BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Allan C.
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 09:20 PM

Someone once defined a hero as an ordinary person who reacts in a positive way to extroadinary circumstances. I think most of what has been listed here falls into that definition. However, as has been indicated in some of the other posts, the circumstances needn't be extraordinary. Sometimes just doing a job extremely well or showing an extra bit of courtesy or giving just a little extra in some way can demonstrate a particular kind of greatness. Sometimes it is the simple acts that can plant the seeds for much bigger things. You know, the ripple effect...You may never know the "greatness" of such acts.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: CarolC
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 09:39 PM

Bill D, after your first post, I was thinking about how you were there for Rita, and I was wondering why you hadn't said anything about that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 03 - 09:50 PM

Wow, Nancy, that is a pure-dee classic beauty of a story -- no smallness to it!! Just a straight window into the unbounded!

Thanks -- it made my evening!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 08:27 AM

The one thing that comes through in this thread is that you only do something you define as "greatest" when you freely transcend self and do for someone else. That might also be the definition of a hero, and in that I certainly include the mother or father or both who simply go to work each day to provide for their kids.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: GUEST,Another dreaded guest!
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 11:04 AM

Whatever it is, I don't think I've done it yet.

What I do know is that I have done a huge number of extremely shitty things in my life when, through incontinence and selfishness of all kinds, I have hurt people who did not deserve to be hurt.
The list is huge, but includes a son who grew up with chronic alopecia and the terrible bullying at school that the condition brought on, a daughter who was anorexic for some years and who is only now finding her feet and her true sense of worth, two women to whom I had pledged lifelong support and devotion but who came to realise that I was incapable of fulfulling that pledge and inumerable friends, colleagues and acquiantances who have been let down by broken appointments, promises and hearts.
I used to think I had done a splendid thing in teaching a man to read. He was a traveller/didecoy who worked as a casual labourer on the site where I worked. A feckless little shit who would piss his sub up the wall every Thursday, but not without some charm.
He had a huge chip on his shoulder about not having a trade, and would always say "It's not fair. If I could read I could be a sparks!"
So one night I grabbed him off the site and, instead of going to the pub, dragged him to an adult literacy class run by Camden council. I sat with him for weeks as he painstakingly learned how to read and write.
I eventually left the site to go off to college, patting myself smugly on the back at a job well done. A couple of years down the road I came across him again. Still with a huge chip on his shoulder, only bigger now because he no longer had an excuse for his own failure. And by then he was a raging alcoholic who couldn't even get a job as a day labourer.
So I've come to the conclusion that if anyone has succeeded or triumphed through me, it's despite, not because. And that the unconditional love of children is small recompense for the guilt of a crap parent.
Not that I'm intending to piss on anyone's parade in this thread, but sometimes it does help to see things from the other side of the street. Anyone who can have a mutually supportive relationship with another human being, and who can be a good parent has done enough, in my opinion. For that alone, you will have justified your existence. Sod the warm fluffies and all the rest of the toughy-feely bollocks!

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 11:13 AM

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 11:28 AM

Whoops! Hit the wrong button. That wasn't one of the Greatest Things I've Ever Done, by the way.

Welcome, Guest!

You know, I could just as easily start a thread titled, The rottenest Things I've Ever Done, And there's probably not a person who contributed here who couldn't add to my list. We've all done things that we're ashamed of... or at least speaking for myself, I have. I've done unkind acts out of selfishness and insensitivity, or revenge that I will always regret. I suspect that there are things that you've done in your life that have lifted people that you don't give yourself credit for. When you helped that man to learn to read, that was a beautiful gift. He didn't use it wisely. That doesn't diminish the goodness of the act. I could start another thread that would be titled Great Things I Did For Others That The Bums Dind't Even Thank Me For. Now, that would be a REAAALLLLL long thread.

There are people who think ugly is real and good is "warm fluffies."
Admittedly, people can be very self-congratulatory about their good acts, or sentimentalize them. But, if you want bad news, but a newspaper, listen to Rap or go to a movie. There's no shortage of negativity around us. But, there is also no shortage of goodness around us, and in us. Rapaire is right that the common quality of all the acts described in this thread is that we were able to do something because we were able to transcend ourselves. I find this thread an encouragement and reminder of the potential we all have.
Guests or members.

Several years ago, I did a Christmas card with excerpts from a poem by Bishop Muzorewa. Someone gave me the poem, and they had no idea who Bishop Muzorewa is, but the message is very powerful.

