Song Challenge! Part 33

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 04 Sep 01 - 06:25 AM

To the tune of "Let Him Go, Let Him Tarry"
THERE YOU GO UNCLE HARRY
In the town of Fort Worth, Texas
My eccentric Uncle Hal
Who now alas an ex is
But back then was my pal
Had strong views on the disposal
Of his body when he died
And developed a proposal
With which I happily complied

CHORUS
There you go Uncle Harry
You've been roasted, you've been fried
To a grave you've not been carried
You've been merely cast aside
With no headstone, no oration
No marble-look surround
No false commiseration
And no rotting underground

Well now, Harry was a boozer
A drunkard and a sot
People thought he was a loser
And I guess he lost a lot
A lot of inhibitions
He'd thrown off a lot of chains
His only real ambition
Was to have fun in the game

CHORUS

But as the fateful day drew near
To shuffle off the coil
Deep within him grew the fear
That his passing would be spoiled
By false friends and relations
Who had spurned him when alive
Speaking words of consolation
That they'd previously denied

CHORUS

So he asked me for assistance
Which would grant eternal peace
At the end of his existence
When his life on earth had ceased
Just like garbage he was treated
By people in the past
So let that treatment be repeated
When he comes to breathe his last

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 04:43 PM

I'm giving you the real song for reference, As you can see, If you know the George Straight song, this one virtually writes itsself

Does Fort Worth Ever Cross Your Mind As performed by George Straight

Cold Fort Worth Beer - Just ain't no good for jealous
I've tried it - after night
You're in someone else's arms - in Dallas
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

Darlin while you're busy - burnin bridges
Burn one for me - if you get time
Cause good memories - don't fade so easy
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

{c:Chorus}

You left me here - to be with him - in Dallas
And I know it hurt you - at the time
But I wonder now - if it ma-akes a difference
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

{c:Chorus}

Does Fort Worth Ever
Does Fort Worth Ever
Does Fort Worth Ever cross your mind .

. Does Fort Worth Ever Cross Your Mind By George the Stiff

I told you dear - That I was jealous
I said it - night after night
You were in someone else's arms - in Dallas
Did Fort Worth ever cross your mind

Darlin when you said you'd burn your bridges
I never thought you meant cremate me
Cause you could dispose so easily
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

{c:Chorus}

You left me here - under a bush - in Texas
You know that wasn't very kind
How could you treat me with such indifference
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

{c:Chorus}

Does Fort Worth Ever
Does Fort Worth Ever
Does Fort Worth Ever cross your mind

I was gonna have her kill him. But it works better leavung it a mystery.

The lost verse

We voted in a Bush - from Dallas Must have been out of out minds He treats his promises with such indifference Does Al Gore ever cross your mind??

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 04:39 PM

I'm giving you the real song for reference, As you can see, If you know the George Straight song, this one virtually writes itsself

Does Fort Worth Ever Cross Your Mind As performed by George Straight

Cold Fort Worth Beer - Just ain't no good for jealous
I've tried it - after night
You're in someone else's arms - in Dallas
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

Darlin while you're busy - burnin bridges
Burn one for me - if you get time
Cause good memories - don't fade so easy
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

{c:Chorus}

You left me here - to be with him - in Dallas
And I know it hurt you - at the time
But I wonder now - if it ma-akes a difference
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

{c:Chorus}

Does Fort Worth Ever
Does Fort Worth Ever
Does Fort Worth Ever cross your mind .

. Does Fort Worth Ever Cross Your Mind By George the Stiff

I told you dear - That I was jealous
I said it - night after night
You were in someone else's arms - in Dallas
Did Fort Worth ever cross your mind

Darlin when you said you'd burn your bridges
I never thought you meant cremate me
Cause you could dispose so easily
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

{c:Chorus}

You left me here - under a Bush - in Texas
You know that wasn't very kind
How could you treat me with such indifference
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind

{c:Chorus}

Does Fort Worth Ever
Does Fort Worth Ever
Does Fort Worth Ever cross your mind

I was gonna have her kill him. But it works better with the mystery.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Naemanson
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 05:36 PM

Thank you for the kind explanations. I didn't mean to give the impression that I was taking these too seriously.

I try not to take anything too seriously. I am enjoying the challenge. I have never written any songs before and didn't think I could. I think I might try my hand at a more serious topic.... Nah! I'd rather exercise my sense of humor.

See you all at the next challenge!

