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BS: Deer.....
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Subject: BS: Deer..... From: Bobert Date: 07 Mar 04 - 09:33 AM Well, gol danged... What's with all these danged deer, anyway. They're everywere you look. At the turn of the century there were only about 50,000 of the critters left. Hey, that's plenty, as far as I'm concerned. Now there's 50,000 per acre and there're populatin' faster than cockroachs in a South Richmond hosing project... Every day I drive to Leesburg, I see at least two dead ones on the side of the road and a pack/flock/bunch of the idiots lined up waiting their turn at *Rt 9 Roulette*..... Then I come home and look out at the gardens that I spend so much money and time on and they're munching away on Rhodo buds that I've sprayed Bobex/DeerOff/LiquidFence on like they are popcorn at an afternoon kids matinee'... Hey, I like Bambi as much as the next deer hater but, hey, why do we have to have one for every danged man, woman and child????... Like I said, 50,000 is plenty... Deer rant over... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: John MacKenzie Date: 07 Mar 04 - 09:49 AM We have similar problems in Scotland with Roe deer eating our gardens, but the biggest problem is the Red deer population. There is an organisation called The Red Deer Commission, which conducts a census, and culls if necessary when numbers get too high. However they rely on figure supplied by sporting estates, which rely on the income from hunters to keep them solvent. So do you think they are going to list every last animal on their property, so's the commission can say, 'you've got too many'? Of course they won't! So numbers are too high, many are killed on the road, [and cause the death of some drivers] while the remainder are in poor condition, because there's not enough natural grazing to go round. So as long as sporting estates are valued on the basis of how many stags they produce in a shooting season, the lies will go on. Second rant over John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: paddymac Date: 07 Mar 04 - 09:52 AM It's a simple problem, Bobert. Prolific herbivores + insuficient predators = problem. Much the same with moose in the NE and gators in FL. Perhaps a mechanism to gain attention and get a response to the problem would be for folks who are in some way damaged by the abundance of critters (damaged cars; gobbled gardens (in the American sense of the term); damaged landscape foliage, pets eaten, kids killed or maimed (sadly, its true), etc., etc.) should start to invoice their respective state legislatures and legislators for recompense. Civil suit is another option on more egregious cases. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Crane Driver Date: 07 Mar 04 - 10:08 AM Nature had a clever and well thought out solution to deer overpopulation - it was called the wolf. Now we've done away with the wolf, we've turned a situation into a problem - sounds familiar? Only two answers, as far as I can see - either we bring the wolf back, or we've got to do it's job. Perhaps that's why we really invented the automobile ...... Andrew |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Midchuck Date: 07 Mar 04 - 10:50 AM Oh, but we mustn't shoot Bambi! It's so much kinder to let him starve slowly! Stoopid, stoopid, stoopid.... Peter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: wysiwyg Date: 07 Mar 04 - 10:53 AM Do you have farmers' hunt permits there, where you can show depradation and get an unlimited license to harvest them during hunting season? If so you might find a bounty hunter that would like to visit your place. Cooperating neighbors can band together to limit the general population circulating in your area; that's how they do it where we are. You could feed a lot of people if you made a Christmas arrangement with your area food pantry. Usually they cannot offer venison themselves, but they can put up posters notifying people of its availability. Someone with a freezer filled by cooperating local deer processors hands out the goodies, or a local paper might run free ads over Christmas time. (Our season is from T'giving onwards.) Freezer costs can be defrayed if someone is interested in harvesting and marketing the pelts. A church can act as middleman to verify recipients' intake info, give them a chit for their family size, and direct them to the freezer of the year at a time convenient to the freezer owner. People likely to participate would be sheep farmers, who often market their spring crop and know who the community-minded local processors are. You don't need fancy butchering-- just clean facilities where people know what they are doing and can Sawzall frozen quarters into large roasts. ~Susan |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Peace Date: 07 Mar 04 - 10:55 AM paddymac supplied the real answer. Get the Florida gaters to control the New England moose population. Elloquent. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Rapparee Date: 07 Mar 04 - 11:00 AM Dead on. Too few predators, too many prey. Man wiped out the predators (except for man) and must now step in and fill the gap. Unfortunately, too few people are willing to do this. So, here's my solution. Reintroduce cougars (mountain lions, pumas, panthers, painters, whatever ya call 'em in your area). Reintroduce grizzly bears. Reintroduce wolves (the coyotes are already there). These will, eventually, stablize the population of deer. As a bonus, they'll cut down on yuppie joggers and other such critters. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Jeri Date: 07 Mar 04 - 11:16 AM This is a true story, but more related to autumn. Every night they come around But I never hear or see 'em Theyre the quiet sort of drunks, They're deer They quietly sneak across the street Tip toe across the tarmac To munch femented apples Deer beer And who knows what goes on What revels they partake in Do their passions ever make them go Too far? Wild and crazed, they tempt the fates, Perhaps they hit on each other's mates Or maybe it'll only be Your car |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 07 Mar 04 - 11:32 AM BS! It has nothing to do with lack of predators! It's the aliens! Those pesky Antareans have found the perfect disguise for infiltrating human society. The ones that get shot by hunters and hit by cars are the stupid ones. Meanwhile, the smart ones are hiding out in their secret enclaves hatching their plans for worldwide domination! Those antlers on the males.... They're really radio signal receivers tuned to the frequency of the huge mother ships that are orbiting the globe out at the Lagrange point. Just wait until that comet shows up and you'll see a tremndous spike in deer population. I'm tellin' ya now, it's the truth! "But, wait!" you say, "What about Australia? There are no deer in Australia!" That's right! Do you know why there are no deer in Australia? Because in the Antarean/deer plan for worldwide domination, Australia is where the humans who survive the takeover will be exiled! In another thirty years it will be nothing but deer everyplace but Oz! Hope you folks like kangaroo meat. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: ranger1 Date: 07 Mar 04 - 11:39 AM Yum! Bambi! Bullwinkle! Tasty, tasty. Venison stew, mooseburgers, moose roast, moose fillet mignon, the list goes on. Low in cholesterol, low in carbohydrates. And, with the re-introduction of predators, larger trophy bucks. But try and explain that to the "sportsmen" here in New England. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: bbc Date: 07 Mar 04 - 12:34 PM I wouldn't mind them eating my foliage, if they'd stay off the roads. I've hit one w/ my car & one has run into me. That's two too many! Now, I'm nervous every time I see one near the road (even though those probably aren't the ones I need to worry about!). Sigh. bbc (NY--U.S) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: John MacKenzie Date: 07 Mar 04 - 01:33 PM I wrote off 1 car on a deer, so I now eat more venison. While in Australia, I tried a kangaroo steak, delicious! As I said to that young lady last week the answer is to eat it! John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Metchosin Date: 07 Mar 04 - 01:47 PM We have to many here too Bobert, they even eat the stuff that is supposedly deerproof, like my green tomatoes. I wouldn't be quite so annoyed if they would eat the whole thing, but they take bites out of them then spit them out. They are not in danger of going hungry in this area. We also have our more than fair share of cougars here too, but they seem to prefer easier pickings, like domestic sheep. Fortunately, after all these years, we have never hit a deer on the road with our vehicles, perhaps because we always expect them to be there. There are always roadkills in this area, following your nose is a good indicator for those not immediately visible. It keeps the ravens and turkey vultures happy and plump. A slingshot is a good shot term solution. You can give them a good hard wack in the backside and move them along for awhile, but they have short memories. On some of my rhodos I've draped the tender new buds with hair in an attemt to disuade them and my husband too has used some of his personal liquid fence to make new shoots less palatable, but it rains here a lot in the Spring. Timely topic, next week, after almost 30 years, we've finally bit the bullet and are putting up some deer fencing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Cluin Date: 07 Mar 04 - 03:07 PM Agriculture and predator reduction are the culprits of course. The range of the whitetail deer has expanded along with its population as we cleared more forest and planted fruit orchards and fields of crops. Around my area, caribou were plentiful down to the north shore of Lake Superior until the beginning of this century. Those herds were reduced by many of the same practices employed to get rid of those pesky buffalo herds: head bounties and deals on cheap ammunition for the killing of the herds the native peoples depended on (read Farley Mowat's "People of the Deer"). My own grandfather remembered when the whitetail population exploded in the area his family settled near Iron Bridge, Ontario. As they cleared the land and planted crops, the sparse population of deer filled out its numbers exponentially within a few years. That was cool with the human residents, because the hunting got better and supplemented their diet. Now, with the decline of the family farm in the north, most of those farms have been abandoned and the land has gone back to the wild and we've seen the deer population decrease quite a bit locally. The moose are moving back in and taking over (moose and deer are lousy neighbours; they don't like sharing the same territory and the moose like things on the wilder side). By the way, another species that has greatly expanded its population and range as the "white man" settled the North American continent is the coyote. My grandfather remembered them coming into the area too; though they were often called "brush wolves" here, he always referred to them as coyotes. Competition with them drove the larger, more shy, timber wolves further into the bush until they are a pretty rare sighting now. The coyotes loved living close to us. They loved eating our garbage, stock, and pets. They also mated with domestic dogs that ran free and produced the aggressive and fearless hybrid coy-dogs that are a real nuisance locally. Many of the dead, torn up deer carcasses we see in the winter around here aren't victims of wolves or even coyotes as I've heard people (who want the bounties put back on the wolves' heads) claim; it's packs of coy-dogs or people's pets that form packs and chase deer in the deep snow. Rover can be a real killer when his instincts take over. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Metchosin Date: 07 Mar 04 - 04:19 PM Re Rover, very truewhere I live as well Cluin, free roaming dogs do more damage here running sheep and and deer than any of our native predators. The wolves on Vancouver Island are interbred with dogs too, which also can make them a tad aggressive. Wolves on the southern part of this Island were last reported in the late 1940's about 15 miles from where I live, until fairly recently, when one was shot close by, by a local sheep farmer. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Walking Eagle Date: 07 Mar 04 - 04:57 PM I have more people rant and rave at me here where I live when they find out that I hunt. These city folk want to move to the country and then get pissed off when the 'country' moves into their back yards! But let us hunt? Oh no, can't do that. Things have gotten so bad that the State of PA started letting hunters take pregnant does two years ago. I hate to hit an animal just as bad as the next person. But here's what you do when you see that a deer is NOT going to make it to the other side when it has just jumped in front of you. DO NOT SWERVE! You can brake some but keep going straight. The deer is less likely to come through your windshield. It may go down underneath though. If that happpens, SLOWLY drive to where you can pull off the road and turn off your engine. Then either call for, or flag down help. Don't try to dislodge it yourselves as it may still be alive. Call the police and tell them of your situation and let them kill it when they come. If it rolls over top chances are that it will gain its' feet and will make for the nearest dark spot for safety. The scene changes if you have some idiot riding your tail. If the deer rolls underneath, DON'T BRAKE! Slow down by letting your foot off the gas. All the while praying that the idiot doesn't get mad at you and decides to play car tag. If the deer rolls over top, well then it is his big fat problem. If the deer doesn't gain its' feet call the police and try to warn others of the hazard until they get there. There! Can you remember all of that in the 5-10 seconds that this takes to happen? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Bobert Date: 07 Mar 04 - 05:25 PM Round these parts, W.E., there ain't no such thing as deer *hunting*, just deer shooting. No hunt to it. Billy Bob, if ha can shoot stright and ain't too drunk, can bag a season's limit in about 5 minutes and be back home watching TV wrestlin'... Don't get no better than that... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Walking Eagle Date: 07 Mar 04 - 07:16 PM Around here. it is hunt. This place has built up so fast that we can no longer use rifles in this county, shot guns only. You have to be pretty close to get off a clean, penetrating shot. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Peace Date: 07 Mar 04 - 07:24 PM One of the things I've noticed responding to vehicle/deer accidents: often the heads snap back, and if there are antlers on the animal, they'll be comin' through the passenger or driver side windows. It's best not to have your head there when that happens. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Bobert Date: 07 Mar 04 - 07:27 PM Hey, I believe if we could ever thin the herd to a managable level then shotguns would be a good idea. O' course, Billy Bob would jus' quit huntin', which is the only exercise he gets during the year, you know, carrying the deer 20 feet to his 4X4 pickup truck. BTW, in Loudoun Co., Va, they still hunt with high powered guns. Proble is that there are housing developements all over the county and most of them are well within *range* of hunters. Every year bullets end up, not in Bambi, but in folks kitchen cabntes and walls? Purdy crazy. So some folks tried to get a "bullet trespassing" law on the books but it was voted down. The Board of Supervisors ruled that it isn't actually trespassing until it hits something, or someone, but until then. let 'um fly. Awww, nevermind... BObert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Cluin Date: 07 Mar 04 - 07:28 PM One thing you DON'T wanna hit is a moose. Imagine half a ton of meat on stilts which snap and send a big antlered torso though the windshield. There ain't nowhere nohow your head is safe then unless you can get it down between your legs real quick (but expect it to stay there, perhaps indefinitely). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Peace Date: 07 Mar 04 - 07:56 PM . . . and while it's there, kiss yer--well, you know. For our friends elsewhere, moose are the biggest members of the deer family. Big. No joke. I hit a calf near McBride, BC. Calf and cow walked away. $2,300 damage on the car. Lucky. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Nancy King Date: 07 Mar 04 - 08:03 PM Personally, I'm all in favor of shooting them, but in a thickly settled suburban area, that's not an option. What a shame -- I love venison... I haven't hit any deer with my car, in my neighborhood or elsewhere, and I hope I never do. But their destruction of decorative plants and food crops is infuriating! Unfortunately, fencing isn't an option for me, so I have to find other ways of deterring them (not to mention the raccoons, rabbits and other pests around here). The most effective thing I have found for combatting deer is a device called the "Scarecrow," which is a sprinkler/sprayer hooked up to a motion detector. Too bad it doesn't seem to bother the rabbits. BTW, does anyone have the words to Jon Campbell's fine song, "When Bambi Got the Vote" (or maybe it's "Since Bambi Got the Vote")? I recall being much amused by it, but my Ex got custody of the tape. Cheers, Nancy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Bobert Date: 07 Mar 04 - 09:15 PM "er "Cows with Guns"....... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Walking Eagle Date: 07 Mar 04 - 09:17 PM Nancy!! Now...now...now! NEVER let your departing hubby have the good stuff! I hope you have learned your lesson! *BIG GRIN* I have BEEN THERE my friend. Bobert, they'll change to all shot soon as some of them high falutin' show horses get killed. I'd say, ohhh, maybe two or so. BUT four humans will have to get shot and killed or wounded first. On the serious side here. Seems as the hunters here put up a big stink at first because now they have to learn how to track a wounded animal. It's harder than you think if there is no snow on the ground and the animals' throat or mouth has been wounded.Being Cherokee and all, I'm beginning to see the benefit of bow hunting. Aww, I haven't hunted for three years because of my cancer. Don't listen to me I'm just a has been hunter. Strangest place I ever hunted? Around Albany New York. Beautiful cover and great range of vision. But we had the straaaangest animals turn up already dead as we were working a field. The Two Legged Homo Erectus. Now, it turned out that these animals started out life in the New York, New Jersey area. They fell into a very bad pack and the pack killed them off and brought them alllllllll the way up to our neck of the woods and just left them. I kid you not, we found three mob style hits in one day. Very strange animals. Yep, hunting season helps convict quite a few murderers in New York. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: GUEST Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:28 PM I used to hunt in an area that is now a concrete jungle. The encroachment of civilization has destroyed habitat and wildlife faster than any hunting ever did. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Rustic Rebel Date: 08 Mar 04 - 04:18 PM They reintroduced the wolf up here in MN many years ago, now everyones bitching about too many wolves and they want to shoot them. A vicious circle. The DNR has been issuing each hunter 5 permits. The deer are being reduced ,the wolf goes hungry, the wolf finds it's food in a farmers field or a tied up dog. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Rapparee Date: 08 Mar 04 - 06:43 PM Geez, back in Illinois we ALWAYS used 1) a shotgun with slugs or, 2) a muzzleloader of at least .45 caliber, or 3) a pistol of .357 magnum caliber with a barrel length of six inches or longer to hunt deer (very few pistoleers, by the way), or 4) a bow with broadhead arrows with a draw weight of 45 lbs or more. The law (and good sense, and decency) required that you track any deer you wounded until you were satisfied that it would recover or until you could finish it off. I've tracked a deer that bleed pin-sized droplets for over three hours, through swampy mess and gathering dusk. Finally, we completely lost the blood trail. There are also various aids for finding wounded animals. No excuse not to do so, none at all. Shotguns are great deer takers, as are muzzleloaders. You do have to learn to hunt, really hunt, though (also bows). The yahoos who go into the woods with the purpose of shooting things up while drunk...should get what they deserve. Those who are afield for the purpose of taking game, ethically and humanely, shouldn't have to bear the brunt of the justifiable vilification of the yahoos. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Bobert Date: 08 Mar 04 - 07:18 PM Yeah, Rap.... Every year a couple of them drunks end up shoooting other drunks 'round these parts... Darwinism at its best!.... I'm like you on choice of guns. Something about the *pop* of a 12 guage. Fir local pests, I use a "Survival" .410/22. No wood. Breaks down to fit in the heeel of yer shoe... ahhh, well maybe not that small, but real compact so you can go way back in the woods with it without it wearing you out... Great fir that pesky rabbit in the veggie garden but not real good on deer. But I don't shoot deer but keep a pack of bottle rockers by the back door so when I see 'um sneakin' 'round the gardens I just light one of them bottle rockets, aim and hold it in my hand and get me a few laughs when the report goes off about 10 feet from Bambi... Don't take a lot to entertain me. Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: GUEST,Bambi Date: 08 Mar 04 - 08:55 PM Too many deer? Theres too many humans! All you creatures walking upright really messed up this planet! Thank the Creator for Suicide bomber pilots, "Holy"wars, and most of all George Bush(he kills more people than drunken snowsleding). If you think killing is fun try it with your bare hands you cowards. Instead of just shooting and looking for the dead animal later! Bambi |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: GUEST,Little Red Riding Hood Date: 08 Mar 04 - 09:11 PM grandma grandma grandma what a big TALE I have! The wolf the wolf the big bad WOLF is coming back! Oh goody gooody goooooooooody I haven't been eaten such in a long loooooooong time LRRH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Bobert Date: 08 Mar 04 - 09:38 PM Well, gol danged. We got Grandma Bambi here making social commentary on huntin'!!!.... Now this, I think, is a first here in Mudcatsdom! Bunch of danged commies as far as I can see... (Hey, Bobert, ain't you a commie?...) Ignore this post..... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Rapparee Date: 08 Mar 04 - 11:02 PM Sure 'nough, Granny Bambi. Only the Creator made you with horns and sharp hooves, and only give me some not-real-sharp finger and toenails -- and a brain. That brain is why I'm on the top of the food chain and you're in the middle of it. Now, some of my species get stupid and try to kill your kinfolks and end up killing themselves or their friends. Those are our culls, same as your folks get culled out. Those of us who aren't culls respect you and your kind, and know daggone good and well that we eat you, and then when we're toast we git et by critters like our intestinal flora and worms and bugs and such and that we eventually return to the soil. There our chemical parts and used to fertilize the soil, and from the grass and such that grows your kin eat. Then my kin or some other predator takes you or your kin out and the Great Mandala rolls on. Even our culls and yours end up fertilizing the grass.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Peace Date: 08 Mar 04 - 11:29 PM The Great Mandala's outta jail now. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Rustic Rebel Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:47 AM So little red riding hood is setting out on the trail to grannies, and her dad stops her, says,"here, take this 45 to protect you from the dangers of the woods." So she's trippen' along the path and the big bad wolf jumps out and says," I am the big bad wolf and I'm taking what's in your basket", Little red riding hood whips out her 45 and says,"the hell you are, your going to eat me like the story says". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: GUEST,freda Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:58 AM we have feral deer in Oz. Various species have been introduced and can have major impacts in parks and reserves, by: „h destroying native plants. Deer can trample plants, graze on them, and ring-bark young trees. In Royal National Park, deer have had a major impact on the variety and abundance of plant species. „h fouling waterholes „h causing soil erosion „h transmitting diseases such as foot-and-mouth disease „h spreading weeds. Rusa deer from Indonesia were introduced approximately 100 years ago. The population is having significant impacts on the Royal National Park in nsw. The bushfire in late December 2001 burnt more than 50 per cent of the park and this has accentuated the impacts and increased the urgency of the need to reduce deer numbers. The number of deer will be reduced by a ground-shooting program undertaken by appropriately trained shooters. The proposed shooting program will follow an approved animal welfare and safety protocol and is supported by all members of the Deer Working Group. Animal welfare organisations will audit the shooting program. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: KateG Date: 09 Mar 04 - 10:55 AM The NJ State Museum in Trenton has an exhibit in its mammal hall that says there are only about 1,800 deer in the state and if development isn't planned they will soon be extinct. Needless to say the exhibit is very old, but I nearly wet myself when I encountered it. I live on the NJ/PA border and probably have that many deer in my garden in one night. The pasture behind us is being slowly taken over by roses and cedar trees: perfect deer habitat. I'm not a hunter (couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a machine gun at three feet), but wish I could delegate my permit to my huntin', shootin', fishin' neighbor in exchange for the meat. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: KateG Date: 09 Mar 04 - 11:05 AM The NJ State Museum in Trenton has an exhibit in its mammal hall that says there are only about 1,800 deer in the state and if development isn't planned they will soon be extinct. Needless to say the exhibit is very old, but I nearly wet myself when I encountered it. I live on the NJ/PA border and probably have that many deer in my garden in one night. The pasture behind us is being slowly taken over by roses and cedar trees: perfect deer habitat. I'm not a hunter (couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a machine gun at three feet), but wish I could delegate my permit to my huntin', shootin', fishin' neighbor in exchange for the meat. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Peace Date: 09 Mar 04 - 07:03 PM Rustic Rebel: And the wolf replies, "Eat, eat, eat, doesn't anybody think of fu##ing anymore?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: catspaw49 Date: 09 Mar 04 - 09:28 PM Some of you may not remember that deer hunting while drunk, a popular pastime, was almost hazardous to the health of Buford. He and Paw and Cletus had a few and then went out to bag a deer. Living in Deer Region 4 in Ohio, this is no great feat as the population is monstrous! Here's the story as Cletus told it later: Catspaw woant lettus have no guns roundt hiz house senz he doan want the kids a gittin into em ur nuthin. 'Course he woan lettus play "Sink the Cheerios" in his toilets no more either. An ta tell yall the truth, me an Paw an the Reg boyz doan use guns too much now senz thet time a few years back thet we had one uv them huntin axseedents. We hadda few an went out ta git us a deer ur sumpin an we wound up gittin our buddy Buford. We dint report it ur nuthin but Paw said a few words over him. EULOGY FOR BUFORDO Lord, take our good buddy Buford into thy Heavenly Herd. He was a good ol' boy who knew that 27 was his limit, 'les somebody else was drivin'. So you gotta' forgive him for wearin' that brown coat with the white fanny pack 'cause it was about all he had left to wear after his ex sicced that lawyer fella' on him for back child support. And God, please bestow your benediction on me an Cletus. We had no way aknowin' that Buford had fallen into that dead and rottin' sycamore and got that funny lookin' branch stuck in his coonskin hat. 'Sides that Lord, there MUSTA' been sumpin' wrong with them three Head Cheese sandwiches that Buford had with his beers. I mean when he has aretchin', well me and Cletus woulda' swore it was a buck in rut. So long Buford, we'll miss yuh. We're awful sorry, but I know you understand...'specially since you had a kinda' similar thing happen a few years back with your ex-brother-in-law, Hiram. Dear God, please take our friend's soul to your bosom and forgive him his earthly transgressions. Cletus and me are gonna' take his beat up ol' pick-up and his Ithaca and leave his dead ass right here...'cause ain't nobody else gonna' miss him. Plus, the S.O.B. didn't have no money and we can't afford no funeral or any more trouble with the Law. AMENIt all turnt out OK tho an it shor wuz lucky whut we dint bury the ol' boy cuz he wuz jest nocked senseless cuz the shot hit him inna backpack whair he wuzza haulin a 12 pack uv Iron City. So we kinda figgered we shud givvup on either the beer or the guns so we figgered weed stick with the beer. CLETUS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: GUEST,The Three Little Pigs Date: 10 Mar 04 - 11:24 AM The Big Bad Wolf is coming back coming back coming BACK!?! WHHHEEEEEEEEEEE-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I get the first blow. No, me! No, ME!! oinkyoinkyoinky (and maybe a bOINKYbOINKYbOINKY) The Three Little Pigs |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Deckman Date: 10 Mar 04 - 12:27 PM Deer me! I'm speechless! Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Rapparee Date: 10 Mar 04 - 03:16 PM John's Deer It was mid-November of ninety-two -- Deer season, opening day -- John was sitting on a southern slope With Ralph fifty yards away. Ralph's my brother's oldest And John is squeezed between Ralph and niece Elizabeth -- Someday John may be fourteen. Yes, Ralph's John's older brother. And I wasn't there to see When John dropped his first buck deer, But Ralph told it all to me. "Dawn broke nice and quiet It barely brushed the sky with pink We'd been on stand for half an hour Or thereabouts, I think. "Suddenly shots were all around! It sounded like a heckuva fight! But when I poked my head up I found They were fifty yards to the right. "Those shots just kept on coming But when I looked around I saw John putting shot after quickly aimed shot Downhill, into the draw! "And then he tossed away his weapon, And in the early morning light John lit the fuse and tossed downhill A stick of dynamite! "It exploded and I started toward him. He was yelling to beat the band! And then suddenly he jumped off of the ridge Clutching a knife in his right hand. "When I got to the ridge I saw him Crouching in the blasted wood, Stabbing and cutting a little spike buck -- John saw me, waved, and stood. "'I got him, Ralph!' he hollered, But I think he's still alive!' And over the cliff John tossed that very dead deer In a two hundred fifty foot dive. "When we finally got down to him That buck was as dead as dead could be. He carried a rack of two or three points, But John swore thirty-three! "To get that deer out of the creek Was a job and a half, I'd say! It took us all day and half the night And my back still aches today. "We stuck two four wheel drive pickups Broke a winch and an ATV. Finally Dad brought in a D-9 Cat And moved the hills away. "We had to build a road to that old deer We built three bridges and filled in two bogs, Leveled mountains and drilled four tunnels And lumbered out five thousand logs. "We butchered at last that old deer up (John wanted to mount the head) We got seven pounds of meat from it, And eighty pounds of lead." Now, I don't believe Ralph for a minute! He stretches the truth some, you know -- 'Cause I've seen John's venisonburger, And the bullet holes hardly show! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Kim C Date: 10 Mar 04 - 04:09 PM Them deers is good eatin'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Rapparee Date: 10 Mar 04 - 08:50 PM Soak the meat in milk all day. Tenderize the chops by hittin' 'em with one of them meat tenderizin' hammers. Season 'em with your favorite meat seasoning spices an' fry 'em in butter in a hot skillet. Now, before you do that, take some red currant jelly and heat it with butter and a little prepared horseradish and a dash of dry mustard in a small pan. Stir it around good while the jelly is becoming liquid again, and let it sit while you cook the meat. Put this on the meat as a sauce. (A little port can be added to this sauce, if you want to do so.) You gotta use a bunch of butter to cook it in, 'cause venison is lean, lean, lean meat. Or cook it moist, like a pot roast. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Bobert Date: 10 Mar 04 - 10:06 PM Shoot, Rap. Fir tenderizin' just run over 'em two or three more times. That's why they put reverse gears in yer car... Danged, can't teach you city folk nuthin'....... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: LadyJean Date: 11 Mar 04 - 12:17 AM I was waslking through Squirrel Hill one Sunday morning. Squirrel Hill has been a city neighborhood for at least 100 years. It is best known as Pittsburgh's Jewish neighborhood. But Mrs. Doe was trotting down Forbes Avenue looking, as deer do, very lovely and graceful, though seriously out of place. Frick Park and Schenley Park are both very much in the city but these two wooded ravines are how habitats for deer. I'm not sure what you do about this. I'd just as soon not meet a wolf on Forbes Avenue. I'd just as soon not meet a man with a gun there either, especially if he's drunk. A friend who lives in rural Virginia speaks of hunters vs drunks with guns. The former are welcome on her property. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Bobert Date: 11 Mar 04 - 09:10 AM The hunters are welcome in my backyard, as well. We've got 3 does that frequent it and sniff, and occasionally bite off a deer off'd/bobexed/liquid fenced rhodo bud and spit it out. They have biten off, but not eaten of course, about 1/3 of the buds from various azaleas and rhodos. I shoot bottle rockets at 'em and occasionally will shoot one with a pellet gun to sting it but they keep coming back... I ain't into killin' creatures but I sure wouldn't mind it if some hunter would convert these three idiots into venesin... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Deer..... From: Rapparee Date: 11 Mar 04 - 09:12 AM Yeah, Bobert. And here in Idaho we can even have studded tires! Man, you just saved me a ton of work! |
