BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!

Subject: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 08:17 PM

There's hope for you guys yet!

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: WFDU - Ron Olesko
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 08:31 PM

Here come the jokes...

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 08:32 PM

I was going to add this to the "Cure for Spaw" thread but one link is enough! So how come, I want to know, is this research only aimed at men? Surely there is some sauce for the goose involved as well?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 09:16 PM

The incidence of prostate cancer in women is really quite low, Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 10:19 PM

I meant some other benefit for similar systemic stimulation, Rapaire!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 10:26 PM

So who are you calling a goose?

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 11:07 PM

I was alluding to a old expression, RR -- "what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander". But I guess goose is as goose does, and no offense intended!! :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: NicoleC
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 11:57 PM

Well, Amos, if it makes you feel any better about it, it was long ago proven that women who continue to have active sex lives have fewer annoying side effects with menopause like hot flashes and, er, other stuff men don;t want to hear about.

As far as I know, no one said your active sex life couldn't be with your most faithful lover -- yourself :)

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 11:58 PM

People have tried to say it, Nicole, but I suspect with very little success!! :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: NicoleC
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 12:03 AM

I can just hear it now in dorm rooms across America:

"But, baby, if I don't have sex at least 3 times I week I could DIE of prostate cancer! You don't want me to DIE, do you?"

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Bert
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 02:14 AM

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker, from Manchester way
I get all me pleasure the one handed way...

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 04:19 AM

""Men have many ways of using their prostate which don't involve women or other men," he added."


Boggling right this minute.......

Can they mow the lawn with it? Does it make the tea??? No? No change there then.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 04:38 AM

Nurse nurse, the rubber gloves and the KY Jelly quick!!

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 04:58 AM

I'm just an old prostate prick. Could someone please wank me to my foot... Looks down.. Well, there's an inch and a half still showing... It's damned cold down here in the south - HELL, now it's disappeared completely.. Mumble... I'm totally introverted! I'll have to get me in hand, and pull myself together... "Row, Row Bollocks Row"

Sam

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 06:12 AM

After that contribution, there'll be need for self-abuse.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 06:26 AM

Whack, whack....

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 06:36 AM

Checked me spelling - it's OK, but I'm suffering from writer's cramp.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: kendall
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 08:04 AM

Actually, what's good for the goose can be quite painful for a woodpecker.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 08:20 AM

Kendall,

Who put the finger in the woodpecker's hole?
And the woodpecker said
"God Bless my Soul"....

Take it out.... etc....

I'm rotating, so remove it...

Sam

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 09:50 AM

Maybe the poison really does rise up from the goo-nads.

(free telepathic belly dance for the person who can identify the origination of that comment)

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 09:52 AM

Forest Gump?

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 09:54 AM

Nope. Much earlier.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 10:06 AM

Doctor Strangelove?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 10:15 AM

Nope! Try again.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 10:45 AM

this is news?.... (I see it did make the Jay Leno monologue, who did as you'd expect with it)

I have heard for MANY years that the prostrate needs some 'regular' activity for good health, whether mutual or solitary. 30 years ago, a friend of mine had prostrate problems because he was too busy late in the evenings to spend much time with his wife, who went to bed early. SHE was sure happy with the 'doctors orders'.

I have also heard of priests having some problems...

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 11:44 AM

I have also heard of priests having some problems...

Yeah, but they don't start or end with the prostate!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 11:46 AM

I understand there is a special variant of gin which is renowned for resolving these problems, made from the berry of the prostate juniper.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 12:17 PM

tsk! from this page it looks like getting to the cure is worse than the problem!

I had not heard of 'prostate Juniper' before, but I don't think I'll be making gin from it too soon..*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 12:49 PM

Bill D: Try doing a search on "prostrate juniper" also known as Juniperus squamata 'Prostrata' . A leedle joke, yes?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: harpgirl
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 12:58 PM

(harpgirl, prostrate with laughter!!!!)

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 01:11 PM

Dr. John H. Kellog of Battle Creek, Michigan says

" Enlarged Prostate. -- This painful affection is a frequent result of the chronic irritation in the urethra, which the gland surrounds, the morbid action being communicated to it by its proximity. A diseased action is set up, which results in enlargement and hardening. It is felt as a hard body just anterior to the anus, and becomes by pressure the source of much additional mischief. Sometimes the disease progresses to dangerous ulceration. It is attended by heat, pressure, and pain between the anus and the root of the penis.

