How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?

Subject: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Milly
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:19 AM

I have been married for over 20yars, the last 7 have been awful, I started back at work and realised how much I had missed and how much of a miserable anti social person my partner is. He is a good Dad to our children although he can shout alot. I cannot think of spending the rest of my life with him, but on the other hand cannot imagine being without him. I sugested counseling years ago and he wont go. We live in the same house sleep in the same bed, but all the feeling has gone - how do I tell him
Mils

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:27 AM

Milly,

I would certainly suggest trying the counselling route again. It's obvious that you were attracted to each other for a reason, that there has been something there to sustain a relationship for a long time.

I went through a similar situation, I wish that I had been more adamant about counselling because I believe it would have helped. The single life afterward being together with someone for that amount of time can be pretty gruesome.

Good luck.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:33 AM

I don't know, Milly, it depends on so many personal factors that I'm not aware of, concerning you and him both.

I would think you'd be well advised to get some counseling yourself for a start. If you have the good fortune to hook up with a decent marriage counselor, then you will at least have some backup to help you along the way...and someone to bounce ideas off...and help you do a reality check if things get out of hand.

That's about all I can offer, I'm afraid. I've avoided marriage like the plague, although I have not avoided committed relationships. My own family experiences gave me little or no confidence in the legal institution of marriage. If I'd wanted kids, then it might have been a different story. Maybe.

- LH

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Troll
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:34 AM

Even if he won't go to counseling, you should go on your own. At the very least you will get some tools that can help you through what has got to be a tough time in your life.
You may even get some answers.

troll

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Flatroubadour
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:34 AM

Print out the letter you posted here, and hand it to him. I think it says it quite well.

I divorced my SO after 23 years of marriage, and two wonderful kids. I didn't hate her, didn't even dislike her - just knew that there has to be more to life than what I had in my marriage. I still have nothing but respect and admiration for my former wife, and we share in raising the kids, but I think both of us are better off on our own. Just my 2 cents.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: kendall
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:34 AM

I can tell you what worked for me. Wait for or create a space of time when he is calm and receptive to you. Tell him in the most loving way you can that you no longer love him, and, that you need to get some space between you. If he is the explosive type, make sure you are not alone. I dont know what your financial situation is, so, it is impossible to go further than what I just told you. If he insists that you stay, it is a good sign that he is sick. My ex told me she would rather cut my throat than see me leave. That is an example of sick. She also refused to seek council until it was way too late. That was 20 years ago, and the only regret I have is that I didn't do it sooner. I love being free.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Mils
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:36 AM

I have made an appointment to go myself, its just it seems unfair as the counselor only hears one side.
Mils

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:46 AM

It may seem unfair and one-sided, but you will be helping yourself, first and foremost, and that is who is most important. If you are in turmoil and having a tough time making a decision, you can bet the rest of the family is, too, or at least feels what is going on between you. By helping yourself, you are helping your family, regardless of whether he will go or not. Counseling will give you ways to cope with whatever path you choose to follow. Good for you, for going ahead and making the appointment. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are.

kat-beentheretwice

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: kendall
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:51 AM

If he wont go, then it's his problem. You MUST take care of yourself first. Is he depressed? That might be a cause of his behavior.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,mils
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 12:01 PM

He has been in a job he says he hates for about 5 years, but has had several options to leave and never taken them. I think he likes to moan on about it all the time. I used to listen to him but now I blank out. He doesn't want to go out with me, he dislikes my friends - they no longer come to the house. I have to ask permission to watch something on the TV. He sometimes tries to be intimate, but as he does not wash often - this is distastful(when I tell him he smells - he laughs) My dream is to have my own place.
mils

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: NancyZ
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 12:28 PM

Dear Milly, If you suggested counceling years ago it's time to remind him again. He may not be even be aware of how unhappy you are, you have to talk to him! Men and women are so different in that respect.

I have to agree with the others who say go to counseling even if it's by yourself, it may wake him up as to how serious you are and get him to go too. I would say it is easy to just walk away and start a new life, except you have children, it isn't just your life....it's theirs too and a huge responsibility.

With counseling and a desire on your's and your mate's part perhaps you can find each other again. They say A good marriage takes work and time, they aren't just a kidding!

Staying together "for the kids" won't work if you're both not willing to work toward a good marriage. But lets be honest, divorce takes a terrible toll on children. It's up to you and your husband to decide together, is it worth saving?

I wish you and your husband the very best and encourage you to talk to him Milly. He's your husband, reach out to him now, be strong and clear about how you feel and hopefully he'll respond. Sincerely, Nancy

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 12:31 PM

Ya... kick him to the curb!

Seriously... get gone... and don't let anyone tell you you should stay together for the sake of the kids...

Good luck to ya eh!

