Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 01 May 00 - 03:11 PM Not one to let you Challenge!rs rest on your laurels (or cow chips, as the case may be), here's a great two-fer-one Challenge! from myself and the doesterr. You have a choice here -- you can write a song about either of these topics, OR, you can write a song that includes both topics, thus qualifying for the Two-Fer-One Award! So, grab a pencil in both hands and have fun with it!! -- *************************************************** (This one is from doesterr) Do You Know The Way To San Jose? This could only happen in California....(true story) -- Car Jacking Foiled: An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found four unknown males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she "knows how to use it and that she will if required... so get out of the car! " The four men didn't wait around for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat. Small problem: her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was an identical model and was parked four or five spaces further down. She reloaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly white woman...no charges were filed. *************************************** And here's mine: Car 54 - Where Are You? Pensioners cause mayhem in police car - Police are investigating how two 76-year-old women got hold of a squad car and drove it with sirens blaring and lights flashing - before crashing it. The little old ladies were "Citizens on Patrol" volunteers who drive around Beloit, Wisconsin, looking out for suspicious behaviour - but they are NOT supposed to drive squad cars. They were asked to go to the scene of an accident to help control traffic but ended up in the police squad car instead of one of the unmarked police cars they normally use, according to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Shirley Nelson and neighbour Jeune Nelson kept the radio on during the incident and were heard asking each other for directions. Their adventure ended when they went through a red light and hit an oncoming car. Neither woman was hurt but Shirley received a ticket for failing to drive safely. The Citizens Patrol programme has been suspended pending an inquiry. "I want to know who sent two little old ladies out in a squad car with a shotgun," says Rock County district attorney David O'Leary. He is reviewing the case to see if criminal charges might be brought. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Amergin Date: 01 May 00 - 03:40 PM Oh my god, this is going to be fun. I'll try my damndest here. Amergin |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Amos Date: 01 May 00 - 04:24 PM Mamie and Prudence
Milwaukee gots its tough side And they say, Ya don't pee on no third rail
Ya don't pee on no third rail
Ya don't pee on no third railBut her key couldn't start that Rocket Olds And the smell wasn't quite the same And she realized to her great surprise That the reg wasn't in her name, Then she found her car in the parking lot An' boy her face was red, So she cruised downtown to the local sheriff, An' this is what she said: Ya don't pee on no third rail
Now the sheriff was the son-in-law Of two of Mamie's marks An' he told he'd get her cooling her seat Out behind them county bars Well, it didn't sit too well with her, And a hush fell on the crowd, When Mamie put three slugs in the precinct ceiling And she hollered right out loud, Ya don't pee on no third railWell, Mamie and her 88 took off laying rubber Headin' for the county line, She thought, "It may look funny, but its gonna save me money, If I can make it to the Antioch line, She was cutting south on Highway 45, She had Chicago on her mind, She was goin' like a twister when she saw her big sister In the mirror right behind, An' she told herself, Ya don't pee on no third railWell, Mamie's sister's name was Prudence She musta been about a hundred and four And she'd helped herself to the sheriff's squad car With the shotgun on the floor She pulled up alongside Mamie, An ' she shot her tires through She tol' her, Sis, I hate to be like this, But I tol' Ma I'd look after you! And she said, Ya don't pee on no third rail |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: SINSULL Date: 01 May 00 - 04:48 PM Gee Amos. It looks like the contest is over. Great job. But I thought they only peed on the third rail in the NYC Subways (when they're not peeing on other riders). |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Mbo Date: 01 May 00 - 04:54 PM Man Amos, now we're pulling the same resources for parodies! --Mbo |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 01 May 00 - 05:12 PM Brilliant, Amos!! I'm laughing so hard, I'm afraid I might -- Oops, too late now *BG* As usual, Mr. Five-Minutes-Flat has kicked off this double-dare-ya Challenge! in grand style. So come on, y'all -- let's show him what we're made out of! -- Áine (P.S. Just a little reminder to everyone that the Golden Cow Chips are NOT awarded on the basis of one song being "better" than another. These lovely, decorative Awards are given out under a completely subjective and reactionary basis...*VBG* The real challenge is for each of us to practice our craft and make our best effort!) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 01 May 00 - 08:32 PM As Rudyard Kipling put it, "The female of the species is far deadlier than the male"
When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
Or, in the present instance:
When Granny went out shopping, she did not expect to find
So she fixed those bold intruders with a piercing scornful glance
And they leapt out and they scattered, like a flock of frightened sheep and she thought in modest pride about the way she'd tell the tale - of how the female of the species was more deadly than the male.
