BS: Conspiracy theories

Subject: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: GUEST
Date: 29 May 03 - 07:51 AM

What with half the BS threads seeming to be about some conspiracy theory or another (or are they all the same one, I don't know?), I thought it might be fun to make up our own conspiracy theories and see who we can get to believe them. Just start from a few seemingly random "facts" (they don't have to be true facts, someone just has to have said something once about it on the internet - it can be you if you want!) make some bizarre leaps of intuition to link those facts and come to a wild conclusion that probably involves the government, or some secret organisation that is ruling the world.

Have fun.

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Sam L
Date: 29 May 03 - 09:40 AM

I don't have a theory, just a plan. Although I'm generally known here as a squirrel, I'm actually a rat, wearing a fake bushy tail. Thus I've gained entre to the public park "scene". Never underestimate the power of cuteness.

   But my plan for global domination depends upon a secret society of bitter middle-children, who infiltrate every corner of the world, every platform of power, and whose wrath I've harnessed for my own twisted and sinister ends.

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: GUEST,Bagpuss
Date: 29 May 03 - 09:55 AM

I'm a middle child. Can I (secretly) join your society. I have lots of wrath and infiltrating is one of my favourite hobbies.

Bagpuss

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 29 May 03 - 10:15 AM

What this world needs is a Blame Barron and I think that is why Uncle Donald (have you ever had your Rumpsfelt - under the circumstances?) won't tell us if Sadman is dead. Or Bin Liner come to that.

Now there is my conspiracy theory - they know if they are done for but there is more mileage in having them alive and kicking (the system).

I might have been a middle child if I had had a younger brother.

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 May 03 - 10:48 AM

I swan, Squirrel, the Fred- I thought that was you. A number of us realize that you are actually a double agent, so don't get too smart here.

You could say that I'm a middle child too- next to last of 9 children with a brother just older and a brother just younger. Somehow I never seemed to have much clout so I early learned the tricks of invisibility and infiltration. The things I could tell you.

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: MMario
Date: 29 May 03 - 12:24 PM

*if* you read through past threads you will realize that all the conspiracy theories and indeed all the REAL world domination plots are the work of the Dutch! Yes, the Netherlands has been scheming for world domination for centuries - and have undercover agents among the Icelanders, and the Manatees among others. they control volcanic eruptions and world weather patterns.   They make the Bilderberg Conspiracy look like a group of schoolyard bullies! it's the DUTCH!!! I tell you - it's the DUTCH!

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: GUEST,Heidebundt Pikelmaas, arms dealer extraordin
Date: 29 May 03 - 12:36 PM

You are perfectly right, Mario, but it will do you no good. We Dutch are now in the final stages of implementing our MASTER PLAN for World Domination. As you know, we have been reclaiming land from the sea for centuries. Every square meter of land we reclaim makes Holland larger and the rest of the World smaller. It is only a matter of time. Resistance is futile. In the meantime, I am selling arms to everyone and getting unbelievably rich. Life is very good.

- Heidebundt Pikelmaas

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 May 03 - 08:45 PM

Librarians, of whom I am one.

We rule. Don't ever think otherwise.

Spider Robinson said it best: "Librarians are the secret masters of the Universe. Don't ever piss one off."

After all, who do you think that the so-called "leaders" turn to when they want information? Librarians. Who arranges it so that you can find the information you want, on the Internet or off? Librarians. To whom do the academics turn to research their various topics? Librarians. You get the idea.

Are you truly so naive as to think that we provide true, unbiased, information? Read my fingers: only when it furthers Our Purpose.

You only *think* that the little old ladies were helping people read, leading them to Good Books. Consider how underpaid they were -- and begin to realize how very annoyed they were about it. Invisible to everyone, they managed to lay the groundwork for Our Purpose, the Purpose which it is now impossible to stop, delay, divert, or derail.

"Those who cannot learn from the Past are condemned to repeat it." We know the Past, because we have created what you THINK is the Past. Controlling your Past, we control your future. Believe it.

I will not disclose Our Purpose; better people than I am have died horrible deaths without disclosing it. You will know it soon enough.

Consider, if you still doubt me, that the most powerful man in the World, George W. Bush, sleeps with a librarian....

"The future belongs, the future belongs, the future belongs to me."

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: GUEST
Date: 29 May 03 - 08:49 PM

Rapaire...sssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Padre
Date: 29 May 03 - 09:09 PM

God invented whisk(e)y to keep the [fill in the blanks with your favorite country] from ruling the world.

Padre

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: MMario
Date: 29 May 03 - 09:18 PM

*AND* Librarians control L-space.

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 May 03 - 09:36 PM

I wouldn't want to sleep with the most powerful man in the world.

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 May 03 - 09:54 PM

We must all make sacrifices to further Our Purpose. She will be honored beyond all others.

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 03 - 10:06 PM

This makes sense to me. The Dutch are pretty terrifying alright, but they are nothing compared to librarians. Have you seen the glasses some of those women wear? Ouch.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 29 May 03 - 10:36 PM

I have heard about this plot that is about to happen. On June 9th, one said delivery of doughnuts will be delivered, laced with ex-lax, to the Pentagon. The Pentagons toilets will be rigged to explode at approximately one hour following the delivery. The plan is then to fly in port-a-potties and insist on charging a user fee. That is all the information I can give you. Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 03 - 11:03 PM

So...the shit is about to hit the fan, in other words?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Sam L
Date: 30 May 03 - 10:18 AM

A middle child will be in touch. But that's true middle children only--none of these first-girl, first-boy pretenders.

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Ebbie
Date: 30 May 03 - 10:44 AM

Ha! Squirrel, the Fred. I was so in touch I was frequently bruised.

I of course am kidding. I must say that I never felt like a middle child- I was actually the 8th child in the lineup.

However, my one brother was 2 years younger than the older brother and 3 years older than the youngest- and he has always acted like a middle child, peacemaker, fixerupper, all that, even though a girl was born somewhere in between there.

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: Bagpuss
Date: 30 May 03 - 10:48 AM

Im number 3 of 5 (is that how the code names work - like with the borg?)

Bagpuss

Subject: RE: BS: Conspiracy theories
From: MMario
Date: 30 May 03 - 10:56 AM

6 of 9 here...

at a faire one time I introduced some regulars (who happenned to be brothers from a family of nine) to my sister (one of my eight siblings) the following way - Nine - this is my sister Three, Three this is Nine, and his brother, One.

They knew exactly what I meant!