BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary

Subject: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 12:02 PM

Rick here: This is to give Jeri a chance to enthrall (or bore) you with her Canadian adventures!!

Rick....exiting.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 12:20 PM

Drove here yesterday. Ate some food, played some guitar and slept a little. Then I got up and played some more guitar and ate some more food. No poutine on the way this time, just a poulet teryaki from Way de la Sub. Will go look for authentic native trinkets later today and gather intelligence if I can locate any. More later.

Jeri, SeCRe agENt

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 12:49 PM

Did you pack the decoder ring? What about lemon juice for invisible ink? Oops! Didn't mean to give it away. What is it with all of the Agents going North. Bet is in the dark of Alaska...travelled the same day. Hmmmm....vat dus 'sis mean..ve haf zu of dem in da Nort?!

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: GUEST,Prime Minister Jean Poutine
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 01:08 PM

I have already alerted my Minister for National Security, the Hon. Celine Dion about this breach of security. Her Quintuplets will be knocking on your door at any moment.

The rumours of the Canadian Army's lack of preparedness for war in the East are completely false. Our soldier has been ready to go for weeks.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Micca
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 01:31 PM

Hi Jeri, in the wilds of Scarbaria!!, remember use Cobalt chloride solution for invisible ink, it comes up Blue when warmed, not burnt brown like lemon juice!!, have a lovely time and best wishes from us here to all you there!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 01:50 PM

I see that in the best interests of the "hands across the border" tradition a top Agent has been dispatched to aide the Canadians in the investigation of the disappearance of Little Hawk!

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Peter T.
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 01:57 PM

Comrades, comrades. We see all around us the fulfillment of Marx's premises, as further expounded by Rosa Luxemberg. It is merely the timetable that has been subverted by Stalinists and softroaders. Capitalism's voracious appetite will eventually crash against the wall of overproduction and the falling rate of profit. It won't be long now, comrades. Keep shopping, buy the rope to hang yourselves, covered preferably with tinsel, the sound you hear is the dialectic grinding on. yours, Comrade Peter T. (from the Marxist Legion Hall in Downtown Toronto)

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Amos
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 02:57 PM

I can tell you this much -- if the Total Information Awareness network ever starts roping in Peter T's stuff it'll choke and burn in a blaze of bourgeois glory!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 04:17 PM

And wot's wrong with a warm burnt umber, I ask you!? walks off in a nose-in-air-snit and mumbling miserable ol' git...those chemists, think they know everything..well, let this old gyrl at 'im, I'll teach him a thing or two!

Wot?! Oh, yes, carry on, minor difference of opinion, I assure you this will in no way mitigate the circumstances under which our operative must...well, erm... operate.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 04:56 PM

What's poutine?

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Cluin
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 05:14 PM

An ancient Canadian delicacy, introduced to the first Habitants by the Iroquois (in hopes of killing them off by atherosclerosis... Who figured they would thrive on it?).

--Greasy greasy french fries smothered in melted cheese, all coated with a more than generous supply of gravy.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 08:29 PM

Stick with the cobalt chloride. It's easier on the arteries.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Amos
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 09:02 PM

Poutine is a slang term used by black Montreal residents to describe, uh, sexual congress. "Eh, toi! Tu vas me donner un peu d'poutine ce soir?? Hein???"

To which the girls reply, "Eh! Va t'en chercher ta soeur!! Elle la connait bien mieux qu' moi!"

I thought everybody knew that!! Ah, les apaches Candiennes, elles ont les coeurs du feu!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Willie-O
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 09:39 PM

well, shake ma fleur de lis, amos knows french. No one is safe.

How come Jeri always spends Christmas in Canada and I always spend it in the States? Some kind of exchange program they haven't informed the participants about?

Have fun kids. Jeri, if approached on the sidewalk by a big fella with a whistle, well tu sais qu'est-ce que fait.

Bill
In Vermont.
Very very sleepy cause I got up at 3:30 a.m. for absolutely no reason.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: JedMarum
Date: 23 Dec 02 - 10:55 PM

Sounds like a great trip, Jeri! Wish I could be there too. All the best.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 08:17 AM

Cluin: I believe you.
Amos: I think you have poutine confused with poontang.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 08:33 AM

Leenia:

SOmetimes it's best to let sleeping canards lie. But you are right -- the thought behind that mythological bit of business was the intersection between putain and poontang with the typo made above for "routine". Sort of a drive-by linguistic anthropology attack, if ya see what I mean... :>)

Hey -- wunnerful wunnerful Hot Doggity Diggety Christmas to all of youse!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Allan C.
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 08:59 AM

The one most important discovery I made while I was in that part of the world is that Starbucks has indeed invaded that land. I was most grateful to learn of this thanks to a local native. (Thanks again, Bonnie!)

