BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 May 00 - 04:19 PM

Nice to have so much company in boredom.

I think it is funniest that for once, a BS thread got hijacked into music, instead of the other way around!

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone who says they hate BS threads would just post music stuff in them? I would love it, wouldn't you?

Don't you think music can be brought into any discussion?

BTW, it seems like thread creep in this thread isn't really possible, the way it was titled.

So... what's on YOUR mind today?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 01:21 AM

I think you'd better throw that trouser trout back in the canal, Spaw.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 May 00 - 01:03 AM

The same kind that would hi-jack a perfectly respectable "Get Well Soon" thread.......that's be my guess anyway........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:59 AM

What kind of a thread creep would advertise a scatological thread on a perfectly respectable gonad thread, Spaw?

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:44 AM

While you're all here kinda' bored and all.......Take a picture of your ass. See the thread "Good Thoughts for a Mudcat Friend" so you can get the details of this great new fund raiser.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: alison
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:42 AM

Here you go, article on willies and how frequent sex stops heart attacks.....

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:39 AM

Just late night stupidity, I guess. Puns are acceptable. Some of us need whatever encouragement we can get.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:37 AM

Bonnie, is that another short joke? Or are you too young to remember Rowan and Martin? I think it would have been funnier if you put the glasses on the ophthalmologist.

Praise, if I didn't know what your husband did for a living I'd never guess what your husband does for a living! This thread did limp along for a while but it seems to have gotten longer and stronger with time. I'm surprised no one has mentioned Peter Alsop's song It's Only a Wee-Wee. I heard him do that once at Folklife and almost, uh, wet myself.

And from a severely dysfunctional freshman year at Princeton, lo these many years ago:

A pregnant young lady named Jane
Was driven quite nearly insane
When she found that her box
Had had room for two cocks
And she didn't know which guy to blame

I'm sorry, I'll go away now. Oh, and 'Spaw, remind me never to go on a fishing trip on the Scioto River.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:35 AM

Yeah its still early, only 9:30, what are still doing up! No pun intended.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:32 AM

Still awake in BC, eh? Metchosin?

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:28 AM

that's "Stringband"

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:24 AM

Of course this is a music related thread, here are the words to Sringband's 1970's goody....

Show Us the Length
(Bob Bossin)

Girls as the principal of Terra Nova High School
Once each year it's a pleasure for me
To introduce you to the Mayor of the City of Pacifica
To say a few words about our annual Queen
"Who'll be," said the Mayor, "a very lucky maid
To represent the Pacifica to all of the state
And who could go on to be Miss California
Or even Miss America herself!"

"I expect to see some volunteers"
When one girl rose and without any fears

She said:
"Mr. Mayor,
Show us the length of your cock
Are you hung like a beaver or hung like a bear?
Let me check the weight of your rocks
So we can have a standard by which to compare
You men don't worry if it's very very slender
The personality is as important as a member
Drop your trousers and make the news
Or don't judge lest we judge you."

Well the girls watched the teachers who were checking out the principal
Who glanced at the Mayor who looked at his shoes
"Huh, huh", said the Mayor then "Excuse me Mr. Principal
I just remember I got something else to do
Elsewhere"But before he could leave the school
The girl came forward a holding out her ruler
The Mayor took off like a kite in the wind
When she started singing again:

Show us the length of your cock
Are you hung like a beaver or hung like a bear?
Let me check the weight of your rocks
So we can have a standard by which to compare
You men don't worry if its short or bent or slender
The personality is as important as a member
Drop your trousers and make the news
Or don't judge lest we judge you.

Girls as the Principal of Terra Nova High School
I called you back to say these words
A girl has been suspended for the rest of the semester
On account of the behavior of which you have all heard
By now it was a blow to Terra Nova's name
We believe in freedom but license is not the same
The women's liberation may be partially true
But there's never an excuse for being be rude.

