The Hamster of Time?

Subject: The Hamster of Time?
From: GUEST,Les in Chorlton
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 11:00 AM

As the Hamster of Time runs around the wheel of eternity
The Gerbil of Space bites the hands of destiny!

OK This is crap but these things turn up all over the place. A good example is the end of I'm sorry I haven't a clue - the antidote to panel games'. Humphry Littleton often finishes the show with one.

Do they have a name? Does anybody know a better one?

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:03 PM

"This is The BBC Home Service", "Hold it up to the light, not a brain in sight!" (The Goons)

This is total BS!

Nigel

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Micca
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:10 PM

As the Folk singer of time busks the shopping Mall of Eternity
and the bodhran player of creation beats the rhythym of the "lost morris dance" into submission, it is time to fade away

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: John-S
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:18 PM

Here's some of Humph's

http://www14.brinkster.com/g0akh/ISIHAC/Humphs_Closing_Gems_Page.asp

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Phot
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:40 PM

"as our ship sinks slowly in the West, and the sun sails away.........."    Spike Jones and the city slickers.

Wassail! Chris

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:07 PM

"Aloha-oe, aloha-oe, ikeona ona noho ikanipo

As the sun pulls away from the shore, and our boat sinks slowly in the west, we approach the island of Lu-Lu (sproing) - spelled backwards: (sproing) Ul- Ul.

Ah, in the distance we hear Spike Jones and his Wacky Wakakians

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:12 PM

ooops..seems the sound file has disappeared

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:42 PM

Thanks a lot John S you are a genius. Do these things have a name? Does any one else do them? I feel sure I have heard some elsewhere.

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Joybell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:19 PM

They remind me a little of Zen sayings. I'm sure you can attain enlightenment if you meditate on them in the right way. Thank you Les. Joy

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Joybell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:23 PM

Just took a peek at the add at the bottom of this thread. It said,
"You'll be amazed at how quickly your hamster will become your best friend" It's changed now. How quickly the Hamster of Time moves on!

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 10:40 PM

In some unfortunate cases you'll be amazed at how quickly your hamster will become your worst enemy!

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 11:24 PM

A running metaphor?

These are easy to create if you are in the right frame of mind (a loose one). We like to pretned the Bible is actually a Western. Oh yeah, that stuff actually all happened in the Old West, that's why the thing about the Historic Jesus is so hard to figure out! No more making the sign of the cross-- it's the sign of the noose, and communion is sarsaparilla. Disciples become podners, Gentiles are Cheyenne, Pilate is a corrupt town marshall..... Lee Van Cleef for Judas, let your mind slip a bit and it's easy, so easy..... too easy..... there goes Miss Kitty Magdalene....

~S~

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Joybell
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 12:38 AM

Epigrams? Could you call them that? Or are they a sort of free-form English Haiku.
Now Google is talking "Dancing Hamsters" as well as pals.

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 03:49 AM

Well Carolyn at work, who consults on English, said they are metaphors and this is borne out above. Running metaphors is excellent. How about flying metaphors?

Epigramic metaphors (EMs?)or even Ems?

Since they go so much further could they be metafives or metaphives or metanines, metanines sounds snappy?

Who will sing the first song constructed from metanines?

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 04:46 AM

do you mean something like this Les?

Bathroom of your heart.
(Tune..Wild side of life)
(Johnny Cash addn.lyrics Micca)

On the compost heap of life I've been cast out dear
With the tea leaves and grass cuttings to rot down
Like a used bandage that tied up your wounds dear
I am left here by you , cast on the ground

chorus
I've been washed from the sink of your memory
in the theatre of your dreams I've lost my part
and now you've got me off of your conscience
I've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart"

Like a used kleenex I've been cast aside dear
Full of snot and of bogies and of phlegm
Opened up and inspected then rolled up dear
And then cast with great force into the bin

In the garbage disposal of your life I've been ground up dear..
And with the slurry of my dreams washed down the drain
And now I'm in the sewer with the crap dear
Like a chocolate cake that was left out in the rain

In the cemetery of your past I've been interred dear
I am rotting in the grave of your past life
And now my feelings for you are disgusting
Since you went back to your kids and wife…

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 05:42 AM

Micca, absolutly brilliant!

