Road Musicians, just paying their dues!

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: Justa Picker
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 05:19 PM

I've many road stories far too numerous and detailed to chew up band width here.

But one in particular when I was a young buck/nerd - take your pick (back in the early 70s) with the first professional gig I had, and that being in a show band, with dancers and a very effeminate male vocalist/front person/band leader. Part of the show, included doing a minstrel set of Jolson material, so you have this male vocalist with a very deep baritone voice doing "Mammy" and other Jolson favourites with very effeminate moves. Everything was charted and arranged and we were expected not to veer or improvise one whit from any of the arrangements. All the musicians in the band were jazzers and, druggies as it turned out.

One Saturday night, in Brockville, Ontario at some dive where we were booked (with mostly a redneck and biker crowd - gotta picture doing a minstrel set with this clientele!) about an hour before show time, the guitar player offered to lay acid on everybody in the rhythm section to "make the evening a little more interesting" (since we were all bored to tears with the arrangements, knew them by heart and could play them in our sleep) and we all unanimously agreed figuring it would be good for a laugh, and so we did, about an hour or so before we hit the stage.

So we hit the stage and the band (rhythm section) does a few funky numbers by the Average White Band, Tower of Power, etc...and we're groovin', and then the show portion began --and about half way into the 2nd show tune, the acid started to take hold, and I guess it was hitting everybody at about the same time because suddenly we all had these goofy grins on our faces - and, we're becoming completely oblivious to the increasingly cantankerous audience. As the set continues we all just sort of go onto autopilot, where what we're actually playing is remotely in the background of our minds, and of course we all started improvising, and this in turn threw off the dancers as all their steps were choreographed to the arrangements, and the leader (vocalist) kept turning around and glaring at us as if to say "what the fuck are you guys playing up here?"...and it just descended into musical mayhem, and then...before we knew it the evening was over...and the band leader called us into the dressing room and said it was the worst show he'd ever performed, and couldn't figure out what was up with us - and of course the louder he yelled in his effeminate lispy voice, the harder we laughed and the more the tears streamed down our faces.

Following the gig, we found ourselves (don't know how we got there) at someone's cottage, where there was a full scale party in progress and we all started drinking and partaking of smokables. I then found myself standing on the deck over the water in front of the cottage admiring the stars in the sky (I think they were stars), and the next thing I knew I was under the surface of the water - with all my clothes on of course, and vaguely remember being pulled to the surface and helped back up onto the dock, whereupon 2 very attractive girls hustled me back into the cottage, stripped me of my wet clothes, threw a blanket around me, sat me down in front a fireplace, massaged me and fed me drambuie straight up. I'm pretty sure this was real. 8-)

I woke up the next morning in my hotel room not having a clue of how I got there, or what transpired after the massage -- but about a week later I had to go and see my doctor for a prescription for tetracycline.

Two weeks later I quit the band. Bad for my health. 8-)

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: Jeri
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 05:13 PM

Talk about your wet periods, eh?! That one must've lasted forever for her when she realised what had happened.

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: Glen Reid
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 04:35 PM

The incident you mentioned Rick was and occurance that happened while I was playing in an Irish pub band. It was a Sat night in Boston, and the next thing I remember was waking up in a hotel room in Atlanta Ga

Now this was in the worst of what I call my WET PERIOD (living on the edge of lunacy, alcoholic haze days).
As it turns out I was seriously dating an airline stewartess( yes , that what they called them in those days). She later explained to me that I swore my love was so strong that I would follow her to the ends of the earth, starting that very night.
Trouble was Atlanta was just a layover for her and that where she left me.
Needless to say that relationship never made it, as did so many other things, in those wasted years.

Probably the most embarassing things that ever happened,was not to me personally, but to someone else.

In the early days, I was playing with a showband and we were doing a Sat. afternoon amatuer hour.It was a hot summer afternoon, and the place was packed.
This very drunk woman in her 50,s insisted on singing a song.
All she wore was a halter top and powder blue short shorts.
In the middle of her "I Did It My Way" rendition and to the horror of everone there, she suffered a moment of total incontinence.
Radiating outward from the groin area of those, powder blue short, shorts a dark stain quickly spread.
Totally unaware of what was happening to herself, with a professional flourish, she took her bows and sensually glance at me with a " how do you like me so far look"
Not something, I'll ever forget.
Gosh, I miss those days!
Glen

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: GUEST,Willie-O
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 03:10 PM

The most persistent, obnoxious and drunken requesters are the worst listeners.

