BS: The Marminator

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 03 - 07:41 PM

Gooooooooooooood Brucie! Nice brucie! Brucie did gooooooooooood. Let's see if Brucie can get the rest of it. It's not hard, it's a easy as pie. I think he can do it. Now sit Brucie! Sit boy!

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 26 Nov 03 - 06:41 PM

Little Hawk, it's great that you're back. Have had a terrible time keeping the expenses under control. I guess we'll just have to smarten up. I realize that thirty-five million for a dog house is a bit much, but, hey, it's a tax write off. That will be easy to do when we have an income.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 26 Nov 03 - 04:56 PM

Be ecologically friendly. Use both sides of the toilet paper.

Rapaire, All I got is 'got it brucie?' I'll keep at it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Nov 03 - 01:59 AM

Well, Rapaire,
it's not as if I haven't been accused of talking shit before...

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 03 - 12:10 AM

What is this about sending me all the leftover bills???? Geez, I go to Atlanta for the weekend and everthing goes crazy in my absence!

Look, forget about me paying those bills. I say, keep working the Nigeria angle for all it's worth, and hire William Shatner to star in the film. He's got no shame, he'll go for it like a duck diving for swamp bugs. With Shatner in it the film is guaranteed to go far and be remembered for decades afterward...if not centuries.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 10:57 PM

Robin, I'll bet that your messages stink.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 04:45 PM

I've got a whole continuous roll of blank one-use pads fitted to my toilet wall...

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 01:59 PM

I've gone and done it now. I had Marmite on toast with my breakfast this morning.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 07:19 AM

No it ain't unbreakable. There's a message in it. Really there is. And it's NOT difficult to decrypt, but it's not one of your simple-minded one-offs. Then again, it's not a one-use-pad, either.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Amos
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 09:53 PM

Rapire finally came up with an unbreakable cipher system!! Kewwwwl!!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 09:35 PM

v41ufpI
z3t14Z1
xX59rTR
2nQpPc6
obWWzx5
G0t1txx
6ruc13?

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:53 PM

A glimpse of a marminator in the dark
http://www.angelfire.com/md2/customviolins/bump1.jpg

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:53 PM

Jaysus, Rapaire, put it in code!

Kbztvt' Sbqbjsf' qvu ju jo dpef. Xf xjmm hfu jo effq tiju.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:48 PM

President Bush is the bossage,
Of makers and takers of sausage,
His computers keep track
Of the Echelon fact
-ory's usage/abusage of lossage.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:45 PM

Sorry I mentioned those thermonuclear toaster ovens, Brucie. You said that they were "real bombs" because they got everything too hot. They really aren't composed of a gun- or sleeve-type fission weapon surrounded by lithium VI deutride and they look like every other toaster oven.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:31 PM

It's all Rapaire's fault. Sorry buddy, but I can't take the rap for this. Too many starlets waiting in the wings. At my age, this could take a while. I hope you understand.

Stupid of me to mention the unmentionables. That's code for unowatt. That's code for uno. That's code for we better stop talking about whatever we're talking about that was caused by whomever. That's code for all you guys and gals at Echelon. We're with you. We support whatever it is you do. Don't actually tell us what that is, unless you put it in c##e. In fact, the typo that said thermo-nukes should have read thermal-cukes. We're trying out a new recipe for C U C U M B E R S. With a one letter transposition, read it D V D V N C F S T.

On second thought, Rapaire, I'll take the rap. My knees gave out; sorry. No blindfold, you know. Must stiffen the old upperlip.

And in the words of WC Fields (for my friends at Echelon), "On second thought, G V D L 'F N."

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:08 PM

Hey you people better be careful - talking about thermo-nukes openly like that! You'll attract attention to us nice innocent folkies from the NSA!

Ooops!

OK now! Everybody wave to the nice guys watching us all at Echelon!

Hi Guys! Keep reading the messages!

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 07:59 PM

And the cookies that the Girl Scouts brought at your insistence? GWB would choke on 'em, like he does on pretzels.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 06:02 PM

No question: Send the bill to Bush. He can hide the items in his Iraq budget. Looks like we have to start a religion. And regarding the Senior Girl Scouts: they were supposed to be at the starlet interviews. Any left-over bills go to Little Hawk. Let's hang on to the thermo-nukes. Just in case we have to 'off' the thermos.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 05:37 PM

Ah, Brucie, I have the 9th Armored Division, the 5th Special Forces Group, the 11th Airborne, the SAS, SBS, and two regiments of Scottish Highlanders on retainer. Also the US Navy's Pacific Fleet and the Siberian Forces of the Russian Army.

