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BS: Coping with women (A male thread)
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST Date: 25 Apr 01 - 11:42 AM ...say goodbye to: the bathroom, lounging around in your underwear all day, foul language, The Three Stooges, beer for breakfast, football on Sunday, breaking wind or burping at the table, spitting, picking your nose while watching TV, TV, "your" music ("your" music will be usurped by "her" music), anything at all having to do with erotica or sex, cigars, poker, strip clubs, dirty jokes, sports cars, and all vestiges of behavior even remotely associated with the typical male.... ...say hello to: gardening, leisurewear, Good Housekeeping, Michael Bolton, poodles, the color pink, bowling, tofu, aerobics, Volvos, PMS, "headaches," church, Emily Post, self-help books and instructional videos on home improvement, humor like "Amusing Anecdotes" in Reader's Digest, dieting, Ladies Auxiliary meetings in your living room, movies like "The English Patient," Oprah, "white" sales and shopping. Deny her the satisfaction and castrate yourself now, while you are still able to choose and make your own decisions.
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 25 Apr 01 - 11:45 AM Well, by GUEST's set standards, I am glad I am not a "typical male". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Ella who is Sooze Date: 25 Apr 01 - 11:49 AM Matt... Guest is just trying to bait people with that last one... Don't rise to the bait. It's all a load of twaddle! Not a typical female. puh huh HAH Michael bloomin Bolton..... NEVER>>>>>> I SAY NEVER!!!!! lol... do say YES to mad week long chocolate cravings tho! Don't take the bait Matt! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 25 Apr 01 - 11:53 AM I wasn't Ella! And I was SURE I put an exclamation mark at the end of that post!1 BTW I got a B on the Rennie poster...so far my highest mark in the class! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,jude Date: 25 Apr 01 - 11:55 AM Roots and wings. Relationships need both freedom and closeness. Love doesn't smother it sets free. Everyone needs space, both physical and emotional. This does not mean you don't wannt to be close or love someone it means being with them is a choice, and all the more valued because it is a choice. There's a line in a song - if you give your love its freedome , it will stay a while, if it leaves you it was never yours to own. Don't kill love by preconcieved ideas of what it "should" be, and getting frustrated when things dont match expectations I'd also echo what was said earlier in the thread you have to like/ accept yourself before you are ready to share your life with anyone else. And now having done the profound bit for the day - off to the lingerie shop to indulge in some glorious new undies. Jude |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 25 Apr 01 - 12:01 PM Ah yes..."What's The Use of Wings?". I love that song... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: kendall Date: 25 Apr 01 - 12:23 PM Peg, my ex and I agreed on that space thing. She was so logical, if she wanted to go to the opra, and I didn't, she would invite a friend to go with her. If I wanted to go to a Bluegrass Festival and she didn't, I would go alone. If I went to the opra when I didn't really want to go, it would be spoiled for both of us. That makes no sense. Too many people are stuck in that "Siamese twin syndrome" they think of marraige as two halves coming together to form a whole, when it should be two wholes coming together to enjoy each others contribution."In order to form a more perfect union.." If you have to ask permission to go across the street, RUN dont walk, and for chrissake dont move in with her! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,El Gringo Viejo Date: 25 Apr 01 - 12:59 PM As the old song goes,"TELL HER LIES AND FEED HER CANDY" GRINGO |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: annamill Date: 25 Apr 01 - 01:46 PM Buy "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". I know your initial reaction may be "Poooo". So was mine. It is a very helpful book and it would help almost any situation where the two sexes must relate to each other. It helped me to understand the need for men needing time alone. It was something that used to hurt me. Woman seek each other out when they hurt and cannot understand a man's need to be alone at this time. I think this book may be especially helpful in your situation if you feel this is something you really need to do. Let her read it first ant then you read it too. It doesn't just explain why men act as they do. And good luck! Love, annamill |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R Date: 25 Apr 01 - 03:12 PM Time alone??? 22 years is enough time alone for me, thank you very much! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: wildlone Date: 25 Apr 01 - 03:30 PM Get a motor cycle its much more fun. dave |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Kim C Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:21 PM Matt, do not despair. Mister was 32 when I met him and never married. I was 21 and didn't want to date someone who had already been married but I didn't want to date anyone my own age because the guys I knew were pigs. I know, however, there are LOTS of exceptions to my "don't trust a man under the age of 30" axiom. One day the lady will appear who understands that and can appreciate you. :-) We did live together for about 4 months - this was AFTER I had the engagement ring on my finger. I was not going to live with him otherwise. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:48 PM Oh don't worry, I have found her!! And incidentally her name is Kim, and is 29! I was just on the phone with her... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Dancing Mom Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:49 PM I would NEVER have married my husband if we hadn't lived together first. You don't really know someone until you live with them. As stated above so wisely, it's essential to maintain your own interests and "space" as well as honoring hers.But you do need to find a common interest that you can share together. Hell, I wasn't sure about ANYTHING when we moved in together! But it's been a learning and growing process that I needed very much, and we will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary next month. Blessings, Sharon |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Liz the Squeak Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:56 PM Wildlone - I quite agree, but it's a done thing now. However, am being persuaded about the bike anyway.... Matt - 22 may be a long time single, but it's an even longer time married/attached and unhappy.... A partner is not the be all and end all of a relationship. And neither is getting married the magical door to perfect harmony and bliss. The world does not stop when the ring hits the finger, you have to keep working at it. Just sitting back and expecting your self reliant, opinion sharing, beer swilling, belching farting girlfriend to turn into Betty Crocker overnight simply because you stood before a judge or a priest and said yes, ain't gonna work no matter how hard one or other of you tries. It has to be both of you, and you both have to accept that the other changes and has different requirements at different times. Don't lose the spontenaiety, if you used to surprise her at work with a card or flowers, or jump her as soon as you got to her house (within reason.....) then do it occasionally, it will help keep interest going, and she will still feel you care about her as a sexy person, rather than a washing/cooking/cleaning accessory. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Justa Picker Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:16 PM Men tend to marry women for exactly the way they are. Women marry men for the way they are, and then spend years trying to change and mold them into what they want them to be. I'm "assimilated" going on 17 years. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Burke Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:17 PM If you need your own space, consider a duplex. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Little Neophyte Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:29 PM Justa Picker, maybe that has been what you have experienced from relationships. Yet there are women and men out there in this world who do not want to mold you into something you are not. There are people out there who want to love you for who you are the same as they want to be loved for who they are. If you are willing to open your perspective on love, you have a better chance of finding it. Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Justa Picker Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:40 PM Neo, I make a distinction between being "assimilated" and "pecker whipped". I was merely relieved of some bad habits, which I'd wanted to ditch anyway, and just needed the right "impetus". Any improvements made, I can clearly see were for the better, and I do trust her judgement - except in matter of G.A.S. :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Bernard Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:50 PM Respect each other's individuality. If you want to change your partner in any way, then you must change your partner - period! Accepting each other for what you are is vital - slight niggles will grow into major difficulties if you let them. Having said that, you must also be prepared to work on the relationship between you - it's not about scoring points. There is a difference between work which is a pleasure, and work which is a chore. The trick is to recognise which is which... I recently made the mistake of thinking that I could become the person that the love of my life wanted me to be. Of course I couldn't - the person she wanted wasn't me. It cost me my mental health, as well as my best friend. Good luck, Ed. Hope it works out well. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Helen Date: 25 Apr 01 - 07:26 PM Burke, That's not such a bad suggestion to buy a duplex. After my boyfriend (now hubby) moved from 300 miles away to here (i.e. after we had been going out for a year) he moved to a house only a block away from mine. It was near enough to spend time together, and separate enough to have time to ourselves. It was especially important for us, we decided, to ease into the closer living, because we were in the habit of only seeing each other every second weekend or so before that, because of the distance. After we got engaged (another way of saying that we had made the commitment for a long term relationship) and about a month before the wedding he moved into my place. I was very wary of moving in for reasons based on convenience, practicality, or anything other than long term commitment to the relationship. Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:03 PM Men tend to marry women for exactly the way they are.