;-)

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 12:45 PM

Milly, how old are the children?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Katcina
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 12:48 PM

I was having a little, very little empathy for the guy, but after your last post Milly I have to totally agree with Clinton. Get out and get a real life, you deserve a lot better.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: kendall
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 12:50 PM

I am a child of divorce. No, I was not the cause, so I have had some experience with this. Divorce is hard on children. But, it is much harder on them to live in a house where the parents obviously dont get along. When my parents split up all I felt was relief. You say you cant imagine staying with him and you cant imagine beig without him? Are you familiar with the phrase, "Caged bear syndrome"? If a bear lives in a cage for a long time, it wont come out even if you leave the door open.We are no different.As Shakespere said "Better to suffer the devils we know than to fly to those whom we know not." Something like that.

You have to ask permission to watch TV? Read the 13th amendment to the Constitution.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 12:51 PM

"divorce takes a terrible toll on children."

But the toll isn't half as bad as growing up in a house where mom and dad hate each other... Kids know that kind of stuff... I think it's better for them to suffer in the short term than long term...

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 12:59 PM

I agree and so do my kids, who''ve been through it.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 01:01 PM

Been There, Done That, Got The T-Shirt!

In my case I was the husband and she was asking for the divorce. We had been together 17 years. Your description sounds very familiar however she had asked for the divorce twice before and each time we managed to convince ourselves (myself?) that we could make it work.

No matter how you tell him it's gonna hurt. Just do it. As Kendall says, if you think he might be violent then have help standing by and then get out of the house. DO NOT HAVE A MALE BE YOUR HELPER!!! That will make things worse (We are talking basic animal instinct here.)

Assuming no violence and outrage then you can, after the tears, start to work together on splitting up the family and possessions. This is going to be hard. You may feel nothing for him now but you are about to open up a whole new range of emotions. Work with your counselor. You will need him/her.

Here in Maine it is possible to do your own divorce and avoid paying for a set of lawyers. Check to see if that is available in your state/locale.

The most important point is to keep things as amicable as possible. My wife and I worked to keep things from being too stressful on the kids and were largely successful. Once the decision was made we had to prepare paperwork and sell the house. We split the proceeds 75-25 and went on to build other lives.

She is now happily re-married. I am still single and lonely. That's life. We'd both be miserable if we'd stayed together. I have been in one very happy relationship and will someday be in another.

Good luck.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 01:01 PM

See... the voice of experience!

;-)

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 01:46 PM

You can, too, have a male be a helper. Don't be alone, really. Also, do you HAVE to tell him anything? Think about just packing up and going somewhere safe with the children. If he asks why, answer truthfully. If he wants you back, insist on counseling, and DON'T GO BACK till you think it's OK. If you never think it's OK, trust your instincts and don't go back. My voice of experience...

Sounds awful, honey. PM if you want some sympathy without advice, I'm not offering it here as that isn't what the thread is about... If you can't PM, I think my email is on the Resource page. I am assuming you are posting as Guest for personal reasons but are actually a member...

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 01:52 PM

I have to agree with Mrzzy, another male can be very helpful in such a situation. Also agree that maybe you should just get out, then tell him. Doesn't sound like a good or confortable situation any way round. Above all, be safe.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Pseudolus
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 02:01 PM

I've been on the other side of the fence also. My wife knew that our marriage was over and was going on with the business of continuing her life (sort of) but without leaving the house. I had no idea! This made the hurt worse. We have two kids together and both of us felt that the kids were to be the number one priority. It took time to get over but now, about seven years later, my ex-wife is one of my best friends. She gets along royally with my wife and we all get together for special events in the kids lives. People think it is strange because anger and resentment are thought to be required in divorce but they don't have to be and they aren't in mine. It wasn't easy and it took a while but one thing's for certain, the healing can't start until the divorce does. The most important thing in my mind is don't wait. get it done and over with, the weight off your shoulders will be tremendous!!!

Frank

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 02:15 PM

In my experience, no man ever believes you are serious when you want to talk about issues in marriage. Then, when you say you're leaving, they suddenly become willing to go to counselling. By then it's far too late. Your SO doesn't seem to respect you very much. That sets a really bad example to your children, regardless of gender.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: annamill
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 02:28 PM

No one has mentioned the children?? What is their relationship with Dad? Is there absolutely no chance that you could love him again at some point? I have found through the years that sometimes I didn't love my husband(not Honey) for long periods, and then he would do something that endeared him to me again. Usually after I told him things just weren't right between us.

Go to him, without arguing, and tell him how you feel and that you are actually considering a divorce. After he blows up, storms around threatening you, and he finally calms down, ask him if he is ready to talk. Tell him you two need to talk, and very soon, and that you're serious.

You have to go from there. Both of you have to keep it civilized for the children. After all is done, you're divorced, living your new life and comparatively happy, they'll still be hurting. So keep it gentle and as painless as possible for them.

Don't do all this with the children around. Do it when you and he are alone.

I wish you good luck. I finally did it after 17 yrs of marriage and like Kendall, I only regret I hadn't done it sooner.

