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Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More

DigiTrad:
AIN'T GONNA GRIEVE MY LORD NO MORE


Lighter 02 Nov 04 - 06:49 PM
GUEST 03 Nov 04 - 12:54 AM
Joe_F 03 Nov 04 - 10:56 PM
Q (Frank Staplin) 03 Nov 04 - 11:25 PM
GUEST,SueB 03 Nov 04 - 11:59 PM
Snuffy 04 Nov 04 - 08:52 AM
Jim Dixon 05 Nov 04 - 08:38 PM
vanessathecat 06 Nov 04 - 05:46 AM
Les from Hull 06 Nov 04 - 02:06 PM
GUEST,SueB 07 Nov 04 - 12:27 AM
Neighmond 07 Nov 04 - 02:52 AM
GUEST,Alan 09 Nov 04 - 12:31 PM
Nigel Parsons 09 Nov 04 - 01:19 PM
Joe Offer 10 Nov 04 - 01:23 AM
Q (Frank Staplin) 10 Nov 04 - 12:11 PM
GUEST,Cass 26 Nov 04 - 12:46 PM
Stewie 26 Nov 04 - 09:22 PM
Q (Frank Staplin) 29 Nov 04 - 08:48 PM
Stewie 29 Nov 04 - 10:04 PM
Schantieman 30 Nov 04 - 12:51 PM
GUEST,scp0pe@yahoo.com 04 Dec 04 - 04:17 PM
Lighter 04 Dec 04 - 06:53 PM
wysiwyg 04 Dec 04 - 10:34 PM
GUEST,us.... 18 Dec 04 - 04:14 PM
Tracey Dragonsfriend 19 Dec 04 - 08:59 AM
Crystal 19 Dec 04 - 09:11 AM
GUEST,Joe_F 19 Dec 04 - 12:38 PM
Lighter 19 Dec 04 - 02:47 PM
moongoddess 22 Sep 05 - 06:19 PM
Mark Cohen 22 Sep 05 - 11:00 PM
Azizi 23 Sep 05 - 09:35 PM
Nigel Parsons 24 Sep 05 - 06:56 AM
Azizi 24 Sep 05 - 12:16 PM
Gurney 25 Sep 05 - 12:00 AM
Mark Cohen 25 Sep 05 - 12:13 AM
Mark Cohen 25 Sep 05 - 12:22 AM
Q (Frank Staplin) 25 Sep 05 - 01:08 AM
GUEST,Joe_F 25 Sep 05 - 09:58 AM
Azizi 25 Sep 05 - 01:26 PM
Q (Frank Staplin) 25 Sep 05 - 07:50 PM
Mark Cohen 25 Sep 05 - 09:51 PM
Q (Frank Staplin) 25 Sep 05 - 10:16 PM
GUEST,Seonaid 26 Sep 05 - 10:00 PM
Mo the caller 05 Jul 07 - 03:29 AM
Azizi 05 Jul 07 - 08:48 AM
Azizi 05 Jul 07 - 09:03 AM
Joe Offer 05 Jul 07 - 01:33 PM
Mo the caller 05 Jul 07 - 06:32 PM
wysiwyg 05 Jul 07 - 06:40 PM
Joe Offer 06 Jul 07 - 04:57 AM
Mo the caller 06 Jul 07 - 05:40 AM
Azizi 06 Jul 07 - 07:10 AM
semi-submersible 06 Oct 09 - 04:59 AM
Q (Frank Staplin) 06 Oct 09 - 01:17 PM
clueless don 07 Oct 09 - 08:52 AM
Keith A of Hertford 07 Oct 09 - 09:51 AM
Steve Howlett 07 Oct 09 - 09:58 AM
GUEST,Donna of Minnesota 10 Sep 10 - 12:11 PM
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Subject: Lyr Req: More of "Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No
From: Lighter
Date: 02 Nov 04 - 06:49 PM

One text of this is in the DT, but there are other versions. Anybody know them?

