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Really Really Important Poem
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Bill D Date: 21 Apr 09 - 05:04 PM (pedant alert!) The Dorothy Parker poem has been posted twice, 8 years apart, and still not gotten precisely. Ahem: "I'd rather fail my Wasserman test Than read a poem by Edgar Guest." (no 'A'...it ruins the scansion) (/pedant) Why pedantry? Because...ummmm... mere memory can fail, and the durned WWW/internet leads to C&P proliferation of slight differences from the original. (Now, I have different versions of some items above, but there is often no known author and thus no one 'authentic' version.) I learned Dick Greenhaus' poem about bees as: "The bee is such a busy soul, He has no time for birth control. And that is why, in times like these, There are so many Sons of B's" Scholars bicker...... |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: dick greenhaus Date: 21 Apr 09 - 04:36 PM The bee's an energetic soul Who doesn't hold with birth control And thus the reason can be found For all the sons of B's around. |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: cptsnapper Date: 21 Apr 09 - 04:03 PM Another Ogden Nash Two nudists from Dover who were purple all over got munched by a cow in mistake for some clover. |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: frogprince Date: 21 Apr 09 - 03:13 PM forgive me if I slip in something that I actually love: Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child, Listen to the DON'TS Listen to the SHOULDN'TS The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS Listen to the NEVER HAVES Then listen close to me-- Anything can happen, child, ANYTHING can be. Shel Silverstein |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Jon Bartlett Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:54 PM Little Willie from his mirror Licked the mercury right off Thinking, in his childish error It would cure his whooping cough. At his funeral, Willie's mother Calmly said to Mrs. Brown "'Twas a chilly day for Willie When the mercury went down." Bob Graham, perhaps? Jon Bartlett |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: ClaireBear Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:51 PM No, 101. |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: High Hopes (inactive) Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:49 PM 100 |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: ClaireBear Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:41 PM Oh dear. Now, those last two (especially together) put me in mind of a certain limericK: There was a young chap from Bhutan Who wrote verses that didn't quite scan. When they said, "But the thing Doesn't go with a swing," He said, "Yes, I know, but I always like to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can." |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Weasel Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:34 PM Someone mentioned Haiku. The finest haiku ever written is that by John Cooper Clark: To convey one's mood In seventeen syllables Is very diffic Cheers |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Georgiansilver Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:31 PM I went to see my sweetheart, Her name is Miss Brown. She was having a bath, Said she couldn't come down. I said please slip on something, And come down for a tick. She slipped on the soap and came down a bit quicker than she expected. I believe by Noel Coward but someone might correct me. |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: ClaireBear Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:22 PM And this one's especially good for recitations: The Leith Police dismisseth us, — I'm thankful, sir, to say; The Leith Police dismisseth us, They thought we sought to stay. The Leith police dismisseth us, We both sighed sighs apiece, And the sigh that we sighed as we said goodbye, Was the size of the Leith police See! No typos! C |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: ClaireBear Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:18 PM for suband, read husband, although actually I rather like suband... |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: ClaireBear Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:17 PM Oh, so many contributions I have failed to make! First, up by the Edgar A. Guest submission, I should have added my suband's favorite: I'd rather flunk my Wasserman test Than listen to a poem by Edgar A. Guest. Here's an old favorite from my childhood: I shot an arrow in the air. It fell to earth I know not where. I lose more damned arrows that way! And another, from G.K. Chesterton: TRIOLET I wish I were a jelly fish That cannot fall downstairs; Of all the things I wish to wish I wish I were a jellyfish That hasn't any cares And doesn't even have to wish 'I wish I were a jellyfish That cannot fall downstairs.' |
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,songster bob Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:16 PM "The breezes, the breezes, They blow through the treeses. They blow the girls' skirtses Above the girls' kneeses. The college man seeses And does what he pleases And spreads the diseases Oh Jeezes! Oh Jeezes!" I know that Woody Guthrie knew that poem, because his song, "Old Chicargo" features a verse about the "breeze that tickles the knees of the little chickadees." It's interesting to see the sources of some of the songs we know and love. Another example is "Union Maid," which does not start like the clean version of "Red Wing," but instead parallels the bawdy parody. It's obcvious which one Woody had in mind when writing that one. Bob |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: High Hopes (inactive) Date: 21 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM Two REALLY, REALLY important poems