"People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered
Love them anyway

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable
Be honest and frank anyway

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight
Build anyway

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth
Give the world the best you have anyway

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives
Do good anyway

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow
Do good anyway"

FDrom Love Them Anyway, by Bishop Muzorewa

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: TIA
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 12:14 PM

Ooooh, if someone starts a "rottenest thing I've ever done" thread, I've got a good story - but I must ditch my cookie and post it as a guest.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 01:44 PM

TIA: We would all have something to add, but youre' right. We'd all have to post anonymously. Or unanimously.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Mar 03 - 01:54 PM

BillD, when my time comes and there's an accounting of my karma I will be sure to tell them the Official Mudcat Curmudgeon said all my bad debts were paid up!! **bg** Thanks!

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: khandu
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 12:44 AM

I guess another "great thing" I did was forgiving my brother.

He and I went into business together (bad idea!!). In three months time, we were not speaking. I actually moved out-of-state, partly to keep from having to see his face.

Four years passed,and on a trip through Mississippi, circumstances caused me to spend most of the day with him. We talked and made amends. I forgave; he forgave.

A month later, he died as a fire-fighter in the line of duty.

I consider the day we were together a gift of God. Had he died without the two of us removing the bitterness, I would have greived forever.

I realized that the things which gave us such negative feelings meant nothing when compared to not having him around.

As much as lies within you, try to live in peace with your fellow humans- especially those who are close to you.

Ken

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 09:40 AM

Good advice, Ken:

I had a friend who used to say that he'd give up a year of his life just to have ten minutes to make peace with his Father. His Father died with a deep animosity between them, and my friend bore that weight for the rest of his life. I was estranged from my parents and family for seven years due to a rather complicated situation. I thnak God that I was able to heal those wounds, and had over twenty years of good times with my Father before he passed away. And just as importantly, my sons were able to grow up knowing their Grandparents. I started to change my life when my five year old son came home from school and said, "Do I have a Grandpa and Grandma?"
Sometimes we need a jolt to make us realize what is truly important.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 10:00 AM

I decided a long time ago to use a certain amount of my week to volunteer projects. My favorite is crocheting items for the people of the Lakota Sioux Nation. I ENJOY helping others. It's not a co-dependancy thing--it's just something that I know I must do.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Sam L
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 10:46 AM

Guest, thanks. I have a going concern which is either one of the best things I've done or one of the worst, but I can't tell which. People say sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, which may imply that being kind in response to someone's cruelty might have some malice hidden in it also. In any case, good or bad, I think I do what I do essentially for me. If something seems to turn out well, it makes a good snapshot, if nothing else, and just because the snapshot doesn't turn out, doesn't mean there was nothing good there. You seem to be skeptical of sentimentality. I guess I am too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 11:49 AM

Hi, Fred:

I read this somewhere many years ago and it has always stuck with me.

"Love without honesty is sentimentality
Honesty without love is cruelty"

I don't think any of us are talking about sentimentality in this thread. Some people (not referring to our Guest) become so cynical that they can't accept love as a possibility, and reduce even the most loving acts to something that is either self-serving, or sentimental.

Thanks for your postings.. and everyone else...

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: alanabit
Date: 06 Mar 03 - 02:03 PM

I have loved some of the postings here. I don't have much which ranks anywhere on the dramatic scale of things. I was once able to keep a bloke conscious after a burst ulcer until the medics arrived. (That was very messy and didn't look or smell nice at all). Another time I was the first to react after a bloke got hit by a train and dragged him onto the platform and stuck around until the medics arrived. I still don't know what happened to him, although the medics told me he would probably live. Compared to what policemen or fire officers do every week, there is nothing too special about that. There are other incidents where I failed to act - and I am ashamed of those. On one occasion a drunken bully was crassly and outrageously insulting to an old woman on a tram. I was recovering from hepatitis but I still bridle at the thought that in a carriage full of cowards I failed as badly as everyone else.
      Last year I was rather fitter and intervened when two rude and arrogant young men jostled and threatened a woman. I was polite, but told them firmly that their behaviour was intimidating. Fortunately the incident ended without violence. I was ready to fight - but believe me - in no hurry to do so. It could just as easily have been my girlfriend that had been in that situation. I didn't really have much choice. A simple "Thank-you" from the woman left me with a warmth inside that made it more than worth the fright that I had felt.
       The one I am really proud of is the time that a struggling young busker (now quite a well known singer/songwriter) rang me up and said, "Alan - It's X. I am going back home because I can't cut it here." You probably think I am going to tell you about how I gave him a bed for the night, listened to his hard luck story and bought him a beer to cry into. I did nothing of the sort. I gave him the bollocking of a lifetime along the lines of, "You make me sick. You have all that talent and you are giving me all these excuses for failing...Look at those tramps! Anyone can do that. Failing is easy..
There are bars over there and over there. Bugger off and play them and don't bother coming back until you have made at least thirty Marks.You can buy me a beer in Manni's at eleven o'clock and if you haven't made your thirty Marks, don't bother meeting me there - cos I'll lock you out mate!"
       He was there early with a big bag of money and an even bigger grin. His confidence was back and he was up and fighting again. He still smiles when we recall that evening over twenty years ago. I feel good about that one.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: momnopp
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 04:36 PM

So, Jerry -- are you submitting this to Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen? Chicken Soup for the Folkies' Soul?

