come before,
For the barbers are sweet lasses
Waiting at the salon doors,
WIll ye go, Mikey, go?
 

And  we'll allgo to Lavall
Where the lasses are so willing
And the hairs they gently fall,
Will ye go, Mikey go?

 
 

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:22 PM

Amos, thanks for the clarification. I meant what you said-- what did you think they thought I meant?

Unfortunately, you seem to have caused another sensation-- did you mean what Mbo thought you meant about sending Barky here?!!!!!????? Cuz I only gots the one sparr rume, ya know......

PS Love your song!

Aine-- I will SING that next jam time with our band!!! Ah swarr, missy!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:31 PM

Barky has an opportunity to go to Europe with a friend this summer, and also has a season at music camp. So it wouldn't be feasible -- I was in jest, trying yo imply that you would reform her for me, y'see. Then I thought about it and made the remark about frying pans and fires, y'see. So, I guess my old knack for foot-in-mouth disease is flaring up. Must be all the dirty songs Áinbe makes me write...ya put your right foot in, ya take yer left foot out...:>)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:31 PM

Anyone planning on writing a jingle? I've started one, just can't get it going very well...

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:34 PM

Oh, I understood it, Amos, but Mbo's version is kinda scary.

Folks, just to get it straight-- the ECW in our area will not help me open one of these places, even if it would be a great fundraiser!

And I wouldn't hire Barky, either, if I did open one--she's a nice girl!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:53 PM

Dang! Europe! And I get stuck here making pots and bracelets all summer! What a rip! Praise, I really think they'd go for it! You talk dirty to us AL THE TIME and we don't even get the complimentary haircut!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 09:55 PM

Áine,

You were in the tub, let me see if I understand this...working on dear hubby with this song, and he had a Calgon moment? So...that means it's good, right? (**BG**)

Praise. Mbo, I don't see what BArky said that started this all off, but I don't think she could pass the physical to work at Sophie's....and that's as it should be, for she is indeed a good girl.

Mbo, virtual is as far as it goes, unnerstan? If this seems hypocritical to you, well it is. And that's just as it should be too. :>)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:04 PM

Aine, was that a real tub or a virtual one, and a real Calgon moment or a virtual one?

Amos, Do you mean we're not supposed to actually DO everything we say here that we're doing? Sheesh, no wonder I got wacked out!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:05 PM

Well, there goes my luck again! I told you ALL about it in my song in the last Song Challenge! but no one believed me! This thread is getting me in BIG trouble with the man....think I'm gonna sit this one out too, before I get in MORE hot water! Sorry for everything...I'm gonna go cry now.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:09 PM

Mbo!!!

... umm, dearling.... you get a lot of haircuts, right?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:40 PM

As, I'm sure, are Stéfanie and Sophie and the rest, all, all nice girls...

--seed

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 10:43 PM

This is Dear Hubby speaking:

As to said 'Calgon Moment' -- It was real and I have the wrinkled toes to prove it. Oops -- there I go sharing again . . .

-- DH

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Barky
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 01:27 AM

Dad? I couldn't pass the physical? Exxx cuuuse meeeee??????? I happen to have a very nice body, if I do say so myself! Oh, and what's Calgon? I'm too young and naïve to understand that. *Sarcastic roll of the eyes* **BG**

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 02:14 AM

Barky:

I would be the first to agree about the niceness of your body. However, to work in a place like Sophie's you have to go through certain physical changes which you don't want to mess with just yet. Tearing the heads off of maidens is no sport for the young OR the timid...never mind.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 02:20 AM

Calgon is a kind of bathbubble soapsuds, ducky -- think hot water and privacy and soapsuds...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 08:16 AM

Mbo - LOL!! No need to cry....I wasn't even slapping your wrist. Be of good cheer, old pal.

As always,

Amos

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: GUEST,Hyperabid at the chick's house
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 10:21 AM

Well it's morning over there and afternoon here so I guess I should say good aftermorning.

Hey guys n gals is it poss to log on remotely so I can pick up eprsonal messages and stuff or do I have to wait for my cookie at work?

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 10:27 AM

yOU CAN GO TO RESET COOKIE AND RESET CHICKS COOKIE TO LOG ON. bUT DON'T FORGET TO LOG OFF OR ANYTHING SHE WRITES AFTER YOU LEAVE WILL HAVE YOUR NAME ON IT!

aw crap, sorry caps locked.

