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Really Really Important Poem

Bill D 21 Apr 09 - 05:04 PM
dick greenhaus 21 Apr 09 - 04:36 PM
cptsnapper 21 Apr 09 - 04:03 PM
frogprince 21 Apr 09 - 03:13 PM
Jon Bartlett 21 Apr 09 - 02:54 PM
ClaireBear 21 Apr 09 - 02:51 PM
High Hopes (inactive) 21 Apr 09 - 02:49 PM
ClaireBear 21 Apr 09 - 02:41 PM
Weasel 21 Apr 09 - 02:34 PM
Georgiansilver 21 Apr 09 - 02:31 PM
ClaireBear 21 Apr 09 - 02:22 PM
ClaireBear 21 Apr 09 - 02:18 PM
ClaireBear 21 Apr 09 - 02:17 PM
GUEST,songster bob 21 Apr 09 - 02:16 PM
High Hopes (inactive) 21 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM
Nigel Parsons 21 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM
JohnInKansas 09 Nov 05 - 02:52 PM
kytrad (Jean Ritchie) 09 Nov 05 - 01:38 PM
Bard Judith 08 Nov 05 - 09:55 PM
Leadfingers 08 Nov 05 - 08:19 AM
Leadfingers 08 Nov 05 - 08:18 AM
GUEST,smethwick boy 08 Nov 05 - 07:56 AM
GUEST,Dáithí Ó Geanainn 08 Nov 05 - 07:35 AM
GUEST 08 Nov 05 - 05:56 AM
mandotim 08 Nov 05 - 05:51 AM
JohnInKansas 07 Nov 05 - 08:34 PM
billybob 07 Nov 05 - 06:14 PM
GUEST,Ryan Overbeck 07 Nov 05 - 05:50 PM
Metchosin 02 Sep 01 - 01:17 AM
Barbara 02 Sep 01 - 12:08 AM
cyder_drinker 01 Sep 01 - 03:49 AM
GUEST 31 Aug 01 - 04:09 AM
GUEST,Boab 31 Aug 01 - 03:34 AM
chizzer 30 Aug 01 - 07:23 PM
Chicken Charlie 30 Aug 01 - 06:39 PM
DMcG 30 Aug 01 - 02:11 PM
Paul from Hull 29 Aug 01 - 05:14 PM
Uncle_DaveO 29 Aug 01 - 05:13 PM
Metchosin 29 Aug 01 - 03:53 PM
Deda 29 Aug 01 - 03:17 PM
Metchosin 29 Aug 01 - 03:09 PM
Uncle_DaveO 29 Aug 01 - 02:55 PM
JudeL 29 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM
Mudlark 29 Aug 01 - 01:13 PM
Paul from Hull 28 Aug 01 - 11:10 PM
Uncle_DaveO 28 Aug 01 - 06:43 PM
Deda 28 Aug 01 - 02:37 PM
GUEST,Challis 28 Aug 01 - 10:50 AM
CarolC 28 Aug 01 - 05:17 AM
Noreen 13 Aug 01 - 08:03 PM
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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 05:04 PM

(pedant alert!)

The Dorothy Parker poem has been posted twice, 8 years apart, and still not gotten precisely.

Ahem:

"I'd rather fail my Wasserman test
Than read a poem by Edgar Guest." (no 'A'...it ruins the scansion)

(/pedant)

Why pedantry? Because...ummmm... mere memory can fail, and the durned WWW/internet leads to C&P proliferation of slight differences from the original.
(Now, I have different versions of some items above, but there is often no known author and thus no one 'authentic' version.)

I learned Dick Greenhaus' poem about bees as:

"The bee is such a busy soul,
He has no time for birth control.
And that is why, in times like these,
There are so many Sons of B's"

Scholars bicker......


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 04:36 PM

The bee's an energetic soul
Who doesn't hold with birth control
And thus the reason can be found
For all the sons of B's around.


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: cptsnapper
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 04:03 PM

Another Ogden Nash

Two nudists from Dover who were purple all over
got munched by a cow in mistake for some clover.


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: frogprince
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 03:13 PM

forgive me if I slip in something that I actually love:

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child,
Listen to the DON'TS
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.
             Shel Silverstein


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Jon Bartlett
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:54 PM

Little Willie from his mirror
Licked the mercury right off
Thinking, in his childish error
It would cure his whooping cough.
At his funeral, Willie's mother
Calmly said to Mrs. Brown
"'Twas a chilly day for Willie
When the mercury went down."

Bob Graham, perhaps?

Jon Bartlett


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: ClaireBear
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:51 PM

No, 101.