There are 1,403 girl scout troops, 734 Brownie Troops, and 8 Senior Girls Scout troops waiting (the Senior Girls Scouts are my personal advisers). 814 Boy Scouts and 875 Explorer Scouts also will want payment. And then there are all the camerapeople, grippeople, bestboypeople, molepeople, costumepeople, makeuppeople, lightingpeople, and extras. Not to mention all the cossacks, cowboys, and cavalry (and their horses).

And what should I do about the population of the nation of Marzunda? They want their fish!

And all those explosives! Do you have any idea of the cost of those thermonuclear bombs you wanted so badly?????

To whom do I sent the bills? Little Hawk or you?

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 03:43 PM

Hate to say this, but we've lost our focus. The money has not yet arrived from Nigeria, and the donations are a bit slow in coming. Little Hawk has a tad over $73,000,000 to account for, and the doghouse is very well furnished. I'll be holding the starlet interviews in there even though it seems the movie is a bust. We tried.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 09:42 AM

I only had the 1/2 teaspoon serving like it says on the jar. And I did have a bath today. Amazing how much B vitamins are in it! It tastes sort of like soy sauce concentrate. Mister actually bought it to use as a yeast nutrient in winemaking.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Doktor Doktor
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:58 AM

PS
Marmites 20
Vegemites 17
(gloat)

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Doktor Doktor
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:54 AM

Oy!

Theres something wrong with McGrath - he's caught modesty!

Would have thought this an ideal cue for a song -

Where's the Marmite & The Jam then, Kev?

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Mr Red
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:09 AM

Kim C

As they say in the ads - You either "are" a Marmite virgin or you "are not" a Marmite virgin

Personally I am not - but it still stinks - that bath is essential.

Stay off the Bovril at all costs or there is no hope.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 03 - 07:10 PM

You want I should make that Marmite polecat Do Right by you? Out here in The West we don't take kindly ta such goings-on. My shotgun is yers ta command, m'am.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Nov 03 - 06:54 PM

OK KimC,
The next step is a bath...

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Kim C
Date: 23 Nov 03 - 06:34 PM

I am pleased to report, I am no longer a Marmite virgin.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 22 Nov 03 - 09:16 PM

Not the Potter kid. No, no.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Nov 03 - 08:14 PM

I haven't yet worked out all the details, but one scene will be set in a private school (public in the UK). All of the students will be destroyed just before Christmas by...term-ites.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Nov 03 - 07:07 PM

And let's not forget the competing

The Pro-Mites...

The Mighty-Mites...

The Phantom Marmiter Of Old London Town...