Try this now and see if'n it works.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:20 AM

Thanks Praise

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:21 AM

Sorry Amos! I thought that Daddy was after me with a pitchfork! Ok, let me say that the Barkster probably has a great bod, sight unseen, but you know what they say....It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing!

--Mbo (doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah doo WAH WAH!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:26 AM

Meebo

Surely this is a opportunity for you to produce a classic 70s rock rendition?

Hyp ;-P

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Kara
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 12:05 PM

Cut and blow job.

I'll tell you a story that happened to me
one day as I went by Lavall on sea
I was there to see Mary a sweet heart of mine
and thought I could do with a brush up and shine

I went into a barbers called Salon Sex symbol
I wanted my hair cut just like Dave Trimble
imagine my shock when consulting the prices
the menu it sent my poor heart into crisis.

I was near ready to curl up and dye
when young Sofie approached , with a glean in her eye
my heart it raced faster than Pipe on the Hob
when she said "shall we start with the cut or Blow job?"

by the time I met Mary, I was well past my prime
but I must say my hair, it looked quite divine
I think next I go for the perm and the tint
and maybe when Stephanie's doing her stint

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Áine
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 12:13 PM

Dear Amos and Kara -- Two excellent submissions for this Challenge. It seems like it taking a little time for folks to warm up to this subject; but, the results were worth waiting for!

Come on the rest of ya -- If you can do justice to Mardi Gras panty-throwing, you can do the same for La coiffeuse nue!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Kara
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 12:20 PM

we are only just recovering from friday night. Never mind only one more session to go and it will be Monday. Kids at school and we can realy put out minds to important things like dirty dittys

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:38 PM

And it's neck and neck for the Red Hot Barbers challenge....coming around the bend, the crowd is on its feet ladies and gentlemen...who will it be? Listen to that roar...suddenly a dark horse is seen a furlong back making rapid advances, he's coming up, around the inside, and closing rapidly folks, the Unknown Poet is streaming like liquid lightning and gaining fast...this is the most excting contest since the Dullard's Convenion, folks...raaaaaaahssha aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhoooaaaaaarrrrr galump galump galump...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:49 PM

I'm trying to catch up, Amos, but the Sad Eyed Young Poet/Junior Official Whiner can't! I reinterpreted Virgil's Aeneid into Quenya Elvish today. Right after I picked the dust mites out of my mattress with chopsticks, so I'm ALL TAPPED OUT tonight!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 00 - 11:53 PM

Gotta hand it to you, Kara -- I never would have come up with a couplet with "Salon Sex Symbol", and never would have thought of rhyming it with "David Trimble". That's inspired!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: ceitagh
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 12:04 AM

Meebs, i'm amazed you find time to talk to us poor mudcatters at all, what with the tolkien-esque translating pursuits and mattress parasites and all. Do you have the time to notice anything new about my post?

Ceit

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Mbo
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 12:08 AM

Yes, YOU'RE NOT A GUEST ANYMORE!!!! YAAAAY!!!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 05:07 AM

Yet again another opportunity to wallow around in gutter humour. Far be it from me to avoid the temptation...

So Needy

To the tune of So Lonely – The Police

V

They tell me if you have a snip
At this salon it's a naked trip
I'm not sure - it's just a blip
Or maybe a vasectomist's trip
But I just cannot stop myself
Don't tell the wife - tell no one else
Cos I have just have to take my chance
On a hairdresser who can lap dance

C

So horny, so horny, so horny
(Feel) so horny, (feel) so horny, (feel) so horny

V

So I just save my cash away
Look forward to that fateful day
I now somehow that I will pay
But mortal man - he sometimes stray
Finally I find myself there
Receiving the best cranial care
And now I find my morals lost
(Cos) I'm asking how much extras cost

C

So needy, so needy, so needy
(Feel) so needy, (feel) so needy, (feel) so needy

Well dancing Rita said to me
"Depends on what you want to see"
I said, "I want to see the lot"
"Depends on how much cash you've got"
I tendered 5 bucks straight away
She said, "If that's all you can pay
You'll have to take what we've got free
Meet my aging Gran instead of me"

C

Please help me, please help me, please help me
(Oh) please help me, (oh) please help me, (oh) please help me

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 09:35 AM

LOL!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 17
From: Hyperabid
Date: 20 Mar 00 - 10:30 AM

Now there's a morality tale for ya!

Hyp