For my mother

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: CarolC
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 04:45 AM

I want to add one more post to this thread before I let it go.

Thank you, everyone, for your words and your kind and loving support. They have helped me more than I can tell you. I'm doing pretty well. The Mudcat is providing me with many opportunities to laugh and enjoy myself despite the events of the last week.

I think it would be fitting to use this thread to tell people something that is very important for women and their loved ones to know. Apparently, most people are unaware of this...

In women, pain in the lower back can be an indication of heart problems. My mother had been complaining of lower back pain for a week or two before her heart attack. While the heart attack was progressing, she was complaining of severe pain in her lower back.

No one thought to be concerned about her heart because the pain was in her lower back. She thought she had hurt her back lifting grandchildren. She had been having these symptoms for a couple of hours before my father realized she needed medical attention because at first, they progressed gradually. By the time he realized she needed medical help, her symptoms had begun to progress very rapidly.

If we had known about the lower back pain symptom, she might have recieved medical attention in time to save her life.

The most severe symptoms that she reported as long as she was able to talk, were lower back pain and difficulty breathing. This doesn't sound anything like what we usually think of when we hear the term "heart attack". Apparently, women experience heart attacks differently than men. I think this is important for everybody to know.

Love to all,

Carol

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 04:38 PM

Hello Carol,

I just heard last night about your mother...from flattop at song circle. I had not been on Mudcat much for the past 2 weeks. I want to send my condolences and love.

I honestly don't believe that anyone ever dies, but I know that people move on, and we don't see them for awhile, and that can be hard to take.

I've had dear friends who either passed on or simply vanished to places unknown, and I sure miss them sometimes.

I send you a wave of the hawk's wings and the best thoughts and prayers I can muster.

May you be well,

George

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 12:12 PM

Carol, I'm sorry to hear that. Best wishes to you and all your family.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 12:22 AM

How are you doing, Carol? It's a rough one- not something you'd wish on your worst enemy, but somehow we all muddle through. Nurture yourself. Every day you make it through is another day survived.

Ebbie

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 27 Nov 00 - 05:05 PM

I haven't been able to get on most of the weekend, so let me add my belated hugs and love, Carol.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Kim C
Date: 27 Nov 00 - 03:14 PM

Oh Carol. I have just been there too, since I lost my father in August. I miss him very much. Love and hugs to you and yours and please feel free to send a PM if you want to talk.

Kim

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: MMario
Date: 26 Nov 00 - 09:19 PM

Carol - I just read this having been a way a few days- my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Catrin
Date: 26 Nov 00 - 12:07 PM

Carol - My thought are with you.

Catrin

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Cobble
Date: 25 Nov 00 - 06:48 PM

'For now there is another star in the heavens'. our thoughts are with you. Brian +margaret.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: KT
Date: 25 Nov 00 - 06:32 PM

CarolC, I am so, so sorry. May there be some measure of comfort for you in knowing that so many of us here, are carrying you in our hearts.....Sending much love to you over the miles.....KT

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: RocketMan
Date: 25 Nov 00 - 04:18 PM

Carol, My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Your second note brought back memories as my father passed away suddenly 6 years ago just after Christmas. I was lucky to be home visiting and had a nice time together. We were in the area when he suffered a heart attack. He was gone by the time we got there. He didn't suffer long and we had no unfinished business between us.

RMan

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Robo
Date: 25 Nov 00 - 02:21 PM

Been there, Carol, and know what you must be going through. Both my folks are gone -- and yet, they aren't, not at all. All our best to you and yours.

--Rob-o

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: BigDaddy
Date: 25 Nov 00 - 01:05 PM

Warmest regards and sympathy from one who has been there. My mom departed on Thanksgiving Day, 1995.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: GUEST,Sheila
Date: 25 Nov 00 - 12:30 PM

Dear Carol,Some words that were a comfort to me: Mourn not too long that she is gone but rejoice forever that she was." With sympathy, Sheila

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Naemanson
Date: 25 Nov 00 - 11:12 AM

I'm so sorry to hear of your news. Please accept my sincere sympathy and wishes for strength.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: GUEST,Reta
Date: 25 Nov 00 - 10:48 AM

Carol, how very blessed your mom must have felt to have such a loving and wise daughter. You and yours are in my prayers. Reta

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: mousethief
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 11:58 PM

I'm so sorry, Carol. Thoughts and hugs and prayers.

Alex

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Troll
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 11:14 PM

Carol, I wish I had the gift of words to write something profound that would make you feel better. I don't.My heart goes out to you and I pray that the pain of your loss will be replaced by good memories of your mother. She will always be with you in your memories.

troll

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: alison
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 11:11 PM

Carol I am so sorry to hear about your mum......

my prayers & thoughts are with you and your family....

love and a big hug

alison

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: kendall
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 11:02 PM

Dear Carol..cling to the thought that she did not DIE..she went home.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Dave Swan
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 10:52 PM

All our warm best wishes to you.

Dave & Pam

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: IvanB
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 09:33 PM

Carol, I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad your mother could have her family with her to celebrate Thanksgiving. May all the warmth from your fellow Mudcatters support you through these next hard days as you prepare to release your mother for her next adventure.
Ivan

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 08:26 PM

Oh Carol.....I have been ignoring this. I thought it was some song someone wanted for their mom.........I guess, though, that you do want songs for your Mom. How about "Songs My Mother Taught Me".

It's hard, it's so hard. We get older and at the same time they get older, even if it is difficult to believe. She will be with you always, in your memory.

