 sj |
||
|
||
I'm supposed to be at a funeral...
|
|
|
|||||||
|
I'm supposed to be at a funeral... |
Share Thread
|
||||||
|
Subject: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: p.j. Date: 05 Aug 00 - 11:09 PM 'Seed, RiGGy, ChanteyRanger-- please forgive me, I just couldn't bring myself to come and say goodbye to Joy today... Right now my friends are at St. Alban's playing a special concert for a dear friend who lost a long struggle with breast cancer a few days ago. I've been away at Lark Music Camp for the last 8 days, and when I came home briefly mid-week for Dave's birthday, I got the news. Knowing the funeral was today I left camp early for the 4 hour drive home, and got here in plenty of time to change and get out the door. Everything's organized, I have no excuse. I'm dressed, I know the music, the food's all ready to take to her family, but here I sit, glued to the chair and sobbing like a 3 year old. I should be there, and I'm not going to be able to do this day over again if I don't go. It's the right thing to do, why can't I get on with it? I should be there for my friends, with her family, playing the music we all agreed to play for her. Instead, I'm sitting here staring out the window, rubbing all the fur off my patient little brown cat, singing a song I used to sing with Joy, as the realization is getting clearer that I'm not going to leave. It's kinda strange-- I don't want to be with people, but the house seems empty, ya know? So I thought I'd check in with you guys... pj
|
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: Bill D Date: 05 Aug 00 - 11:21 PM I truly have felt the same way about several funerals...I almost couldn't get thru my mother's.... What people go to funerals for is mostly to deal with their own emotions about the departed loved one....and you are doing that. Joy would understand...and what else counts? |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: bbelle Date: 05 Aug 00 - 11:26 PM p.j. You are grieving for Joy in your way and she would understand that. Don't you think? The Jewish custom of sitting shiva allows family to grieve. I've always thought it is a humane way of dealing with grief. jenny |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: Jeri Date: 05 Aug 00 - 11:49 PM P.j., I've only ever been to one funeral in my life - my father's. I have enough trouble dealing with my own sorrow, let alone everyone else's. Sometimes you just have to say goodbye in private. Your friend Joy would understand that, I'm sure.
|
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: katlaughing Date: 05 Aug 00 - 11:58 PM P.J., For you and your friend, Joy:
May the long-time sun shine upon you, Sometimes societal conventions ask too much of us. You have to do what feels right in your heart and go with what you can handle. P.J., I am so sorry for your loss...it hurts I know and your little brown kitty knows, too and that is why we have such wonderful little creatures to grace our lives...may you find some peace and solace tonight and each day that you feel such sorrow. You are doing your best and that is all anyone, including you, can ask. Sending you a warm blanket of love and hugs and sharing your tears, luvyakat |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: p.j. Date: 06 Aug 00 - 12:22 AM Thank you Bill, moon, Jeri, kat, and especially the dear Mudcat voice that just called me on the telephone... Your support means so much. You're right, Joy would understand, and I am (albeit selfishly) doing what feels best for *me* by being alone tonight. Trouble is, funerals are for the living, and I feel like let my friends down by not showing up today. I'm usually pretty steady about this sort of thing-- often at my best in a crisis or when taking care of someone else. Somehow today I just couldn't get far enough out of my own head to get in that mode. Maybe 8 days camping in the redwoods and making music has warped my head a little... Anyway, I called Joy's house tonight and I'll see many of them tomorrow. For now it just feels pretty good to sit on a log here at the Mudcat and listen to you guys chat around the campfire. I'm awfully glad there's a place like this to go. pj |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 06 Aug 00 - 04:48 AM At least you know it's happening... when my brother was killed, I got bundled away to relatives without chance to say goodbye. When I did get back a month and more later, almost every trace of him was gone. Grief is a terrible thing to share with lots of people, but it's even worse keeping it to yourself. Posting here is one of the best things you could have done, because you can share your feelings, without confrontation, wish it was around 20 years ago.... Love and warm fuzzy feelings, give the cat a