Brett

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Amergin
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 03:43 PM

I don't think they say anything about spitting them either....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 03:38 PM

I just realized the official rules have a oops-hole! We can't use the cow-chips in local or international cowchip tossing contests, but the rules don't say a WORD about state or national contests!!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Amergin
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 03:21 PM

So what's the next topic, Mistress Aine?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 03:07 PM

Naemanson, I believe that paragraph 12 of section 79b of the official rules says (roughly) "It's all for yoicks" or words to that affect.

Golden Cow Chip Awards are given to all winners of the SONG CHALLENGE! Contest. These are permanent awards and should be displayed proudly and prominently on your mantel. There is one caveat, however. If it is discovered that any receiver of the Golden Cow Chip Award has used their trophy in a local (or international) cow chip tossing contest, said Chip shall be confiscated immediately and awarded to another Song Challenger.)

The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song)

The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears

The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song (obviously a goal to shoot for)

Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic

The Two-Fer-One Coupon is awarded to those Challenge!rs who use two or more Challenge! topics in one song

The Whole Bag O' Chips Award is given to the Challenge!rs who have won all the other Challenge! awards possible - excluding the "Two-Fer-One" and "All-In-One Genius" Awards

The Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts Award is given to the Challenge!rs who use ten or more Challenge! topics in one song

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 03:05 PM

Dear Naemanson,

There's no priority system at all for the Challenge! Awards. If you haven't already, please go to Song Challenge! Winners Page and read the descriptions of the awards themselves. That ought to make it a little clearer.

I started the Song Challenge!s for a few reasons -- to encourage Mudcatters to have fun, challenge themselves, encourage everyone to try their hand at writing a song if they'd never done it before, and also encourage those folks who do write songs to exercise their grey cells -- all with mostly whacky song ideas. The only real 'challenge' here is in your own head. The Song Challenge! is not a real competition -- Everyone's A Winner -- I started naming the awards to make it more fun and interesting, that's all. All the Golden Cow Chips are awarded on a purely subjective basis, and sometimes, for no reason at all! ;-)

So, relax and fun -- and most important of all, keep playing, singing and writing!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Naemanson
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 02:48 PM

By the way, is there a priority system in these awards? Should I be exercising my competitive spirit to try for a better award? Is the following an order of increasing importance and status?

Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock
Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon
Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest
Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 02:37 PM

Well, well, well . . . You guys have done a wonderful job with this Challenge!; but, it's time to move on to another one. Cudos, thanks and congratulations to all of you Challenge!rs who make this happen -- two kisses on both cheeks to all of you!!!

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock:
The Ballad Of Uncle Harry by SINSULL
Where Has Uncle Harry Gone? by Naemanson

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Ashes To Ashes by Scabby Doug
Burial At Sea by Dharmabum
The Box by Bradypus
Harry Flynn by Amergin
Old Uncle Harry by Amergin
We Threw Uncle Harry In The Bushes by Pseudolus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
Uncle Harry's Box by MMario

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon:
Jesse And Harry by MMario
O Where, Tell Me Where, Has My Uncle Harry Gone? by Bradypus
Uncle Harry Came Back by Dharmabum

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 10:58 AM

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 10:40 AM

psuedolus/frank - if you haven't noticed the teal thread permanently "stuck" at the top of the thread list, it's a good read...lots of useful information and links in there. Including italics and bold as well as line breaks...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 18 Jul 00 - 09:09 AM

To force a new line, you type a left angle bracket, < , then br , and then a right angle bracket, >. All together, no spaces. I can't show it here because it would--what else?--force a new line.

To force a blank line, as between paragraphs, do it twice.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Pseudolus
Date: 17 Jul 00 - 09:41 PM

Darn, I just realized that when yo ugo to another computer, you become just a guest!! I could still use some help on that format thing....

Thanks, Frank

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Jul 00 - 09:34 PM

I'll give it a try....sung to the tune of "Grandma Got run over by a Reindeer"

We threw Uncle Harry in the Bushes, Walkin home from our house Christmas eve, You might say there's nothing like cremation, But as for me and Lena, we believe.

He'd been drinkin too much egg nog, When he thought he'd have a smoke, but he passed out on the sofa, Now the funeral costs will leave Aunt Lena Broke.

Then my brother had a brainstorm, That made Aunt Lena say, "How Nice", Since he's half way there already, For Cremation we may get a discount price.

We threw Uncle Harry in the Bushes, Walking home from our house Christmas Eve, You may say there's nothing like Cremation, But as for me and Lena we believe.

I never liked ol' Uncle Harry, He was a real pain in my ass, So I took his box of ashes, And tossed his ass and ash into the grass!

We threw Unlce Harry in the Bushes, Walkin home from our house Christmas Eve, You may say there's nothing like Cremation, But as for Me and Lena we believe!!!