My Mind Reels...
~~~~~~~
Brucie... "There's no 'F' in SEX"

Hmmm, that reminds me..

In Oz here we had a Music Hall comedian who transited well to Radio called "Mo" - real name Roy Rene. he had a side kick called "Stiffy"... (keep it clean!)

One of his famous routines involved having Stiffy reading from a large chart with letters of the alphabet as Mo pointed and said them.

Mo: A, B, C, D, E, F,

Stiffy: A, B, C, D, E, K,

Mo: Start again!
Mo: A, B, C, D, E, F,

Stiffy: A, B, C, D, E, K,

Mo: Start again!
Mo: A, B, C, D, E, F,

Stiffy: A, B, C, D, E, K,

Mo: Start again!

Stiffy: A, B, C, D, E, K,

Mo: What's wrong with you? Every time I say F, You See K!


Robin

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 06:21 PM

I want a battle scene, where the military tries to kill the Vegemites and the Marmites. It doesn't have to be be anything big, because we can film from the top, bottom and sides and nobody will notice that it's the same scene. AND we'll get an award for creative camerawork, since I don't think ANYONE has ever filmed a battle from the bottom before!

So anyway, here's my thinking on this:

The Vegemites and the Marmites join forces, temporarily, because the US Marines are bothering them. Needing a few good men, the V&Ms eat about half the 1st Marine Division and continue stomping towards Hull9, where they are going to have their Armeggedonish battle. Outside of Youghcaghanny, Pennsylvania, on the banks of the Mighty Yuck (the river), they are confronted with the 1st through 9th US Infantry Divisions, the British Paras, the SAS, the SBS, the Green Berets, and the Fifth Northumbridgeshire Light Lancers (known as "the Cherry Pickers" but not because of their uniforms). Off in the distance the pipes of the Sutherlands and the Black Watch tell us that Lord Lurkin' is marching to reinforce the Thin Red Line at the front. Ghurka forces slip between the Vegemites' toes, where they hack at them with their famous knives. The Unites States' Special Military Underwater Reconnaisance Force (or SMURFs), clad in their special blue uniforms, attach the Marmites by shoving flares under their toenails and lighting them off. Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, playing themselves and eager to squelch the rumors of their gay marriage as reported in "The News of the World" some weeks ago, lead jihad forces.

All to no avail. The slaughter is immense and quite complete. There is nothing between the Vegemites and the Marmites and Hull9 but several million people, part of Canada, some good-sized cities, and the Atlantic Ocean.

Maybe if we understood the Marmites and Vegemites, maybe if we treated them as people...nah.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 11:59 AM

Dear Liz the Squeak, Little Hawk, MMArio, RangerSteve,
Rapaire, McGrath of Harlow, John Barden, Bee-dubya-ell, jacqui c, Amos, muppet, and our spiritual leader, Robert Nobutuhane:

If the movie craps out, I think we oughta start a new religion.

To the donating public: We are not insistent that the donations people send MUST be spent on a movie. We are flexible. (You'll notice that in the SFX SEX scenes.) If you would rather we spent the money on other things, we'd be more than willing to do so. On that, we are not rigid. And speaking of which, is there any chance we can get the Nude Photographer from another thread to do the camera work?

Rapaire, please tone down the stuff to do with llamas. The cattle industry may want a piece of the action, and we don't want any complaints from the wool people or animal protection agencies. Don't mean to sound bossy about this, but if any federal agencies find out what we're doing, Little Hawk could get in deep dung. I've been signing all the cheques with his name! So far we've spent a trivial $73,000,063 on the set (in a secret location--but it has a hot tub and big-screen TV). I was able to buy the dog house that the religious fundamentalist had built years ago. His cost was about $12,000, but for a kickback of 60%, he let us have it for just under thirty-five million--and he threw in the dog. Been bargaining hard.

I want to begin the starlet interviews soon, so I have purchased stock in Ginseng futures. Hope you guys don't mind. We'll have to get a firmer plot, but things are shaping up just fine. We have a hit on our hands here.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 11:21 AM

SFX SEX-----we could do wonders with Everest and K2. An avalanche is just a mountain getting its rocks off. Think of the possibilities.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 05:52 PM

The bullbuck up on the hill got hit by a blue-butted schoolmarm today. Seems like a kill-snake set the schoolmarm rolling and the bullbuck was in the way. Took him out on a stretcher on the high-line.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 05:29 PM

A smarmy schoolmarm was feeding a marmalade and marmite sandwich to her pet marmots and marmosets while sitting on Mount Marmolada and wishing she was sailing on the Sea of Marmara instead. She got so caught up in her daydream about the Sea of Marmara that the sandwich became marmoreal and neither the marmots nor the marmosets would eat it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 05:04 PM

And llamas. And lamas. I want to film the scene in Tibet, with K-2 and Everest as the backdrop! And a cast of thousands of extras, all Sherpas and all dancing and swaying in time to the music (John Williams, maybe?). A poignant, yet stimulating SFX SEX scene.

I don't have bank account; here in Idaho we do everything in cash 'cause it's harder to trace.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 04:44 PM

Ah, man, we have died and gone to heaven.

We gotta write to Robert right away. We can still do the Marmil-AID concert, but we should get the Lagos cash ASAP. With that kinda money, we can buy off the censors. (Truthfully, you could buy me for half of that amount. I'm easy but I ain't cheap. And I'm as honest as a good politician: once I'm bought, I stay bought.) The SFX SEX scene is too exciting. My breath is coming in short pants--jodpers, actually. Ease up a bit there, Rapaire. Kids read this stuff, too.