--Justa Picker
Justa Picker, that hasn't been my experience. (And I've had lots of experience.) My experience has been that some men want to change the women they are with.
My experience has also been that all people, male and female, are individuals, but if you try to generalize about their behavior, you'll get exactly what you expect. Carol |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Jude Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:12 AM Most men don't marry women for exactly the way they are any more than most women marry men to change them. Mostly this is because few of us ever really know either a potential partner or even ourselves, and just to complicate matters people do change and grow over time. A habit that may have appeared endearing in the "honeymoon" stage may later be intensely irritating. The rest of the universe doesn't stop changing either, and people change as a reaction to that. The other thing that can be a problem is not really seeing the person behind the expectations, both of what you think/hope they are and what (often without realising it) you expect from a relationship. Love can conquer mountains - but it often falls at a molehill. If you communicate, share ideas and expectations, work at it, and are lucky, you may find, recognise and keep someone to love and share your life. Meanwhile work out who you are and what you want. Jude |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:06 AM ..after contemplating what went wrong and what went right during a 14 year marriage that ended in divorce, I came to some enlightening revelations, some not so major but noetheless mildly significant. Like: I never lost anything, aside from the occasional set of car keys (or the car) after a night of serious drinking. That was because everything I owned was on the floor. Wake up in the morning, and there it was, staring you in the face. A quick shuffle through the layers of books, records, tapes, clothes, pens, pencils, papers, various and sundry items rarely failed to reveal the item I was looking for. It was only after my "better half" decided "we" needed to become "organized" that I never could find a damn thing. Go figure. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Surviving Brother Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:24 AM Sorry if this is a repeat but time is limited My brother-in-law found this out (too late I fear). Women like to "feel" about a situation Men solve problems OK, a generallisation, but looking back on my own disaster areas it all clicks into place. sort of "Now they tell me"! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief Date: 26 Apr 01 - 12:22 PM Advice from Uncle Mouse: Never forget that men and women are DIFFERENT. Neither gender is better or worse; but each must learn to accept the peculiar peculiarities of the other. If you expect a woman to behave/think/act like a man, you will be frustrated. And vice versa. Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,#1 Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:14 PM That coping saw is to cut off their tongue. 1: It stops the long list of things they want you to do for them. Of course then they can't thank you for doing them, but you never got that in the first place. They just considered it their due. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:35 PM Zebedee... here's some advice. Make sure she doesn't get a chance to read this thread or you'll be hanging by a thread. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: wildlone Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:56 PM I worked hard at my marriage, somtimes 70 or 80 hours per week. When I found a job with the same amount of money for less than half the hours she wanted me to get a second job "so I can have nice things in the house". It was then I realised that all I was was a wallet on legs. dave, who spends his cash any way he wants now. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:10 PM LOUD and CLEAR, dave. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Bernard Date: 26 Apr 01 - 08:35 PM I used to think I'd found 'Miss Right' until I realised her first name was 'Always'... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC Date: 27 Apr 01 - 12:00 AM Wow! Is this where all of the bitter men hang out? I guess I need to go find me another rock to hang out under... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen Date: 27 Apr 01 - 12:22 AM Have to thank the GUEST for the best laugh I've had all night. Whyever would you hook up with a person who hates all of the things you love?? Maybe castration was the only way she could get your attention? Seriously, TALK to her, Zeb. Find out beforehand, and if she's too clingy, tell her no and tell her WHY. It will be better for both of you in the long run. ~JE~(A woman who, among other things: lounges around in her underwear, swears like a sailor, can 'stooge' with the best of 'em, and who loves sex, dirty jokes, and cars.)