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 02:58 PM

Sounds like an emotionally tough situation to be in. I'm afraid I'm with those who think "having to ask permission to watch TV (or anything else)" spells the end of any REAL reconciliation. The process of separating is excruciating, but I have to say that the folks I know who've "re-invented" themselves are some of the happiest I've seen.

There IS a better life for you out there. Unhappy people together don't make happy children.

Good luck.

Rick

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 03:12 PM

Re: Male Helper

I lost my last SO to another man. Our relationship was really over before he came along but I kept on working away at it. When reality hit me I went through every negative emotion known to the human race. I may have even invented a few!

My point is that a male helper, even being completely innocent, will cloud the issue. There is a basic instinct that will kick in and no amount of explanation will be able to keep the husband from thinking of the helper as a rival. If Milly is going to keep this as easy as possible she needs to be aware of the potential emotions and reactions her husband will exhibit and work to ease them as much as possible. If he isn't going to a counselor then he is going to be facing this alone.

Concerning the kids... As I said we worked together to keep them from getting too stressed. They were 14 and 12 years old. We gave them the option of who to live with and they chose to live with their mother. I believe she may have pressured them but I didn't fight it. A year after the divorce the older one moved in with me and now I have the younger one so I "win" in the end.

The worst thing you can do is leave the kids out of the equation. Kids are already essentially powerless. When the family breaks up they can possibly see themselves as being at fault. They can also feel helpless and alone. You and your husband will have to work at reassuring them that everything will be all right. Their father/mother will not be far away and they will be able to see him/her and talk to him/her when they need to.

Milly, no matter what your differences with your husband I hope you and he are able to do this amicably and minimize the stress on the kids.

Good Luck

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: kendall
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 03:13 PM

Sorry Guest, but, men dont have a monopoly on not hearing. I tried to talk to her for 10 years, but, she had this annoying habit of selective deafness.If she didnt want to hear it, she didnt hear it. It was just as though I had not spoken at all.Then, when it was too late, and I was leaving, she wanted to get a marriage councilor in on it.He told her that as long as one partner did not want to save it, then it was hopeless. She still didnt hear it.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Pseudolus
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 03:28 PM

I agree that a male "helper" is not a good idea. If there is a potential issue then try your best to do it in a public place, outside the home. If you can't get him to agree, then (last resort) use the phone. I still think that doing this as fast as you can is the best thing.

One last note. I went back and read all of your posts again. Aside from, "I can't imagine my life without him", I don't see ANY positive comments about him. He doesn't like your friends, makes you ask permission to watch TV, and doesn't bath often......seems that even that comment might not be a positive one. Maybe what you can't imagine is how great life could be if you could just start over again..... The rest of your life is waiting....

Frank

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 03:37 PM

My divorce was amicable and no children were involved. My advice is a guess as each circumstance is different. If you feel he will be violent by all means have a witness there and a male relative would be my choice. If he won't get counseling, you have to pull the pin, Milly. I'm not a huge advocate of divorce but this guy sounds like he's a violent controlling individual. He doesn't appear to be interested in you or in maintaining the marriage. Staying married for the children isn't a workable solution. They know and will be resentful if you stay in a hate filled relationship. Nobody wins in that game. You have a hard row to how, young Lady. I feel for you. I hope and pray that this works out for you. Kindest reguards, Neil

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 04:10 PM

By all means, a male RELATIVE would be all right as a helper. I'm sorry I didn't think of that myself.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Mr X
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 04:24 PM

COMMUNICATION

Does he know you feel like that?

Why do you feel like that?

If he does not know how can he change?

Have you told him over the years about times that have made you feel uncumfortable?

You loved each other years ago, you most probably you still love him now its just that the years have passed and your needs have somehow been set a side, which you may not have minded, but over the last 7 years you have not accepeted this as much. Have you told him this?

He is obiously a good man, as you said he is a good farther you said it yourself, he is probably a real good husband. Is 20 years of marrage and at least 13 of these have been happy.

Is it just that you don't feel that you are getting what you want out of the relationship, which can happen after a long time of marrage as you naturally take rolls (his is shouting at the kids, which may make him the dominent partner?) The key thing though is HAVE YOU TOLD HIM when your needs are not being met.

I would strongly suggest marrage counciling that way you would be giving it another try and you canb ether keep going or part in a dignified way, which is better for your childrens sake.

Yours, Mr X

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 04:27 PM

Hmmmmm.......So Spaceman doesn't bathe huh? Perhaps this is why his student's are crying.