I was sitting in a folk club the other night listening to somebody sing one of those long rambling singersongwritersongs about ravens ravings? and the darkness of my soul. I felt the need to make up or at least sing a spoof. I think it is impossible to spoof those kind of songs       ..... when the possibilty of metanines as a basis came to mind.

You have beaten me to it, but also given me great inspiration. Just searching for my talent and originality...... this could take some time.

In the meantime I am off out to buy and fit an MFI fitted kitchen.

As the screwdriver of commitment meets the flat pack of challenge,
The cold dawn of reality throws its light on the liesure time of my life

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 09:52 AM

Song Titles:

THE DAY THE CHEESE LEFT MY CRACKER

I'LL NEVER EAT YOUR DUST AGAIN (D Warwick)

YOU POLLUTED MY OCEAN OF LOVE

~S~

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 10:27 AM

Sounds like the land of that incredible Birkenhead band Half man half biscuit?

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 11:04 AM

Les I was FORBIDDEN from including one verse on pain of having something very painful done to my person and had to PROMISE signed in Blood to destroy it and never to publish same.

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 12:07 PM

Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on?

I we at the start of a new genre of song?

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 12:09 PM

Yes, and I think we should call it Country & Western music. :~) We had a recent thread with funny C&W song titles, and I have heard some of the songs, and they are a riot.

DROP KICK ME JESUS THRU THE GOAL POSTS OF LIFE... sound familiar? :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 12:16 PM

Oh the hamster of Tyne runs between my love and me?

Kitty

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Joybell
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 06:16 PM

We wouldn't tell Micca. We can keep secrets.
If I buy my Hamster of Time at eBay, like it says I can on the add at the bottom here, will it be shipped in real time or in Hamster time? Will they pack a cut lunch for him/her and will that be enough? A Hamster of Time is not a mortal creature is it? Tell me it's not. Time my friendly, furry, funny, friend
Come to me
Together we will feast on
Peanut-butter sandwiches
And we will giggle in the face of
Cruel death.

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 11:45 PM

Pat Paulsen sang it, "In the elevator of your heart I've been shafted, I've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart."

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Gurney
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:12 AM

The Winds of Change are blowing through The Corridors of Power!

Dont you wish?

Metametaphors?

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 04:02 PM

What ever they are they are a strange and varied beast. Many of Humphrey Littletons have a common structure. I can't really understand or describe it but I am sure it's possible.

Perhaps it goes a bit like this:

2 abstract or at least sophisticated concepts are needed - destiny and time are good examples. Each then needs to be illustrated by some sureal but concrete er things (the hamster etc) The 2 concepts need to be related in some strange event???????

Ok this probably doesn't explain anything.

Anyone else fancy a go?

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 05:41 PM

The Hamster of Time scampers across the gap between the train and the platform, just before the points, at .........Mornington Crescent?

And points mean?

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 05:50 PM

As the finger of destiny points to the wandering palms waiting to welcome Samantha

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 05:20 AM

Go on Kitty, you're on a roll.
ROTFL

John

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 06:02 AM

Just thought, if you fit the hamster of time with a flux capacitor, will he become a Tribble? Or will he boldly go, in a De Lorean called The Enterprise? Or will he then return to Megarathea, to complete his research into the wheel? Or will he, maddened by time travel, commit rodenticide by taking Warfarin.

I'm so confused! Has anybody seen my medication?

John

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 03:11 PM

Thanks John S for the link. Lots of eternity, destiny, doom....

Could just call them humphs.

Kitty

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: John-S
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:28 AM

Sadly, that link appears to be broken just now. I knew I should have taken a copy. Here's another one to keep us going.

Humph's Intros

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 02:18 PM

Yes, Humph's or is it Humphs? Excellent.

But what about their structure? If we camn understand them better, can we write even funnier ones?