Some girls clapped and others just booed
And all the other girls just sang this tune:

Show us the length of your cock
Are you hung like a beaver or hung like a bear?
Let me check the weight of your rocks
So we can have a standard by which to compare
You men don't worry if its short or bent or slender?
The personality is as important as a member
Drop your trousers and make the news
And don't judge lest we judge you.
(with no pants on)
Don't judge lest we judge you
(and find you wanting)
Don't judge lest we judge you
And don't judge unless you be judged
(Without a shred)

Apparently Bob Bossin wrote this song after listening to Vera Johnson's song about the same incident.Does anyone have the words to her song? I asked this on an earlier thread but didn't get an answer.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:07 AM

Hey, close enough for this time of night, Amos. Got to leave some room to be corrected. And wasn't Louis the 14th beheaded?

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mbo
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:06 AM

Noper on that one, Spaw. But it was Louis XVI who got his head cut off. I think he would have been very offended if he found out that his great uncle Louis XIV was doing his old lady! **BG**

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,Diver
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:06 AM

Pene Azul,
I'm starting to get worried about you; your knowledge knows no bounds!!! *BG*

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Pene Azul
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:58 PM

Lists of penis words (no Spanish) and testicle words from 2443 Dirty Words on George Carlin's website.

PA

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:56 PM

Barky's named after Louis the 16th?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mbo
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:55 PM

Louis the 16th

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:48 PM

Hey, Flattop! That's William and Ariel Durant. Barky's named after one o' them but I can never remember which one. :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:47 PM

Also, methinks it's hardly fair to be comparing mens' and womens' reactions to tits versus puds. Shouldn't the comparisons be between the blue steeler and the bearded clam? Are you ladies going to start a thread on the joy hole or the crack of heaven?

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,flattop
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:31 PM

Bill and Avery Durrant tell a little story in one of their thick history books about King Louis the 14th. He wasn't circumcised. For the first few years of his marriage he had painful erections from a tight foreskin, so, he avoided sex with Marie. After he consented to allowing the court doctors do some stretching, Louis discovered that he liked sex. However, he only enjoyed it for a few years before the common folk chopped off his other head.

Hence, 'Have you washed your King Louis tonight?'

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,me
Date: 30 May 00 - 10:23 PM

i know i heard limerick...

a water pipe suited miss hunt

and she used it for many a bunt

but the unfortunate wench

got it stuck in her trench

it took twenty-two men and a big stilson wench

to get the thing out of her cunt

that's my vopf limerick, thankew

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: kendall
Date: 30 May 00 - 12:42 PM

I loved Flanders & Swann, What ever happened to them?

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: GUEST,Hilary NZ
Date: 30 May 00 - 09:25 AM

and I've been reading a long and earnest thread about Shakespeare when I could have been here!!!!??!!!

What about Mr Winkle, The Old Todger...a favourite here in the antipodes is dork. i like that. "What a stupid dork he is"..nicely onomatapaeic.

And HEY... I used to be from Essex!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: JamesJim
Date: 29 May 00 - 11:17 PM

Praise, you met the challenge! Great limerick. Hope you're not bored any longer (oops, no pun intended). Jim

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Brendy
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:22 PM

"Ma's out, Pa's out, let's talk rude:
Pee, po, belly, bum, drawers."

Flanders and Swann.

B.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:19 PM

More names: John Thomas, Little Man (when in repose), Mr. Willie

When I was in grade school we told what we thought was such a clever joke about Dale Evans and Roy Rogers. They take their clothes off one piece at a time. When Roy sees her boobs, he says, "What're those?!"
Dale: "Those are my babies."
He takes his shirt off and she, seeing his chest hair, says "What's that?"
Roy: "That's my grass."
Dale doffs her knickers and he points downwards and says, "What is THAT?"
Dale: "That's my garage."
Roy strips off his pants and Dale says, "What is THAT?!"
Roy: "My car."
Dale: "Can my babies play in your grass?"
Roy: "If my car can park in your garage!"

We would all burst into silly titters thinking we were SO naughty telling that in whispers behind the schoolhouse.**BG**

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Brendy
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:19 PM

And still in it's original casing, right?