So she reached into her bag again, pulled out a bunch of keys,
And parked there just alongside was a car, looked just the same,
But Granny did not panic - so she went to tell the law |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 01 May 00 - 08:38 PM Once more, with the line spacing right this time, I hope, and the missing line inserted.
When Granny went out shopping, she did not expect to find
So she fixed those bold intruders with a piercing scornful glance
And they leapt out and they scattered, like a flock of frightened sheep
So she reached into her bag again, pulled out a bunch of keys,
And parked there just alongside was a car, looked just the same,
But Granny did not panic - so she went to tell the law |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Amos Date: 02 May 00 - 01:04 AM Masterful, Sir McGrath! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Lin in Kansas Date: 02 May 00 - 03:42 AM Geez, sounds like some friends of mine... Sorry this is so darn long; it just grew! Lin
PISTOL PACKIN' MAMAS
|
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Lin in Kansas Date: 02 May 00 - 03:54 AM How the heck do you guys do it? I go away for just a minute or two, and you come up with masterpieces! Amos, whaddya bet the lady had a pool cue in her trunk, too? And McGrath, those are words to live by, no matter what the lady's age may be! Y'all are too much! Lin |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 02 May 00 - 05:38 AM I'm always hopeful that an Urban Legend will turn out to be solid truth. Any chance that the pistol-packing Granny might turn out to be factual? (As contrasted to truthful - all good legends are truthful...)
Not that it's at all unlikely in itself. I used to have a car that was a very distinctive colour, and this meant that any time a similar car was parked nearby, I often found myself trying to get into. Fortunately there aren't too many guns in carparks in England, so I never got threatened with a pistol.
Good songs, Amos and Lin - Amos, you've got some kind of fancy time machine, haven't you? 3.11 to 4.24, 7 verses and a chorus. And Lin, I liked the idea of having the story start from the fellas reported the hi-jack, turning the story inside out... |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 02 May 00 - 07:06 AM Here's my song again, with the words a bit modified, and some chords (not that that's much indication of a tune) - but it also fits well enough to Johnson's Motor Car, which is appropriate enough, since they are both songs about a car getting hijacked.
When (G)Granny went out shopping, she did not (D)expect to (G)find
So she fixed those bold intruders with a piercing scornful glance
And they leapt out and they scattered, like a flock of frightened sheep
So she reached into her bag again, pulled out a bunch of keys,
And parked there just alongside was a car, looked just the same,
But Granny did not panic - so she went to tell the law May 1st 2000 |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Crowhugger Date: 02 May 00 - 08:38 AM The lot of you amaze me! CH. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 02 May 00 - 08:52 AM Now look what happens when I go to sleep! Y'all have done it again -- and in such great style. Kevin, another excellent song -- Since you've given us the chords, does this mean you'll be singing this one down at the pub? I hope so - please let us know how it goes down, OK? And if you have the time to make a sound file and send it to me, well...I wouldn't mind a bit! And looky what Lin done did -- Amazingly funny!! I can just see these ladies when you say:
Then Shirley cried out, "Why Thelma Smith! You guys are great! Keep it up, Challenge!rs!! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Spider Tom Date: 02 May 00 - 09:49 AM
THE BATTLE OF BLUE AND THE GREY
Said he knew it would come, they've been liberated,
And the law set her loose once again on the day,
I know things are changing , change always comes they say
|
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Spider Tom Date: 02 May 00 - 11:49 AM Sorry about the mess Aine but you know im not a True Nerd as yet and so being only human still do silly thready thing> Above you will find my doodlings for NO. 26 thanks and I hope you accept the Angel chip I sent you in No. 25 Ken |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 02 May 00 - 04:40 PM Dear Spider Tom, I did humbly accept your Angel Chip (and thank you,sir). Your song is a wonder! My favorite lines:
Said he knew it would come, they've been liberated, As the daughter of a former officer of the law, I can just hear my daddy saying that!! Wunnerful, wunnerful! I do hope that we'll be hearing this one on the Mudcat Radio soon - please, please?? -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 02 May 00 - 07:15 PM Sang my Granny song down at a session tonight (The Lion, Eastwick, first Tuesday of the month), and it went down fine.