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R Date: 27 Apr 01 - 12:50 AM Am I the only guy who DOESN'T drink beer, watch sports all day, sit in my underwear, talk about cars and tell dirty jokes? Am I weird?? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen Date: 27 Apr 01 - 01:07 AM Well, Matt, you ARE weird, but for a host of other reasons...*bg* I just think that the whole cookie-cutter thing of 'this is how women/men ARE' is revolting. It allows NO room for growth. Some day you might want to do those things, other days you might want to hang out with Boo and bake cookies or something...it doesn't make you any less of a man, or any less YOU. I find it no real suprise that people like our GUEST can't find a friendship with a member of the opposite if they allow no room for growth or evolution of the relationship. You just go with whatcha know, sugar, okay? ~JE~ (who still runs like a girl...imagine that...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Amergin Date: 27 Apr 01 - 01:27 AM Well, Matt....I don't sit around in my underwear...nor do I talk about cars...cause all I care about them is that they run and will keep running....and I can't stand sitting around watching sports on the tube all day....would rather sit around drinking beer and reading a book... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: bbc Date: 27 Apr 01 - 05:38 AM Amen to mousethief! Read some of the John Gray Mars/Venus books. I might have been able to prevent my divorce if I had understood then how differently men & women think & communicate! bbc |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu Date: 27 Apr 01 - 06:59 AM CarolC... I am not a bitter man. I prefer cold beer.... and warm women. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST Date: 27 Apr 01 - 11:14 AM JenEllen.... Nowhere in GUEST's post of 25-April-01 11:42am did it say anything about the author being a freakin' genius.
Instructions for reading the post referred to above. Some assembly required: By the by, I got two tickets for professional wrestling; truck pull later on in the week; demolition derby the week after. That's if I can finish blueprinting the block and get those pop-up pistons installed in the GTO in time. Interested? I got a cooler of Old Milwaukee already iced down. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Kim C Date: 27 Apr 01 - 01:02 PM Matt, Mister doesn't do any of those things. ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,#1 Date: 27 Apr 01 - 01:22 PM Is that male thread right or left handed? I trust everone knows the sad story of Screwy Dick. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST Date: 27 Apr 01 - 01:53 PM But what is the alchoholic user to do? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST Date: 27 Apr 01 - 01:55 PM So what is the alchoholic i love supposed to to (apart from giving up drinking) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief Date: 27 Apr 01 - 01:59 PM I gave up loving alcoholics for Lent. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC Date: 27 Apr 01 - 02:19 PM That's cool, gnu. You shouldn't have any problems attracting warm women if you keep one thing in mind. What warm women like best is warm men. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen Date: 27 Apr 01 - 04:17 PM You got it pegged, CarolC...
Well GUEST, that all depends...WCW or WWF? JennyTakeARide
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu Date: 27 Apr 01 - 04:51 PM CarolC... I'm as warm as warm gets, short of being a pussy. I guess the reason I don't trust most women anymore is because I was too much of a pussy in the past. I wasn't even going to post to this thread but I did so for the sake of humour. Screw that. Zebedee... don't move in. Get married or get out, the quicker the better. Buy her nothing. Take her nowhere. Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to. Never lie to her or yourself about anything. Talk about your feelings openly and honestly. Give her your love every day and be there for her when she needs you, unless she abuses it. If she weens about anything in the relationship, run as fast as you can and never look back. Life is waaaaaaaaay too short to be a pussy. Yes, be warm, but never be a warm pussy. That goes for you gals, too.
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief Date: 27 Apr 01 - 04:53 PM But gnu, happiness is... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu Date: 27 Apr 01 - 04:56 PM .... a mate who loves and respects you. If that mate weens and manipulates, there is no love and, certainly, no respect. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief Date: 27 Apr 01 - 05:09 PM Aye, I can't dispute that, gnu. I was just being silly. |