Spaw

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: kendall
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 04:29 PM

We still dont know the ages of the children.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Llanfair
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 04:39 PM

When you do make the break...and you will....be very careful about rebound relationships.
Your SO has seriously undermined your self confidence and self image, otherwise you would have given him his marching orders long ago, so, when you start developing relationships with men who respect and value you, it feels very much like love. It's not.
Enjoy the new feelings and relationships, DON'T enter into a long term relationship, specially one that involves washing socks, until at least 2 years after the divorce.
I'm in my third, very happy marriage, but the second was a mistake. So was the first, but for different reasons.
Cheers, Bron.
PS, Life is far too short to put up with people you don't like.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 07:57 PM

I believe Spaw has nailed this one. Millie, Mr.X, Spaceman, etc. are one and the same. More to be pitied than censured.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 08:03 PM

I agree with Spaw on this one, too. But, ya know, who ever this is really knows how to push our buttons,no? Kids, SO's, emotional pain, etc. But, the flip side is:

If ever anyone should really need any good advice on the subjects, its here! We all do know that people in emotional pain come to the Internet, and Mudcat members tend to come to Mudcat first.........so, perhaps all is not in vain, after all.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 08:33 PM

Agreed Sorcha. And it is always interesting to learn a little more about fellow members. Good decent people.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 10:13 PM

I think Milly is real.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: kendall
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 10:13 PM

I got suspicious when I couldn't get the ages of the kids..

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 10:16 PM

HEY, MILLY!!! Wanna tell us about the kids? How old are they? What do they say, assuming they are old enuf to have a say? Calling Milly..........come in Milly.....

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 10:22 PM

You cynical bastard Sorcha!

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:06 PM

YEP, thas me, 'cept I is a cynical Bitch........not a bastard. Besides, I been there, and this is not exactly the way to solve problems, now is it?

Damn few people have ever accused me of being a "nice" person........and those that have were wrong. Female, helpful, guilty, passive/agressive, depressive, all those fit, but "bastard" being primarily Male, does not. Sorry, flattop, hon, but I've learned to laugh at this sort of stuff. And to figure out who/what is really in need.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:10 PM

I take it back when you call me hon.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:12 PM

Sorcha! So the old girl has gotten past the bullshit and rejoined us. Good to have you back. I hate to be the one to break this to you but everyone here thinks you're SOOOO NICE! Go hug your kids and come back smiling.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:14 PM

"Honey, honey, now....." don't get steamed, I seldom do anymore. And I is a bitch, I admit that.......(grin)

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:21 PM

Sorcha, I hate to burst your bubble, but as a female it is possible for you to be a bastard and a bitch.

Bastard, in its proper definition, is applied equally to male and female children of unmarried parental units.

So are you a Bitch Bastard? Or a really nice person who's trying to portray herself as a BB.

Let's hear it from those who know Sorcha personally...

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:28 PM

LOL, naemeson! I guess you are right! I am the product of a married union,(3 yrs before I was born) so I guess I am just a bitch, not a Bastard bitch.........and as far as I am concerned, Bitch bitch in both meanings of the word........Oh, naemeson, you made me giggle with that one! Good on ya! I'm a WitchBitch too.........but not a very powerful one. Just a Novice WannaBe.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:29 PM

I believe the correct term for addressing Ms. Sorcha is BesBud. It seems to sum it all up, at least to me.

~S~

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:30 PM

Now don't go picking on that nice lady who called me hon, Naemanson.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:32 PM

Yeah, hon, don't pick on hon, hon likes her.

~Hon

(hi Bill!)

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:35 PM

BB=Blessed Be and that is what our Sorcha is, so no more of this self-deprecrating crap, womon!

And, now, shall we discuss flattop's pedigree?**BG**

kat

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:38 PM

flattop has papers? I'll be damned!

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:40 PM

Thanks, Sissie sooz! But I think I is still a not very nice bitch, when push comes to shove. I have very little patience with ignorance (which is so easily fixed), my "Bullshit Quotient" is fairly low, and I am NASTY with telemarketers.......and the Jefe de Policia, if it comes to that. I tell him things he would really rather not know.....but he ignores them because he is an Ostrich King...

Ms Sorcha can and may be addressed as Sorcha the Bitch..and I will know what is really meant! (grin)

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:40 PM

You ain't patted a horses ass with a pedigree like mine, kat and I would guess that you've patted a lot of horses asses.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:57 PM

ooo waah, now, flattop, doan you go picikin on kat there! I personally, have patted a LOT of horses asses, and on of 'em was a Derby contendah!!! (He lost, but WTF, right? My sister owned half of him......)

It's not self depracating, kat, it's just the truth the way I see it.......and this thread is not really about me, anyway.

(i wanna see flattop's papers.......)

StB

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Feb 01 - 11:58 PM

Ummm, flattop...have you looked at your ears lately..a little long aren't they...think you meant "donkey's" ass like yours? And, I ain't nevah touched a donkey's ass!

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 12:01 AM

Sorcha - did you pet the half your sister owned????

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 12:01 AM

(whhooo, ooo waahh, trying not to blow spit into the keyboard here,,,,,,,,good one, kat!)

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 12:01 AM

You'll get very bored if you insist on seeing flattop's papers. All they say is Genu-wine Nice Guy. If you want real fun, you have to talk with him on the phone. He has the most adorable and VERY MANLY giggle! I know that sounds like somewhat of a contradiction-- and that, he most assuredly is. An individual's individual, and a very nice man. (He's not really Orillian.)