Frank

P.S. By the way, I know this won't format right, it'll probably wrap around. Anybody want to tell me how to force a linefeed at the end of a line??? Be kind to a new member??? Thanks!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Jul 00 - 09:00 PM

Naw, sorry, count me out on this one.

At work today, the vampires sucked all my brains out and even my favorite knight in dented armor couldn't get them all back for me.

I'll catch the next one I can. (Ooops! Catch the next song challenge, not knight or brain. See what I mean? Temporarily braindead.)

The trouble is, next time I sing Sam McGee I don't think I will be able to get a grip on my face, and strum the autoharp at the same time.

Oh well that's what I get for being a tease.

These sure were great songs though! You guys!!!***!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Amergin
Date: 17 Jul 00 - 10:56 AM

No problem, Aine, i was always taught to help out my elders....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 17 Jul 00 - 10:51 AM

Thanks, Amergin, for pushing this to the top of the forum.

And Praise -- we're all waiting for your entry/entries . . . hope you have time today at work to type them in.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Amergin
Date: 17 Jul 00 - 10:39 AM

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Amergin
Date: 16 Jul 00 - 03:43 PM

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 15 Jul 00 - 05:03 PM

Dear Sir B.,

Click here for the actual theme song from the television series, 'Gilligan's Island'. If you do any kind of search for the name of the show, I'm sure you can find a fanpage that will explain everything to you (hahahaha).

Have fun, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Bradypus
Date: 15 Jul 00 - 04:46 PM

The mermaid? she, being false, is either still sunning herself on the rocks, or she's at the bottom of the sea, where she belongs. She's certainly not under the bush - what with Uncle Harry's box, and the meatballs, there's not much room left (I forgot to mention the mushrooms). Besides, it's not mermaids you find under gooseberry bushes (I forgot to mention the gooseberries as well) - but that's another story !

By the way, I feel an important part of my education is missing. I don't know the Gilligan's Island theme tune, and it keeps creeping up here. Can anyone let me know how it goes ?

Bradypus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 15 Jul 00 - 11:21 AM

Way to go Naemanson and Dharmabum!! You both receive a Silver B.L.O.B. --

Naemanson for:

When alive he loved to ramble and roam,
Once dead I figured I'd keep him at home.

and Dharmabum for:

The bag was dumped in the toilet bowl,
And flushed away was he,
Even though he wasn't a Navy man,
He got a burial at sea.

Wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Dharmabum
Date: 15 Jul 00 - 10:16 AM

BURIAL AT SEA

{ gilligans island theme song}

Sit right back and you'll hear a tale,

A tale of a fatefull day,

When the maid came to clean up the house,

And threw Harry away.

We had him sitting on the shelf,

Above our color TV,

His ashes nestled in a box,

For everyone to see.

Poor Hazel didn't have a clue,

What that urn was used for,

She mistook him for an ashtray,

And dropped him on the floor.

Now he's scattered all around the rug,

His tiny ashes tossed,

He was sucked up by the Hoover,

Forever to be lost.

The bag was dumped in the toilet bowl,

And flushed away was he,

Even though he wasn't a Navy man,

He got a burial at sea.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Naemanson
Date: 15 Jul 00 - 07:52 AM

I don't have time to do this.

Besides, I cannot think of a tune,

gotta go... wait! The glimmer of an idea... no time... must resist temptation... What the hell!

Where has Uncle Harry gone?
(To the tune of: When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again)

Where has Uncle Harry gone? Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
Where has Uncle Harry gone? Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
He was sitting there on the mantle, dear
We looked around and he wasn't here!

Mary Claire, look under that chair
Harry has gone awa.

He loved to ramble the country o'er, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
He loved to ramble the country o'er, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
He'd step outside to take the air
Then he'd call from who knows where,

Check the closets all and in the hall,
Harry has gone awa.

I finally got him where I wanted him, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
I finally got him where I wanted him, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
I got him home no more to roam
No more to wander from his home

Oh please dear Claude look in the yard,
Harry has gone awa.

I don't know who I'd call for help, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
I don't know who I'd call for help, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
Missing persons or lost and found
My name will be mud throughout the town

I've checked the cellar and the attic too,
Harry has gone awa.

My name will be "mud" throughout the town, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
My name will be "mud" throughout the town, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
When alive he loved to ramble and roam,
Once dead I figured I'd keep him at home.

Look under the beds and out in the shed
Harry has gone awa.

The phone is ringing off the wall, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
The phone is ringing off the wall, Hoo Roo Hoo Roo
They found him hiding the policemen say
Under a bush just yesterday,

I'll put a lock on his oblong box
Harry has gone awa.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 10:08 PM

"Two kisses twice on both cheeks"??? That makes eight kisses, as I count it.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 08:25 PM

But Bradypus,
If Uncle Harry is under a bush, where is the mermaid?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 07:47 PM

...and a melodious voice descended from the sky...

