BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!

Subject: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 Jan 03 - 04:04 PM

Inspired by the Basque stickdropping thread, Sorcha linked to a site with Basque instruments like the Txalaparta, that seem completely made up (though real). So, here are a few new instruments:


The blostophar - living horses turned upside down on a large rack, and coconut shells are played on the horses hooves. A Cossack instrument from the 18th century.


The Xloroplast - Plants genetically modified to produce different sounds when pulled out of the ground, and amplified by a speaker system. Most Famous Work: Beets in G.


Dranozeph - first pioneered by George Martin, the Dranozeph is a piano like instrument that, when the keys are pressed, releases snippets of George W. Bush malapropisms in reverse, thus improving the intelligibility of his remarks.


And so on.....yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: p.j.
Date: 24 Jan 03 - 05:10 PM

How about...

The Souseafone: Fill a large man with beer, lay him down on a pub table. Two players then strike his belly with dulcimer hammers in elaborately rhythmic patterns. Note: Though this is traditionally
used for melodic percussion, when the man on the table joins in it can also become a wind instrument.


Hymenoptera Smallpipes:   Elaborately constructed cold wind system, consisting of a bag full of drone bees whose sound is passed through filtered amplification horns, creating B drones.   The air generated by their wingbeats is passed through a tube into the chanter, where periodically one of the bees escapes causing the piper to pibroch his pants. He sometimes also gets hives.


Soulenoid:   Large electromagnetic pipe organ mounted on the underside of a hot air balloon which flies over cemeteries. Energy of rising souls is trapped and the resulting current is conducted through a coiled wire generating a magnetic field which forces a plunger to operate the bellows providing air to the pipes. Plays Amazing Grace a lot. Also a few Doors songs.

p.j.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 24 Jan 03 - 06:34 PM

Well there's the Fartophone, but I'd rather not go into that.

Then there is the rather unpleasant Squelch Cymbols, which comes in different sizes. The creature who supplies the "squelch" as the cymbols crash together can be a canary, a hamster or a chicken. Or in one version a male volunteer from the audience is involved, but that is another topic where the details are better shrouded in obscurity.

Fortunately both these instruemnts are specifically banned under the new Licensing Law in England. It had to get something right, I suppose.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jan 03 - 08:23 PM

THE IRRITAPHONE: Not really an instrument, but a new type of effects device, the irritaphone uses digital modelling technology to allow any vocalist, male or female to emulate the vocal stylings of a number of annoying but well-known singers. The current model has settings for Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Tori Amos, Laura Nyro, Iris Dement, and Dolores from The Cranberries. Settings may be used separately or mixed to achieve desired annoyance levels. In field tests, a mix of 40% Dylan, 30% Nyro, 20% Young and 10% Dolores has successfully cleared a 700 seat auditorium before the end of the first song.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Jan 03 - 08:37 PM

Tromboon

trombone with a basson reed instead of a mouthpiece.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 24 Jan 03 - 08:48 PM

Well done, all of you. Thanks for thinking outside the box.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: John Hardly
Date: 24 Jan 03 - 09:23 PM

The Musical Room Of Moving Resonance (jeez what a lame name)--

....anyway, imagine a large room with ceramic vessels of many varied sizes lining the walls. With a keyboard to make the initial tones, the sympathetic vibrations would occur only in the vessels whose size resonated with the certain pitchs -- thus, the sound would move about the room as the various sized vessels vibrated with their corresponding pitch.
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Ever noticed the gargantuan radius of the average fiddle or doghouse bass and felt it would be almost impossible for you to learn to bow an instrument with so little leeway for error?   Then you are a candidate for the new RotofiddleTM. The four strings are arranged around a central rod and the bowing is done by rotating the whole instrument, rather than changing the angle of the bow.

If you have fears because you envision this new fangled fiddle boring its way into your shoulder/neck (getting screwed should be by show promoters -- not your instrument!), have no fear -- studies have shown that most musical compositions would require at least as much unscrewing as screwing.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 24 Jan 03 - 09:34 PM

I once invented (in my head that is) an instrument that would be a cross between a hurdy gurdy and a fiddle, with the strings stopped by by a sort of keyboard, but with a bow to sound the notes.