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: High Hopes (inactive)
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:49 PM

100


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: ClaireBear
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:41 PM

Oh dear. Now, those last two (especially together) put me in mind of a certain limericK:

There was a young chap from Bhutan
Who wrote verses that didn't quite scan.
   When they said, "But the thing
   Doesn't go with a swing,"
He said, "Yes, I know, but I always like to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can."


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Weasel
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:34 PM

Someone mentioned Haiku. The finest haiku ever written is that by John Cooper Clark:

To convey one's mood
In seventeen syllables
Is very diffic

Cheers


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:31 PM

I went to see my sweetheart,
Her name is Miss Brown.
She was having a bath,
Said she couldn't come down.
I said please slip on something,
And come down for a tick.
She slipped on the soap
and came down a bit quicker than she expected.

I believe by Noel Coward but someone might correct me.


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: ClaireBear
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:22 PM

And this one's especially good for recitations:


The Leith Police dismisseth us, —
I'm thankful, sir, to say;
The Leith Police dismisseth us,
They thought we sought to stay.
The Leith police dismisseth us,
We both sighed sighs apiece,
And the sigh that we sighed as we said goodbye,
Was the size of the Leith police


See! No typos!

C


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: ClaireBear
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:18 PM

for suband, read husband, although actually I rather like suband...


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: ClaireBear
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:17 PM

Oh, so many contributions I have failed to make! First, up by the Edgar A. Guest submission, I should have added my suband's favorite:

I'd rather flunk my Wasserman test
Than listen to a poem by Edgar A. Guest.


Here's an old favorite from my childhood:

I shot an arrow in the air.
It fell to earth I know not where.
I lose more damned arrows that way!



And another, from G.K. Chesterton:

TRIOLET

I wish I were a jelly fish
That cannot fall downstairs;
Of all the things I wish to wish
I wish I were a jellyfish
That hasn't any cares
And doesn't even have to wish
'I wish I were a jellyfish
That cannot fall downstairs.'


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Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem
From: GUEST,songster bob
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:16 PM

"The breezes, the breezes,
They blow through the treeses.
They blow the girls' skirtses
Above the girls' kneeses.
The college man seeses
And does what he pleases
And spreads the diseases
Oh Jeezes! Oh Jeezes!"

I know that Woody Guthrie knew that poem, because his song, "Old Chicargo" features a verse about the "breeze that tickles the knees of the little chickadees." It's interesting to see the sources of some of the songs we know and love.

Another example is "Union Maid," which does not start like the clean version of "Red Wing," but instead parallels the bawdy parody. It's obcvious which one Woody had in mind when writing that one.

Bob


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: High Hopes (inactive)
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM

Two REALLY, REALLY important poems from Spike Milligan

Return to Sorrento: 3rd Class

I'm going down to the lonely sea,
To the lonely sea and sky.
I'm going down to the lonely sea,
To see if my socks are dry.

There Was

The was a young boy named Sean
who sat on the edge of the lawn
His knees went crack
and he fell on his back
And He regreted the day he was born.


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM

Mary had a little dress,
The skirt was split in half.
Ans every step that Mary took,
The boys could see her calf.

Mary had another dress,
Split right up the front.
But she didn't wear that one!


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 02:52 PM

Mary had a little car
She drove it very brisk
But Mary didn't care because
She only had her *

Anon, I think, but who knows?

John


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: kytrad (Jean Ritchie)
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 01:38 PM

I know how ugly I are,
I know that my face ain't no star-
But gee, I don't mind it
Because I'm behind it;
The one that's in front gets the jarr!

(Melody: Blest Be the Tie That Binds)


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Bard Judith
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 09:55 PM

i opened my eyes and looked up at the rain
and it dripped in my head and flowed into my brain
so pardon this wild crazy thing i've just said
i'm just not the same since there's rain in my head

i step very softly i walk very slow
i can't do a handstand or i might overflow
and all i can hear as i lie in my bed
is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head




Shel Silverstein


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Leadfingers
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 08:19 AM

And 100 !!


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Leadfingers
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 08:18 AM

My favourite Ogden Nash NOT already included is :-

       I Think that I will never see
       A Billboard , lovely as a tree
       In fact , unless the Billboards fall
       I'll never see a tree at all.

And having just driven about fifteen hundred miles up and down the US East coast , I know just what he meant !


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST,smethwick boy
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 07:56 AM

Maverick Powells had rumbling bowels
that thundered through the night
they shook the bedrooms all around
and gave the folks a fright

Milligan


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST,Dáithí Ó Geanainn
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 07:35 AM

Here's another from Pam Ayres:

I am a lickle bunny rabbit
Sitting in my 'utch,
I prefer to sit at this end,
I don't care for that end....much.