But I'm thinking I might try it as a monologue, because I could do with another of those in my repertoir. There are times in singarounds and so forth when it's good to do something other than a song to make a contrast, and I thinkmrthis one might work well, what with the rerpeated chorus line.
Some great lines in all the songs, as Áine has commented! Keep 'em coming. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Date: 02 May 00 - 07:56 PM To the tune for "Pretty Boy Floyd The Outlaw"
Come gather around me people,
Dropping shopping bags beside her,
Granny saw she made a big mistake,
This story has a happy ending,
So dont become an outlaw Hey I tried guys... outa practice. Yours, Aye. Dave
|
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Mbo Date: 02 May 00 - 07:58 PM YES DAVE!!! Awesome!!! --Mbo |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Dharmabum Date: 03 May 00 - 07:15 AM Granny's Got A Handgun {sung to mamma's got a squeezebox,} Grannys got a handgun, She wears at her side, When she goes to the market, Boys you better hide, Better just run away, Don't you dare make her day, Grannys got a handgun, No one's gonna sleep tonite. Grannys got a magnum, She keeps in her purse, Don't you dare piss her off, Or you'll leave in a herse, She's a blue haired gun moll, When she's out for a stroll, Grannys got a handgun, No one's gonna sleep tonite. Come on now seize me, come on now seize me, Scare me like you do, I'm so afraid of you, Grannys got a hand gun, No one's gonna sleep tonite. {banjo break} Granny takes her hand gun, When she goes out to shop, She don't need Dirty Harry, No she don't need no cop, She's got justice in hand, She's just takin a stand, Grannys got a hand gun, No one's gonna sleep tonite. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Amos Date: 03 May 00 - 09:43 AM Great adaptation, Dharma .. I just had the terrifying vision of this being a real hit! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 03 May 00 - 09:52 AM Another round of amazing creativity while I was off watching the hockey game! Fantastic stuff, Dave and Dharmabum! Dave - your song put my in mind of the 'gangs of grannys' from the old Monty Python show - I love it. And DB - I agree with Amos that you've definitely got a 'hit' on your hands there. Kevin - This is great, a Challenge! song in your repetoire, spoken or sung, is quite an honor for us! I still would love to hear you sing it, if you have the time and/or desire to send it to me. I'll be working on a little sumpin' today, even though it won't measure up to the Challenge! classics that have gone before . . . You guys are amazing! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Dharmabum Date: 03 May 00 - 12:32 PM Thanks guys, just doing what the little voices in my head keep telling me to. Later Ron. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 03 May 00 - 01:26 PM Well, it ain't no two-fer, but it'll have to do: Big Mama, Why'd Ya Point That Ought Six At Me? (Tune: Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Me A Color TV)
Oh Mamaw, why'd ya have to spoil all our fun? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 03 May 00 - 02:53 PM I love the cheese!
I've put a link to this thread from the "Gun debate in SONG" thread, which got a bit heavy before it sank off the page. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Lin in Kansas Date: 03 May 00 - 09:01 PM Dave--I love the idea of Granny as a Deputy Sheriff (and I've known some small-town sheriffs she'd be better than!) Dharmabum--Yes! Reminds me of Rev. Billy's rendition about Granny on the freeway--good stuff! And Áine--The verses about progesterone, sachet, and the self-defense course just sorta sum up the Grandmas of today--beautimous! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: GUEST Date: 04 May 00 - 03:49 PM |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 04 May 00 - 05:21 PM THE CARJACKING
Great Aunt Trixie hobbled out on the mall parking lot
She wandered up and down the rows, burning feet and aching back
(Spoken) SHE SCREAMED...........
"I've got this little pistol, and I know just how to use it
Those four men could hear her screamin', they could hear her indignation
Her pistol back within her purse, she slid beneath the wheel
(Spoken) OOH! AND I TOLD THEM.......
