Jokes: camel story

Subject: camel story
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 09 Apr 01 - 07:35 PM

I told a version of this in the Thread, "Guess what hppened:

Two nitwits go to a used car dealer with 500 dollars and want to buy a used car, The dealer says, "We con't have any 500 dollar cars, BUT, we hav ethis camel in the back lot who's trained to stop on red lights and go on green. You fill him up with water and a bale of hay, once a week, and your all set.
They buy the camel and away they go.
One week later the salesman runs into the two nitwits and asks, "How are you getting on with the camel." "Aw, we lost him", they reply. "How can you lose a camel?" asks the salesman.

"Well, like you said, he stopped at a red light and we heard someone say, "LOOK AT THE TWO ASSHOLES ON THE CAMEL." We got down to look and the light turned green"

Subject: RE: camel story
From: rangeroger
Date: 09 Apr 01 - 11:44 PM

A guy walked into a police station in New York and told the desk sargeant he wanted to report a missing camel. The sargeant told him to go away and quit wasting his time.When the man persisted and wouldn't go away, the sargeant decided to humor him and take his report.

Sgt:OK. How tall is the camel?
Man:I don't know how tall it is,I never measured it.
Sgt;Well, how much does it weigh?
Man:Weigh? I never weighed it.
Sgt;What color eyes does it have?
Man:Color eyes? I could never get close enough. It always spit at me.
Sgt;(starting to get angry) Well color hair does it have?
Man: How should I know? Camel colored?
Sgt:(very angry) What sex is it?
Man: That I know.It's a male
Sgt:(tearing hair out) How come you don't know anything else about this camel,but you do know it's a male.
Man: That's really easy.Every time I ride it down the street, people lean out their windows and say " Hey,look at the schmuck on that camel"

rr

Subject: RE: camel story
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 10 Apr 01 - 07:28 AM

NOTE; The punchline must be delivered "on the inhale"

An archeologist , preparing for a long desert journey, stops by the local camel dealership and asks how much the camels cost. The dealer replies "Those (pointing) last for a week without water and cost 500 (whatever's), while those (pointing at another group) last two weeks without water and cost 1,000".
"What's the difference?" asks the archeologist.
"These (pointing at the first group) have not been BRICKED. replies the dealer.
"What do you mean by, 'BRICKED'"?, asks the archeologist.
"Come", says the dealer, "I will show you".
The dealer and his partner lead a camel over to a water hole. The partner pushes the camel's head underwater while the dealer , holding a brick on either side of the camel's gonads, smashes them together .
And the camel goes "SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPF.

Subject: RE: camel story
From: Gary T
Date: 10 Apr 01 - 09:25 AM

Then the archeologist says, "Doesn't that hurt?"
The dealer replies, "Not if you keep your thumbs out of the way!"

Subject: RE: camel story
From: Midchuck
Date: 10 Apr 01 - 09:37 AM

So this guy buys a camel at the used camel-lot and heads out into the desert. He gets 10 or 15 miles and the camel starts slowing down, and finally stops and lies down and just lies there, moaning. Guy can't get him up, so he trudges back to town, to the used camel lot, and complains loudly.

The dealer says, "Oh, I think I know the problem," and they get on another camel and go back into the desert. They get to the prostrate camel and the dealer takes one good look, hauls back his foot, and gives the camel a brutal kick in the stomach.

The camel lets fly a fart that goes on for most of a minute, and sounds like epic descriptions of the horn of Roland summoning Charlemagne. Then it jumps to its feet, and prances around, obviously anxious to get going.

The camel dealer says, "Just as I thought. Vapor lock."

Peter.

Subject: RE: camel story
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 10 Apr 01 - 03:04 PM

good one, Peter.

Subject: RE: camel story
From: Morticia
Date: 10 Apr 01 - 03:14 PM

So, a young subaltern is out on patrol with his hard-bitten legionaires.He says to his sergeant " So what do we do if we should miss the (ahem) attentions of the ladies?" Sergeant says " Thats' alright Sir, we just use the camel"

Several weeks go by and the young officer is getting somewhat ( ahem) constricted and desperate.Finally he gives in and orders his men to have the camel bathed and sent in....which they do, and he does and....well, you get the idea.

So he emerges in the morning looking a little sheepish but a lot happier and says to his sergeant " Damn good idea, keeping that camel" " Yes sir," says the sergeant with a poker face ....... " although we just ride it into town"

Subject: RE: camel story
From: gnu
Date: 10 Apr 01 - 03:29 PM

Alert..... dirty religeon joke. Catholics avert their eyes.

Since I don't type very fast, here's the Readers' Digest version............

Priest and Nun in desert, about to die from thirst after camel dies.

Priest says to Nun they should have sex because the male genitalia is the staff of life.

Nun replies he should stick it to the camel so they can get going.

Subject: RE: camel story
From: Midchuck
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 03:10 PM

That can't be all the Camel jokes!

P.

Subject: RE: camel story
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Apr 01 - 10:48 AM

1) Racehorse designed by committee
2) the Sphinx rhyme
3) legionaires looking for relaxation blah blah - harem of camels blah blah, old legionaire to jeune "but you have to be quick or you get an ugly one".
how about a drumaderry joke someone?

Subject: RE: camel story
From: Troll
Date: 12 Apr 01 - 10:08 PM

Those are the dromedary jokes.
The ones with two humps are Bactrians. They are found in the south Gobi Desert, Western China, etc.

troll

Subject: RE: camel story
From: Troll
Date: 12 Apr 01 - 10:10 PM

OK! OK! How do I get it OFF bold? This ?

troll

Subject: RE: camel story
From: Troll
Date: 12 Apr 01 - 10:45 PM

This

troll

Subject: RE: camel story
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 13 Apr 01 - 11:24 PM

Why are camels called the "Ships of the desert?" They are full of arab semen.

Subject: RE: camel story
From: mcpiper
Date: 14 Apr 01 - 07:09 AM

A husband and wife had hired a camel to get them across the desert. About three days out the camel stopped, lay down and would not go any further. The couple were at a loss a to what to do, so they tried all sorts of threats, bribes etc. to try and get the camel going. The husband was at the front end trying a new idea, when suddenly the camel jumped up, and ran off into the desert.
"What did you do" asked the husband
"I gave him a good swift kick in the nuts" says the wife
At this the husband turned towards her with his legs apart and says "well give me one as well, I've got to catch the bastard."

Subject: RE: camel story
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Apr 01 - 04:19 PM

Now we can correct this old verse!

The Bactrian has a lot of fun,
His night's complete when he is done;
He always gets two humps for one,
As he revels in the throes of fornication.

Amazing what one can learn here.