You have done well, Sir Bradypus, and for thy valour and word wizardry, thou art awarded two kisses twice on both cheeks, a well-deserved Two-Fer-One Coupon for the renfaire of your choice, and a Silver B.L.O.B. for these lines of conundrum: "They sang an old sea shanty, of mermaids fair and false, But the lead singer was tipsy, and led them in a waltz"!!!

-- Áine ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Bradypus
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 07:24 PM

Sorry about the delay in responding to the request of a goddess, but sometimes real life gets in the way.

Tune is 'O where, tell me where, has your highland laddie gone' The first line will do for a title.

O where, tell me where, has my Uncle Harry gone
Where, tell me where, has my Uncle Harry gone ?
I left him on the mantel, at least that's what I think
And I'm sad that he's gone, so I'll fix myself a drink

O how, tell me how, could he sit upon the shelf
How, tell me how, could he sit upon the shelf ?
My Uncle Harry's dead, only ashes we have left
And they're kept in a box, and I'm feeling quite bereft

O how, tell me how, did your Uncle Harry die
How, tell me how, did your Uncle Harry die ?
He was ogling the mermaid that sits out on the rocks
Heart attack caused his death, then we put him in that box

O what, tell me what, were they singing at his wake
What, tell me what, were they singing at his wake ?
They sang an old sea shanty, of mermaids fair and false
But the lead singer was tipsy, and led them in a waltz.

O how, tell me how, did they take him to the grave
How, tell me how, did they take him to the grave ?
We raised him on our shoulders, and everyone did hum
And that is how we took him to the crematorium

O where, tell me where, has my Uncle Harry gone
Where, tell me where, has my Uncle Harry gone ?
O look into the garden, and keep a bit of hush
Like a famous old meatball, he's underneath a bush!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 12:51 PM

both cheeks twice would be all four cheeks?

What has come over you since you crawled around under the desk!

*blush*

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 12:44 PM

Oh MMario!!! I kiss you on both cheeks twice! A brilliant double dawg dare!!

So, can anybody else come up with a two-fer???

-- Áine

(P.S. Leo - You've just got to send in a recording of Uncle Harry's Box to the Mudcat Radio -- it was great to hear you sing it on HearMe!!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 12:40 PM

You what?

You Double Dawg DARE?

Then I'm a-gonna make you suffer for it...

Jesse and Harry

Jesse and Harry were brothers
Until the both of them died
But since they were both incognito
At their funerals nobody cried

Jesse was buried in Granb'ry
'Neath a stone that said he was "Frank"
Or else someone messed up the markersBR> Lordy, would that be a prank!

chorus:

Harry, was always hot tempered
So when it was time all his folk
Thought "cremate" was better then "bury"
And laughed one last time at the joke

chorus

Now Jesse went by the name Dalton
until the day that he died
For after being a robber
'Twas certain that he had to hide!

chorus

And Harry was nothing but ashes
And dust that was gritty and black
So his kinfolk swept up old Harry
And into a box him did pack

chorus

But was Jesse James "Frank Dalton"?
Or is his resting place lost?
For the body exhumed from the graveyard
most assuredly Jesse was not!

chorus

Meanwhile the boxed brother Harry
was shifted to mantle and ledge
Until one day the housekeeper
Just threw him out under the hedge

Chorus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:53 AM

My brain's bonkered, I'll be back on Monday if it doesn't get better.

Going home. Before the madwoman comes up with anything else to keep me awake. Somebody is muttering about ashes and chickens and murders in my sleep.

I was hoping for men in white coats but Hardi is so jealous he keeps them away!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Mbo
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:50 AM

My net's bonkered, I'll be back on Monday if it doesn't get better.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:50 AM

Oh that's easy, he lurks under Mudcat under a stolen identity.

With Elvis.

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:48 AM

***** Extra Two-Fer-One Challenge! *****

Just to spice things up a bit and maybe get y'all going again, click here and see if you can make a song about Jesse and Harry . . . Double Dawg Dare Ya!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:43 AM

Oh! Our paper had a crematorium story just last week! I'll have to work that in too!

Crap!

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:41 AM

I thought you'd like that one, Aine! Even a goddess needs an occasional moment away from the pedestal just to maintain her mystique! "The goddess is displeased today my little dreamlings....."

We need sound effects in this place!

And BTW, wasn't there a Challenge!r named Stavros who contributed a real zinger not long ago? Perhaps he lurks, even now, awaiting his chance to STRIKE!