"I've got this little pistol, and I know just how to use it
She felt sick, she felt humilified, face red WITH morTIFication
When she told the sergeant there the tale, to her raw humiliation
(Spoken) "No charges, lady.."
(Spoken) SHE'D TOLD THESE GUYS......
"I've got this little pistol, and I know just how to use it
(Spoken) "Grand-niece, do you think I ought to buy some bullets for that gun?" Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: MMario Date: 04 May 00 - 09:49 PM I LIKE that one! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 05 May 00 - 10:49 AM Way to go, Dave! That was well worth waiting for -- I love the 'do you think I ought to buy some bullets' line at the end. What a hoot! Yeah, Dave! You all have completely surprised me with your wonderful responses to this Challenge! Hopefully, we'll get a couple more today (if you haven't entered a song, whatcha waitin' fer??), then we can move on to "a horse of a different color' tomorrow...hehehehe... If you don't hear from me today, it's because I was up 'till 5 a.m. trying to figure out a Javascript application for our Songbook page. No, I haven't succeeded yet, so if any of you are Javascript geniuses, please lend a hand...(yawn)...Later, my fantastic Challenge!rs... -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Bradypus Date: 05 May 00 - 06:21 PM These scenes sound like a nightmare ...
Tune: The Nightmare Song, from Iolanthe by Gilbert and Sullivan (more or less)
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 05 May 00 - 07:30 PM Bradypus:
I stand in stupified wonderment!
Surely this effort deserves some new order of dignity or knighthood! Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Mbo Date: 05 May 00 - 07:39 PM GOOD LORD!!!!!Aine, make Bradypus the KING OF SONG CHALLENGE!S!!! Talk about the Imperial Order of the All-For-One Coupon with Gold Pressed Latinum Clusters!!! Congrats Brady! ALL HAIL KING BRADY!!--Mbo |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Mbo Date: 05 May 00 - 07:41 PM GOOD LORD!!!!!Aine, make Bradypus the KING OF SONG CHALLENGE!S!!! Talk about the Imperial Order of the All-For-One Coupon with Gold Pressed Latinum Clusters!!! Congrats Brady! ALL HAIL KING BRADY!!--Mbo |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 06 May 00 - 11:49 AM All Hail the King! Dear Bradypus, you have climbed the hitherto unimagined mountain of cow chips and have attained the summit from whence you now gaze upon your humble cow chipping subjects . . . Quite right, Mbo, a very, very, special award must be assigned this most fantastic achievement of songwriting . . . the Keeper of the Book shall take the day to meditate on this matter of most high importance and arrive at a decision. -- Áine (still bowing to the east in utmost amazement)
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Bradypus Date: 06 May 00 - 06:00 PM Well - I don't know what to say! Thank you for considering this offering worthy of high honour. I must admit I enjoyed doing it. Bradypus |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Lin in Kansas Date: 07 May 00 - 02:58 AM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (overawed, totally impressed, and envious as hell--Wow!) Lin |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 08 May 00 - 01:19 PM My, my, my -- I have to say that this has been one of the BEST Challenge!s ever!! Three Two-Fer-One songs and one of such brilliance that it deserved a new and unique award -- not to mention the overwhelming creative songwriting from each of you Challenge!rs!! Below you will find the Winners for Part 26 -- Please note that the Keeper of the Book has changed the qualifications for the Shamrock Cluster . . . just think of it as "spring cleaning" *BG*. As usual, Congrats, Cudos and Thanks to all the Challenge!rs who entered their songs, and thanks to the folks who kept up with us and had fun reading the entries. I'll be back soon with another one -- so... Keep playing, writing and singing, Áine ***************************************************
Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song): |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 08 May 00 - 03:03 PM Mutual congratulations are in order. Some nameless person on some nameless thread made a disparaging remark about the songbook the other day. ("Person" is in this context a euphemism for something more accurate which I refrain from writing.) This context demonstrates its value.