stroke for me... LTS |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: Peter Kasin Date: 06 Aug 00 - 05:32 AM p.j. - The funeral was on such short notice and you were so far away. Joy would have understood, and would have been very touched by your sentiments here. -chanteyranger |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: p.j. Date: 06 Aug 00 - 02:00 PM Liz, thanks for the encouragement, and I'm so sorry you didn't have a support system like this 20 years back. It must still hurt to think about your brother, but for you, Jeri and BillD to have brought up those kinds of memories here means we've all found this to be a safe place to look for comfort. There is something really sweet about knowing I could check in with you guys, and somehow be by myself last night without being alone. About 90 seconds after I posted the telephone rang and Big Mick sat on the phone with me and talked through some of the hardest parts. Chantyranger, I'm very relieved that you don't have hard feelings because I didn't show up, that was my biggest worry. I have something for 'Seed from Bonnie (hello BBon) and I hope I'll be able to give it to him tonight and talk about Joy a little over a few Irish tunes. Bonnie, you're part of this circle, too-- you were right when you said that the item you sent would find the right time to get to 'Seed... I started to send these notes by PM this morning, then I realized something important-- the very reason I felt able to talk to you all when I needed some company last night was because of little BS threads like this, where I've gotten to know each of your voices talking to one another. So I decided to keep these warm thoughts out in the open. Kat, your lovely poem and blanket of hugs came in very handy as did everybody's kind thoughts and the fact that you were all so quick to come to my side. Moon, if I cover the mirrors and put out some hard chairs, it could almost be a cyber-shiva. I have some things here I was planning to take to Joy's house last night, anybody want some pasta salad?
love to you all pj |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: katlaughing Date: 06 Aug 00 - 02:09 PM Dear PJ, I never have quote grasped the concept of cold pasta, although my dog loves it!**BG** I cannot take credit for the little poem. It was sent to me, just yesterday, by a very dear friend. I am glad to be able to share it. luvyakat |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 06 Aug 00 - 06:01 PM Funny, the bratling lives off cold pasta - in fact, she would eat all her food cold if she could.... Glad you're feeling a bit more together now, fuzzy things to the cat.... LTS |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: Sorcha Date: 06 Aug 00 - 06:22 PM I don't know if it will help you or not, but try to stop and figure out just WHY you are so grief-stricken. Is it for you and your loss, or for Joy's suffering? Joy is no longer suffering and you need to get to where you are thankful for that. If it is for your own loss, wallow a while, then get back to the living world, which is what Joy would want you to do. This really helped me get throug my Mom and Dad's funerals, and to deal with all the CRAP involved. With Mom, especially, there was a LOT of CRAP to deal with; it lasted 2 years because of family difficulties, and I am still trying to deal with the fall-out of being the Executrix. And, I am so sorry for your troubles. |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 06 Aug 00 - 06:29 PM My grandmother never made a will, and before she was even cold in her bed, her eldest daughter was dividing the furniture!!! My father's estate dragged on for a year, as he never made a will either. LTS |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: Sorcha Date: 06 Aug 00 - 06:38 PM Part of our problem was that Mom made a will, leaving everything in 3rds. The money was no problem, but exactly what constitutes a third of a family heirloom? (etc)It actually got down to: "Well, YOU got the garden sprinkler, so WE should get the hoses....." |
|
Subject: RE: I'm supposed to be at a funeral... From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Aug 00 - 06:49 PM Hey Pam........That's why we're here. Yeah, we're here about folk music, but this site became so much more long ago. A lot don't like that, but that's where we are and I'm glad that you came and sat on the log and listened. I'm proud to know you and Dave...well skip that....anyway you at least and have valued your incredible knowledge, talen, and humanity here. For a Georgia girl, you're OK. The beauty of the 'Cat is that it is not a site. Its a real place with real people with real thoughts, feelings, joys, and sorrows. And tell Seed he's completely worthless....and I miss him. Spaw |
| Share Thread: |