I've only been punched out once...and I don't recall ever mutilating myself at a gig. On purpose anyway. I can see why you did it though Rick!

Less than 2 weeks ago, at the end of a thoroughly unsatisfying performance, I mutilated my Martin O-18, with no help from anyone and no extenuating circumstances, by watching it fall from my homemade rotating instrument stand and crack right around the bout.

It's all stitched up now, with one more (lengthy) war wound.

W-O

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 02:40 PM

Harvey, if you'd been playing the "Folk Rooms" on this side of the pond.....well what with your good looks and articulate manner (not to mention the songs) you'd have been propositioned EVERY night!

Hey Glen Reid, tell them about playing in Toronto.....and then waking up IN ATLANTA!!! I believe you said you weren't sure how you got there...but you had company when you woke up.

GREATEST COMPLIMENT I EVER RECEIVED:

A waitress asked me after the first set: "How long are you playing here"? "Two weeks" I said. "MY god" she moaned, "I've gotta listen to YOU for two weeks"??!!

Ahhhhh, makes it all worth while.

Oh, and another one. A customer KEPT asking me to play a James Taylor song. Finally I did. He came up to the stage and said "You're no James Taylor"!

Cheers

Rick

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: GUEST,harvey andrews
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 02:23 PM

You know it sounds more interesting in the States than in the UK. I've never been flashed in 39 years (back to the sexiest folksinger thread eh Rick?)and never seen a fight in a folk club. And you know what? I'm damned grateful I've earned my corn over here!

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: 53
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 01:48 PM

I was on the road for over 15 years and its tough no matter what kind of music you play.

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: M.Ted
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 01:41 PM

Twenty odd years ago, was play at bar in a small town that had a big chemical plant--One night some truckers started requesting country songs and singing along-- then some townies asked for old rock n roll tunes, and tried to sing along louder than the truckers--

Then somebody hit on somebody else's girl friend and a fight broke out--The manager asked me to keep singing to distract the crowd while he went for the cops--Someone smashed a chair to pieces on the floor, then a pitcher of beer flew across the room--then tables started getting tipped over, more chairs were smashed--I looked over toward the bar and noticed that the bartenders were gone--

the next thing was like a scene from an old cowboy movie: someone threw a barstool and smashed the mirror behind the bar! I never imagined that anyone would actually do something like that--Then someone set some newspapers and napkins on fire--and I managed to drag most of my stuff out the back door--

The next morning, the cops came out to where I was staying with a couple of things that I'd missed, and my pay--they told me that my services would no longer be required, since the bar was closed for repairs--

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 11:16 AM

Check in at hotel.

Arrive at club.

Pretty tired after three hour plane ride (and Taxi ride into St. John's Nefoundland.

Start unpacking guitar, banjo, small amp and stuff.

Owner comes over and says "You mean you play guitar AS WELL!!??"

I look at the (honky tonk) piano and know that the agent has made a HUGE mistake.

She had.

Oooooooooohhhh.......

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: Mooh
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 11:11 AM

Being stiffed by bar employers is not fun, but we solved it once by playing Take This Job And Shove It until the cops arrived to see what was going on so long after closing time. Without the cops we wouldn't have got paid.

Some 22 or so years ago I had a van load of gear swiped in a snowstorm. Fender basses, Telecaster, Gibson 335, Guild flat-top, amps and so on gone forever. Used the insurance cheque to pay off the van rather than replace the instruments...dumb, dumb, dumb...

Drunk bar patrons are fun, especially woman hitting on the band. But a couple of years ago a perfectly innocent Gibson SG got damaged by some polluted twit falling onto stage while trying to show us her tits as we played. Same place as the same guitar was damaged another time in almost the same circumstances.

Then there's well meaning stage hands knocking over favourite instruments...you know what they say about the road to hell...