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 04:22 PM

Starbucks has a helluva battle on its hands to shake loose the ubiquitous foothold of the dead hockey player, though.

Went to a Starbucks once, because I was in a Chapters while on the road looking for some daytime reading material. The coffee I bought there cost me more than my whole "hungry man" breakfast that morning. Won't do that again...

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: CET
Date: 24 Dec 02 - 06:56 PM

Real poutine is made with melted cheese curds, not real cheese. I remember some British soldiers visiting our all ranks mess in Bosnia, where poutine was on offer, and saying, with evident gusto: "Mmm, chips and cheese"; the only country in NATO with a cuisine to rival ours.

Jeri: Have a great Christmas. Hope to see you at the Press Room, or maybe chez Linn and Tom.

CET

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: hesperis
Date: 25 Dec 02 - 08:48 AM

How long are you in town for, Jeri????? My bf is having an open house on New Year's Eve during the day, if you're still around I'd love you and Rick and Heather to drop by!

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 25 Dec 02 - 10:50 AM

The problem with making real poutine is I have to go back to Wisconsin (21 hours drive including cat naps) to get the cheese curds! (But, hey, Jeri, I've got some in the freezer from my excursion earlier this year.)

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 02 - 01:14 PM

By golly, Soviet Canuckistan lives on, the home of real freedom, the beacon of back bacon, and the hope of the World!!! I have returned from a factfinding mission to capitalist Trinidad, an island in the sun, surviving happily despite the hideous ravages of capitalist excess, due to the good humour and open hearts of its people!

My observations re Trinidad versus Cuba:

1. Cuba - free medical care for all. Trinidad - medical care for them that can afford it (but it's fairly cheap).

2. Cuba - busy traffic with very little rules of the road, including horse-drawn carriages on up to modern vehicles. Trinidad - the same, except for the horse-drawn carriages. Many more modern cars.

3. Cuba - dirt cheap rent. Trinidad - moderately cheap rent (by Canadian standards).

4. Cuba - Safe streets by day and night. Trinidad - Whole lot of crime in the cities, but not in the villages.

5. Cuba - Very few consumer goods and no advertising. Trinidad - Plenty of both.

6. Cuba - Elections without parties (you vote for the individual of your choice between various candidates). Government is considered inflexible and hard to talk to. Trinidad - Multi-party elections for corrupt politicians who lie to get elected, take payoffs from rich scoundrels, and rob the public. Government is considered corrupt and hard to talk to. :-)

7. Weather - glorious in both countries. No hurricanes in Trinidad.

8. People - Lively, bright, and very nice for the most part in both countries...

9. Favourite crimes in Trinidad - kidnapping, armed robbery, break and entry, car theft, murder, drunk & disorderly. Favourite crimes in Cuba - open opposition to the government, boating to Florida, black market, drunk & disorderly.

10. Cuban cops - tough, no nonsense. Trinidad cops - corrupt, treacherous, tough, stay clear of them.

So...how does all this compare to Soviet Canuckistan (Canada)??? Well, we've still got the best, most responsible police force in the world, a very orderly highway system, lousy weather (unless you love snow and ice), more Tim Hortons donut shops than you can imagine, and cute animals (moose & beaver) as national symbols. And we've still got Medicare (keep your fingers crossed).

Gotta love it, eh?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: hesperis
Date: 26 Dec 02 - 01:23 PM

Hmmm... I had better call Rick.

I jsut found out that Canada is still ripping off the Natives! I was pretty upset. We're supposed to be better than that, sheesh.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 26 Dec 02 - 06:14 PM

Well, I'm still here. (I'm Jeri, not Rick although Rick's still here too. Just not HERE here.) I'm probably going back Saturday or possibly tomorrow - not sure yet. I'm definitely going to be back in the States before New Year's.

BatMudgeoness - I have Bison Booze. One for you, one for me.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Joe Offer
Date: 26 Dec 02 - 10:11 PM

Jeri, have a nice time, but please login with your own cookie and check your messages. Be nice to Rick and Heather, and don't give poor Rick any lip.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: JedMarum
Date: 26 Dec 02 - 10:11 PM

We missed you Jeri, hurry back!