Incidentally, I decided that the age of the guntoting shopper wasn't central, so I decided to call her Sally Jones instead. A tough lady of uncertain age, and it scans just as well. (If there's a real identifiable individual behind all this and someone lets me know what the name is, I might change again - unless it's something that won't scan...) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Amergin Date: 08 May 00 - 03:08 PM I'd just leave it alone, McGrath, it's grea the way it is. But then that's just my opinion. The toughest critic is often the writer himself. And yes you're right "person" is a very loose term. Amergin |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Bradypus Date: 08 May 00 - 06:54 PM Well, I'd just like to thank ... Gilbert and Sullivan for giving me a tune and a set of words to base things on Amos, McGrath, Lin, Dave, Dave, Dharmabum and Spider Tom for their contributions to this thread. Some of your lines inspired me. All the Challenge!rs from previous threads, their ideas live on ... And most of all Aine for this and all the other challenges. And for anyone else attempting this feat, can I warn you ... The platinum tufts really scratch !!! Bradypus |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 08 May 00 - 07:09 PM My dearest Bradypus, I'm so sorry about the scratchiness of the tufts; but, I got a really good deal on them from this strange old man who was selling them on the street today . . . he kept muttering something about flying monkeys and singing scarecrows . . . go figure. -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Amos Date: 08 May 00 - 08:02 PM Holy moly!!! Turn around to do some serious work and the whole merry-go-ropund is transformed! Dang, Brady, that was one Tour de Force job of work!!!! I am awestruck! Well earned, your platinum tufts -- just check the rem level on 'em if you don't mind -- they may have been smuggled in from dismantled Soviet munitions or some such -- fenced through a scarecrow with fantastic delusions of cerebral capacity... |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Date: 08 May 00 - 08:14 PM Thank you all for your kind remarks; and admiral Aine for choosing me for the Harp ribbon. I am glad you all enjoyed the contest, and congratulations to all participants. I am honoured to be counted amongst such talented people. The Harp insignia is very dear to me because after many years of procrastination I have decided to learn an instrument. Because of injury and arthritis I cannot aspire to play guitar; but when shopping for some new strings for Emma I was intrigued watching an autoharp being played. Having listened to them on hearme, I have decided that I might give it a try if I can find one for sale around here. The music store told me it was a good instrument, and its possible to learn to play some songs fairly quickly on. Yours, Aye. Dave |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Áine Date: 08 May 00 - 08:40 PM What wonderful news, Dave(atm)!! Why, I'm just pleased as punch to hear that you'll be displaying your Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon proudly as you play your autoharp!! *BG* Play on, dear Cap'n, play on!!!!!! And Amos - I think that Bradypus has to worry more about fleas than fision from those tufts . . . geez loueez, and they seemed like such a deal . . . -- Áine (scratching her head . . . now scratching her neck . . . now scratching her . . .) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 08 May 00 - 09:57 PM Aine, harking back to the gnome thread, I keep looking for you at HearMe sessions. You were so careless as to say that you wanted to hear me sing my gnome song on HearMe, so I'm a-layin' for ya!
I'm also looking for Kendall, because I THINK I may have unwittingly plagiarized the tune of the chorus from something he sang on HearMe, and I want to find out if he recognizes it.
See you there, hopefully! Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Spider Tom Date: 09 May 00 - 02:01 AM BLOODY COMPUTERS!@#$$%#@&**$#@ Hello Aine, Thanks for the Two for One Chip ("Only two?"said Bradypus) Thank you I am humbled and honoured,thank you to all the other,LUNATICS,(I use the term, inclusively and collectively and with great affection) What a marvelous bunch you all are Thanks for your writings and company. It is a wonderous thing to know that as I slide down the quick-sand mire, which we call life, I am not alone,and you lot surely spin enough thread to throw me a rope, And Aine,do, please wrap your ears around a Hearme, you should be forced to confront the naked truth of what you have set in motion. Thanks again to all, Spider Tom |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 26 From: Lin in Kansas Date: 09 May 00 - 06:03 AM Áine--what all those guys said--and I am thrilled to display my awards, snuggled cozily within my dulcimer case (even though people at our jams keep edging farther and farther away, sniffing madly...I just figure it must be my playing). Thank you for all the fun and inspiration! Dave (TAM), hope you have a blast with your autoharp--they're a kick to mess about with. And Brady--genius must suffer, you know--of course the platinum tufts scratch! (heh, heh, heh...) Lin |
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