Then I discovered that it had already been invented, and was called a nickelharpa, and sounds pretty good in some hands.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: mouldy
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 04:00 AM

I was watching Antiques Roadshow US on satellite a day or two ago, and they showed a ukelion. It was a many-stringed thing with a vaguely ukelele shape at one end and a very wide neck. There were 4 lots of 4 strings from end to end, and what appeared to be some more diagonally at the top, somehow, under the main ones. The whole was played with a short bow (same size as a nickelharpa's). The expert said that door to door salesmen used to go round promoting these in the 20s/30s as the ideal thing for getting the family together for musical evenings, etc. After much haggling they would eventually agree to instalments of perhaps $1 per week. By the time the frustrated punters decided the thing was unplayable and cancelled, they had usually made a tidy little sum on each one.

Andrea

If I could invent a new instrument it'd be have to be a self-bowing fiddle. I have had 2 lessons now, and the bowing's getting worse and worse the more I try! It could work off a neural implant so that it played the way you wanted, and could have an option to take over left-hand function too (the original way I phrased that last bit would have been open to misinterpretation!)

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 09:23 AM

Well, okay, but I don't think that it'll be played in a pub or concert hall anytime soon....

Something new, eh?

How they did it, according to the source that sent it to me:

    "First you'll hear a 10-cylinder, 750 horsepower Asiatech F1
    engine being warmed up. Then it performs a rousing version
    of "When The Saints Come Marching In", to the delight of
    assembled pit staff and journalists.

    Here's how the magic was achieved (technical/musical details
    via F1 Racing magazine):

    As we all know, a V10 engine produces five combustions per
    revolution at a frequency per second of 60/(5 x revs per
    minute), which equals 12/rpm. Therefore, to work out the
    revs you need to hit a particular musical note, you multiply
    the note's frequency by 12. To play a 440Hz 'A', for example,
    you need 5,280rpm. For 'C', use 3,139rpm, for 'F' 4,191rpm,
    and so on.

    Asiatech's French technicians (the engine, despite its name,
    is derived from a Peugeot design) simply programmed their
    engine to run through the various rev/note ranges in the
    correct sequence. The result is delightful. And think of the
    possibilities - BMW's F1 engine, which howls all the way to
    19,050rpm, could rip through the entire Hendrix songbook.

    Even better: imagine a massed NASCAR choir performing "The
    Star Spangled Banner"! Being eight-cylinder engines, the
    frequency per second would be 60/(4 x revs), which means
    you'd multiply the note frequencies by 15 instead of 12: 'A'
    would arrive at 6,600rpm, 'C' at 3,923rpm, 'F' at 5,238rpm,
    etc.

    Mark my words, someone will be getting rich at Daytona next
    year selling a CD of NASCAR patriotic anthems."

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 09:34 AM

Right now, I'm (mentally) working on a cross between the harp and the bagpipes -- sort of an aeolian harp you could play, or have it play itself as the air leaves the bags. (Hmmm...bet you could raise some money by putting an aeolian harp in Congress or Parliament, recording the tones that result from all that hot air...no need to raise taxes....)

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 10:30 AM

Proctophone...A torpedo shaped instrument, with a goats skin membrane, which is believed to have been beaten rhythmically. It was designed as an improvement on the bodhran, because the streamlined shape made it easier to stow away. This is the reason for the alternative title of a Suppositophone.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Mr Happy
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 10:10 PM

i'm a multi-instrumentalist.

amongst what i play are harmonicas & whistles.

i've always felt it a great advantage that mouth organs are 2 way instruments- you can both blow and suck them, & that it's a shame that when playing whistle, i can run out of blow.

i can whistle tunes with my mouth,teeth, & lips & am able to prolong the melody, without pauses for breath, by using natural breathing & also whistling on inhalation as well as exhalation.

a hybrid of mouth organ & whistle could overcome this problem,like a 2 way blow/suck mouthpiece, or even evolve a totally new instrument by having a pipe attached to a harmonica to gain tremelo & note bending in a different way.

comments?

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 11:00 PM

Any low-minded citizens recall the Swinette?

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Mad Tom
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 11:19 PM

Existing devices re-purposed for music: Symphony For Dot Matrix Printers.
I've heard it on the radio, it's not bad.

My own instrument from recyclables:
Take an empty pop can and remove the pull-tab. Stab it twice in the side with a small knife-blade and twist the blade so as to open up the holes a bit. Blow across the pull-tab opening while fingering the knife-wounds on the side. I can usually only get three notes out of it, but the creation of the instrument is novel to watch.

Has anybody else tried dandelion stems as drone pipes?