Have a good weekend, all.

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:37 AM

Mmario,

Hardi had a friend from seminary who did this too-- at his first funeral! They did not however use the tag line you have provided, and I know Hardi will quickly steal it to go with his story, which goes over SO WELL when he meets with search committees.

Be pretty funny if they scattered the wrong sorta ashes on the coffin too, huh? If they were planting one person in a big box but used ashes from a little box instead of regular ashes?

You thread creep. Look what you pulled me into. Now you owe me. Come sing with me the first Saturday after Labor Day you can. Which would be WHEN???? Set a date, or it will never happen. We will have our jam friends come too and party late into the wee hours. You bring the ......

Sorry we hijacked the thread, guys. I need a nice long rest. A nice..... long..... rest......

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:32 AM

"songsucking madwoman"??? Geez, Praise, I've never been complimented quite that way before . . . the pictures it brings to mind! Well, if I have to suck 'em out of y'all, I will! ;-) I know we're all looking forward to Monday to see what you (and hopefully, Hardiman) will come up with. This Challenge! should be right up his alley (so to speak)...

-- Áine (the sound you hear is not your monitor leaking ... it's ME, sucking away...)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:29 AM

Praise, Did I tell you about our priest who fell into the grave while performing a funeral? We used to embaress her by bragging that our Rector had "risen from the grave"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:27 AM

Oh all right, Aine you songsucking madwoman, there is one starting, about "Little boxes full of icky-acky" and it has a mixup at the crematorium in it where they all look just the same.... so I am claiming that one...

Or maybe The Cremation Of Lost Gran-nee. Yeah. I'll do them both. Monday. I promise.

Now see what you did.

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 11:24 AM

You people are too much.

But then sometimes I am too. *G*

I'll try it Monday if you aren't out of prizes by then.

Some of actually have to WORK you know.

I fear someday Hardiman may join in on these and then look out. He is one sick puppy. Maybe I can get him to collaborate on this one with me.

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Amergin
Date: 14 Jul 00 - 02:26 AM

Come on, layabouts, get busy writing. Boy, if this were about dung spitting, would have had a couple of hundred songs here by now.

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 13 Jul 00 - 02:32 PM

But it's THURSDAY!

The worst possible day of the week for creativity....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jul 00 - 11:52 AM

Just popping this up to the top again, and wondering where did all my Challenge!rs go...

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 06:59 PM

Well done, Bradypus! Even brought a tear to my eye . . . and you know how much I like the sad ones . . . sniff! Now, go write me a funny one like only you can, pretty please??

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Bradypus
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 05:37 PM

I'm not sure if this one works or not ..

Tune is 'The Boxer', by Paul Simon

The Box

I am just a poor box,
And my story's seldom told
For I owe my whole existence
To a family who made a lot of promises
All lies and jest
Still a box hears what it's meant to hear
And remembers all the rest

When I left the shop this family
Intended to do right
By the ashes of their uncle
From the crematorium taken home
With all respect
They laid me low
Took me to their humble houses
Where their uncle used to go
And I saw the places that he used to know

Lie-la-lie
Lie-la-lie la lie-la lie
Lie-la-lie
Lie-la-lie la la la la
Lie la la la la lie

But among the family squabbles
I was left upon the shelf
Just an old box
Passed from house to house
From time to time
I do declare
There were times when things got rough, but still
They'd see me there
Ooo- la-la la-la la la


Then I'm laying in the cupboard
For the memory has gone
Leaving home
For the New York Family will soon be gone
Leaving me
Leaving home

In the clearing lies an old box
Hidden by the grass
And it carries still the ashes
Of the uncle who had worked so hard
For the family
I've no anger, I've no shame
They are leaving, they are leaving
Now I'm all that still remains

Lie-la-lie
Lie-la-lie la lie-la lie
Lie-la-lie
Lie-la-lie la la la la
Lie la la la la lie

Originally the last line before the final chorus was 'I've still got his remains', but although I like the pun, it doesn't fit the rest of the song !

Bradypus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 05:25 PM

Here's my poor offering (but at least it has a happy ending):

Aunt Edna, Where Have You Gone?
(Tune: Oh Lord Won't You Buy Me A Mercedes Benz)

Aunt Edna, Aunt Edna, where have you gone?
We're movin' and the furniture is out on the lawn,
I looked for your brass urn from dusk until dawn,
Aunt Edna, Aunt Edna, where have you gone?

Aunt Edna, Aunt Edna, oh where could you be?
I looked under the kitchen sink, I even climbed a tree,
Just rattle your bones, dear, if you can hear me,
Aunt Edna, Aunt Edna, oh where could you be?

