BS: Yet Another Petition

Subject: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 06:13 PM

Petition to Mr. George W. Bush, President

Dear Mister President,

We the undersigned do hereby petition the President of The United States of America to return the large bronze statue commonly known as "The Statue of Liberty" to the people and/or government of the country known as "France". Insofar as the seldom showerin' , blue-cheese-eatin', galwoize galouwaz stinky black cigarette-smokin' French people and, particularly, their President (who thinks that the opinions of the people who elected him are more important than the opinion of the Leader of the Free World) , have really pissed a buncha us off, we don't want the damned thing no more. In our opinions, it has became a eye-sore.

Yes, Mister President, it's true. You yourself may not have knew this, but we have discovered that the Statue of Liberty was gave to us Americans by them French people back about a hunnert 'n twenty year ago. We was shocked! Hell, we didn't think it was already here when Columbus discovered the place or nothin', but we sorta figgered it was either made here or come from some nice agreeable country like England where they at least sorta speak the same language (At least we think they do, though we have a pretty hard time understandin' them Monty Python guys. An' that Trainspottin' movie - what'n the double-dee hell was that all about?)

Anyways, since them French folks have dissed you so bad, we have decided that we don't want their ole statue no more. It's bad enough that they went and named all the fries in MacDonalds and Burger King and Wendie's after theirselves and we had to go and rename 'em Freedom Fries. We just don't think that havin' a national emblem with any conexion conneckshun ties to them French folks is aproporate apporparite a good idea any more.

Sincerely Your'n,

Bubba Clem Bodine

Chairman, Committee to Get Rid of Everthing French

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: Morticia
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 06:41 PM

Jeez, if you guys get rid of everything that was stolen....I mean borrowed.....I mean donated from other countries, what you going to do with an empty country? ( Tongue firmly in cheek, makes a leopard crawl to door)

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: gnu
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 06:53 PM

Get a fuckin grip. This is gettimg fucking foolish.

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: CarolC
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 06:57 PM

We got Mount Rushmore, Morticia. What else do we need?

;-)

P.S. there is a serious movement afoot, seeking to have Ronald Reagan's face added to the Mount Rushmore monstrosity monument.

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 07:19 PM

Get a fuckin grip. This is gettimg (sic) fucking foolish.

Please excuse me for trying to interject a little humor into this "fucking" place. Did somebody leave their sense of humor in bed when they woke up this morning? And if the reason for your statement is because somebody else has already done this bit, sorry, I don't own a television so I woulda missed it.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: gnu
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 08:46 PM

A little humour. Oh, okay. Sorry. I thought you were just pissing on France. 'Scuse moi. Je ne comprend pas. Flit mon tu. Bonjour.

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 08:56 PM

Fuck France, no good bunch of batards, wine swilling, frog eating cowards. Good for fuck all really!

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: gnu
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 09:00 PM

Oh, now that really adds to the conversation. Flit mon tu aussi !!!

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 09:15 PM

No, gnu. Actually, pissing on the idiots who are pissing on France.

Now, just in case anybody else doesn't get it, and there seems to be a lot of that going around the Mudcat right now:

IT'S SATIRE!

THERE'S NOT REALLY ANYONE NAMED BUBBA CLEM BODINE. THERE'S NO SUCH ORGANIZATION AS COMMITTEE TO GET RID OF EVERTHING FRENCH.

I MADE IT UP. I LOVE THE FRENCH.

AND I'LL CALL 'EM "FREEDOM FRIES" WHEN SOMEONE PUTS A GUN TO MY HEAD AND MAKES ME!

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: gnu
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 09:23 PM

Maintenant, bain Goddamn, Je departs fer de comfoooort of my rocker now me cause I can't stand dat, joke or no. I 'ope you gets a lot of names on dat petition so dat it's nice 'an big 'an fat when you shove it up your arse. Vive La France et vive la liberete. Oh yeah. God bless America, Land of da Free and 'ome of da Brave. I am sure the French accept your t'anks for da statue and for dat help in securing your freedom so dat you can shit on dem. Bon nuit.

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 10:24 PM

LMAO!!!! Just a great job Bruce!!!! Wish I'd thought of that one myself, but I couldn't have done it better!!! Let's face it, I stick to low (blow low) humor because a fart is hard to mistake as anyhting but a fart whereas irony and satire.....I take the occassional foray in but it ain't funny whan ya' gotta' explain it! Then I end up having to spend a few days bedrest at the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed......

Anyway, ya' done more than good!!!!!!! Listen if you want some low humor try catching up with the action on my non-birthday thread where we're about to have "The Great Mind Straightening and Patriotic Firworks Display."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: Troll
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 10:49 PM

gnu, I think we paid 'em back at The Marne and at Bastogne.
Besides, it was the Kingdom of France and not the Republique who sent aid to the Colonies during our revolution.
Vive le Roi!

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: gnu
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 09:58 AM

Damn !! 7:53PM ? I'm glad noone dropped by last evening. Then again, how the hell would I know if I was that loaded by 8. My sober apologies (I know, I know). Perhaps I should switch to American Bud. Nah. I'd just stay up later. Maybe a nice Californian wine... the French say wine is good for you, non ?

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: gnu
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 10:37 AM

AHA !!! Somebody DID drop by. I just took some burger out of the freezer and discovered that Dr. McGillicuddy was here and left half a pony of Fireball Whiskey Shooter. Not only that, but, upon surveying the kitchen counter, I spied a shooter glass with a thick, golden coating on the inside that smelled distinctly sweet. I sniffed aroud around a bit more and discovered an open, full can of Bud on the mantle by the stereo. Not leaving any stone unturned, I took stock of the contents of the fridge and found 8 unopened cans of Bud. I've got a hunch that either a party went on here or that I drank copious quantities. I'll have to dust for prints, after I drown some aspirin with a Bud. The plot thickens.

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: Doktor Doktor
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 10:47 AM

Does anyone have the words to "That's Why I Hate the French" by Martin Long?
It'd go down real well* with Gnu





* as in the Titanic**






** or a Dijon Whore#





#(last time I was there they were still WWII vintage)

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 11:21 AM

oh by the way television was invented by a Scot JOHN LOGIE BAIRD. So Stop trying to rewrite history and pretend Americans did everything.

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: CarolC
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 12:59 PM

Even that's debatable, noddy:

1923: The television or iconoscope (cathode-ray tube) invented by Vladimir Kosma Zworykin.

1925: The mechanical television a precursor to the modern television, invented by John Logie Baird.

Twentieth Century Inventors

Or maybe television was invented by Philo T. Farnsworth:

The Farnsworth Chronicles

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: kendall
Date: 18 Apr 03 - 12:22 PM

One other thing. Our bombers were catching hell over Germany with 20% casualties. What was needed, was fighter escort. So, we sent a squadron of P-51 Mustangs wich didn't have enough range, so England installed the far superior MERLIN engine in them, and, that gave them the range to see the bombers to and from their targets.
England also invented radar, and, they broke the enigma code, and the Japanes code.
The French discovered a way to make snails edible.
"Going to war without France, is like going deer hunting without an accordion." (Ross Perot"

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Another Petition
From: kendall
Date: 18 Apr 03 - 12:27 PM

A little song I heard as a boy:

"The first marines went over the top Parlay vous

"             "                     
"                        "         ,
and picked up the pennies the Canadians dropped,
Inky dinky parlay vous.