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BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Mary in Kentucky Date: 28 Jul 03 - 11:59 PM Did I miss something? Amos presiding? Is Amos a minister/county judge/naval officer? How can this be legal? ;-) Do tell. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Deckman Date: 29 Jul 03 - 12:06 AM Graham ... I really enjoyed your story and the telling of that story. There is a song there ... do you hear it? Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Little Hawk Date: 29 Jul 03 - 02:50 PM I just came across this little tale, and I believe it should be added to this thread... How I met my wife by Jack Winter Published 25 July 1994 - The New Yorker It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate. I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way. I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do. Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion. So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads and tails of. I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated -- as if this were something I was great shakes at -- and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings. Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d'oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself. She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently. The conversation become more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amos Date: 29 Jul 03 - 03:03 PM What a heartening tale, LH!! I feel less downlifted already. In fact I am mayed!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: akenaton Date: 29 Jul 03 - 04:49 PM YOUR ALL MAD. Iv been married32 years and i firmly believe its a bad idea...Men and women were never meant to be monogamus and i bet if everyone was to be brutally honest theres alot of sadness out there.The young folks idea of living to gether and not making a big deal of it seems sensible....Most marriages are all about control. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: catspaw49 Date: 29 Jul 03 - 05:12 PM Well akenaton, I can see it's done nothing for your spelling or grammar........... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amergin Date: 29 Jul 03 - 05:35 PM well if you see that you should not be monogamous...then that is your affair.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Kim C Date: 29 Jul 03 - 05:41 PM Well, I disagree with Akenaton, but I often wonder if Katharine Hepburn wasn't right when she said that men and women should just live next door to each other and visit once in awhile. ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: akenaton Date: 29 Jul 03 - 06:04 PM Im sorry about the spelling catspaw.I dont think Im up to the standard of some of you old hands.But i feel strongly about this subject so give me a break ....Cheers ake |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 29 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM Hey akenaton: We all speak for ourselves, as we're the ones we know best. People who've had marriages that were a nightmare sometimes jump to the conclusion that ALL marriages are a nightmare. People who've had marriages that have allowed them to transcend their ordinariness and find a richness they could never know on their own sometimes glamorize marriage, as if anyone who hasn't had a beautiful one is somehow lacking in grace. I've had both... a first marriage that was a nightmare that would scare the crap out of Stephen King and a second marriage that makes fairy tales about princes and princesses sound mundane. I guess it's fair to say that marriages are like everything else. It depends on what TWO people make of them. Some people may not be cut out for marriage. It's best that they never try, then. But, some of us have been blessed beyond all measure. And, blessed is the right word... no sense being prideful about a good marriage... it is a blessing, not an accomplishment.. Blissful Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amos Date: 29 Jul 03 - 11:27 PM Well, Ake, I've been monogamous and I've been promiscuous, and, in my considered opinion, monogamous is better. You make it sound like you are living one thing and espousing a different one, though. What's the deal? A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Ely Date: 29 Jul 03 - 11:37 PM (Speaking without much experience either way) promiscuity sounds pretty miserable to me. I can't picture being involved with someone I didn't *really* like as an individual. That said, I'll just keep checking back periodically, looking for pointers ;-) . "Oh, you'll meet someone," is one of the few counts on which my mother was ever mistaken. (I'm working on trying to get out more, rather than spending all my time either at home or at work; I suppose one of the first steps would be to trade in some of my Mudcat time . . . ) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Helen Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:26 AM Ely, I went to a tarot card reader when I was 30 and he told me all sorts of things, but didn't mention relationships, so when he said "any questions?" I asked whether I would ever find someone to get into a healthy, committed, long term relationship with (as opposed to the experiences I had had so far). He said that I would meet this person when I was 42. I said, "Twelve ye-e-e-ears??!!" Yup, that was his answer. Well, that day that I wrote about above was the weekend before my 42nd birthday. I'll admit that I wrote my account above very drily, without much emotion but that totally belies the emotions I was feeling on that day. The days, weeks, months and even couple of years which followed that when we were still amazed at having finally found this wonderful, all-encompassing relationship were full of emotion. I just tend to keep that stuff to myself a bit. I'll relate the facts but get very reluctant to go into details about the emotions. One thing that kept occurring to me throughout that time was: why didn't someone tell me what this would be like? Why didn't someone give me the criteria for differentiating between the wrong ones and the right