Here's one stanza from World War II:

          You'll never get to Heaven in a PBY,
          'Cause a PBY don't fly that high.
          And I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more!

A PBY "Catalina" was a twin-engined US Navy flying boat used extensively for patrol and rescue duties in both the Atlantic and the Pacific.

Here's another one from the RAF (evidently the song got around!):

          You'll never get to Heaven a-flying Spits,
          'Cause the Lord don't want no silly shits....

Spitfires, that is.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: More of 'Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Nov 04 - 12:54 AM

In New York City, we used to sing a verse that will take a little bit of explaining;

Oh, you can't get to heaven
On the BMT
'Cause the BMT
Won't BMT

The BMT was the name for one of the three systems of subway lines, the Brooklyn Manhattan Transit company. The last BMT is a pun - it's really "be empty."


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: More of 'Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 Nov 04 - 10:56 PM

In my summer-camp days, it always began

Oh, the deacon went down
In the cellar to pray.
He found some beer,
And he stayed all day.

and ended

Oh, the deacon came up
And shut the door.
That's all there is.
There ain't no more.

In between, there was

Oh, if you get to heaven
Before I do,
Just drill a little hole
And pull me thru.

to which the naughty replied

Oh, if I get to heaven
Before you do,
I'll drill a little hole
And spit on you.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: More of 'Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 03 Nov 04 - 11:25 PM

Lighter, not sure is this is what you have in mind, but there seems to be an older "Ain't Gonna Grieve" out there. Public Domain Music lists "I Ain't Gonna Grieve No More" with a date of 1865. No source is listed. Anyone have it? pdinfo

Here are some songs that might be related.

Lyr. Add: OH YOU CAIN'T GO HEAVEN

Oh you cain't go to heaven
In a rockin' chair,
Git down on your knees
An' say a prayer.

Oh you cain't go to heaven
In them dancin' shoes,
An' you cain't go to heaven
With your belly full of booze.

An' you cain't go to heaven
On them roller skates,
You'll roll right by
The golden gates.

If you get there
Before I do
Just tell the Lord
I'm a-comin' too.

If you get there,
Before I do,
Just bore a hole
An' pull me through.

Oh the devil's mad
An' I am glad,
He lost a soul
That he thought he had.

Mr Charles McMahon, Joplin, MO, 1928. The last three verses uses in several songs (floaters).
From Vance Randolph, "Ozark Folksongs," vol. 2, no. 300, p. 386 of revised edition. Randolph mentions a similar text under the title "I Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More" in the Aurora MO Advertiser, 1940.

This song is listed first in "The Traditional Ballad Index" under the title "Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More." www.csufresno.edu/folklore/BalladIndex.html#R300

Brown has a similar song under "Ain't Gonna Worry My Lord No More," vol. 3 no. 549, with music, coll. 1919-1920 from W. S. Sander, possibly Durham NC.
First verse:

O, down in the valley where I was told
The grace of God is better than gold.
Down in the valley where I was told
Grace of God is better than gold.

Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more,
Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more.

Joe Offer has the books, perhaps he will post the entire entry (I have only the music, Volume V).

Lyr. Add: AIN'T GONNA GRIEVE MY LORD NO MORE (3)

verse 1
O, th Deacon went down
To th celler to pray
He fell on his knees
And I heard him say
Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more.

Chorus:
Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more (3x)

verse 2
O, I can't get to Heaven
In a rockin' chair
Cause th Lord don't know
No ladies up there
O, I can't get to heaven
In a rockin' chair
Cause th Lord don't know
No ladies up there
Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more.

verse 3
O, I can't get to Heaven
On roller skates
Cause I'll roll right by
Those pearly gates
O, I can't get to Heaven
On roller skates
Cause I'll roll right by
Those pearly gates
Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more.

verse 4
O, I can't get to Heaven
In a limosine
Cause th Lord don't have
No gasoline
O, I can't get to Heaven
In a limosine
Cause th Lord don't have
No gasoline
Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more.

verse 6
O. th Deacon came up
From th cellar where he prayed
He picked his Bible up
From th table where it laid
O, th Deacon came up
From th cellar where he prayed
He picked his Bible up
From the table where it laid.