Aunt Edna, you're a prankster, dead or alive,
You were always the cat's pajamas, hip to the jive,
Please, Auntie, quit hidin', it's givin' me the hives,
Aunt Edna, you're a prankster, dead or alive,

Aunt Edna, I'm sorry that we got evicted,
But the welfare check got lost and Bubba got convicted,
Do I look for you or skip town? Oh I'm so conflicted!
Aunt Edna, I'm sorry that we got evicted,

Aunt Edna, thank heavens, I just found your box,
I remember now, I put it in one of Bubba's socks,
And threw it out the window when the super changed the locks,
Aunt Edna, thank heavens, I just found your box!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 05:16 PM

Sinsull and Dharmabum, ROTFLMAO!!! More Silver B.L.O.B. winners --

Sinsull for

"He dreamed of flowers lush
And Violet's lovely bush
But he languishes, he anguishes debased."

And Dharmabum for

"That dirty stinking geezer,
I'll go get some baking soda,
And we'll stick him in the freezer.

Wunnerful, wunnerful!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 03:40 PM

He smelled like crap before but now he's worse? Love it. SS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Dharmabum
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 03:37 PM

UNCLE HARRY CAME BACK {the cat came back}

Old uncle Harry was a nasty old coot,

He smoked Lucky Strikes,

And wore a dirty old suit,

We all took our turns,

At our houses he would stay,

And we always looked forward,

To when he'd go away.

{chorus}

But he always came back,

The very next day,

Harry came back,

We thought he was a goner,

Uncle Harry came back,

He just wouldn't stay away.

Old uncle Harry was a grumpy old man,

We swore when he died,

We'd toss him in the garbage can,

We waited & we waited,

For the day he'd meet his maker,

It was looking pretty grim,

We never thought we'd find a taker.

{ch} Cause he kept coming back,

The very next day,

He kept coming back,

We thought he was a goner,

Harry kept coming back,

He just wouldn't stay away.

Now we threw a great big party ,

On the day he passed away,

Cause we knew that he had left us,

And he was gone to stay,

We gave him to the undertaker,

He was six feet underground,

We no longer had to worry,

About having him around.

ch. He wouldn't come back,

The very next day,

No he wouldn't come back,

We knew he was a goner,

He wouldn't come back,

We knew he would stay away.

Now Harry had a hound dog,

Sniffing round his resting place,

He dug old Harry up,

Cause Harry's smell had left a trace,

He drug him by the pantleg,

Harry's body stiff & hard,

And he brought old Harry home,

And left him laying in the yard.

ch.He brought Harry back,

The very next day,

Brought him right back,

We thought he was a goner,

Brought him right back,

He just wouldn't stay away.

I don't know what we did,

To deserve such a curse,

He smelled like crap before,

Now he's smelling even worse,

I guess we'll have to keep him,

That dirty stinking geezer,

I'll go get some baking soda,

And we'll stick him in the freezer.

ch.Cause he keeps coming back,

The very next day,

Harry's back again,

We thought he was a goner,

He keeps coming back,

He just won't stay away.

To the crematorium,

We said turn him into ash,

We'll get a new brass box,

For his remains to stash,

We'll drive him out to Texas,

And we'll toss him in some brush,

Just do it right of way,

Cause we're in a great big rush.

Now we tossed him out the window,

As some bushes we flew past,

The box flipped end to end,

He was flying pretty fast,

We turned the car around,

We were in quite a hurry,

But harry beat us home,

And now he's a woman from Granbury.

Yea Harry came back,

The very next day,

Harry came back,

We thought he was a goner,

Harry came back,

He/she just wouldn't stay away.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 03:33 PM

The Ballad Of Uncle Harry

CHORUS:
Uncle Harry lies beneath a bush
It was his very last and dying wish
His wife fulfilled her promise with a blush
And Uncle Harry lies beneath a bush

Uncle Harry of Granbury died last week
He wished a quick cremation and he seeked
To lie all warm and peaceful
Neath magnolia's flowering purple
But his wife heard "Violet's bush"
A harsh mispeak.

In Violet's room at the House of the Setting Sun
Harry's missus hid the coffin, then did run
Miss Violet bruised her tush
And the splinters made her blush
Screaming "Who put Uncle Harry under my bush?"

Chorus
Violet tossed ole Harry out the door
He was discovered by a peeping Tom who swore
The coffin and the box
Were tucked within the rocks
Of the Woodhill Complex
Neath the hollyhocks.

The Managing Agent denied he was a tenant
Officer W. Byrnes said "Wait now just a minute!
Perhaps this former flesh
Was interred beneath the bush
While the poor soul waited for his place in heaven."