from Spike Milligan Return to Sorrento: 3rd Class I'm going down to the lonely sea, To the lonely sea and sky. I'm going down to the lonely sea, To see if my socks are dry. There Was The was a young boy named Sean who sat on the edge of the lawn His knees went crack and he fell on his back And He regreted the day he was born. |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Nigel Parsons Date: 21 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM Mary had a little dress, The skirt was split in half. Ans every step that Mary took, The boys could see her calf. Mary had another dress, Split right up the front. But she didn't wear that one! |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: JohnInKansas Date: 09 Nov 05 - 02:52 PM Mary had a little car She drove it very brisk But Mary didn't care because She only had her * Anon, I think, but who knows? John |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: kytrad (Jean Ritchie) Date: 09 Nov 05 - 01:38 PM I know how ugly I are, I know that my face ain't no star- But gee, I don't mind it Because I'm behind it; The one that's in front gets the jarr! (Melody: Blest Be the Tie That Binds) |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bard Judith Date: 08 Nov 05 - 09:55 PM i opened my eyes and looked up at the rain and it dripped in my head and flowed into my brain so pardon this wild crazy thing i've just said i'm just not the same since there's rain in my head i step very softly i walk very slow i can't do a handstand or i might overflow and all i can hear as i lie in my bed is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head Shel Silverstein |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Leadfingers Date: 08 Nov 05 - 08:19 AM And 100 !! |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Leadfingers Date: 08 Nov 05 - 08:18 AM My favourite Ogden Nash NOT already included is :- I Think that I will never see A Billboard , lovely as a tree In fact , unless the Billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. And having just driven about fifteen hundred miles up and down the US East coast , I know just what he meant ! |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,smethwick boy Date: 08 Nov 05 - 07:56 AM Maverick Powells had rumbling bowels that thundered through the night they shook the bedrooms all around and gave the folks a fright Milligan |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Dáithí Ó Geanainn Date: 08 Nov 05 - 07:35 AM Here's another from Pam Ayres: I am a lickle bunny rabbit Sitting in my 'utch, I prefer to sit at this end, I don't care for that end....much. ..and again from Milligan: Romeo said to Juliet I'll draw a sketch of thee. Now which pencil shall I use, 2B or not 2B ? I thenk you.... |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST Date: 08 Nov 05 - 05:56 AM There was a man from Huddersfield Who had a cow that wouldn´t yield The reason why it wouldn´t yield It didn´t like its udders feeled. Courtesy of John Foreman. |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: mandotim Date: 08 Nov 05 - 05:51 AM How about... When hunting the Rhinoceros Use bullets made of platinum 'Cos if you use the leaden ones Its hide will surely flatinum. Tim from Bit on the Side |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: JohnInKansas Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:34 PM 2feathers 11 Aug 01 - 11:45 AM Whose Izzy is he Is he yours or is he mine? I'm gettin' dizzy Watchin; Izzy all the time. This is a song lyric: "Who's Izzy Is He." It took the whole gang of us over a year to find it in response to a request. A search for "Izzy" in threads should find comment. I don't know if the lyric we sent in has been added in the DT, but it may be there. ***** JudeL 29 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM Ucky Wucky was a worm,… The local version, and I believe in some of the "Girl Scout Songbooks" was: Oo-ey Goo-ey was a worm And a mighty worm was he He climbed up the railroad track The train he didn't see – Ooooooo-eeeeey Goooo – eeeeey (Last line with inflection only attainable by a gaggle of 13-year-old scoutlings.) ***** For those unredeemably addicted to self-abuse of the kind thus far advanced by posts to this thread, and most particularly those whose tastes and personal inclinations incline toward "less than wholesome entertainment," I can recommend: The Limerick edited by G. Legman, ©1964, 1969 by G. Legman, Published by Portland House, a Division of Random House Value Publishing, Inc., ISBN 0-517-20542-4. Publisher's comment: "1700 examples, with notes, variants, and index." The dust jacket notes: "This is the largest collection of limericks ever published, erotic or otherwise. Of the 1700 printed here, none is otherwise." Original List Price $35.00, but my copy has a Barnes "Remainder Table" sticker showing $7.99 – date of purchase unknown. John |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: billybob Date: 07 Nov 05 - 06:14 PM I must go down to the sea again to the lonely sea and the sky I left my vest and socks there I wonder if they are dry? Spike Milligan again |
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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Ryan Overbeck Date: 07 Nov 05 - 05:50 PM Jonny was a chemist son but Jonny is no more for what he thought was H2o was H2SO$ H2SO4 suferic acid |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Metchosin Date: 02 Sep 01 - 01:17 AM There is a strange bird called the pelican His beak can hold more than his belly can He can store in his beak What will last him a week But I do not know how in the hell he can |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Barbara Date: 02 Sep 01 - 12:08 AM She knew that he knew that her father was dead; She knew that he knew what a life he had led. She knew that he knew what she meant when she said, "Go ask father."