B.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mbo
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:14 PM

Smoothbore, not rifled, unless you got one of those weird condoms...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Brendy
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:11 PM

Well, we all know yours is Mbo *BG*

B.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Mbo
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:09 PM

Sooz, you know that "it" is pretty much a "boring tool" in itself? :)

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:04 PM

QUESTION: Just how often do you get bored?

Maybe you should just get on board.

Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Brendy
Date: 29 May 00 - 07:48 PM

Other things to do with it: You can 'shake hands with the unemployed', or 'point Percy at the porcelain', when nature calls.
One can 'whip one's dummy', or 'flog the bishop' (in deference to 'Spaw).

That foamy liquid that invariably ends up in the toilet bowl after one's call of nature, has been often referred to in my neck of the woods as 'a bishop's collar'.

Having sex can be described as 'burying the baldy fella', 'playing hide the sausage', or indeed being 'up to me balls in beef', to be more obtuse.
The Irish language has us 'ag bualadh craiceann' - beating skin - and who am I to argue!

Quick joke (with apologies beforehand to McGrath):-
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a refigerator?
A refigerator doesn't fart when you take your meat out.

More later!!!

B.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 May 00 - 06:23 PM

Oh my, the thread that grew and grew.

Turgid prose.

Bound to end in an explosion.

Hate to see this peter out.

My, what a lovely...

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Sorcha
Date: 29 May 00 - 05:01 PM

"Merlin", in honour of the magic he can work......(stole it from a book)

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Chocolate Pi
Date: 29 May 00 - 04:53 PM

Spaw: re "carnal knowledge", the first scene of Tom Stoppard's play Arcadia opens with the exchange:
Thomasina: Septimus, what is carnal embrace?
Septimus: Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef.
a few pages later, it goes on to:
Thomasina: If you do not teach me the true meaning of things, who will?
Septimus: Ah. Yes, I am ashamed. Carnal embrace is sexual congress, which is the insertion of the male genital organ into the female genital organ for purposes of procreation and pleasure. Fermat's last theorem, by contrast, asserts that when x, y, and z are whole numbers each raised to power of n, the sum of the first tow can never equal the third when n is greater than 2.
(Pause)
Thomasina: Eurghhhh!
Septimus: Nevertheless, that is the theorem.


Chocolate Pi (bringing literature in)

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 29 May 00 - 04:32 PM

I'm currently reading Malachy McCourt's book "A Monk Swimming." He refers to his "Three Piece Set"

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 May 00 - 04:28 PM

Thank God, Spaw finally made it. And he was compiling a list of astronomic proportions.

Thanks, Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 May 00 - 03:38 PM

Just like the other threads explored the problems of breasts from all angles, the problems of penes (yes, that's the plural...according to Bert anyway from a previous thread) are equally compelling. Like what DO you call it? I mean can anyone say penis without sounding like a complete asshole? People who DO say penis are also the ones who won't say fuck. They'd prefer some euphemism like carnal knowledge. Since the word carnal comes from meat, literally translated that would mean "To know the meat." I suppose that makes sense....especially if you fuck your butcher.

So what do you call the thing? Personally I call mine "Joe Smackers" but I mean generically. I'm most prone to use "dick" most times, but there are alternatives: whang, tool, cock, peter (what's with the name thing anyway), pocket flute, dork, schlong, trouser snake, one-eyed frank, spout, etc., and not to mention all the ones used in jack-off lines like.....beat your meat, whip the bishop, pound your pud, bop your baloney, slam your sausage, spank the monkey, wind your crank.....or all those used to reference pissing, ie., 'drain my lizard' or 'shake the dew off my lily'.

Men are odd about the damn things too. There is an unwritten, but strictly adhered to, rule that states: You shall not look at any dick other than your own while pissing in a public restroom. Talk about bored, you're standing there whizzing away and staring at the wall. To even glance sideways is akin to asking for an ass kicking---"What are you looking at you pissant rat bastard? You a fockin' homo or what?"