Sung by Mary Kainytop, Springfield, IL, 1967. The Max Hunter Folk Song Collection, with RealAudio. Grieve My Lord

The following previously posted in a thread on Ging Gang Gooly (9065)

One of these days, 'bout twelve o'clock
This old world's gonna reel and rock,
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more,
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more,

I'm goin' to Heaven and I'm gonna ride
Six white horses side by side,
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more.

MS of J. R. Jackson, 1915-1916, Auburn, AL.
White remarks that he heard stanza 1 sung with "Pharaoh's Army." Newman I White, 1928 (1965), "American Negro Folk Songs," no. 28, no. 70.

No. 70
Lyr. Add: AIN'T GONNA GRIEVE, MY LORD, NO MORE (4)

Oh! down in the valley where I was told
The grace of God is better than gold
The grace of God is better than gold.

Chorus:
Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more,
Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more.

Oh! watch the sun, see how it run,
Never let it catch you with your work undone,
Never let it catch you with your work undone.

Oh! down yonder in the harvest field,
The angels are working on the chariot wheel
The angels are working on the chariot wheel.

Oh! Satan's like a snake in the grass,
Always in some Christian's path (2x).

Oh! mind, my sister, how you walk on the cross,
Your right foot'll slip and your soul'll get lost (2x).

These verses used in many similar songs. MS of W. H. Lander, 1919, Durham, NC.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: More of 'Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No
From: GUEST,SueB
Date: 03 Nov 04 - 11:59 PM

Oh, you can't get to heaven
in a Ford Motor Car
'Cause the goshdarn thing
Won't go that far....

Oh you can't get to heaven
on a pair of skis
'Cause you'll slide right past
St Peter's knees....

That's all there is
there ain't no more
St. Peter came down
and shut the door...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: More of 'Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No
From: Snuffy
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 08:52 AM

Oh you'll never get to heaven
With a fat Girl Guide
'Cos the Pearly Gates
Just ain't that wide


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Subject: Lyr Add: I AIN'T A-GONNA GRIEVE MY LORD NO MORE
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 08:38 PM

Indiana University Sheet Music Collections lists this in its index:

Title: I AIN'T A GON A GRIEVE MY LORD
Performer: Mack and Mike
Arranger: Harris, Thoro
Publisher: Thoro Harris
Place of publication: Chicago
Date of publication: 1927
Call Number: M1 .D48 Box: 150 Item: 049
Performance Medium: Piano and Voice (with lyrics)
First Line: See yonder sun, how fast he run, don't you ever let him catch
Chorus First Line: I ain't a gon a grieve, I ain't a gon a grieve,
Genre: Popular song

Here's a version from http://www.scoutscan.com/songs/songsi.html :

I AIN'T A-GONNA GRIEVE MY LORD NO MORE

1. If you get to heaven before I do,
Just bore a hole and pull me through.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

CHORUS: I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

2. Oh, the deacon went down to the cellar to pray,
But he fell asleep and he stayed all day.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

3. Oh, you can't get to heaven in a motor boat,
'Cause a motor boat on air won't float.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

4. You can't get to heaven in a putt-putt car,
'Cause a putt-putt car won't go that far.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

5. You can't get to heaven in dirty blue jeans,
'Cause the Lord don't have no washin' machines.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

6. You can't get to heaven on roller skates,
'Cause you'll roll right past those pearly gates.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

7. If I get to heaven before you do,
I'll plug that hole with shavings and glue.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

8. You can't get to heaven if you've sinned all day,
'Cause if you've sinned all day you'll go the other way.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

9. You can't get to heaven in a rocking chair,
'Cause the Lord don't allow no lazy folks there.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

10. You can't get to heaven with nickels in your jeans,
'Cause the Lord don't have no slot machines.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

11. You can't get to heaven in a limousine,
'Cause the Lord don't sell no gasoline.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

12. Oh, the devil is mad and I am glad.
He lost a soul he thought he had.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.