Blessings, |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: cyder_drinker Date: 01 Sep 01 - 03:49 AM 3 Bird poems that come to mind... The common Cormorant, or Shag, Makes its nest in a paper bag. The reason for this is, no doubt, To keep the rain and lightning out. But what these unobservant birds Have failed to notice are the herds Of wandering elephants, with buns- Who steal the bags to hold the crumbs. The sausage is a cunning bird Its feathers long and wavy It flies around the frying-pan And makes its nest in gravy. The cuckoo's a strange bird It sits in the grass It's wings neatly folded It's beak up it's ass In this strange position It whistles Twit Twit Cos it's hard to say cuckoo With a beak full of shit
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST Date: 31 Aug 01 - 04:09 AM There was a young man from Japan Whose meter just never would scan When told this was so He said yes I know But I always try to fit as many words in the last line as I possibly can Little Willie, Pair of skates Hole in ice, Golden gates Willie fell down the elevator, Wasn't found till 3 days later Then the neighbors sniffed Gee Whiz! What a spoilt child Willie is! God in his wisdom made the fly, and then forgot to tell us why If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies I had written to Aunt Maud, who was on a trip abroad When I heard she'd died of cramp, just to late to save the stamp I know more, but they're all a bit longer. |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Boab Date: 31 Aug 01 - 03:34 AM Here lies Boghead, Amang the deid, In hopes tae ha'e salvation-- ---But if sich as he in Heav'n may be, Then welcome, hail Damnation! In seventeen hunner and twenty nine The De'il gat stuff tae mak a swine ---and coost it in a corner; Then wilily he changed his plan, An' shaped it something like a man ---an' ca'ed it Andrew Turner. Baith frae Rab Burns--- |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: chizzer Date: 30 Aug 01 - 07:23 PM One from my wife's grandma: Once upon a time when birds shit lime and monkeys chewed tobacca, the little pigs run with their fingers up their bum to see what was the matter |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Chicken Charlie Date: 30 Aug 01 - 06:39 PM My all-time fave serious short poem is a haiku by Basho:
An old pond; (Furuike ya; kawazu tobikomu. Mizu no ono.) Or for the comedically inclined:
Roses are red; violets are blue. And yet another limerick not posted to the last limerick thread--for the landsmen among us a spanker is a kind of sail and the main sheet is part of a sailing ship's rigging:
There were two old ladies named Banker CC |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: DMcG Date: 30 Aug 01 - 02:11 PM A poem that I learnt in one English lesson nearly 40 years ago and stuck immediately Eletelophony
Once there was an Elephant that tried to use the telephant |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Paul from Hull Date: 29 Aug 01 - 05:14 PM Thanks, Metchosin ...all I knew of that 'Marching' one was Left, Left, I had a good job & I Left... |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 29 Aug 01 - 05:13 PM Toity poiple boyds Sittin' on d' coib Eatin' doity woims A-Choipin' and a-boipin' Dave Oesterreich |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Metchosin Date: 29 Aug 01 - 03:53 PM I think mice are rather nice Their tails are long Their faces are small They haven't any chins at all Their ears are pink Their teeth are white They run about the house at night They nibble things They shouldn't touch And no one seems to like them much But I think mice Are nice.
or
Spring is sprung |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Deda Date: 29 Aug 01 - 03:17 PM Another version, one my Granny used: Left, left, left my wife and Fourteen children The reason I left, I couldn't go right, right, Right from the country O-pie-jingles, left (back to first line) (Amos may remember this more clearly than I do?) It was supposed to work that you stepped on your left foot on left and right, right. I probably REALLY didn't need to explain that, duh....
And then there's this one: |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Metchosin Date: 29 Aug 01 - 03:09 PM Paul I remember a song when I was small something like: I saw Esau Sitting on a see-saw I saw Esau with my gal I saw Esau Sitting on a see-saw I saw Esau with my gal. When I saw Esau He saw me And I got so sore That I got a saw Oh I got a saw And I sawed Esau Off that old see-saw or something like that.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 29 Aug 01 - 02:55 PM Mudlark, here's a related "marching" poem I learned in my youth: LEFT, Dave Oesterreich |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: JudeL Date: 29 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM One from my childhood: Ucky Wucky was a worm, Ucky Wucky liked to sqwirm got onto a railway line didn't see the train in time Ucky Wucky Jude |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Mudlark Date: 29 Aug 01 - 01:13 PM This is one my mom used to recite as she walked along Left, left, left my wife and 14 childeren, old grey man in a peanut stand, I think I did, left, left.... Right, right, right from the (something), hayfoot, slewfoot, right, right.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Paul from Hull Date: 28 Aug 01 - 11:10 PM This has reminded me of one I knew when I was a kid, though I feel sure there is more of it than this.......Anyone know? I saw Esau, sitting on a See-Saw, I saw Esau, & 'e saw me... |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 28 Aug 01 - 06:43 PM Deda said:
"One of Dorothy Parker's most famous:
"Men never make passes
"at girls who wear glasses." But to which I think it was Ogden Nash added: "And girls who are be-spectacled Dave Oesterreich
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Deda Date: 28 Aug 01 - 02:37 PM As I was sitting in a chair I knew the bottom wasn't there, Nor legs, nor back -- but I just sat Ignoring little things like that. (Don't know source.) One of Dorothy Parker's most famous: Men never make passes at girls who wear glasses. Another source unknown: A wonderful bird is the pelican His beak can hold more than his belly can. He can hold in his beak Enough food for a week! I wonder how in the hell 'e can.
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Challis Date: 28 Aug 01 - 10:50 AM The Goldfish poem Does anyone know that please? Supposed to be very very short (and pithy or some such) Cheers and thanks, Hille |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: CarolC Date: 28 Aug 01 - 05:17 AM The Mennonite cars Dance a slow ballet From the church To the distant countryside.
The dance snakes slowly |
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Noreen Date: 13 Aug 01 - 08:03 PM First Aid in English, Bernard?! |
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