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Dec 02 - 10:44 PM

Jeri? ?? Jeri???   Are you there? Are you reading this? I probably have only a short time before they come in and shut me down. I'm still in Florida but after I tried calling you and Rick the other night, I realized that my cell phones had both been intercepted by forces beyond my control which accounts for the calls both abruptly disappearing after 4 minutes!! NOW, I think they're on to me too as I saw some really pale looking fockers following me around and then at the beach as I was hand feeding about 30 gulls, I noticed one on the periphery of the group with a maple leaf band on it's leg and a tiny camera stuck up it's ass. I fear I'm in real trou.............................................. ............ .................... ..................................

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 10:45 AM

Even as you read this, the notorious Catspaw49 is languishing in a closely guarded cell in Moosejaw, Canada, surrounded by heavily armed hosers and with a large cork rammed up his ass, just in case. We don't, like, tolerate unlawful emissions around here, eh?

He seems to be, like, growing larger. It's eery. He's already too large if ya ask me.

We are gonna interrogate this moron until we get something useful out of him. It could take years, eh? But we are patient in the frozen North.

Either he reveals all or he freezes his butt off in solitary. It's his choice, eh?

Decent. Pass me one of them Timbits and a Molson's...

- LH (in the Spirit of BDiBR)

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: MMario
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 10:53 AM

'spaw revealing all?

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 10:57 AM

Send in the Mounties!?!

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 01:02 PM

Jeezus Joe OFFER!!!

I've been tellin' Jeri NOT to go friggin' around with our computer!! If ONE SINGLE THING GETS CHANGED, then I'll just sit here with a dumb look on my face wonderin' how to get it back to something I recognise. She's already tried to simplify about a dozen things, so that I can erase all the felt pen instructions I've written ON the front of the computer! Everytime heather sees the phrase "
Hell, for two months I've had Marion's personal Mudcat page stored somewhere in this box (from when she was looking after our cats) and didn't even know it!

I've discovered my main problem though......Although I can understand and even predict peoples' behaviour on about twenty different levels...within less than five minutes I've competely FORGOTTEN that information! Sort of like your President, but without the first part.

Awww what the Hell...I'm gonna let Jeri do whatever she wants with the computer.....she can change her cookies....she can even LOSE her cookies on the keyboard if she wants to........I'm gonna buy that "Mudcat for Dummies" book.

By the way folks, HAPPY CHRISTMAS and NEW YEAR. We had a nice gathering on the 25th....I almost overcooked the turkey....Heather made ORANGE/CARROT soup(!!!!) and I stayed clear of the Brussels sprouts. The Fieldings' secret santa thing went well, although there WAS a bit of fake competitiveness. Jeri ended up with a CD of British folk stuff, that I thought might have come from that Bulmer fellow, so I asked about it (using a cutesy name) on "his" thread.

All in all a fine Christmas, and we sure hope others had one too.

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 02 - 07:41 PM

Latest report on prisoner #666, Catspawn...

Well, this loser is one for the books. First off, the cork didn't work. It was friggin' AWFUL!!! I am not going to describe what occurred, but we have got the situation sort of under control now. Sort of...

It is a mystery what this f**ker has been eating lately, but we are guessing it might have been road kill or something like that. We are going to set him straight by putting him on a straight diet of Molson's Golden and Canadian back bacon with Timbits for dessert.

That's if he talks.

If he doesn't, then he gets stale bread and water. And not much of it.

If he still doesn't talk, he gets to share a cell with Karla Homolka.

The gloves are off, eh?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: hesperis
Date: 28 Dec 02 - 01:11 PM

Hmmm... it is Saturday. Therefore, I had better call Rick NOW!

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: curmudgeon
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 10:12 AM

So, are you back yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 12:10 PM

As of right now (12 noon Sunday) she's sitting in the living room eating chocolates and looking out the window. She may also be communing with the cats...I can't tell.

Cheers

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: GUEST,Fidel Castro
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 12:52 PM

Buenos Dias! I want to spare just a minute from my busy day to send my good wishes to Canada, a very fine country, which has benefited my own beloved Cuba with trade, tourism, and good relations, despite the insane machinations and plots of the money-mad gringos immediately to the south of you.

I also want to congratulate you on repelling their invasion forces in 1812-14. Well done! We had to deal with a similar problem at the Bay of Pigs, as you will recall.