13. That's all there is. There ain't no more.
St. Peter himself just closed the door.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.


An Inventory of Spoken Word Audio Recordings in the Vincent Voice Library, Michigan State University, contains a sermon by Aimee Semple McPherson from 1931 in which the choir sings:

"Can you talk about me? Just as much as you please.
I talk about you down on my knees [unclear]
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord anymore."

Judy Canova's recording of AIN'T GONNA GRIEVE MY LORD ANYMORE appears on the album "Collectors Edition," Simitar (sic) CD 5568, 1998.

Walter "Kid" Smith's recording of I AIN'T GONNA GRIEVE MY LORD ANYMORE appears on the album "Walter Smith and Friends, Vol. 1 (1929-30)" Document CD #8062, 2002.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: vanessathecat
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 05:46 AM

More silly variations...

Oh you'll never go to heaven
In a biscuit tin
Cos the Lord don't let
No Crumby ones in


Oh you'll never go to heaven
In a jumbo jet
cos the Lord ain't built
No runways yet


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Les from Hull
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 02:06 PM

Well we had:

Oh you'll never go to heaven
In a biscuit tin
'Cos a biscuit tin's
Got biscuits in

And also:

Oh you'll never go to heaven
With fish and chips
'Cos the Lord don't like
Those greasy lips

These are from my Boy Scout days (we used many of the other verses of course).


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: GUEST,SueB
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 12:27 AM

slight variation -

Can't get to heaven in a rockin' chair
'cause the Lord don't 'low no lazybones there


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Neighmond
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 02:52 AM

Well you cant get to heaven (can't get to heaven)
In dirty duds (in dirty duds)
'Cause the Lord ain't got (no, the Lord ain't got)
No super-sudz (no Super-Sudz)
No you can't go to heaven in dirty duds
'cause the lord ain't got no super-sudz,
ain't gonna grieve, my Lord, no more!

Chaz


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: GUEST,Alan
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 12:31 PM

For you can't go to Heaven
In your underwear
Cause the Lord don't like
No sexy wear


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 01:19 PM

Q's reference to "Ain't gonna worry my Lord no more" is probably a reference to an alternate singing of the chorus. Whilst most people sing:
"Oh I ain't gonna grieve my Lord
Ain't gonna grieve my Lord
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more"

a few voices take a slightly higher line with
"I ain't gonna grieve, I ain't gonna worry
Ain't gonna leave this life in a hurry
I Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more"

Nigel

You'll never go to heaven in a jumbo jet
Cos the Lord ain't got no runways yet

You'll never go to heaven in a limousine
Cos the Lord don't stock no gasoline

You'll never go to heaven in a Playtex bra
Cos a Playtex bra won't stretch that far

You'll never go to Heaven with curly hair
Cos the Lord don't want no cissies/poofters/hippies (choose one)there


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Subject: ADD Version: Ain't Goin to Worry My Lord No More
From: Joe Offer
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 01:23 AM

AIN'T GOIN' TO WORRY MY LORD NO MORE

I'se gwine to heaven, I'se gwine to heaven,
I'se gwine to heaven on eagle's wings,
I'se gwine to heaven on eagle's wings.
Them that don't see me gwine to hear me sing—
Ain't gwine to worry my Lord no more,
Ain't gwine to worry my Lord no more.

If you get there before I do,
If you get there before I do,
If you get there before I do,
Punch a little hole and pull me through.
Ain't goin' to worry my Lord no more,
Ain't goin' to worry my Lord no more.

Went down in valley to watch and pray,
Went down in valley to watch and pray,
Went down in valley to watch and pray.
Jesus washed my sins away.
Ain't goin' to worry my Lord no more,
Ain't goin' to worry my Lord no more.