One of my favourite nights to forget involved a pipe band and a horny she-piper who got quite hammered and went about lifting her kilt to show everyone that men actually wore more than she did beneath. Great fun, and she fell off her chair after sitting on her pipes. My gig had ended and we were sitting around getting plastered and playing lewd renditions of old folksongs which only seemed to arouse her. Laughing at others has its limits, thankfully, but that first image of her flashing her privates at the band will last a long time. She was kinda nice looking, but too bad drink made her kinda ugly.

Dues paid in full, Mooh.

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: Blues=Life
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 07:26 PM

Not violent, but it was just "one of those things" that happen when you're playing out. We were all set to start playing the gig, the audience was seated, and everyone was all tuned up and ready to go, when one of the vocalists waved the other two over to the ladies room, where they disappeared. One came out, went to the lead guitarist, whispered in his ear, grabbed a roll of duct tape from the gaffers bag, and ran back in. Turns out tight blue jeans can be too tight, and sometimes they split out. Mike just laughed, looked over at me, and said, "Blues in the key of C", and off we went, jamming for about 10 minutes. A very red-faced singer came out in a little bit, and we did our regular set. You really can fix anything with duct tape.

Blues

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: GUEST,harvey andrews
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 06:37 PM

Following two hours of interminably boring speeches at a mason's ladies night. As soon as I started to sing they all exhaled in joy and began to chat. I finished the song, they ignored me. I began to talk to them, they ignored me. I started the next song, they ignored me. I unplugged my gear and reckoned I had fifty seconds to make it to the car park. "I think this is a mis-booking ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy your conversations and have a nice evening" Exit left. Guitar in case, gear in bag, out through the swing doors,nearly at the entrance, man comes racing out. "You get back in here and sing, you're being paid. How dare you walk out!" "Sorry" I said, (this being the Thatcher years) "I won't accept a fee. I don't do this just for money" He gaped at me. I had the necessary thirty seconds to get to the door, sling the gear in the back and get in the car and lock the doors. Three of them chased me down the road.
Then there was the Bailey's night club. I thought it was a strange venue. A thick-set man showed me the dressing room. The door was off its hinges and had holes kicked in it. "What happened" I asked. "They didn't like the actlast night" he said. Then I found it was a stag night. Men only. I had half an hour to do to open. They found me inconceivable, so much so that they just sat there as I did my stuff. They stared, waiting for the joke to be revealed. I consider my survival one of my greatest achievements.
Then there was the night at a naval mess where I followed Tommy Trinder (English music hall artist) at one o'clock in the morning. Fortunately the audience was so drunk they fell asleep. Tommy sat all through my 45 minutes with his funny little music hall hat on his head. he knew I was suffering as much as he was, but we were both determined we would get paid!
I blame agents!

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: Jeremiah McCaw
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 05:42 PM

No story to contribute - I just wanna say 2 things:

I'm lovin' these stories and (mis)adventures.

Glen, it's darn nice to see you here.

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying their dues!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 04:14 PM

I'm a pretty laid back fellow these days, but 15 or so years ago I DID go to a psychiatrist, complaining that I had dreams about murdering my audiences! He laughed, and when I told him about some of the "road adventures" I'd had, he immediately picked up on how I'd survived. "You've turned them all into jokes, but I'll bet they were ANYTHING but funny while they were happing" he said. Yup. Some were verry scary indeed.

T'was a good living though, and difficult to get out of, 'cause I had/have very few other marketable skills. Free-Lance Philosophers don't make much!

Cheers

Rick

P.S. One night at the Royal York Hotel (that's the place where I squirted Crazy Glue into the Juke Box) a guy sitting just below the stage, kept fiddling with my chorus pedal......I asked him not to, but he thought it was fun......I waited for a bit, timed it perfectly and jammed one cowboy boot HARD onto his hand. Talk about "feel good"...I DID!

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying thier dues!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 08:28 PM

That's the great thing about being a hack, I don't experience these things first hand. My family does. I was out listening to my sister the other night, there was a happy drunk at the table in front of her giving her guitar lessons as she was playing songs and he gave her her favourite backhanded compliment "you're a really good guitar player; for a girl". Sue can outplay most guys I've ever heard.

Then there's my brother who was a drummer in a Rock band that spent most of their time playing Northern Ontario. He has many stories similar to the ones that Rick described. He is a very good looking guy, his worst experience was when someone tried very hard to pick him up, a guy in a wheelchair. Spinal Tap never played Northern Ontario.