Perhaps it is not Correct to say this, but there is a case to be made for passing suddenly. My mom "lingered" for at least 3 months. Trust me, lingering is not fun either. Not for anyone. At least, you had a very good last day with her. I am so very glad you were able to be with her, and hold her in your arms at the end. That will mean so much to you in years to come.

Love,
Sorcha

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Alice
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 08:00 PM

Carol, I am so sorry. Love and deepest sympathy to you and your family at this time. - Alice

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 07:50 PM

Thanks, all of you beautiful, beautiful, people.

Carol

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: GUEST,Mickey191
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 06:38 PM

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours Carol. Time does help to heal the wound. God bless. Mickey191

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: DougR
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 06:20 PM

So sorry, CarolC.

DougR

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 05:56 PM

Carol, I'm sending my love and sympathy.

Mary

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: sophocleese
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 01:02 PM

Deepest sympathies Carol C. I'm glad for you and her that you were there with her at the end.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Wavestar
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 12:04 PM

My sympathies, Carol - I'm sorry to hear that, but glad you're at peace, and so it she.

-Jessica

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: LR Mole
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 11:54 AM

Sincere sympathies. Remember that "light" means less substantial, but also more illuminated. They all leave us lighter when they pass. LRM

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Noreen
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 11:49 AM

Lots of warm thoughts, sympathy and hugs for you and your family, Carol.

With love,

Noreen

xxx

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 10:06 AM

Carol, it sounds almost as if she picked the time she wanted to say goodbye. We all have to leave sometime, and she left while the glow of the day still lingered.

My thoughts are with you and your father.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Margaret V
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 10:00 AM

Carol, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. If she was anything like mine, then having her family surrounding her before and at the time of her death was probably just the way she would have wanted to go. I'm glad you could be there with her. Peace and strength to you and your family. Margaret

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Morticia
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 08:49 AM

Dearest Carol, my very best love to you and to your family.We're all with you, just reach out.
much love
Terri

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 08:46 AM

My sincere condolences. Yours, Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 06:12 AM

Carol I am sorry to hear about you mom.
That sure was a magical moment you had with her spirit. I admire your insight and wisdom about her passing, shows much about your perceptive nature. You must have had a very loving, close relationship with your mom.

Little Neo

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: GUEST,Carol
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 05:47 AM

Thanks everybody. Your kind and loving words mean the world to me.

I think my mother died exactly as she would have wanted to. She had spent a full day with her whole family around her. She even made sure that a group photo was taken. Maybe on some level she knew she was about to leave, and she wanted us all to have something to remember our last day with her.

I feel at peace with my part in her passing. Everyone except my father, my son, and I had left by the time my father realized she was in distress. I held her while my father waited outside for the ambulance. She died on the way to the hospital, so she didn't have to suffer for too long. I feel that I was lucky to have the opportunity to be there for her at the end of her life, and I feel good that she didn't have to feel alone during the whole ordeal.

I waited at the house while my father went to the hospital. While I was waiting for word of her condition, I felt her spirit come to me. I knew deep down that she had probably passed. I could feel that she was happy.

I think she lived the life she wanted, and she left this life in the way she would have wanted. We can't ask for much more than that, can we?

I think she's going to hang around for a while because she's too stubborn to leave before the funeral. Then I think she's going to move on to new adventures. More power to her.

Happy trails, Mom. See you on the other side.

Carol

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: mkebenn
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 05:16 AM

Carol, my heart is with you. Mike Bennett

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Banjer
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 05:11 AM

Carol, so sorry to hear of your loss, our condolences go to you and yours. Banjer

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 04:46 AM

Carol, many good thoughts and comforting hugs and ears to listen and warm comforting thoughts to you from here, and a good Thanksgiving at our going is not a bad way to go,is it??..with deepest sympathy..Micca

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: skarpi
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 03:49 AM

Carol I am sorry to hear about your Mother. Be strong I wish I coult give you a hug......... I do it in my mind and send it over to you from Iceland, all the best skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 03:45 AM

I am so sorry Carol, all sorts of feelings and thoughts are going through my head, none of them particularly constructive. My Mum died three years ago, I can remember clearly the emptiness like a physical pain, also how unreal the whole thing was. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you hurt less, I can only tell you that my thoughts are with you and your family
love Patrish xx

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Amergin
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 03:37 AM

Oh god, Carol....I am so sorry....and here I was feeling sorry for myself because I had to work...I don't really know what to say but that you and yours are in my thoughts.

Amergin

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Michael in Swansea
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 03:32 AM

Deepest sympathies.
May she rest in peace.

Mike

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 03:14 AM

I'm sorry Carol.

Jon

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Night Owl
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 02:46 AM

my deepest sympathies to you Carol....and our arms for hugging you and our shoulders to cry on and our hearts to sing and our ears to listen if you want to talk. Here in this place called Mudcats...this incredible place....Barry T. that image you shared stays with me since I first heard the words at my brother's funeral. Thanks from me too, for posting it.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Barry T
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 02:24 AM

I, too, received some words that comforted me just last year. Perhaps they'll help even if in a small way.

A Matter of Perspective

I am standing on the seashore A ship spreads her sails to the morning breeze And starts for the ocean I stand watching her until she fades on the horizon And someone at my side says "She is gone."

Gone where? The loss of sight is in "me", not in "her" Just at the moment when someone says "She is gone" There are others who are watching her coming Others' voices take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!" And that is dying.

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 02:15 AM

Oh, Dear Carol ... my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Regards ...Barb

Subject: RE: For my mother
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Nov 00 - 02:01 AM

Oh, Carol, I am so sorry. With deepest sympathy, Ebbie