BS: Hazardous Material Datasheet

Subject: BS: Hazardous Material Datasheet
From: C-flat
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 01:26 PM

Found this in my tray at work today and had a chuckle;

HAZARDOUS MATERIAL DATASHEET

ELEMENT         Woman
SYMBOL          O+
DISCOVERER      Adam
ATOMIC MASS    Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1.Body surface normally covered with a film of powder and paint.
2.Boils at absolutely nothing.
3.Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1.Reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious stones.
2.Explodes spontaniously without reason or warning.
3.The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USE
1.Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2.Can greatly aid relaxation.
3.Can be a very effective cleaning agent.

HAZARDS
1.Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.
2.Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact.


Disclaimer;
The originator of this thread does not necessarily subscribe to all or any of the views outlined above.
(but he might)

Subject: RE: BS: Hazardous Material Datasheet
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 01:33 PM

Ahhhhh, didn't mention anything about batteries? 'Er warrenties? 'Er instruction manuals? Wiring diagrams would also be very helpful...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Hazardous Material Datasheet
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 01:38 PM

he was talking about WOMEN....not SHEEP, Bobert.... ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Hazardous Material Datasheet
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 02:12 PM

O-o-o-o-oh boy, C-flat, you've done it now! I hope you're wearing your Kevlar BVDS.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Hazardous Material Datasheet
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 02:27 PM

Additional applications known to be under development or in actual use:

1. When correctly oriented serves as highly effective tuning filter for mental activities; occasionally reported as an aid to navigation (mixed results reported).

2. In correct doses known to be an anti-depressant and can produce emotional improvements ranging from stability to a pleasant exhileration. Use of this element for this purpose is still under study (and has been for several thousand years) and is known to have risks including bizarre unintended consequences and deleterious side effects including emotional rollercoasters and self-abasement.

3. Can be used as a financial stabilizer in the right combinations. However the exact formula for this application has not been verified and unintended consequences from improper application, including sudden bankruptcy, have been recorded .

4. Use as cleaning agent for homes should not be undertaken lightly; has been known to make houses suddenly disappear.

5. Incomparably effective at rendering aid and comfort when needed, if correctly stored.

A