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 12:25 AM

Place catspaw's flattulance filled butt-cheeks up against a giggling pussy for the tone of a tuneless cat laughing.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: reggie miles
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 09:15 AM

This is not an imaginary instrument but rather one that actually was invented by me. I stumbled across the idea accidentally but the results I achieved are first rate. I have the only successful hybridization, as far as I know, of a Dobro and a National brand resophonic guitars. I call it a Nobro. To my knowledge no one has ever considered such an idea worth while and since they first appeared no one has ever attempted such a feat. The characteristic sounds of each form of guitar are such that two primary camps of musical devotees have formed around them and hardly, if ever, has there been a cross mix where one style of guitar has moved from that musical style to the other. The styles fall like this, Dobro players tend to be all most exclusively of the bluegrass persuasion and National players tend to be almost exclusively of the blues persuasion. Notice I said almost, as I do know of a few who tend to lean in various directions but in general I have found the description of Dobro/bluegrass and National/blues leanings to be quite accurate. You'd be hard pressed to try to sell a bluegrasser a National while most blues guys and gals all think Nationals are some kind of holy grails. I think it's because so many of the bluegrass heroes of the past, that so many present day players idolize and emulate, have played Dobros and similarly so many of the blues players of the past, that present day players idolize and try to emulate, played Nationals. There seems to be plenty who have a dogged devotion to the preservationist mentality and therefore do not wish to step beyond those attitudes to explore any further than these early pioneers. They are happy to spend their time tring to immitate and it seems few are interested in innovation. That fact is not a condemnation as such as much as simply an observation on my part. It does, however, leave the area of exploration into variations of those forms a fair game pusuit and it excites me to have delved into this area with such fine results.

Reggie tinkerin with the works Miles

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: okthen
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 09:27 AM

Insert the reed from a kazoo into the mouthpiece of a trumpet and you have a trumpoo, or, a kazumpet, whichever way you want to look at it.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: trayton
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 04:59 PM

My entry for the worst musical instrument competition in the cellar bar at one of the Bracknell festivals was the bass hurdygurdy. This is constructed along the lines of a double bass and is fitted with pedals. To play one sits astride, pedals away, what a sound. I am still working on it!

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 05:19 PM

Does anyone remember the Barrow Poets, and their wonderfull home made base?
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: reggie miles
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 09:00 PM

I've also got a great collection of porcelain enameled steel urinals that when played bongo style, on their bottoms, have a unique hollow metalic flavor. I got the idea from a local washboard god who used one on his percussion set up. I have about half a dozen different styles that seem to work well together. I guess you could call it a uringo or a bonginal set.

I'm still going to forge ahead on my idea to make a banjo cello even though some have said it wouldn't fly. It's not too different from the banjo bass once made by the Gibson company, years ago, except I'll be using a marching bass drum for the body and an actual cello neck not a giant banjo neck like the Gibson had. I guess you could call it a banjello or a drumello.

Reggie nothing is sacred Miles

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Mr Happy
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 09:09 PM

in the mid '70's on top o' the poops- there were some examples of twin neck electric guitars- prob for diff tunings.

a development of these could be a single bodied multi-necked instrument featuring guitar, banjo, mandolin etc.

save having to cart all your multiple instuments around!

[don't know about what shape case you'd need though!]

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 09:12 PM

Well, I used to want to make this sort of huge accordion/pipe organ hybrid, until I realised that 1.It would have weighed several hundred pounds, which might make it difficult to play; and 2.It was just a really bad idea.

Ooh, and I wanted to make this stone-grinding-drill-thing instrument, with a small sort of keyboard, and powered with gasoline. Another really bad idea.

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 09:49 PM

The Menhir's Organ consists of a quarter-mile circle ringed with giant stone forms, the shape of which is vaguely reminiscent of something in your imagination. It is played by gauchos who gallop around the inside of the circle swinging bolos and at carefully orchestrated intervals, letting one end fly against the giant rounded base of the correct menhir.

It produces mystic basso profundo resonating renditions of "Are You Lonely Tonight" and "You Are So Beautiful to Meeee" that disappear below the range of human hearing but have been known to produce regularly spaced crop circles for miles around in the surrounding countryside.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Make Up A New Instrument!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 10:39 PM

the dreaded AOLian Harp---a bunch of windbags, loosely tied together with colorful banners, which, when squeezed hard enough, will emit whining noises punctuated by bursts of a little voice intoning.."You've got ^MAIL"

(I will post pictures soon of a couple of real, innovative instruments.....the monitor kazoo, and the Cantar)...and just for good measure, a genuine, rare German Steüssel from before WWII..)