BS: Helpful hints

Subject: BS: Helpful hints
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 12:29 PM

I feel sure we all have "helpful hints" we can share with fellow Mudcatters to help each other through the day.

I'll start us off.
If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: CarolC
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 12:50 PM

Never shoot the driver.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 01:08 PM

Don't post on threads which are a waste of time
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: CarolC
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 01:17 PM

And which threads would those be, Georgiansilver?

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: CarolC
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 01:18 PM

( ...for instance, posting to this thread made me laugh and brought just a little extra enjoyment to my day. Is laughter and enjoyment a waste of time?)

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 01:21 PM

Pain from an ingrown toenail can be stopped promptly and permanently by removal of the affected toe, if possible with a good heavy cleaver.

Acne is equally responsive to surgical treatment.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 01:23 PM

When people are being difficult they are probably projecting. It helps to remember this.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 01:28 PM

I did a project once on The Isle of Wight. I traced around map of the coastline. It was really difficult.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 03:28 PM

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Sorcha
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 03:35 PM

Pliers and beer work wonders on abcessed teeth.
Don't put chicken bones down the bog.
Never put a dead cat in a rubbish bin.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: frogprince
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 03:39 PM

Come now, Sorcha; if no one ever puts a dead cat in a rubbish bin, whatever will Sir jOhn do for a topic of conversation?...

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 04:11 PM

Don't throw bikes in his garden, either!

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Sorcha
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 04:15 PM

Or bricks!

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 04:36 PM

Keep fit.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: GUEST,SueB
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 10:22 PM

Always teach your children the anatomically correct words for all their body parts. Then when you have rushed your child out of a restaurant bathroom because you are in a hurry to get to the movie on time they can insist loudly, as you are dragging them past the other diners, "But Mom, my VULVA is still wet!" and have the satisfaction of knowing how impressed everybody is with your child's vocabulary...

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Bobert
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 10:28 PM

A bumble bee flies faster than a John Deer tractor....

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 10:29 PM

When looking for good quality childcare, call SueB.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: beardedbruce
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 10:29 PM

I didn't know a John Deere could fly!


Something new every day, I guess...

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Teresa
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 10:29 PM

Never leave anything cooking on the stove when you have a great idea for saving the world. You might (1) forget in hindsight what that great idea was anyway and (2) be in grave danger of burning down the house!

all's well that ends well. ;) :>

T

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Peace
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 10:31 PM

Don't get the thermometers mixed up.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: JennyO
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 10:42 PM

If you are always losing the remote control, tape it to the TV, and you will always know where it is.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Deckman
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 10:50 PM

Always try to drive a nail with the pointy end toward the wood. Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: beardedbruce
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 11:13 PM

Where does the driver sit, on a nail?

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Kaleea
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 03:15 AM

Gee, there are so many helpful hints, where to start? So, um, since the gardening season is soon over for many of us, Try this scientifically proven garden hint--it's a surefire way to use a natural methodism of keeping away garden pests.
   Around the perimeter edges of your garden spot, always place Tiger poop as it deters & keeps the elephants from trampling your veggies, fruits , herbs & flowers in your garden! To this day, I've never had an elephant trample my garden!! It's organic, too.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 03:18 AM

CarolC...What may be a waste of time to me, may not to you and vice-versa..You have to decide that for yourself. I don't want to decide it for you.
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 03:20 AM

Don't poke lions with sticks.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Deckman
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 03:32 AM

Never hire a carpenter with new tools! Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 03:47 AM

My friend used to bite his nails.......
Ended up breaking most of his teeth.....
He was a carpenter.
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 04:38 AM

Don't eat yellow snow.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: GUEST,milk monitor
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 04:45 AM

Watch out where the huskies go.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Leadfingers
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 05:56 AM

Look Both Ways When Crossing the Road

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 05:58 AM

Eat more fish.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 07:56 AM

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: GUEST, John O'Lennaine
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 09:47 AM

"Go placidly amid the noise & haste..."

Rotate your tyres.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 12:03 PM

The more members in a band the more people there are to blame for sounding crap.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 05:47 PM

"Green side up!" (surely everyone knows the joke..)

It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide.

Don't do too good a job...folks will begin to expect it!

Rice expands a LOT when cooked.

You always find something in the last place you look...so look there first.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Chris Green
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 05:49 PM

Never lend money to a man wearing rollerskates.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Sam L
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 06:19 PM

nice one, JennyO.

Never pick up a hitchhiker wearing a cowboy hat and a hospital gown.

   If you're an old man and go into a bar in your pajamas, somebody   will buy you a drink.

Don't try to start the "wave" at a ballet.

With a few tools, a torch, and metal rod, you can lengthen and bend a backscratcher around so you can scratch your front, also.

Drill a hole in the center of your soap so you won't be left with those little bits at the end.

Save on xerox paper, keep one blank sheet, so when you're about to run out of blank paper you can just copy more.

If your wife or girlfriend asks if you think another woman is attractive, say yes, but then, hesitantly, find specific faults with the woman. (There's a whole world of things that are wrong with utterly beautiful women, things that straight men often don't know or care about--look in women's magazines for ideas.) Then finish with, But still, I'd do her.

If ye hath a garment or piece of garb that sayeth, Do not wash in chlorine bleach, it hath been chemically bleached and yea, verily, do not use any bleaches, lest it yellow.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 06:25 PM

Excellent Fred
"Don't try to start the "wave" at a ballet." now this I have to try!

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Moonunit
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 06:30 PM

Depressed people:

Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on Paracetamol, etc...

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 06:50 PM

Stock market tip:
Buy low. Sell high.

Weight loss tip:
Exercise more. Eat less.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 09:37 PM

Never put baking soda in tomato juice, esp in a blender.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 09:57 PM

Why not, Sorcha? Sounds like fun.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Deckman
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 10:02 PM

NEVER call my brother!!! Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 10:16 PM

Never try to hard boil an egg in a deep fryer.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Teresa
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 10:35 PM

When you're not sure if you've got your socks on the right feet, it's time for an attitude adjustment, or at least some sleep! :D

T

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 11:09 PM

Tomato juice = acidic, like the old vinegar/baking soda volcano for the school's science fair?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 11:25 PM

That's the part that sounds like fun.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 21 Sep 04 - 11:37 PM

Don't use a propane torch to trim your hair.
Don't add a hare to your soup, because we all know, no-one likes to find hare in their soup.

Subject: RE: BS: Helpful hints
From: GUEST,Boab
Date: 22 Sep 04 - 02:32 AM

Never shove yer Granny when she's shavin'.