   Permanent enlargement of the prostate is a very serious matter, since it interferes with the proper discharge of urine from the bladder, which ultimately leads to disease of the bladder itself, and may result even in death. This condition is the result of other forms of sexual excess as well as self-abuse."

And he also says:

"If it be argued that an occasional emission is necessary to relieve the overloaded seminal vesicles, we reply, The same argument has been used as an apology for unchastity; but it is equally worthless in both instances. It might be as well argued that vomiting is a necessary physiological and healthful act, and should occur with regularity, because a person may so overload his stomach as to make the act necessary as a remedial measure. Vomiting is a diseased action, a pathological process, and is occasioned by a voluntary transgression of the individual. Hence, it is as unnecessary as gluttony, and must be wasteful of vitality, even though rendered necessary under some circumstances. So with emissions. If a person allows his mind to dwell upon unchaste subjects, indulges in erotic dreams, and riots in mental lasciviousness, he may render an emission almost necessary as a remedial effort. Nevertheless, he will suffer from the loss of nervous energy just the same as though he had not, by his own concupiscence, rendered it in some degree necessary."

But read it all for yourself at the University of Virginia, no less.   You want me to do all of your work for you or something, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 01:24 PM

Well, now, it could be pointed out that you can eliminate digestive wastes without vomiting. This guy is a classic Victorian indeed!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 02:15 PM

Amos: you can eliminate digestive wastes without vomiting
That is a load of crap, and you know it!

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 02:33 PM

LOL!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 03:59 PM

No one's guessed yet? Here's another clue.

God bless George Washington!

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 01:16 AM

Kim, I know I've heard it, it's right on the tip of my.....tongue!   I'm sure I'll remember, if I just apply myself.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 01:22 AM

Not Archie Bunker?

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Kim C
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 09:10 AM

Nope, not Archie Bunker. Think along the lines of a fictional account of a real historical figure.

Another clue: My heart soars like a hawk.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 09:25 AM

James Fenimore Cooper?

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Cluin
Date: 11 May 04 - 12:57 AM

Chief Dan George?

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Bill D
Date: 11 May 04 - 10:24 AM

Cluin...how many threads do you have traced?

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 May 04 - 11:59 AM

Ya' know.......Regardless of anything else said here, I find it painfully disturbing that anyone would use the words "prostate" and "goose" in the same sentence...........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Cluin
Date: 11 May 04 - 02:38 PM

None, William. I found this one through a search.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Kim C
Date: 11 May 04 - 04:02 PM

I can't beLEEEEVE none of you got my movie quote from LAST YEAR. Cluin was the closest with Chief Dan George. He was in the movie (Little Big Man), but the line about the poison and the goo-nads was delivered by Richard Mulligan in the character of George Armstrong Custer.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Peace
Date: 11 May 04 - 06:12 PM

There isn't a whole helluva lot funny about prostate cancer. It is a serious killer. Men past the age of 45 ought to be checked--rubber glove and PSA test every year. Welcome to the world, fellows.

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 May 04 - 08:06 PM

brucie: You have to rememeber that if there was a walk for prostrate cancer, very few of us would attend. Not the Manly thing to do, you know...

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Peace
Date: 11 May 04 - 08:27 PM

Prostate cancer kills lots of men. And it's a horrible friggin' way to go. It's too bad men don't talk about it in the same way women have come to discuss breast cancer. It is as common I would think, but we just never seem to mention it.

I was getting the rubber-glove check about ten years back, and the doctor was new to the rural area. He was our family doctor, and my wife tole me he was absolutely good-looking. I would have called him cute, she called him good looking. My daughter was googoo over him. So, I wait until he has the finger in and he's doing that thing to push against the prostate--and I am trying not to squirm, because this is not what I'm into. Anyway, the opportunity is too good to pass up, so I said, "Dr. __________?" He said, "Yes?" I replied, "We have to stop meeting like this. My wife suspects." Keriste. He had his finger outta there before a guy could blink. I roared. He was friggin' lookin' at me with wide-open eyes, and I was doubled up laughing.

Anyway, no foolin' around here. If you are a guy over 45, get it checked. And if you want to use the line, go ahead. My compliments.

Bruce Murdoch

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 04 - 08:36 PM

Suppose there was a marathon (of sorts) to support prostate cancer research at the current equivalent of the Mustang Ranch?

But then it might just end up being more hand-me-downs....

Subject: RE: BS: Being a Jerk Off Can Have Its Rewards!
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 May 04 - 08:41 PM

those mammograms are pretty lousy, but after reading this I'm glad to be a woman.