From Louise Lucas, White Oak, Bladen County, North Carolina, July 1922.
Phonograph record, same place and date.

source: Frank C. Brown Collection of North Carolina Folklore


Also in American Negro Folk-Songs, by Newman White


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 12:11 PM

Thanks, Joe. That variant is one that I haven't seen before.

The song in Newman White, "American Negro Folk-Songs," is not the same; it is the No. 70 which I posted up above as "Ain't Gonna Grieve...." (4).

In the music volume of Brown's set, White, the editor, gives a verse with music beginning 'O, down in the valley where I was told,' (sung by Sander, 1919-1920) that is the same as the first verse of the No. 70 song in White, 1928 (which lacks the 'Worry' choruses). Is this true also of the Sander verses in Brown?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: GUEST,Cass
Date: 26 Nov 04 - 12:46 PM

Oh you'll never get to heaven
in a biscuit tin
cos the lord don't let no crummy ones in

Oh you'll never get to heaven in a biscuit tin cos the lord wont let no crummy ones in I ain't gonna grieve my lord no more. I ain't gonna spit, I ain't gonna swear, I ain't gonna... gee I wouldn't dare I ain't gonna grieve my lord no more

Oh you'll never get to heaven
in (guider's name)'s car
Cos (guider's name)'s car
won't go that far


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Subject: Lyr Add: I AIN'T GONNA GRIEVE MY LORD ANYMORE
From: Stewie
Date: 26 Nov 04 - 09:22 PM

Meade's earliest reference is to White #70, referred to above by Q. I have transcribed the Walter Smith & Norman Woodlieff version from the Document reissue. I cannot decipher the fourth line of the first stanza: I have put in square brackets what it sounds like to me. Anyone know what it should be?

I AIN'T GONNA GRIEVE MY LORD ANYMORE

I'm so glad and the devil's mad
I'm so glad and the devil's mad
I'm so glad and the devil's mad
[Lost more souls than he thought he had] (?)
I ain't a-gonna grieve my lord anymore
I ain't a-gonna grieve, I ain't a-gonna grieve
I ain't a-gonna grieve my lord anymore

Some go to church to sing and shout (x3)
Before six months they're all turned out
I ain't gonna grieve …

Just let me tell you what the hypocrites do (x3)
They talk about me and they talk about you
I ain't a-gonna grieve …

You can't go to heaven in your powder and paint (x3)
For the lord will know that you're no saint
I ain't a-gonna grieve …

You can talk about me as much as you please (x3)
I'll talk about you down on my knees
I ain't a-gonna grieve …

Source: transcription of Smith & Woodlieff 'I Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord Anymore' recorded in Richmond, Ind, on 30 March 1929 and issued as Supertone 9494. Reissued on Walter Smith & Friends Vol I Document DOCD-8062.

--Stewie.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 08:48 PM

---the devil's mad
Lost the (those)souls that he thought he had.

Don't have Smith and Woodlieff, so these are just possibilities- show up in some of the spiritual music collected by Lomax,


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Stewie
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 10:04 PM

Thanks, Q. That seems to be the line, but it sounds more like 'two' than 'the' or 'those'. I suppose 'two' could make sense in reference to the singers themselves.

--Stewie.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Schantieman
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:51 PM

You'll never go to Heaven
With a fat Girl Guide
Cos the pearly gates
Just ain't that wide

...and, just to even it up....

You'll never go to Heaven
On a Boy Scout's knee
Coz a Boy Scout's knee
's too wobberly

We used Akela's car

etc.

etc.

Steve


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: GUEST,scp0pe@yahoo.com
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 04:17 PM

Our family sang many of the already listed variations during car trips. We also sang:

Oh you can't get to heaven in a Cadillac,
'Cause the brakes won't hold and you'll roll right back

Oh you can't get to heaven on a slide trombone,
'Cause the lord don't like Tommy Dorsey's tone.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Lighter
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 06:53 PM

The great Tommy Dorsey comes directly from the PBY era of World War II.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 10:34 PM

Or the gospel music composer Thomas Dorsey.