BesBud, bitch you be, and unreconstructed, which is why youse so damn lovable.

~Sisty Ugler

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 12:05 AM

So what part of the donkey did you touch, kat?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 12:13 AM

UNRECONSTRUCTED!! I love it!! That's me, the unreconstruced Rebel bitch......oooo spitting more beer on the keyboard, here!!

flattop, if I know the kat, she touched the very best part...........soft, smooth muzzle, long soft ears......there are lots of nice parts to any critter. Where are yours, you Orillian, you? (*grin*)

Are Orillians from Planet Earth? I thought maybe they were from the CropCirclePlanet.........3rd and 1/2 from Sol..........

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 12:20 AM

Cheeky, Sorcha.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 12:46 AM

Ya got that right, Sorcha, the soft muzzle, a scratch behind the ears, gaze into those big brown eyes and a big hug around the neck..all the donkeys I ever knew were very kindl and didn't know anything about crop circles or Orillians...btw are they any relation to Mork, the Orkian? I don't recall Mork ever saying anything about outdoor potties with dummies inside though...maybe just a coincidence...

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Sorcha
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 01:02 AM

I doubt they were related to Mork, kat. Mork was from Ork, not Orilliork........and don't call me "cheeky", flattop, even if I did call you "hon". "Cheeky" doestn't even start to cut it once I get started. Cheeky is the least of my virtues............

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 01:08 AM

Speaking of pedigree, I can't send you papers but you can find a link. Two daughters of a woman named Millie, Lois and Beryl, talked my mother into giving me my stupid bible name. I thought that Lois and Beryl were simply religious busy bodies until I followed a link off one of Lloyd MacDonald's messages from the Cape Breton politics listserver and found their picture along with my aunt Kit's picture. When I asked my father, I was told that Lois and Beryl were distant relatives.

Lois and Beryl

Kit

More distant relative links at the bottom of this page - related through my great grandmother's second cousin from North River or someone like that.

You will note that one of my distant relatives was Gaint Mac Askill. Although far from a giant, I still like to think that I inherited a few of the giant genes.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 03:10 AM

Yes, of course, that would be how your heart got so big... and your ears, nice and roomy for listening.... yup. Of course *G*G*G* those would be the only body parts I can testify about PERSONALLY.

Ooops then there's the size of your musical talent. BIG.

~S~

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 03:22 AM

Uh-oh, this could get scary...my Great-granddad Crawford was a very large man from Nova Scotia....he left a bunch of relatives behind, as did my Great-grandmother...according to the charts I have, we go way back to a bunch of different surnames...no MacDonalds that I've found, but ya never know....**BG**

Nice links, flattop...I wish I did have more info on my relatives from there and distant ones who still are there. Got any Fountains, Ralstons, Gordons, Sutherlands anywhere in your lines?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: sledge
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 03:24 AM

A very painful subject this, I divorced 8 years ago, there were no children invovled, which was in my view a blessing. The emotional mess that I and my ex ended up in was pitiful but thankfully short term. We are now pretty good friends, some of the other posters have mentioned this as happening to them. We both now have a friend we can talk to about anything as we both know each other warts and all. Short term grief, long term gain.

And watch those bloody lawyers, I didn't always think strait and went along with everything they said, cost me an arm and a leg.

Stuart

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 06:31 AM

So, have we decided that Milly is just a troll? Or not real?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Wotcha
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 09:37 AM

Milly,
Let me strongly suggest a program called "Divorce Care." It is being used as a sort of group therapy program in many Churches -- you can check out the program on the web (plug in DivorceCare on a search engine). Even if you're not religious, this program covers lots of ground -- depression, finances, kids, anger management, and ... reconciliation.
Believe me, this program is a must see. Call around your local area, and you'll find a program lurking about ... (it was free at the parish I attended) it helps you articulate what you are going through.
Divorce is the same as death, so be prepared for the usual emotional responses ... you need to recognize that you should not get into another relationship for some time. While people are different, the program reckons it'll take about 5 years to recover from a 20 year relationship

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Wotcha
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 09:43 AM

Here's the web site address:

Site has a locator for groups in the US and Canada.
Take care,
Brian

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Wotcha
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 09:44 AM

whoops, the thing evaporated:
http://www.divorcecare.com/
Brian

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Wotcha
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 09:51 AM

Divorce Care Homepage

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 10:08 AM

Well RATS!!!!!! RAT BASTARDS!!! RAT BASTARD BITCHES!!!

Of all the nights for my server to take a dump!!!!! I really missed it and y'all were having sooo much fun.................nuts.........................

BTW, I do have it on good authority that flattop does have papers. They are still trying to get him to use them and he's doing pretty good, just the occasional accident on the carpet.