Mr Nobutuhane: We are yours to command. Tell us how to follow up on this transaction. Our fax machine has been destroyed by the prototype of the Marminator, so we are really f####d in that department. To get the cash, what else would you suggest. We'll give you a credit in the movie. (For that kinda money, we'll throw in Disneyland or Washington, same thing.) Get back soooooon.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,Robert Nobutuhane, Lagos
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 03:40 PM

Hello,

You may be sruprised to recieve this communication from me because you do not know of me, but I am the controller of a prestigious import-export house in Lagos, Nigeria. It so happened recently that my uncle, Kimu Nobutuhane died tragically due to Marmite attack, leaving his entire fortune of $976 Billion in limbo with the Investors' National Bank of Lagos, a prestigious banking firm with a rock solid reputation all over the World.

Due to the Marmite connection, and the fact that Rapaire's name coincides with the name of my uncle's only heir (who disappeared fifteen years ago without trace while photographing lions in the Serengeti), I have the idea that we could facilitate the transfer of the $976 Billion to Rapaire's North American bank account, upon the condition that Rapaire receives 33% of it as compensation for the service of releasing these funds. This would amount to $322,080,000,000 in US dollars being retained by Rapaire, while the rest would be returned to the account of Robert Nobutuhane in Nigeria.

We have to put a condition on this arrangement that at least half of the $322 Billion be used to finance your movie "The Marminator", so that the World public be alerted to the great danger posed by Marmites.

We are depending on you to be honest and return the remaining 67% of the funds ($653,920,000,000 US dollars). We believe that you are sincere honest people who would not cheat us.

Accordingly, please contact us ASAP by fax at 1-800-BIG-LOAD and we can take the next procedural steps in this arrangement.

We thank you in the name of the Lord Almighty for being our compassionate rescuers in time of need!!!

REspectfully,

Robert Nobutuhane
Lagos, Nigeria

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 03:32 PM

oh please. Who would ever believe that scene - *TWO* hockey pucks?

they always go too far. always.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 03:28 PM

For the SFX SEX scene I'm thinking of something sort of ecologically oriented, using used 30 weight oil. Maybe a porcupine, some grape jelly, Alice Cooper (if we can get him) or Prince Charles (second choice), a Honda motorcycle, Craters of the Moon National Park, a surplus Minuteman III missile, two hockey pucks, LOTS of fireworks, the deep part of the Great Salt Lake (or Lake Baikal), a sturgeon, and, for the grand climax, several thousand gallons of various flavors of jello dripping and oozing down the participants, the screen, the Carpathian Mountians, and the legs of someone wearing a kilt (I suggest Red Stewart plaid, but I'm not fanatic about it -- McDonald will do as well).

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 02:44 PM

We have a major industry in the making here. Residuals, product merchandising, spinn-offs. Movies, toys, foods: anyone know how we can crack the designer-clothing market? And beer, seeing McGH's post above. We could go from being loot-beggars to boot-leggers. WOW! Haven't received any offers of financial aid from anyone. Maybe we could write to the Nigerians and ask if they want to invest. What do you think?

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 01:57 PM

and when the various legal eagles and protection leagues get up in arms about discrimination against Marmites we can sponsor a fund-raising concert - we'll Call it Marmil-AID!

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 01:41 PM

The Yeast from 20,000 Fathoms should come into it somewhere.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 10:48 AM

Sorry there Rapaire. Next time I'll wear my glasses. Looked like SEX. I should have known better. There's no 'F' in SEX. We will need oil for the SFX SEX scene. Any ideas where to get that--low cholesterol vegemite oil? And what kind of scene do you have in mind that would need LOW CHOLESTEROL OIL? (We have Dubya workin' on that for us. Ain't goin' worth s##t.)

When can I do the starlet interviews? And if we get busted for the SEX scenes, we'll become rapaires. (I'm on a roll, here. But I'd like to be on some buns, so back to the interviews. What about the interviews? Ask me if I'm excited. It only happens once a year, but today's the day!)

Later, fellow and fellowette producers ad producerettes.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 08:44 AM

"Go ahead. Make mine Marmite."

"Aw, MARMITE!" (Bang!)

"Marmite? We don't need no steenkin' marmite!"

By the way, that was SFX, the abbreviation for Special Effects, not SEX, the abbreviation for SEX. Later, however, the script WILL call for SFX for SEX.

Watch for it: the SFX for SEX should be interesting, 'cause a Marmite will attempt to molest a Vegemite (or maybe vice-versa). It'll be a love story, sort of a Hatfield-McCoy Romeo & Juliet sort of thing, only with monstrous sex. Gratuitious monstrous sex, of course -- we gotta make some money on this in order to become tenaires.

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: muppett
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 07:34 AM

So in this film then will the hero say 'Hasta la ar marmite baby'

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: RangerSteve
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 07:03 AM

Marmite Dearest
Indiana Jones and the Marmite of Doom
Star Wars: the Phantom Marmite
Pink Marmitoes

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Barden of England
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 03:37 AM

Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd are returning for another series of 'Marmiting' I hear

Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 12:12 AM

Inspired. The USS Ronald McDonald: we won't need sharks if we have The Marminator. How will this work with Rapaire's SEX scene? And no one has yet mentioned whether or not we get to wear sunglasses and dress like the Blues Brothers. Who will save the people in the water and Amos' baby ostrich? Hey, if we serialize this, we could invent a trend in movies: We'll call it the hangcliffer. Just look at the raw talent contributing to this movie. LOOK.