BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM

Thanks Akenaton, I'm not hating my style, lately, as much as I usually do.

It seems to me that the "family values" people go on about are more or less the ones invented by rather hypocritical 19th century English moralists.

But I'm still liking my deal, very much. For one thing, I'm quitting my job soon, and she's making some real money this year. For another, she laughs at my jokes. For another, other women are cute as hell, but they smell wrong. It's not that I'm not utterly charmed, but it's not worth all the trouble. Couldn't they all just mail me some nude photos, and write me a letter? I have things to do.

   We sometimes think it would help to marry a third person though. Or adopt a kid with good prospects, who can cook, has a lot of energy, likes to "keep busy". (Turns out there's a waiting list.)Also, with new people there's all that insecurity crap, all that tending, and sensitivity. I'm done with that chore. My wife was telling me about her boss's age, and said But she still looks youthful, she's attractive, and I said Sure, I'd do her. Lynne just said Well, Yeah--like that was any mark of distinction--and went right on talking.

Sex has always been pretty important to me. But it's a myth that people are just bad, good, and better. Maybe some people are really terrible, but maybe that's just how they are with you. One person with any talent has lots of variety.

Women like to think they're sensitive, on the basis that they want YOU to be sensitive to THEM. That's not sensitivity. The really sensitive women are the sluts. They're the ones who think of other people's feelings. Every kind, generous, decent woman has a slutty phase, sometime. If you know one who hasn't had a slutty phase, or if you are a nice woman who hasn't, just wait.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:03 PM

Akneton:

Choose the ideal you like, mate; but allow others the same privelege, eh? There's nothing enforced about family values IF you are choosing the path freely and creating it intentionally as a preference. The assertion that your life should be other than you have lived it is just you being disagreeable with your self and resisting your own design decisions. I know very well what that feels like, and I agree it can be compelling (at least until you spot where it is coming from!). But it shouldn't be confused with a higher truth!! :>)


A

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:09 PM

Amos....Awa tae yer knitting...

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:25 PM

Ake, if I felt that way, I'd be long gone. Come to think of it, I am.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:43 PM

Good for you Ebbie..Short and sweet...Familiarity breeds complacency.. Rave on...Best Wishes A.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 12:05 AM

Akenaton:

I have more than knitting to away to, thanks. No need to get personal.

A

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 01:22 AM

ake, I'm sorry- I think I didn't make it clear. I meant that if I felt that way about my marriage (or anything else) I'd be long out of it. And then of course, it occurred to me that I had felt like that about my marriage and I did leave. OTOH, I realize there can be other factors that keep a relationship going.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 08:55 AM

Sorry Amos,I didnt mean to be personal. Its an old Scottish insult only used to friends and people you like.    As for the marriage Question, iv had a wee think and maybe an age limit for taking out a marriage license (like a motor car) would be a good thing.   I would suggest --Over 75......When all you want is somebody to warm your feet on.    And another thing... this thread is one of the most interesting on the Forum at the moment and shouldnt be addressed in cliches      Best wishes Alex...

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Jeanie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 12:15 PM

Which way does your over 75 age limit work, akenaton ? Is it that once you reach 75 you have to re-apply and be approved by a government department ? Or is it that nobody should be allowed to get married until they are over 75 ? (I favour the latter option !!)

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 01:51 PM

Oh, sorry -- I didn't recognize the colloquialism. I will say this: bringing children up on an unstable social footing, not knowing where or who their parents are, is a serious disservice to many chi9ldren. Some of them meet the challenge, but others are dinged significantly by it.

So if your scheme involves bringing kids up in a musical chairs environment, I would say we should go back to the drawing board. My 2 cents' woirth anyway -- have you raised children, yourself?


A

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 02:55 PM

Youve got the right idea Jeanie...Unfortunately all the wrinklies would be jumping over cliffs the day before their 75th....Amos iv four boys ,all grown and who knows if weve made agood job of them or not.Personally I think kids grow up as"society" wants them to,not as their parents would like.As i think you generalise too much,Ill tell you a wee story about a woman who lived next door when i was young.   She had six children all by different fathers and when asked to marry she always said "No man will rule me". the children were loved more than any others in our area by their mother and certainly returned that love . they all grew up well adjusted and did fine in life.    Iv also seen kids suffer terribly in "bad " marriages...Ake

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 03:20 PM

I actually DO have knitting to do! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:01 PM

LOL Fred! You kill me!

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:06 PM

Ebbie you are confusing the beejeezus out of me with your first and last posts. Did you launch the opener with the sequel in mind?