CHORUS

The local M.E.took charge of the can
She was a right-wing registered 'Publican
Her office was a clutter
Of pamphlets all a-flutter
And G.Bush posters showing off her man.

Poor Harry and his coffin were misplaced
Beneath G.W.'s posters he's encased
He dreamed of flowers lush
And Violet's lovely bush
But he languishes, he anguishes debased.

CHORUS:
Uncle Harry lies beneath a Bush...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 12:57 PM

I'm at work,(can't HearANYTHING from behind the @#$@!#$@ firewall and content filter) but we can try to hook up sometime...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 12:50 PM

Do you ever do "HearMe?" -- Sure do, when I can get the kiddos to clear out of the library (so I can hear). Are you hinting that you might sing this for me if I show up soon? I'll bite . . . if you'll sing! ;-)

-- Áine (who's as happy as a little mermaid in an itsy bitsy scaley greeny -- on a warm day, of course!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 12:44 PM

Do you ever do "HearMe?"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 12:33 PM

BRAVO, MMARIO -- I just love a twist-ending! Well done indeed -- wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful!

And of course, the Silver B.L.O.B. goes to you for the line "Uncle Harry's box, which we bought in a shop, on the very day he died". I really wish I could hear you sing this one, MMario -- it's such a great story!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 12:21 PM

When the Keeper of the Book commands....

They took the engraved name plate and the photo from the lid
and left the box beneath the bush, thinking it was hid
Too bad they never looked inside, the lid off never pried
(of) Uncle Harry's box, which we bought in a shop, on the very day he died

chorus:

The box we have recovered, once more it's safe and sound
and all the precious contents, we've taken out and handed 'round
Oh, no they were not ashes, but stocks and bonds inside
Uncle Harry's box, which we bought in a shop, on the very day he died

chorus:

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 11:58 AM

Wunnerful, wunnerful, MMario!! Can we have a verse or two more, please? I just have this feeling that I don't know the end of the story in your song -- see how good it is . . . you've left me wanting more! ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 11:21 AM

UNCLE HARRY's BOX

Farewell to your Harps and Angels,
Farewell to the Pearly Gates
Farewell to your clouds and choruses,
St. Peter will have to wait!
For good old Uncle Harry, is lying 'neath the bush
And the truth be told, since we have his gold
we threw his ashes away


I was on my way to work one day, when what should catch my eye
But a little wooden coffin, that in the garden lies
Beneath the hedge of boxwood, I never thought I'd spy
Uncle Harry's box, which we bought in a shop, on the very day he died


Chorus:

My brother he first took the gruesome burden on himself
To keep old Harry's ashes, upon the mantle shelf
But his wife object greatly, and demanded he give I
Uncle Harry's box, which we bought in a shop, on the very day he died


Chorus:


And so I put the funeral urn, with ashes all inside
into the upstairs closet, and shut it out of mind
Until the burglers took it, God knows what they thought to find!
Uncle Harry's box, which we bought in a shop, on the very day he died


Chorus:

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 10:41 AM

Hmm that line doesn't scan very well, does it ...

Should have been...

"When you're a cadaver, how'll they treat you?
Do they really use horses for making that glue?"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 10:28 AM

Lovely songs, both of you, Amergin and Scabby Doug!

It's still early days yet, and we've already got a couple of Silver B.L.O.B. (best line o' bull) winners! Scabby Doug for:

"When you're dead and gone what will they do to you?
Do they really use horses for making that glue?

and Amergin for:

"Will she come, I don't know
But I'd love to have her dusting off my seat
And I'd sing like a thrush in this hawthorn bush
If she'd come and find a shelf for me

What artistry!! Come on Challenge!rs, go for it!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 03:50 AM

sorry forgot to do the breaks

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33 From: Scabby Doug Date: 12-Jul-00 - 03:47 AM

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
If cremation don't get ya then relations must
They couldn't be bothered to take me away
SO they ditched me out here on a Texas highway

My name could be Harry or Ethel or Norm
The policeman would love just to fill in his form
I'm not even a person, I'm in Lost and Found
On the whole I'd be happier under the ground

I sit on the shelf, just here in my urn
But just wait a while, you'll all get your turn
When you're dead and gone what will they do to you?
Do they really use horses for making that glue?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 03:47 AM

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust If cremation don't get ya then relations must They couldn't be bothered to take me away SO they ditched me out here on a Texas highway

My name could be Harry or Ethel or Norm The policeman would love just to fill in his form I'm not even a person, I'm in Lost and Found On the whole I'd be happier under the ground

I sit on the shelf, just here in my urn But just wait a while, you'll all get your turn When you're dead and gone what will they do to you? Do they really use horses for making that glue?