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying thier dues!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 08:04 PM

try this one.Working solo with no DI,so separate mic for vocal and istrument when a customer decides he wants to 'join in'and takes the
guitar mic to add a drunken vocal.I cant hear what I am playnig and the owner of the bar thinks its all hilarious.Only good point was it was HIS mic,not mine.The joys of working in Hong Kong!!

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying thier dues!
From: Glen Reid
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 06:08 PM

I'm glad Rick gave up his anonimity re: the mutilation thing, and I know theres a wealth of other missadventures and bizarre occurances he's had to endure,that a bit of prodding might produce.
Glen

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying thier dues!
From: Bev and Jerry
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 05:28 PM

Many, many years ago Utah Philips gave us some excellent advice: When you're first starting out, take the worst gigs you can get - you'll learn a lot. We did and he was right. So, when we started on the road we decided to make some rules.

One was that we only played in schools, house concerts, festivals, etc., never in bars or restaurants.

Another is that we always travel in a small motorhome and never by car or plane. This severely limits our range of travel but it means we always have our "house" with us. No surprises there.

Another is that we always bring our own sound system and rarely use theirs unless there's a tech available to run it.

After twenty two years we're sliding into retirement but being on the road hasn't been too bad. In spite of all this, we have enough "experiences" to write a book and we just might do it one of these days. No self-mutilation but we were trapped by a mad dog in a room with about one hundred kindergarten kids for nearly two hours!

Bev and Jerry

Subject: RE: Road Musicians, just paying thier dues!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 05:00 PM

Guess what? I'M the guy who "mutilated himself"(!!!) in order to escape with my life!

T'was way up in Northern Ontario...the bar was verrry full.....the welfare cheques had been issued and cashed that day.....and the crowd did NOT want to hear my mix of old time Country, folk, Blues, Gospel and roots rock.

They were mostly Canadian Natives (they called themselves 'Indians' or "injuns" and laughed at City people's attempts at political correctness) and INSISTED I play "Kawliga" and "Running Bear" over and over again. Eventually I refused, and it started to get ugly. I was scared shitless, 'cause at the best of times you still had to 'walk a gauntlet' when you played these little towns. There was a built in hostility from many of the locals if they knew you came from "The City", and fights weren't uncommon.

On my break, I took out my Swiss Army knife, stuck the end of my thumb (the left one), let out a yell, and ran to the owner saying that I'd cut myself on a sharp edge of the stage, and couldn't play anymore. He just seemed to be glad that I wasn't gonna sue him, and with blood spurtin' out of my finger, I grabbed my Martin and beat a path to my room!

The next night, there were fewer folks in the audience, they weren't as drunk, they were FAR calmer, and they ALL asked about my "sore finger"...Ha Ha!

Jeesus, I'm glad I don't do THAT kind of travellin' anymore!

Cheers

Rick

Subject: Road Musicians, just paying thier dues!
From: Glen Reid
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 04:07 PM

At first I thought I would title this
"woes of the one man band" because some of the most memorable moments in my career have been as a travelling single performer.But I think its only fair to include all musicians who have been "payin' thier dues" etc.

We all have had similar experiences, like showing up at a gig to find no sound system, even though you had been gauranteed there would be one. Or you are expected to do a full night of dance music with just you and your guitar. etc. etc. etc.

How about some of the more grittier experiences like when you go to you room to settle in for a one week gig, and your first experienc is a sticky door handle. Or even worse, the beds not made up and when you shrug and try to staighten it up, you discover the sheets are stuck together.
Or its so bloody cold, the plumbings all froze up.

But you dare not complain because you need the money and further more , its in the middle of a string of six or eight similar gigs and you are in the wilds of Northern Ontario and no alternatives in sight.
Or the time a fight brakes out and a flying beer bottle hits your mic. and explodes in your face, causing permanently scarring .
A normal person would have at least ducked, but somehow we live under
a misguilded notion the "the show must go on" come hell or high water.
I even had a friend of mine ,who mutilated himself with a sharp object, in an desparate attempt to get out of having to continue a similar nightmare.
Now I'm sure some of you out there, have even worse tales to tell.so come on road warriers, share some of those,DUES PAYING EXPERIENCES.

Cheers, Glen