Spaw

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Katcina
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 10:25 AM

I wondered what happened to you sweetie.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From:
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 12:50 PM

I hope you guys are right. mg

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 01:12 PM

Spaw - we missed you. Wondered where you were off to. you missed the naughty catfish thread. too late. It's been done to death.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 03:47 PM

Hey Milly, Just let him catch you in bed with someone else....maybe a couple other someones. Then you won't have to worry about it.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 07:35 PM

Yeah, that's also a way to be in deep, dangerous trouble if the guy's violent.

Sheesh!

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 24 Feb 01 - 11:23 PM

The last, worst, way to break it off with someone is to leave him/her for another partner. A break up is already hard on the self esteem. Seeing yourself as being not as good as another man or woman is driving home the point with a sledge hammer.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Milly
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:33 AM

Sorry I have not been able to reply to your questions, I did not think it wise to access at home. I have two children 9 and 14. The others have left home. He is a very good dad, and his main problem is that he wants to be in control of all I do. He cannot understand why I go to festivals. Why I want to listen to folk music. He is not a "bad person" I think he would have liked to have kept me barefoot and pregnant. I have never changed - he knew what he was getting when we were married. I had no idea how possesive he was. Or perhaps I have changed - I can't put up with it anymore. Many thanks for your offers of support. I will see what the counselling does first. Please do not take my absense as anything other that it is - I do not have unlimited access to the internet and have to make the most of it when I can.
Mils

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 07:50 AM

Regardless of what you decide to do, here's hoping you play an instrument, or have some other activity in which to immerse yourself. You'll need it to counteract all the heavy vibes. If it weren't for the guitar during my divorce, I would probably be in jail, committed, or dead. People who have absolutely nothing or no one to fall back on during traumatic times have a much harder time. Best of luck.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:04 AM

I had my guitar and my cat. The guitar helped me cry and the cat made me laugh.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:42 AM

Milly, Why do you keep changing your name?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:59 AM

Good question and "I have two children" followed by the "others" left home? "He's not a bad person" but would like to have kept you "barefoot and pregnant?!" That's a little over the top there, Mil, filled up your wellies and then some, imo. Clever explanation as to why we may never see more bait from you, tho...he's in control, no access, etc...

well, like Sorcha said, we've made lemonade from a lemon and there is good info here for people who are real and may need it.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,milly
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:26 AM

I am called milly, but my friends call me mils - sorry. I have 6 children, the eldest 4 are no longer at home 3 at university and one in permanent work. 6 children over 16 years - you spend alot of at time pregnant. Kat - I don't know what you mean by "Mil, filled up your wellies and then some, imo" Infact I find what you have said very hurtful. I am a real person - what do you want me to do - leave my name address and phone number then you can ring my husband and find out for yourself what his social skills are! I still protest that he is not a bad person - if his six children love him that says something. Milly - OK!

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:43 AM

Then go get some professional help. I believe you are having an ugly laugh at the expense of some very good, decent, caring people.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Milly
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:54 AM

I don't understand what there is to laugh at? What do you mean. I am in a rough spot just now, and I turned to those people that I have seen help so many in the past. I am trully upset that you think this about me. I honestly have very little access to the internet at weekends. I wouy not dream of using this forum for anything other than honest inquiry.
I have made an appointment to see a counsellor, unfortunately there is a waiting list of about three months. I will be fine, I have mananged for long enough. I thank those who have offered me support. I am a bit soft and get upset easily, so I can only think that thoose of you who have thought bad things about me will know in their hearts that they are wrong.
love mils xx>BR> PS I will try to let you know what happens in three months time.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:18 AM

Please do Milly

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:29 AM

Just because Milly's writing is the shambles doesn't mean I'm not bald?

How about we pretend that Milly is real and treat her problem as if it was real?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Milly
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:38 AM

Sorry about my bad typing. I have found some good womans forums in my local town. If they are working for me I will no longer ask here, althuogh I must again thank you all.
Milly

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Noreen
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:23 AM

Geez there are some cynical people here- you surprise me! There is so much in what Milly has said that has parrallels with my situation, and it takes a great deal of courage to share personal details as she has. Spaw chooses to make a joke of it and you jump on the bandwagon?

Just glad I didn't go undercover as a guest to ask for help when I was in that vulnerable position...

Milly/ Mils, send me a PM (you may need to become a member first) if you want to talk.

Noreen

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 12:25 PM

Milly, I for one am willing to "pretend" you are a real person with a real problem. Everything I said above stands. This is a difficult decision.

I see your insistance that he is a good person as being a self deception. Sure the kids may love him but that does not validate your belief that he is a good person. Consider that your sons are learning how to treat women from him and you have not (apparently) disagreed with that training. (i.e., you've been kept barefoot and pregnant for the last 16 years. Well, pregnant at least.) If you don't take a stand you will be able to watch your sons make the same mistakes he has made. And there is the possibility that your daughters, learning from their mother, will subconsciously look for a man who will treat them as your husband has treated you.