Then of course there is size. Although its convenient to be able to pee anywhere, problems do occur. Last week I whizzed off a bridge about 30 foot over the Scioto River. I didn't mind that the water was so damn cold, but it was deep too and the bottom was about 2 foot deep in mud. Took awhile to dry as I reeled it in I tell you, and that damn mud didn't wash off the last couple of feet worth a damn so I had to run it out a second time.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 29 May 00 - 03:36 PM

Come to think of it Amergin, I think I am way, way too tall

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: kendall
Date: 29 May 00 - 03:30 PM

Last sat night, I was HALF shot.. that was nice too.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Amergin
Date: 29 May 00 - 03:21 PM

Nothing wrong with being short..

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 29 May 00 - 02:46 PM

Yes small hands kat
Come to think of it, I think this guy I was dating was even shorter, around 5 feet 2 inches tall. He was really, really short.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 May 00 - 02:23 PM

Small hands, huh, Bonnie?

The deck of cards story is a classic example, IMO, of guys who are worried about liking or even looking at other guys, just as hetero guys, one to another, lest they be mistaken for any possibility of being homosexual.

As for movies....well, it has traditionally been men in charge and what do men generally want to see bare-chested women or butt-naked men? Usually when we do get a shot of a male behind it is because a woman has directed the movie, as in Jane Campion's The Piano.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 29 May 00 - 01:20 PM

I once went out with a guy who drove an extremely expensive sports car, lived in the penthouse of a luxury condominium complex and was just finishing his residency in ophthalmology because it was essential for him to have a lucrative profession.
At first, I thought his need to impress was because he was only 5 feet 5 inches tall but guess what?

BB

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: keltcgrasshoppper
Date: 29 May 00 - 12:27 PM

Well said Kendall.. As far as that double standard goes.. Have always wondered why... we see soooooo many boobs bared for all in movies, ect... but.. we see soooooo few penis..or is that penie... whatever... WHY.. of course I'm sure that the porn sites are full of them..But is it because men are ashamed or embarassed ? I'm being serious here.. Why guys... For the most part men are making the movies yet we only get an occasional" but" shot..Relax guys you talk a great talk but don't want to show us much ...The human body is beautiful male and female...KGH

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: kendall
Date: 29 May 00 - 11:11 AM

Rick, just so you know, Gods last name is not Damn.

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 May 00 - 10:48 AM

Jeesus H Keerist! (sorry Susan) I go to work on Heather's rock garden for a couple of days and THIS transpires. Sorry I didn't get in earlier.

There have been lots of "goofy" threads lately...and I don't remember any line drawn in the sand saying "ok, that's enuff, now let's get back to serious stuff."

Being bored is a natural fact of life...starting a humourous thread is a common occurence at Mudcat....oh, and JUST as predictable is the anonymous flamer. I prefer boredom and dorky threads to cowardice.

'Course when your name is "Rick" you've gotten used to neing called "Dickhead"!

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: kendall
Date: 29 May 00 - 09:00 AM

There is no double standard here.. to compare boobs with penis' is stupid. The main function of tits is to feed the offspring. The main function of a pecker is to impregnate the female. It's like comparing apples and oranges..no go.
Now, to take this to a ridiculous conclusion, the human female bosom is the most beautiful form in nature. However, I have NEVER heard any woman say "My, what an attractive scrotum you have." Same goes for dicks. Lets face it folks, they just dont measure up!! (to boobs)

Subject: RE: BS: OK, I'm Bored, So...
From: Pinetop Slim
Date: 29 May 00 - 08:49 AM

I've heard it called a private, and the little general. Puts a new twist on the idea of pulling rank.

Careful what you wish for: fellow walks into bar, pops open his brief case. A man exactly one foot tall pops out and starts playing Mozart. Neat, says the bartender, where'd you get it? By wishing on this lamp
Can I try?,br> Sure
Bartender rubs lamp and almost instantly the bar is filling up with one mallard after another
Through feathers, bartender complains "but I asked for a million BUCKS."
So you think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?