..and again from Milligan:

Romeo said to Juliet
I'll draw a sketch of thee.
Now which pencil shall I use,
2B or not 2B ?

I thenk you....


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 05:56 AM

There was a man from Huddersfield
Who had a cow that wouldn´t yield
The reason why it wouldn´t yield
It didn´t like its udders feeled.

Courtesy of John Foreman.


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: mandotim
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 05:51 AM

How about...
When hunting the Rhinoceros
Use bullets made of platinum
'Cos if you use the leaden ones
Its hide will surely flatinum.

Tim from Bit on the Side


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:34 PM

2feathers 11 Aug 01 - 11:45 AM

Whose Izzy is he Is he yours or is he mine? I'm gettin' dizzy Watchin; Izzy all the time.

This is a song lyric: "Who's Izzy Is He." It took the whole gang of us over a year to find it in response to a request. A search for "Izzy" in threads should find comment. I don't know if the lyric we sent in has been added in the DT, but it may be there.

*****

JudeL 29 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM

Ucky Wucky was a worm,…

The local version, and I believe in some of the "Girl Scout Songbooks" was:

Oo-ey Goo-ey was a worm
And a mighty worm was he
He climbed up the railroad track
The train he didn't see –

Ooooooo-eeeeey Goooo – eeeeey

(Last line with inflection only attainable by a gaggle of 13-year-old scoutlings.)

*****

For those unredeemably addicted to self-abuse of the kind thus far advanced by posts to this thread, and most particularly those whose tastes and personal inclinations incline toward "less than wholesome entertainment," I can recommend:

The Limerick edited by G. Legman, ©1964, 1969 by G. Legman, Published by Portland House, a Division of Random House Value Publishing, Inc., ISBN 0-517-20542-4.

Publisher's comment: "1700 examples, with notes, variants, and index."

The dust jacket notes: "This is the largest collection of limericks ever published, erotic or otherwise. Of the 1700 printed here, none is otherwise."

Original List Price $35.00, but my copy has a Barnes "Remainder Table" sticker showing $7.99 – date of purchase unknown.

John


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: billybob
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 06:14 PM

I must go down to the sea again
to the lonely sea and the sky
I left my vest and socks there
I wonder if they are dry?

Spike Milligan again


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Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST,Ryan Overbeck
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 05:50 PM

Jonny was a chemist son
but Jonny is no more
for what he thought was H2o
was H2SO$



H2SO4
suferic acid


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Metchosin
Date: 02 Sep 01 - 01:17 AM

There is a strange bird called the pelican
His beak can hold more than his belly can
He can store in his beak
What will last him a week
But I do not know how in the hell he can


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Barbara
Date: 02 Sep 01 - 12:08 AM

She knew that he knew that her father was dead;
She knew that he knew what a life he had led.
She knew that he knew what she meant when she said,
"Go ask father."

Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: cyder_drinker
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 03:49 AM

3 Bird poems that come to mind...

The common Cormorant, or Shag, Makes its nest in a paper bag. The reason for this is, no doubt, To keep the rain and lightning out. But what these unobservant birds Have failed to notice are the herds Of wandering elephants, with buns- Who steal the bags to hold the crumbs.

The sausage is a cunning bird Its feathers long and wavy It flies around the frying-pan And makes its nest in gravy.

The cuckoo's a strange bird It sits in the grass It's wings neatly folded It's beak up it's ass In this strange position It whistles Twit Twit Cos it's hard to say cuckoo With a beak full of shit


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 04:09 AM

There was a young man from Japan
Whose meter just never would scan
When told this was so
He said yes I know
But I always try to fit as many words in the last line as I possibly can

Little Willie, Pair of skates
Hole in ice, Golden gates

Willie fell down the elevator, Wasn't found till 3 days later
Then the neighbors sniffed Gee Whiz! What a spoilt child Willie is!

God in his wisdom made the fly, and then forgot to tell us why

If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies

I had written to Aunt Maud, who was on a trip abroad
When I heard she'd died of cramp, just to late to save the stamp

I know more, but they're all a bit longer.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST,Boab
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 03:34 AM

Here lies Boghead, Amang the deid, In hopes tae ha'e salvation-- ---But if sich as he in Heav'n may be, Then welcome, hail Damnation!

In seventeen hunner and twenty nine The De'il gat stuff tae mak a swine ---and coost it in a corner; Then wilily he changed his plan, An' shaped it something like a man ---an' ca'ed it Andrew Turner.