I know I have extrapolated a great deal from the little information provided but I can guarantee that kids learn behavior patterns from their parents. I have seen it over and over in other families and to some extent I see it in my own. Fortunately the kids' peers will have some impact on their development. And you can talk to them to make sure they understand why you were unhappy in your marriage.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 01:03 PM

I pretended in the beginning...hope it helped. I agree with Sinsull..I think we've been wound up.

Noreen, the point is different, as I see it..you never felt the need to be undercover because you know us and have a certain level of trust in us, as we do you. Either M is new, a drop-in, or an old saw having a go..hard to tell when someone doesn't identify themselves as a Mudcatter. I went undercover as a GUEST a couple of months ago but made sure people knew I was a member.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Noreen
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 01:49 PM

I'd rather give her the benefit of the doubt.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: mousethief
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 02:53 PM

You guys must think you're a bunch of farking mind-readers. Why not give someone the benefit of the doubt? Even if the person starting a particular thread is a phoney, the question is a good one, and maybe others will benefit from honest discussion of such a difficult issue.

For myself I am unable to determine who is phoney and who is real, so I assume somebody is very real until they tip their hand so completely that I can't continue the assumption. I don't see that Milly has done that.

Alex

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 04:36 PM

I made up everything but the facts...

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 04:49 PM

Brett,
I respect your honesty and admire the strength of character it took for you, Kendall, Steve, et al to speak so openly and frankly about what had to have been a traumatic, painful experience. At the risk of being trite: Thank you for being who you are. That includes you too flattop. Though I need an explanation about flattop being a bibilical name.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:20 PM

Looks like I'll have to crack open my concordance and make something up.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:30 PM

Wasn't flattop like Baal's other name?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: mousethief
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:42 PM

Not very much.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:50 PM

Well, if you take the last 2 letters of Baal, delete everything else, then add 4 different letters, one of them doubled............then I'd say the similarity is striking between the two! They are indeed much alike. I had never noticed that before now. Thanks MT and Matt.

Spaw

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:15 PM

Well if you just drop the 'l' from both words I might see a similarity.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:16 PM

The best troll I ever had was with a 4 inch daredevil on Summit lake. I caught a 29 pound lake trout with it.

Spud

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:28 PM

Thanks Spud!!! Flattop buddy....Do you see it now? The similarity is NOT to Baal, but between flattop and "lake trout." Thanks Spud for pointing the way!!!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:43 PM

Not flattop and "trouser trout?" How about Spud Murphy and that 4 inch daredevil? Wow!

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:19 PM

SIGH!!! I had to ask.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:46 PM

I know I have extrapolated a great deal from the little information provided

Yes you did, Naemanson, and you may well be right in your extrapolations. But you might equally be wrong, because it would be possible to extrapolate lots of different stories from the hints we've been give. Inevitably we are all liable to read this as being similar to some story in which we have had some involvement. But it's dangerous giving advice without knowing a great deal more than we have been given.

It's a human instinct to try to advise when asked for advice. (Assuming we have been, which is open to question. But I think it is a good rule not to risk erring on the side of being unhelpful, just because we might be taken in. Chesterton once said something on the lines "The man who is always taken-in sees the inside of everything.) But the only real advice that can be given here is to tell the full story to someone who can be trusted.

Whether that's going to mean counselling or advice is another matter. Counselling in this sort of context doesn't mean giving advice, it means helping someone decide what it is they really want. Sometimes what people really want actually is advice.

Here's another Chesterton quote, from something I was reading only yesterday:

If people can be divorced for "incompatibility of temper", I cannot conceive why they should not all be divorced. I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From:
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:12 PM

I have no idea who is real and who is not but assuming she is, she has just been abused further.

mg

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: bflat
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:29 AM

If snowflakes can be unique then why not apply the same logic to a person and their style of expression. Not everyone will write well the emotional experience they may be living through so as to provide us with an opportunity to pass judgement on the authenticity of their portrayal in a post. Milly, you need comfort, support and competent counseling. Make sure you get it. I understand your situation very well and would be happy to speak with you. If you become a member than we can PM and exchange phone numbers. I really wish you well. You might try some yoga to relax and focus.

Kindest regards, Ellen

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:49 AM

Milly can't become a member, because the machine she uses is her husbands work machine, She is allowed to use it but for some reason its not cookie friendly(I havn't a clue why).
I've know Milly for about 14 years, we were pregnant together and so know something of her life. I used to live across the road from her, and when I had pretended to give up smoking I used to nip across to her house and have a crafty one.
I recommended Milly speak to someone, (she has heard me praise mudcat to the highest heights.........I think thats why she posted the thread) I have tried to help her myself, but past and recent events have made me not the best listener just now
Patrish

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:27 PM

In that case, Milly, please accept my sincerest apologies and wishes for a positive outcome and thanks, Patrish, for clearing that up.

kat

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Noreen
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 02:23 PM

Patrish, (this is a bit difficult as you're guesting aswell at the moment) please feel free to give Milly my e-mail address if I can be of any help- you'll see the similarities in our situations. Bill Sables has my e-mail address if you haven't.