All seriousness aside, this *is* a beautiful thread. I've mentioned the topic to a couple of friends, and the moms have mostly automatically said, "giving birth to my kid/s". So my initial response is not all that unusual.

Other wonderful things I'm proud of having done were mostly done last year while I was a substitute teacher for the local county public school system. I worked primarily with "Special Needs" populations and I know I made a difference for a number of kids. Kids I'd seen only for an afternoon remembered me weeks, even months later and greeted me cheerfully.

One kid in the local high school for "emotionally disturbed" kids, was VERY, VERY angry one afternoon and on the verge of fleeing and/or harming someone. The psychologist talked him down and I very calmly went and got the work he needed to do and brought it to him in spite of the abusive string of angry words he had recently hurled in my general direction. He was so astonished that I could remain calm and continue to treat him with dignity and respect that our interactions from then on were completely changed.

I feel really good about being able to look at "Special Ed Kids" and see them first and foremost as people -- unfortunately this seems to be outside the experience of many of them and yet it means so very much. I remain amazed at how just a tiny dose of humanity can heal so many wounds...

Peace,

JudyO

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 05:44 PM

A simple act of kindness for a stranger every day. And yes - I enjoy it more than they do.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 06:15 PM

I feel really good about being able to look at "Special Ed Kids" and see them first and foremost as people -- unfortunately this seems to be outside the experience of many of them and yet it means so very much. I remain amazed at how just a tiny dose of humanity can heal so many wounds...

JudyO, as one who has learning disabilities myself, and as a mother who has raised a child with learning disabilities, I want to thank you for what you've done for special needs children in the school system. You are absolutely right that being treated like a human being is outside the experience of many people with learning disabilities (and other special needs students). And you are equally right that just a tiny dose of humanity or kindness or compassion can make all the difference for people with special needs.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 09:38 PM

I don't know what this thread is doing for everyone else, but it sure makes my day (Not in a Clint Eastwood way.)

One thing that I believe is universal, momnopp, is the need to be touched. People in nursing homes are particularly hungry for a gentle touch that doesn't have anything to do with changing their sheets, or helping them to the bathroom (although those things can be done lovingly, too.) Just holding someone's hand connects them to life, and the weakest, most frail elderly woman lying flat on her back in a bed can have a grip that would bring a professional wrestler to his knees.

Keep the stories coming.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 03 - 11:58 PM

My mother in law is about to celebrate her 80th birthday. I have written a song for her, just for the occasion. So far I have played the final cut to two women-folk, and they both ended up in tears. (A positive reaction, not a negative one! :>))    So I reckon I will have done a fine thing with it, when I give it to her. And I expect it will be just as important as anything I've ever done. It is funny, that somehow one reaction from one person can define the greatness of a moment or a deed, isn't it? I guess it is a case of the quality being far, far more valuable than the quantity.

I agree, Jerry -- this one is a keeper of a thread.

Regards,


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 11 Mar 03 - 04:10 PM

An ending.

When I started this thread, I had just rushed across the street to help our neighbor, who'd been lying in a snowbank, flat on her back, in a freezing rain. She'd had 17 strokes in the last few years, and heart surgery several times. When I went over to he, she looked up with such gratitude in her eyes because she said that she thought that she going to die there it that freezing rain, with cars driving by, not able to hear her feelbe cries for help. Last night, she died in her sleep, warm in her own bed. Her alarm clock was still going off, when her step-son came in the house to take her for a Doctor's appointment. I came over to see what was happening, five minutes later and found out that she had died.

Today I am reminded of the true meaning of "Rest In Peace."

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: momnopp
Date: 11 Mar 03 - 07:28 PM

Wow, Jerry -- amazing how life works, isn't it?

Thanks once again for starting this thread and allowing for some wonderful sharing.

Peace,

JudyO

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: alanabit
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 06:42 AM

You are right Jerry. You were lucky enough to be able to help bring peace to both yourself and the old lady.

Subject: RE: BS: The Greatest Thing Youve Done
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 11:42 AM

The greatest thing I've ever done was to not to it when doing it crossed my mind!

Art Thieme