I fondly remember the visit of your brilliant Prime Minister Trudeau, a remarkable statesman who is sorely missed! God rest his soul.

Lastly, I congratulate you on the capture of the notorious Catspaw49, and I hope that you can persuade him to "spill the beans" and then get rid of him (I mean, return him to Ohio) just as quickly as is humanly possible. A decent country like Canada does not deserve to have to put up with such grotesque characters.

Vaya con Dios!

Fidel

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Jeri
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 01:19 PM

I was planning on leaving some time ago, but I have been - shall we say 'detained'? I'm being forced to learn songs such as 'My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose', 'Red River Valley', Red Sails in the Sunset' and 'Redhaired Boy'. I'll make a break for it at some point.

(Seriously, I have a severe lack of ertia. Scored vodka from the steppes of Chernobyl. Back before next year.)

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 Dec 02 - 01:36 PM

Hey Fidel! What's this "God rest his soul" thing ? Are you gettin' soft in your old age....at least you could say "Che, rest his soul".

Hasta La Vista baby, and keep sending those baseball players!

Desi Arnaz

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 10:00 AM

Achtung, Jeri!

Party to go to in the last wee hours of THIS year. Music. Food. Herring!!! Booze -- including the infamous "Nottingham Cream."

No, it's not at our place and prolly won't include the roving band of O'Carolaners O'Carolaning, which means we can sit around for the rest of the year SINGING (or drinking and talking).

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 10:27 AM

Actually, religion is alive and well in Cuba, despite rumours to the contrary (mostly spread by people who worship the dollar bill and wouldn't know human equality if it hit them right in the face).

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 11:08 AM

Thanks Hawk. Damn! ya can't count on ANYTHING anymore!

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 01:32 PM

So . . .

Is she still there? Is she on the road? (Preferably in her car, aimed towards New Hampster, I mean, New Hampshuh, I mean . . .) Is she at least, packing up guitar, strings, tuners, road food, buffalo booze, Schwepp's Bitter Lemon, underwear, socks and aiming towards the door?!?

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 04:41 PM

Rick, you're not holding her hostage, are you? Maybe we could all pool together, throw a few coins into the pot for the ransom . . . Or is it the gas fund? Does she have enough gas to get home? Will they let her across the border? (She's not really a vagrant . . . just because she's transporting guitars and fiddles and such, really.)

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 07:07 PM

No, but what's inside the fiddles, geetars and such, eh? That's what's important!

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 11:18 PM

Well, I brought some grass home, but it was in the vodka and was the bison variety. I'm back. Uneventful drive. Guy at the border asked me what my citizenship was TWICE. Shoulda made something up the second time, but I remembered what I said the first time.

Bought a jacket in Asia-town and felt just like I was back in Korea. Probably paid too much, but it's a nice jacket made from real Canadian ducks and has a maple leaf label and everything. Had Indian food for dinner last night and Rick bought me a wad of that stuff you stick in your cheek - "paaaam" or something. Kept saying "For f*ck's sake DON'T CHEW IT OR YOU'LL DIE INSTANTLY!" I don't know what I ate, but it was all wonderful. Except for the orange desert stuff which was pretty much solidified porridge. Mango pickles rule!

Didn't buy any instruments, but had fun playing a loud (I think that's what it was) and a quattro. Oh - and the Laskin flamenco/classical guitar was great but a little out of my price range.

Watched Spartacus last night - the restored version with that scene where Tony Curtis is rubbing oil on Olivier while Olivier is talking about how much he likes both oysters AND snails. Hoo-boy - gotta love that single entendre stuff.

Learned that people (me, mostly) are pretty similar to cats except we've learned to operate doorknobs. I ate. I slept. I went in. I went out. World's most exciting house guest.

Many thanks and all my love to Rick and Heather.

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 11:37 PM

Damn! I've been waiting for you to get back! Why didn't you phone when half way there? How was the weather? Yammer, yammer, yammer!

Ten minutes after you left, I'm thinkin' "Ahh why didn't she stay til New Years at least so she could see my gig, etc. etc.....

Anyway, glad yer trip was good....enjoy yer coat...

Rick and Heather (dullest hosts in world)

Subject: RE: BS: Jeri's fabuloso Soviet Canuckistan Diary
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Dec 02 - 11:40 PM

Well, I'll call in a bit, but you're gonna be on the computer. I'm duller than you are, nyah, nyah.