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 05:59 PM

As the Joe Clone of time, opens the Mudcat Cafe pages of eternity, he finds 50 new posts from the Gargoyle of fate?
John

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:16 PM

As the Elite Member of the fabled Mudcat Inner Clique ascends to the lofty pinnacle of his/her Gilded Throne (office chair) and wields the Sceptre of Ultimate Power (mouse), he/she finds 32 more unallowable and altogether despicable posts from disgruntled ex-members, anonymous Guests, and existing members who lack discrimination...shortly to be excised with extreme prejudice by the Joe Clone Executioner of Eternity!

;-) (sorry, couldn't resist...)

- LH

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 02:49 PM

As the tasty bait of temptation
Is cast over the virtual reality of the Mudcat
The curious attention of the Little Hawk
Is drawn to the destiny of the Hamster

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 04:36 PM

As the hawk of destiny deposits the hamster of time in the overdue section of the library of eternity...

Kitty

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 05:57 PM

And the Dewey Decimal sytem of fate, classifies it under bacon products..

John

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Micca
Date: 23 Jan 04 - 05:03 AM

As the hamster of destiny falls into the blender of time and the long fickle finger of fate flicks the switch of eternity to create the milkshake of oblivion..

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jan 04 - 10:13 AM

>The Hamster of Time scampers across the gap between the train and the >platform, just before the points, at .........Mornington Crescent?

>And points mean?

Switches?

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 03:59 AM

Thankyou, thank you.

I think we aew are on a roll.

I watched o programme last night about that French guy who cracked the code for Hyroglyphics on the Rosseta Stone. I now believe I am close to cracking the code for Humphs.

But more pressing is the need to go to MFI and struggle with the code for fitted kitchens.

As the uncertain screwdriver of fate..............

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Micca
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 10:18 AM

approaches the Flat pack of Eternity, The kitchen unit of infinity teeters in search of the 3 missing hinges, 8 screws, 4 bolts, an allen key and a couple of door handles

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 10:25 AM

This kind of talk is very scarry.

Now, the code:

1. The classic single (or 2 line) Humph.

The first and second line contain an abstract noun eg destiny, fear, fate.....



Sorry, offer of a trip to a guitar shop, more later

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Mr Red
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 10:42 AM

I was gpoing to say the screwdriver of fate Chauffeurs the lady Mayoress of destiny (ref to back seat). but I was jammed in the doorway of conflict, or was it conflict in the jam of Spaghetti?.

I was going to suggest Mondayblues (cf Mondegreens) though I have to agree

Humphs' is so fitting BUT note pedantic use of the apostrophe

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 03:47 PM

I think I'm getting the hang of this:

So as the pawls of the capstan of time click away, the mudhook of fate is slowly raised to the surface of tranquility.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 25 Jan 04 - 04:46 AM

1. So as the pawls of the capstan of time click away,


2. the mudhook of fate is slowly raised to the surface of tranquility.

So you have Charley.

Basically something in the first line does something to something in the second line. This is embelished by the use of strange or surreal nouns, verbs and so on.

The code looks like this to me:
This is a single Humph'

The first line has an abstract noun - time.
This is made less abstract by a common noun - the pawls of the capstan
Sometimes, though not in this case, the common noun can have adjectives - worn pawls.....

The second line has the abstract + common noun feature - the mudhook of fate - some verbs - slowly raised - that indicate how the 2 lines are related.

Charleys' Humph' has an extra embelishment - the surface of tranquility.

OK. I am off to construct a Random Generator.

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Jan 04 - 07:10 AM

Don't forget your Flux Capacitor of time, which when added to the Kryptonite of telephony, brings to mind the exteriorisation of male underwear.

Then when you have built your Random Generator, can I put my name at the head of the list to purchase your first Random.
John

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 25 Jan 04 - 07:31 AM

In the spirit of egaliterianism and anarcho-syndicalism ( sorry I don't think I can spell that), the generator will be:

from each according to,
to each according to
free at the point of use,

But just at the moment the the siren sound of the ironing .....

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Jan 04 - 01:34 PM

Dashing away with the smoothing iron.

Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 26 Jan 04 - 06:11 PM

Refreshing.