BS: One for the girls

Subject: BS: One for the girls
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 07:08 AM

I, The Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labour.
* I work at great depths.
* I plunge, headfirst, into everything I do.
* I do not get weekends of, or Public Holidays.
* I work in a damp environment.
* I don't get paid overtime.
* I work in a dark workplace with poor ventilation.
* I work in high temperatures.
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

REPLY:

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight.
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas!
* You leave the workplace messy at the end of your shift.
* You don't always observe the necessary safety regulations. such as wearing the correct safety equipment!
* You retire well before the age of 65.
* You are unable to work double shifts.
* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed your day's work.
* And if that were not all, you have been consistently entering and leaving this workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Tinker
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 08:08 AM

LOL -- Thanks for a beginning of the day giggle...

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: jacqui.c
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 08:11 AM

I love this one - it will be passed on to an appreciative audience!

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: GUEST,Willie
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 08:16 AM

I think that we Penii should make a stand on these issues.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: GUEST,Willie
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 08:42 AM

If womomen don't wish to avail themselves of our services, they are welcome to emulate the little Dutch boy, who prevented a flood digitally.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 08:53 AM

It's not a question of prevention. It's a question of induction.

A

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Mickey191
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 09:13 AM

Top Drawer! Laughed outloud. Thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 09:51 AM

THAT is TOO FUNNY!

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Peace
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 02:42 PM

Gotta hand it to you on that one . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 03:40 PM

Is the plural of penis penii ?

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Peace
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 04:17 PM

penises or penes; but, penii works, too. Or it's a new language like ascii was at one time. Beats me--let me rephrase that--I am defeated.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 05:35 PM

I'm sorry, but I find this thread to be utterly discusting,

My view will, of course, not make any difference. Babies are GOD GIVEN. some of you need to read the bible aa little more.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 05:54 PM

Only Mary's baby was God-given. Reread yours!

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Blackcatter
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 06:11 PM

Hello GUEST at 05:35 PM - You're right sorry is the best word to describe you.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Cluin
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 07:19 PM

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. Why don't single women fart?
A. They don't have an asshole yet.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Kim C
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 10:25 PM

It is disgusting. That's why it's so damn funny.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 12:58 AM

Brucie,
ASCII is an Acronym - should always be in capital letters.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Blackcatter
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 01:16 AM

So what is PENII an acronym for?

Oh, and Foolestroupe, acronym does not need to be capitalized.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Snuffy
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 08:59 AM

Scuba is an aquanym

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 01:44 PM

#8-D

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Helen
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 07:17 PM

Firstly, look up the DT and use the search term IPD. There you will find a clever little song about penii. Sung by Judy Small, in Oz.

Secondly, I'm seriously tempted to copy this out and distribute it to the young blokes in a couple of my classes that I teach. Seriously tempted. Some of them will find it funny. Maybe not some of the others.

Thirdly, Guest 05:35 PM - what does this thread have to do with babies and why they are here and who sent them?

And, my contribution to the jokes:

Q. What do toilets, wedding anniversaries and the clitoris have in common?
A. Men miss all of them.

Thanks, Mrs Lemon, for a good chuckle. I have been involved in and taught Industrial Relations and Human Resource Management, too, so this is funny from that perspective as well.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Helen
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 07:23 PM

I don't know whether this one has been posted at Mudcat before, but it's worth repeating here:


A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a forest policeman in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,"Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't that obvious?") "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the policeman. "That's true, but you have all the equipment."

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think!

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 09:41 PM

A man walks into the closet to speak to his wife while she is rummaging through her clothes and asks her what she'd like for her birthday.
   "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
   On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local amusement park. He took her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Five hours later, she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
   Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake!
   Then it was off to a movie: the latest Disney musical cartoon, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms.
   Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
   He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
   One eye opened... "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

MORAL: Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Hrothgar
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 11:16 PM

Even when we're listening, they don't really give us emough information.

God bless the little dears!

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 11:36 PM

Blackcatter,

My typing soemtimes makes misteaks...


Ribbon

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 11:41 PM

Helen

haven't you heard of The Stork?

My daddy told me that the Birds peck and the Bees sting...

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Cluin
Date: 10 Nov 03 - 05:25 PM

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured and enabled princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her socially responsible castle.
   The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am. And then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
   That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog's legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: "I don't fucking think so".






MORAL: You keep on chuckling princess...

And try not to think of all the millions you missed out on making with a talking frog.

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Helen
Date: 11 Nov 03 - 12:26 AM

Cluin,

You obviously haven't seen the singing frog cartoon or you would know that talking or singing frogs only talk/sing in front of their owners and not other people, thereby making the owner very frustrated, and making others think s/he is stark, raving mad. so frog's legs seems the better option. I believe that it tastes like chicken.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 Nov 03 - 12:52 AM

The Gift.


A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to a merchant and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the merchant mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the content, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.

"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

"When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love.

"P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 10 Jan 04 - 07:39 AM

Two whores meet at the bottom of the stairs in the brothel. One says "Do you know I've been up these stairs 60 times today" the other says "Oh your poor feet"

Same two girls... "How d'ya know when you've had a good day?" "When I chuck my knickers at the wall, and they stick!"

Sorry

click, clack, click, clack.... I'm teetering to the door.

#8-)

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Jan 04 - 09:56 AM

What's a hormone?

'That last trick left me $5 short!'

I'll get me coat.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Mickey191
Date: 10 Jan 04 - 11:06 AM

First Please, can someone explain the joke about the 2 pros who meet at the bottom of the staircase? (1-10-04 7:39am)

In the event that one of our lovely Mudcat ladies meets the guy of her dreams, and said dreamboat has trouble raising his flag, I offer the following:


Subject: Pharmacology

In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name: Tylenol is  acetaminophen,
Aleve is naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, Advil is  ibuprofen, and so on. 

The FDA has been looking for a generic name  for Viagra, and announced that it has settled on mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, dixafix,  mydixadud, and of course, ibepokin.

That's all folks!

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 10 Jan 04 - 11:41 AM

Mickey191: perhaps the joke is that it is likely not only the lady's feet will be sore!

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 10 Jan 04 - 11:51 AM

Well done Nigel, glad to see your on the ball!

#;-D

Sall

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 10 Jan 04 - 11:53 AM

Blast didn't stop it in time. Schantie will be after me for not using an apostrophie where I should've done. He's so masterful you know!

Sal

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 10 Jan 04 - 12:05 PM

Ms Lemon: Now you'll get complaints about the spelling of 'apostrophe' in your self correction.

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: HuwG
Date: 10 Jan 04 - 02:28 PM

A girl returns from her first term at University. The parents notice that she is very quiet and seems preoccupied.

"What's up, lass ?", asks the father.

"I ain't a good girl any more", she sobs.

"Well, I'm disgusted", says pa. "Three months at that posh University, and you still say 'ain't'."



***


OK, not funny, but is the puctuation OK ?

Subject: RE: BS: One for the girls
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jan 04 - 05:02 PM

The puctuation is just fine. LOL