Baith frae Rab Burns---


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: chizzer
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 07:23 PM

One from my wife's grandma:

Once upon a time when birds shit lime and monkeys chewed tobacca, the little pigs run with their fingers up their bum to see what was the matter


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Chicken Charlie
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 06:39 PM

My all-time fave serious short poem is a haiku by Basho:

An old pond;
Frog leaps in--
The sound of water.

(Furuike ya; kawazu tobikomu. Mizu no ono.)

Or for the comedically inclined:

Roses are red; violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme. Mine don't.

And yet another limerick not posted to the last limerick thread--for the landsmen among us a spanker is a kind of sail and the main sheet is part of a sailing ship's rigging:

There were two old ladies named Banker
Who slept while the ship was at anchor,
But they woke in dismay
When they heard the Mate say,
"Lift up the main sheet and spanker!"

CC


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: DMcG
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 02:11 PM

A poem that I learnt in one English lesson nearly 40 years ago and stuck immediately

Eletelophony

Once there was an Elephant that tried to use the telephant
No, No, I mean an Elephone that tried to use the telephone
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I've got it right)

Howe'er it was, it got its trunk
Entangled in the telphunk
The more it tried to get it free
The louder buzzed the telephee!
(I fear I'd better drop the song
Of Elephop and telephong)


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 05:14 PM

Thanks, Metchosin

...all I knew of that 'Marching' one was

Left,

Left,

I had a good job & I

Left...


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 05:13 PM

Toity poiple boyds
Sittin' on d' coib
Eatin' doity woims
A-Choipin' and a-boipin'

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 03:53 PM

I think mice are rather nice
Their tails are long
Their faces are small
They haven't any chins at all
Their ears are pink
Their teeth are white They run about the house at night
They nibble things
They shouldn't touch
And no one seems to like them much
But I think mice
Are nice.

or

Spring is sprung
The grass has riz
I wonder where the boidies is?


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Deda
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 03:17 PM

Another version, one my Granny used: Left, left, left my wife and Fourteen children
The reason I left, I couldn't go right, right,
Right from the country O-pie-jingles, left
(back to first line)
(Amos may remember this more clearly than I do?)

It was supposed to work that you stepped on your left foot on left and right, right. I probably REALLY didn't need to explain that, duh....

And then there's this one:
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, wuzzee?


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 03:09 PM

Paul I remember a song when I was small something like:

I saw Esau
Sitting on a see-saw
I saw Esau with my gal
I saw Esau
Sitting on a see-saw
I saw Esau with my gal.
When I saw Esau
He saw me
And I got so sore
That I got a saw
Oh I got a saw
And I sawed Esau
Off that old see-saw

or something like that....


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 02:55 PM

Mudlark, here's a related "marching" poem I learned in my youth:

LEFT,
LEFT,
LEFT my wife and forty-five children
Home in the kitchen in starving condition
With nothing but gingerbread
LEFT!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: JudeL
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM

One from my childhood:

Ucky Wucky was a worm,
Ucky Wucky liked to sqwirm
got onto a railway line
didn't see the train in time
Ucky Wucky

Jude


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Mudlark
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 01:13 PM

This is one my mom used to recite as she walked along

Left, left, left my wife and 14 childeren, old grey man in a peanut stand, I think I did, left, left....

Right, right, right from the (something), hayfoot, slewfoot, right, right....


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 11:10 PM

This has reminded me of one I knew when I was a kid, though I feel sure there is more of it than this.......Anyone know?

I saw Esau, sitting on a See-Saw,

I saw Esau, & 'e saw me...


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 06:43 PM

Deda said:

"One of Dorothy Parker's most famous:

"Men never make passes

"at girls who wear glasses."

But to which I think it was Ogden Nash added:

"And girls who are be-spectacled
"Don't often get their nectacled.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Deda
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 02:37 PM

As I was sitting in a chair
I knew the bottom wasn't there,
Nor legs, nor back -- but I just sat
Ignoring little things like that.

(Don't know source.)

One of Dorothy Parker's most famous:

Men never make passes
at girls who wear glasses.

Another source unknown:

A wonderful bird is the pelican
His beak can hold more than his belly can.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week!
I wonder how in the hell 'e can.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST,Challis
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 10:50 AM

The Goldfish poem Does anyone know that please?

Supposed to be very very short (and pithy or some such)

Cheers and thanks,

Hille


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: CarolC
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 05:17 AM

The Mennonite cars
Dance a slow ballet
From the church
To the distant countryside.

The dance snakes slowly
Quiet
Blowing white snow-silence
Into the hills.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Noreen
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 08:03 PM

First Aid in English, Bernard?!


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