Milly, you have got friends here.

Noreen

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 08:43 PM

Please keep in mind, in this mirror relatives will seem closer than they really are.

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:08 PM

Try an email. Heading- "Not so Dear formerly SO." That is probably enough.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:37 PM

Hey Guest: I don't have a clue who you are but I definately appreciate your sense of humor! Milly: I've been there once and am probably heading there aain ... believe me "Honesty is the best policy" ... maybe making your SO feel like shit isn't the most pleasant thing but at least you'll feel good about yourself for telling the truth! LL

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:45 PM

Lyrical Lady, email wasn't around when I had to do it to keep my sanity (and a little sense of humour. My ex didn't have one).

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 08:56 AM

Milly, this sounds like something a friend went through recently. Fortunately she was at the other end of the relationship. He had asked her to move in with him. She was seriously considering it. As we talked I asked about any complications in following her dream of becoming a midwife. Her response was that he had said he would LET her follow that dream. I stopped her there and asked her to repeat that portion of her statement. She did, and she still didn't get it. So I asked her to rephrase it in such a way that it wouldn't sound like he was giving her his permission. She couldn't and she finally got it. With that the door opened and understanding of the nature of the relationship dawned. Shortly after that she terminated that relationship.

My point is that it is easy to blind oneself to the shortcomings of a potential partner, or to the shortcomings of a long term partner. When the light dawns you have to realize you cannot change him/her. Either you continue to live with it or you bail out. It sounds like you are ready to bail. Do it.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 02:53 PM

If you sing in public try singing songs that give support to the message you want to give.

"Thanks, but no Thanks" type songs.

Failing that try leaving books about the house like "Do-It-Yourself divorce".

It eases the pain for you both but at the end of the day "truth" is the only sure-fire way and it ain't gonna get any easier waiting. Practice the key points you want to say, but don't be too rigid with the delivery.

Here in the UK the counselling service is called "Relate" and you can go on your own. They will have insights on opening the subject with s/o.

Best of luck.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: tiggerdooley
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 03:18 PM

Maybe somebody should start a thread: 'How to spot a Mucat fake', 'cos I'm a bit lost. Why would s/he start a thread like Milly's for no reason. It seemed real to me. Maybe I'm a bit green...

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 03:32 PM

Lots of reasons tigger.....but I'm just a bit paranoid after watching a few trolls have a go here. If Milly is real, fine. She has gotten some good info here along with the "abuse." as many have said, its better just to assume that ALL are reputable and respond in kind. Its a good policy that I sadly don't always subscribe to. That's not an excuse, just a fact. Hopefully you do better than I do.......

Spaw

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: tiggerdooley
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 03:42 PM

Thanks, Spaw. Give me time and I'm sure I'll end up a paranoid cat, too!
P.S. how do I know if I'm a troll.
P.P.S. if it should transpire that I AM a troll, how do I know whether I am a real troll or a fake troll?....

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:02 PM

How many read a thread like this because they are at the same point in their life? Magnet is a word that hovers round here. AND...

How to tell the Kids? Just as hard a task, viz: to avoid their guilt hang-ups.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 10:17 PM

Tiggerdooley, you are a troll if you post a provocative bit of fluff and sit back to watch the fur fly.

Example: I heard that Spaw likes to blow up the butts of small woodland creatures.

You are a flamer if you post something that attacks someone. (Note the exclamation points)

Example: Spaw couldn't play an oppossum if it were made of clay and hollow!!!!

All others are genuine. It boils down to intent.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Milly
Date: 03 Apr 01 - 11:45 AM

Hi, everyone, I hope my typing is better than the last posting to this forum. My appointment for the counselling is today. I have just read back through this question and help I was asking - again I thank you and will let you know what happens to my situation. I realise I do need help that is not involved in the situation. I am lucky because it is not three months - I have a cancellation to make my problem sorted earlier. I am still not a member, but if I get myself ok, I am hoping to be soon and join in with all the musical questions and answers
many, many thanks mils

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Apr 01 - 12:12 PM

Milly, thanks for the update. I'm with you, and please do keep in touch. And becoming a member is so easy, do it soon!

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Mr Red at the local Library
Date: 04 Apr 01 - 07:55 AM

best of luck. be gentle.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Brian S. formerly Froodo....
Date: 04 Apr 01 - 02:02 PM

I don't think any of you are real. At least not very kind....

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Noreen
Date: 04 Apr 01 - 02:11 PM

Brian S.... care to explain what you mean?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Apr 01 - 03:28 PM

Milly, remember it is not all your fault. No matter what anyone else says, you are not to blame for everything. I left a violent, domineering partner after he fractured my skull. I should have left him earlier. He tried to make me see that it was all my fault that he liked to drink too much and hit people who couldn't hit back, either physically, emotionally or financially. Even the counsellor I saw tried to make me see that it was my fault he got mad at me. Keep telling yourself - it isn't all my fault, and believe it.

LTS