one(s)? I'd felt intense emotions before for someone else, but usually panic, anxiety and other fearful feelings were mixed up in there too. Whenever I talked to my Mum about finding the "right" person she always said how she "knew" when she met Dad that he was "the one" and I could never get more info than "you'll know when you meet the right one" out of her. It turned out that this was true, but it was a bit of a circular argument trying to know whether I had felt something yet when I didn't have proper, repeatable criteria to base my conclusions on. Needless to say I spent a lot of years - nearly 30 of them in fact - going through emotional hell before I found out what I was looking for. I can highly recommend a book called Searching for Courtship by Dr Winnifred Cutler for getting some of that criteria figured out and for helping to work out strategies to navigate through the obstacle course called relationships. She is a scientist not a pop-pschologist, but she has managed to create a lot of controversy about her observations. Challenges a lot of theories and sets up a whole new lot as well. The thing is, though, it works. Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: LadyJean Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:42 AM My mother was 34, and a fund raiser at a women's college. She went to a houseparty in Ligonier, with some other singles. One of her women friends called her, and explained how the guests were supposed to be paired off. Mother wasn't happy about it. Mom was verbal. People have a nasty habit of pairing verbal women with non verbal men. It is not pleasant to have to hold up both sides of the conversation, but that was what mother expected to have to do. She was waiting for a complete nerd, with no verbal skills. Suddenly, there he was, standing in a doorway. He looked like a darker version of Liam Neeson, without the broken nose, and he could talk! Mom always said she knew from the minute she saw him. I always think she knew from the minute she heard him. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: ToulouseCruise Date: 30 Jul 03 - 08:03 AM Well, I think it may have JUST HAPPENED for me... There was this young lady that I worked with a few years ago that I had a "thing" for, being the term you use for a crush when you are 33 years old. She was involved with someone (engaged, actually) so I just admired from afar. She ended up getting married, and then moved to a neighboring province here in Canada. A few weeks back, I found out through a mutual friend that she is now single again. I was able to get her email address and advise that my acoustic duo was playing in a city about 15 miles from where she is. She responded back that she would love to make it there, and that she was very pleased to hear from me.. Well, the show was this past weekend. Although we were only able to talk for about 15-20 mins after the show, we have spoken on the phone for at least two hours per day since then, and she is coming to visit next week, and due to fortunate (pre-existing) bookings and vacation plans, we will be able to see each other every two weeks or so for the next few months... Before we re-connected, she had already talked to friends and family about the possibility of moving back to this city, so I am hoping to be the reason it happens :) Brian. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Sam L Date: 30 Jul 03 - 08:34 AM Thanks LH, yes I saw that when it ran in the New Yorker and have been quoting the bits I could remember. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amos Date: 30 Jul 03 - 08:43 AM Aww, Brian, I'm rootin' for ya. Thanks for the heartwarmer! :>) A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: ToulouseCruise Date: 30 Jul 03 - 09:06 AM Thanks Amos... though I hope I just didn't jinx it by TELLING HER I JUST PUT THE STORY HERE!!!! Arrgh!!! And don't worry, I'm sure you'll find your significant-someone-or-other -- if there's hope for me, there's hope for everyone!!! Brian. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amos Date: 30 Jul 03 - 09:17 PM Thanks!! I'll keep that in mind! :>) I have someone in mind, actually, who's been hanging around my place a lot for the last 25 years. Claims I fathered a child on her , 18 years ago, and that I have to take responsibility!! The nerve....but, ya know, I am not very confrontational, so I have been letting her stay here, and use my checking account, and giving her my pay check and we seem to get along okay. So maybe she's the one, huh? Barky seems to like her, too... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Kim C Date: 31 Jul 03 - 06:41 PM Okay, I'm going to throw another wrench into the gears. How many of you have ever met someone, either a romantic partner or a close friend, that you're sure you met before in some other time or place? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amos Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:22 PM I have, for one. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: the lemonade lady Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:37 AM At a breakfast table at a festival last August... 30th December 2003 |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: the lemonade lady Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:38 AM whoops 2002 |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Sam L Date: 01 Aug 03 - 09:38 AM Lynne and I determined that she had sat directly in front of me at a specific performance of The Crucible a few weeks before we met. I remembered proximity to a beautiful hippy girl, she remembered a very distinguished dark gentleman--I was with my dad. I used to develop more than a thousand rolls of film and the prints every night, and don't have deja-vu anymore. I've seen everyone, everywhere. I printed that stuff you thought you might get in trouble for. Please tell me, guys, after you take a whole roll of your girl naked in the bath, why does she always take that one blurry shot of your dopey face at the last frame? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Kim C Date: 01 Aug 03 - 10:02 AM I was thinking more along the lines of..... "I met this person when I was with William the Conqueror in 1066." Although..... it is funny sometimes when you talk to someone, and find out you have both been at the same place at the same time & didn't know it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Sam L Date: 01 Aug 03 - 02:08 PM Oh. I was Leonardo Da Vinci, struggling with my sfumato technique, she was the Mona Lisa looking back at me with that stupid superior smile of hers. Seriously, I seem to remember "recognizing" her when I met her. But memory is tricky. Now whenever I remember us backpacking and hitch-hiking out west, our kids seem to be tramping along with us, or hovering, like little winged putti. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Rapparee Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:11 PM Does close count? When I returned from service in Korea I would have been on the same plane from Seattle as the lady I married if she hadn't snapped up a chance on an earlier flight that had an empty seat. She says she would have even sat with me (and I would have been brilliant company, as I remember sleeping the whole way home). |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Kim C Date: 02 Aug 03 - 12:33 AM Sure, I think close counts. :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Deckman Date: 02 Aug 03 - 12:46 AM Hi Kim C ... No, I'm NOT going to go into the boogie boogie world of wherein you bespeaketh! However, "bride Judy" and I have known each other for far longer than we remember. Really! When we courted, about nine years ago, we discovered that we knew all the same friends, the same friend's songs, we could relate stories about particuliar hoots we had both attended, yet we didn't really remember each other in those days. I was very married, and she was very single. So neither of us was looking for trouble. But, now that we are together, we often just shake out heads about the close contact we'd had all those years without knowing it. The first hoot we had, after we married, was the largest collection of folksingers in the Pacific Nothwest ever. And it was because we knew everyone in common! Go figure !!!!! Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Ebbie Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:28 PM What great stories. The interesting thing is that what comes through the most clearly is the inevitability of each relationship. Makes one wonder whether everything is scripted- somewhere and by someone or something. Any ideas on that thought? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Deda Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:53 PM 1. Yes, I've met a few people that I felt sure I'd known before. 2. Amos performs marriages often, has done many of them -- usually in California. I'm thrilled that he performed mine. OTOH, here in Colorado anyone can preside, or no one. A couple can legally just declare themselves to be married, and the state recognizes it. They have to sign papers and file them, but they don't need a judge or a minister or anybody. Scripted might be too anthropomorphic. David and I both felt very strongly guided to each other. Monogamy is no great sacrifice if you have a genuine partnership, imo. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Kim C Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:55 AM When I said Mister and I met by accident... his brother was having a cookout, and was going to introduce me to someone who had to work at the last minute and consequently didn't show up. And my roommate was saying, don't look now, but that guy's looking at you. Sometimes you meet somebody, though, either a friend or a lover, where there's some strange unexplainable click. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: DMcG Date: 03 Aug 03 - 05:03 AM My wife and I celebrate 25 years married in September. While its not fully accurate for our story, I think the FIddler on the Roof version isn't too far out. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: akenaton Date: 03 Aug 03 - 06:57 AM Is this a cutting edge folk site or a Darby and Joan club... Where are all you Bohemian folkies that i used to know.We were all so proud of being free thinking independant types...I feel so depressed Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amos Date: 03 Aug 03 - 09:59 AM "Cutting edge folk site"? Bit of an anachronistic oxymoron, wouldn't you say? Hey man, free thinking, independent, yeah. But just a bit better organized than thirty years ago, by necessity. Cheer the fuck up. Time moves on. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Sam L Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:00 AM That's funny Akenaton, and I know how you feel. But the point of free thinking is that you don't have to prove it to anyone. When people talk about "the institution of marriage" I tell them we thought it was our idea. Deda that's how it used to be--long ago marriage was the only sacrament that didn't require clergy, and painters used to get portrait commissions to document the moment. That would work for me, if it came back. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amos Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:23 AM Kim, I have met perrhaps ten or twelve people in the course of a lifetime about whom I had the distinct impression that I was wuith them at the Battle of Hastings or somethiung comparable. Sometimes it is perfectly clear exactly when. Usually it is merely an obscured impression, albeit a strong one. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: akenaton Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:25 AM Fred I like your style...the black clouds are lifting.Maybe weve just got old as Amos says,butI still think that all the music we love espouses freedom and liveing life to the full(Think of allthe Thompson songs like Beeswing ect) Love should be short and very sweet,even better, Bitter sweet....Thanks for your support. Ake. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Kim C Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:02 AM Who are Darby and Joan? Besides, a lot of folk music is written about relationships. ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amos Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:44 PM A Victorian image of an old, quiet, harmonious couple, based on a poem by Frederic Edward Weatherly (b. 1848)