Cheers

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Amergin
Date: 12 Jul 00 - 02:38 AM

Come on, people, you can't let me be the only sorry bastard to submit to this one. Get with it, folks!! While I was waiting for you all to get done lolligagging around, I wrote another one....

Harry Flynn

I've a nice little urn and made out of shiny brass
I've a big green bush covering my lid
The bees are buzzing as I sit here in the grass
Now what could a man want more?

I don't know, maybe so
But a dead man's life is easy and it's free
I'm the last to complain, but I'm sitting all alone
Sure nobody's looking after me

My spirit often tells me I should go and have a try
To find a girl that owns a nice dry shelf
And I know the way I says, there's some one on my mind
But first I have to trust myself

I don't know, maybe so
It would mollify me greatly to agree
Now there's my name is Harry Flynn, it's a home I'd love to win
If one can be found for me

Now there's a little girl who is a cousin of mine
And she's a decent colleen, don't you see
And I mean to go and ask her just as soon as I get found
If she'll come and find a shelf for me

Will she come, I don't know
But I'd love to have her dusting off my seat
And I'd sing like a thrush in this hawthorn bush
If she'd come and find a shelf for me

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 05:55 PM

Well, dear Amergin, even if you're still in a 'spooky' mood, that's a dang fine song!! Thanks so much for starting things off for us with a winner. Well done, indeed!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Amergin
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 04:39 PM

Well here goes....

Old Uncle Harry

Far away in Fort Worth, Texas
underneath the southwestern stars
There lies my dead Uncle Harry
Oh how I had tossed him far

In the bushes where we left him
I can see the brass shining sweet
With the sun rays beating down
Hammering with the Texas heat
Chorus:
O fare thee well, my old Uncle Harry.
Fare thee well, you shiny urn.
In my dreams you'll haunt forever
For some peace I softly yearn

"Come to me" I can hear him calling
Across the country wild and far
"Come to me, again, and take me.
From beneath the Texas stars."

And my thoughts keep ever turning
to his far off distant roar
and the dear old man who haunts me
Will I sleep for never more?

Amergin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 02:54 PM

Enough with the smartass comments, people (hahahaha) -- Now, go write a song!!

-- Áine ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Mbo
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 02:35 PM

Ash can farewell.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Bert
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 02:31 PM

'Where, Oh Where, can my true love be?'

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: SDShad
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 02:10 PM

Man, talk about "The Trouble With Harry"....

Shad

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Mbo
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 01:56 PM

"...who would leave Uncle Harry under a bush..."

Sounds like a Spaw line.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 01:47 PM

Gives new meaning to "Bury Me Not On The Lone Prairie". Please don't throw me in the trash either.

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 33
From: Áine
Date: 11 Jul 00 - 01:39 PM

Well, here we go, from the water to the land. I saw this little story in my local paper and got a good little giggle out of it. I know it's putting a wicked spin on your brains, but, that's what makes it a Challenge!

-- Áine

Who Left Uncle Harry In The Bushes? July 6, 2000 - Fort Worth, Texas: Maintenance worker John Truex was minding his own business as he walked the grounds of the Woodhill Apartments on Monday, when he spied an odd-looking wooden box under a bush. "He had no idea what it was," said the manager of the complex. "It looked like a little coffin."

Truex took the box to the apartment office to show the manager and other staff members what he found. Curious, the group opened the lid and discovered a sealed brass box inside. They couldn't open the brass box, and couldn't figure out what it was, so they called the police. Office r W.T. Byrnes arrived at the scene and was just as stumped by the 1-foot-long by 4-inch-wide box, which seemed to be missing a display plate. "I wasn't real sure what it was," Byrnes said. "I called funeral homes in the area and they said, 'Yes, we package things like that,' and I said, 'Eeeeyew!'"

"According to a couple of funeral homes," continued Officer Byrnes, "they take ashes, put them in a plastic bag with a label of who it is and then put them in a box that they seal up and then put in a display case." Byrnes turned the little box over to the Medical Examiner's Office; however, the staff members there declined to comment yesterday. The statement from spokeswoman Linda Anderson was, "As it stands right now, we don't have any information on it -- All we have is a box."

But the apartment manager has heard otherwise. "It's an urn of some sort," she said. "The medical examiner's office found out that it is a lady from Granbury, but they haven't contacted any relatives. But I'm sure when a person finds out that their relative was left here, we will be hearing from them . . . (but) you've got to wonder who would leave Uncle Harry under a bush . . . ."