BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)

Subject: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 06:26 PM

LAWYERS' SEASONAL GREETING

From us ("the wishor") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee") Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non- addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all... and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2001, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that-

* This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal. * This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged. * This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes. * This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor. * This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably as may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. * The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor. * Any references in this greeting to "the Lord," "Father Christmas," "Our Saviour," or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

From me you will just have to accept an old fashioned heartfelt Merry Christmas All Hands. Yours,Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 06:36 PM

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 06:56 PM

Geeziz Dave my friend......Put a warning on those things huh? My keyboard may be ruined!!! LMAO

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Dharmabum
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 07:06 PM

Good one Dave! MERRY CHRISTMAS! Ron.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Gypsy
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 09:36 PM

Ah, Dave lad, we must share the same attorney. For meself, have a wonderful, blessed Christmas season!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Troll
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 09:59 PM

Fair winds and following seas shipmate, and may the blessings of the season be with you and yours.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: CarolC
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 11:48 PM

And to you, Dave (the ancient mariner).

Best wishes,

Carol

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: nutty
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 06:16 AM

Best Wishes to you and yours, Dave

May Christmas bring you all the joys you wish for

Hazel

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Banjer
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 06:20 AM

Dave, I'll have my lawyer contact yours. Maybe they can do lunch. Actually, I don't think a lawyer wrote that since I can read and understand most of it! As for meself, I'll just be sending best wishes for the Christmas Season and A Very Happy New Year.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Naemanson
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 06:41 AM

Happy Christmas and merry New Year!

Brett

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: MMario
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 08:42 AM

Merry Christmas Dave, aye!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 09:47 AM

My surveyor would like to send your lawyer a card in return. He's not sure whether it will open or not, he can't guarantee that it is made of genuine cardboard and he hasn't checked any wiring, plumbing or drainage, if present. He doesn't know if it has paper mites or fungal infestation. He can't be held responsible for any loss or injury caused by his advice though he thinks it is worth about 50pence but advises you get your own surveyor to look at it. His bill is in the post. RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 03:54 PM

"Simply have a wonderful Christmastime." ---Paul McCartney.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 21 Dec 00 - 11:15 AM

I hope I have a very Quiet Christmas. I'm on duty at the Rescue Centre 0700-1900hrs. Merry Christmas Mates and hope the "admiral" saves me some turkey. Yours, Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 21 Dec 00 - 11:42 AM

To all: A joyous holiday season. Dave: fair winds and following seas, Shipmate!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Kim C
Date: 21 Dec 00 - 12:56 PM

heeheehee hohoho :)

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Uncle Jaque
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 11:32 AM

Calm seas and Blessings in abundance, all.

Dave; May the Angels keep watch with ye, Mate!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: InOBU
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 04:18 PM

Keep yer feet dry, Marry Christmas, Larry

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Pixie
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 04:25 PM

....and what did your Doctor have to say????

Very punny, Dave! We wish you calm seas and an uneventful watch!

Pixie and Terry

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 05:05 PM

Dave, may you be blessed with a silent night and may the angels keep watch with you.

May you be blessed with the love, laughter, and joy of this holy season. May strong winds be ever at your back, may your road be easy to travel, and may you have good friends ever beside you.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: InOBU
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 06:05 PM

a fellow lawyer I shared this with had the following responce... "Nice. It almost has all the ear marks of a legal document except there isn't a "wherefore", "heretofore" or "hereinafter" to be found. I would also add a kicker sentence of "Nothing herein is, or can be construed as, a waiver or release of any of the author's claims, causes of action, rights, or remedies." Wouldn't want to leave that out--must keep all of your options open."
Cheers - Larry

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Lanfranc
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 06:23 PM

Dave, old cybershipmate, may I wish you all the best for whatever festive season you may wish to enjoy.

Do you have as good a line in unexpurgated carols as you have in shanties? If so, please share.

Here's to the REAL new Millennium!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: InOBU
Date: 23 Dec 00 - 10:31 AM

(From my pal Alyn, the ex- director of Lawyers for Nuclear Disarmament...)
Dear Wishor

We regret to inform you that your solstice wish to our client violates Section A (S.A.) of the National Transit Authority (N.T.A.) regulations, the preambular Clause of which affirms sole franchise for winter solstice greetings and transport of tacky Christmas gifts to our client. Furthermore, the S.A.N.T.A. Clause provides for mandatory punishment for any violation, that punishment to be the compulsory consumption of steamed pudding outside Harrod's (or Macy's, or Woolworths) in barefeet and a kilt while humming "Rule Britannia," thus demonstrating that there is indeed someone sillier standing outside these same stores than our client.
Merry Christmas
Dancer, Prancer, Blitzin and Rudolf Solicitors
On behalf of our client
Saint Nicholas

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 23 Dec 00 - 11:37 AM

Dear Lanfranc... Raditional carols "Rule!" in my house

InObu. guess I did'nt do too bad fer a high school droppout..The steamed pudding is a treat, but, Do I have to do this punishment sans sporran? LOL

Yours, Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: InOBU
Date: 23 Dec 00 - 04:51 PM

You did a great job, Dave, there is another responce soon to be posted from a friend I used to work with, who has a lawyerly witty responce... Larry

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: InOBU
Date: 24 Dec 00 - 11:53 AM

From ymy pal Chuck
I wish to acknowledge the receipt of you genuine and thorough offer. Subsequently, I have forwarded it to our claims department, which employs a stable of thirty-five attorneys specializing in allegeded "holiday season" communications. Of the thirty-five, fourteen have advanced criminal and civil litigation experience in the Civil Holidays Discourse Act of 1984, which in part states: "All communications administered under this Act shall, within the prescribed time alloted, duly respond in an appropriate manner." CHDA, sec. 2, para. 4. I assure you that you shall have an appropriate response with the next five working days (as defined in the Non-sectarian Workweek Determination Act of 1993).
Sincerely,
C & E, Ltd.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer)
From: InOBU
Date: 26 Dec 00 - 11:18 AM

This jsut in
Dear Larry,
I received this reply from a friend:
To Defendants Wishor and Wishee:
Be it known that you are in direct viloation of the following Constitutional Ammendment as adopted last night at midnight by the Congress of the United States of America, a.k.a. "Big Brother". Legal proceedings against you will follow forthwith:

WHEREAS: Be it hereby RESOLVED, that the following AMENDMENT to the CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA be hereafter adopted:
All reference to, use of, tradmark, franchise, and copywrite of the terms Santa Clause, Saint Nicholas, or Old St. Nick and any variations thereof be the sole pervue and property of the oligarchy of the United States of America (USA)
In support of this resolution:
-E.L.F. (Electoral Legalization Foundation), a not-for-profit organization of unemployed undercover agents disguised as little men who seek to legally overthrow the electoral and all other democratic processes in the USA and around the world through self-declared legal means and self-reviewed appeals
-G.I.F.T.S. (Generally Illegal Funding of Takeover Schemes), a philanthropic body of mega-bucks siphoned from the bloated military budget of the U.S. to fund complete aggrandizement of all possible commercial benefit from any and all capitalistic enterprises worldwide, based inside or outside the U.S. borders
-B.U.S.H., Inc. (Bullsh*t Undercover Spy Headquarters, Incorporated), a political/big biz dynasty coordinating the above for all possible personal gain and at the whatever cost to the poor, the underprivileged and the environment.

Cheers Larry