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: akenaton Date: 03 Aug 03 - 01:49 PM That was brilliant Amos..allthough I knew about the story of D+J,I didnt realise that there was a poem...We should be honest about our relationships...Women like a challenge, they latch on to all the wild men and try to change them...If they succeed they are pissed off because their left with a mammys boy..The most important thing to us men is of course sex and any man who tells you he loves committment and all that stuff is either lying through his teeth, or been got at by some control freak with big boobs....Any way i could go on forever in this vein so ill go before the monsterous ranks descend. P S I wonder if Gargoyle would help me in this one man war against the sugary cake and syrup machine...Ake |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: rock chick Date: 03 Aug 03 - 06:09 PM We meet through Mudcat, he replied to one of my threads, we just talked over the cat for a time, then over the phone, we decided to meet and within less than 15 mins we knew there was something VERY special. Initially there were few problems with other people, but nothing has put either of us off. It's very strange to think you can have that strange unexplainable click with that person in such a very short time, and know its special, but it does happen, and when it does hit you, WOW its one hell of a feeling. We have only been seeing each other since November 02 and it gets stronger each time we meet, and grows even more when we are apart, he lives up north and me down south. He is the love of my life, and i know im am his. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Helen Date: 03 Aug 03 - 07:55 PM akenaton, I found my freedom when I found the right person for me. I had been in a previous relationship where we clicked in all the most negative ways, and it was very painful once we were entangled together, and extremely difficult in the aftermath, for many years after. I realised that an effective way to gauge the healthiness of a relationship is to look at how each person affects the other one. Right from the start we really brought out the negatives in each other. When I found my then-to-be-future hubby we clicked in very, very positive ways. We bring out the best in each other. And it is a real relief to be myself, be appreciated for that, and be able to encourage someone else to be the best he can be too. It's a strange paradox, that the most freedom anyone can get IMHO is to become committed to someone else, if that someone else loves and appreciates you for who you really are. Helen Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Kim C Date: 03 Aug 03 - 09:03 PM heehee! I'm glad a man finally admitted that thing about What Men REALLY Want. Of course, if you have a good committed relationship, in the best of all worlds, you would be able to get It most of the time, with someone you like. That ain't too bad of a deal. But of course, Real Life usually enters into it somewhere, and kids, and work, and all that. But still, I say, it ain't too bad of a deal. ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Helen Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:41 PM Kim C, I watched a good movie recently called High Fidelity, with John Cusack. In the special extra material on the DVD there was an interview with John and he said that he thought that only men would like the movie and that women would hate it. But, many women have said to him that they are happy that at last men have made a movie about what they really want, and how they really feel. Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amos Date: 04 Aug 03 - 12:01 AM Interesting. I would offer that men really want to have their best brought out of them, and admired, by women. And may be for some men, that's their sex, for others it is a mix of brains, sex and emotion, and I guess what that means for men is an individual deal. Heterosexual men, anyway, not being qualified to speak to other sorts. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Amergin Date: 04 Aug 03 - 02:14 AM If I just wanted sex i'd go hire a prostitute...I want companionship...some one to talk to...laugh with...to share things with...like susnets or beaches... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Helen Date: 04 Aug 03 - 05:42 AM I might have given the impression that the movie High Fidelity just shows men wanting sex and not real relationships. The clue is that John Cusack is in it. It's actually quite a good depiction of a real man (not a Hollywood caricature) searching for a real relationship and coming to terms with the complexities of the quest for true communication between men and women in relationships. Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: Peter T. Date: 04 Aug 03 - 06:05 PM The only thing true to life about High Fidelity or the rest of Nick Hornby is that the men he depicts are recognizeable aspects of intelligent single middle class men at their worst. Like Bridget Jones -- intelligent single middle class women recognise themselves at their worst. They wouldn't be funny caricatures if they were more realistic. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW? From: akenaton Date: 04 Aug 03 - 06:23 PM I think youre all rather missing the point. Marriage was brought about To provide society with the means to control people. This is why politicians are still banging on about "family values". Iv been married for a long time ,and as I near the great finishing line,Iv come to realise that life is short and should be packed with as many new experiences as possible. I know couples who have melded together and become quite insulated from life, living in their own safe little world. (Darby + Joan).I feel our Traditional music is full of song s about people who lived life on the edge. Free as the air, and taking their pleasures where they could.....That should be the ideal not some mouldy compromise. Ake.. |