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:20 PM

Well duh now I see the teaser was in the opeing verse. So the major question for me would become, what was the first moment when I knew WHAT? Because I have learned an awful lot since the first moment I thought I knew something.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:33 PM

Sorry, Guestheric. My question was meant as "how soon did you KNOW that THIS is the one"?

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:48 PM

I was at my desk at work, looked up and saw this man striding through the office. His posture was perfect and simply radiated confidence; he also a headful of black curly hair and the merriest eyes. I was 18 and captivated. He was married and in his mid-forties. A few years later he was divorced and we began dating. I moved in and after spending a year talking about everything under the sun we decided we knew enough about each other to marry. I'm now middle-aged and he's in the twilight of life. His remaining hair is white and one eye is clouded with a cateract but it doesn't matter. When I look at him the years fall away. His eyes still twinkle and it's wonderful to be caught up in his arms, dancing to the kitchen radio.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 05:10 PM

My confusion, though, memberEbbie, came from the way you refer to "The One" as someone you left in the dust, as if number two was never contemplated. (Which is fine, of course. Just surprised me.)

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 07:46 PM

Is this why my wife has started introducing me to people as her "first" husband?

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 01:56 PM

When I get me a handle it may be Threadkiller. I wasn't trying to put you on the spot or hit a nerve I hope you know. I just was making a joke about the next thread in the sequence, i.e. whether it would be "When did you KNOW it was the NEXT one" or "When did you KNOW he wasn't the one After All, or whatever. (The former is of some interest to me, in fact. I face the "choice" of LH's loving life versus loving number two, with the demographics predicting a 50:50 split.)

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 03:41 PM

Well, I would venture to say that sometimes one person Knows and the other doesn't...

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:32 PM

Aaah, this is a thread for women and for men with delusions of self-determination!

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:53 PM

heric, I suppose the reason I referred only to my #1 is because I don't want there to be a #2. I don't regret marrying the first time- after all, I got a daughter out of it- but I'm better off single and I'm glad that I realized that long ago.

On the other hand, I love happy endings!

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 11:38 PM

So far, the only "knowing" I've done is that the ones I was going out with weren't "the one". I guess that discernment is important as well, though.

There are, however, several friends who I know will be in my heart forever.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,Mishell Baker
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 01:45 AM

Hi... Looking over these stories I'm just amazed. I've never understood the "love at first sight thing," truly.

The first time I met my true love, I thought he was a dork. Didn't fall in love with him until we'd already been best friends for a year and I saw the fascinating person that lurked within his geeky exterior. By then he'd figured out I was way too immature to have a relationship with. So for six years we stayed friends, grew closer and closer and closer, and then finally he outgrew his Vulcan demeanor, I outgrew my selfishness, and his newfound passion met my newfound responsibility in just the right place. Also, he'd been working out. ;-)

We fell in blissful, mutual love. And the nine years of friendship, a friendship that survived even though we moved across country a total of six times between us, took our new passion and gave it a foundation so rock-solid that now I know nothing will ever tear us apart.

I never would have had the courage to commit to someone who hadn't already stuck through me through thick and thin, and loved me through some of the most shattering changes of my life.

-Mishell

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 02:20 PM

*sigh*

Follow up to earlier posting by me... I guess I didn't KNOW afterall, or at least she didn't... anyways, it didn't work out. No worries, I'll just have to change topic to When WILL you KNOW?

still a believer love can overcome you like a wet blanket,
Brian.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 06:48 PM

I don't suppose this will help !

My first love got in touch after 15 years. He says it was love at first sight for him. He had forgotten that after one night together we didn't see each other for three months, during which time he could have phoned me but didn't. Funny that.

He has also got a whole lot of other things wrong ... like where & how he proposed. And he thinks we were happy all the time we were together. It's quite funny. There must be 5 sides to every story !

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:04 PM

Looks like I've missed some good threads the last few months while my internet access has been severely limited.

We met right here in the Mudcat. Our first contact was in this thread. We spent the following year getting to know each other in IMs and on the phone. "Knowing" was a sort of gradual process, but I was pretty sure by the time he showed up at my door and we met face to face for the first time.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,Ms Guided
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:50 AM

Haven't yet or rather thought I might have,thought I knew and he did when he met someone else. C'est la vie

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 08:11 AM

We met here and talked online and by phone.

I knew when I was about to have a colonoscopy and she offered to come 750 miles and care for me. I declined the offer but I had a warm feeling for weeks afterward.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: McMusic
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 04:16 AM

Haven't. Doubt that I will.

Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Noreen
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 05:38 AM

Jack t S: wasn't the warm feeling caused by the colonoscopy?

(Sorry!)