~S~


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: GUEST,us....
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 04:14 PM

the devil and me we both agree 3X
I hate him and he hates me!!!


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Subject: Lyr Add: YOU'LL NEVER GET TO HEAVEN
From: Tracey Dragonsfriend
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 08:59 AM

This is all the verses we know in our family, as we used to sing them in Grandad's car, on the way to the seaside ...

YOU'LL NEVER GET TO HEAVEN

Oh, you'll never get to heaven (Oh, you'll never get to heaven)
On roller skates. (On roller skates.)
You'll roll right by (You'll roll right by)
Those pearly gates. (Those pearly gates.)

Oh, you'll never get to heaven on roller skates.
You'll roll right by those pearly gates.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.


You'll never get to heaven on a rocket ship
'Cause the rocket ship won't make that trip.

You'll never get to heaven with powder and paint
'Cause the Lord don't want you as you ain't.

You'll never get to heaven in a limousine
'Cause the Lord don't sell no gasoline.

You'll never get to heaven in dirty jeans,
'Cos the Lord don't have no washing machines.

You'll never get to heaven on a playtex bra,
'Cos a playtex bra won't stretch that far.

You'll never get to heaven in a rocking chair,
'Cos the Lord He keeps no idlers there.

You'll never get to heaven on a bottle of gin,
'Cos the Lord won't let no drunkards in.

You'll never get to heaven on a bottle of stout,
'Cos the Lord he throws all drunkards out.

You'll never get to heaven if you're newly wed
Cause the Lord ain't got no double bed!

You'll never get to heaven on a ping pong ball
'Cos a ping pong ball is far too small!

You'll never get to Heaven in Grandad's car
'Cos Grandad's car won't get that far!

You'll never get to Heaven with a dog as a pet
'Cos the Lord ain't got no lamp posts yet!

You'll never get to heaven in a jumbo jet
'Cos the Lord ain't got no runways yet!

You'll never get to heaven in a bottle of gin
'Cos the Lord won't let no spirits in!

You'll never get to heaven in a bottle of whisky
'Cos the Lord don't like his angels frisky!

Oh you'll never get to heaven in a baked bean tin
'Cos a baked bean tin 'sgot baked beans in!

Well you can't get to heaven, in my Dad's' boat,
Cause my Dad's boat won't even float.

Well you can't get to heaven in a limousine,
Cause the Lord don't sell no gasoline.

Well you can't get to heaven on Steven's bike,
Cause you'll get halfway, then you'll have to hike.

Well you can't get to heaven in a Ford Coupe
Cause the angels all drive Chevrolet

Well you can't get to heaven in Wendy's pants,
Cause Wendy's pants are full of ants.

Well you can't get to heaven, on water skis,
Cause the angels don't like hairy knees.

Oh you can't get to heaven in a strapless gown,
'cos a strapless gown might fall right down.

You'll never get to heaven with a fat Girl Guide,
'cos the Pearly gates ain't built that wide.

Oh you can't chew tobacco on the golden shore,
'cos the Lord don't have no cuspidor.

Oh you'll never get to heaven in a biscuit tin
'cos the bottom falls out and the top falls in.

Oh one fine day, and it won't be long,
You'll look for me, and I'll be gone.

Oh, you'll never get to heaven on a pair of skis
'Cause you'll schuss right through St. Peter's knees.

If you should get to heaven before I do,
Just bore a hole and pull me through.

If I should get to heaven before you do,
I'll plug that hole with shavings and glue.

That's all there is, there is no more
St Peter said, as he shut the door

Oh there's one more thing I forgot to tell,
If you don't go to heaven, you'll go to...bed


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Crystal
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 09:11 AM

Some more silly ones!

Oh you'll never get to heven
In a bathing suit
Cos the Lord don't like
His Angels cute

Or

Cos a bathing suit
Is much too cute

Also one heard on the Scotland bus going down to IVFDF this year;

Oh you'll never get to heven
On an IVFDF bus (pronounced Ivf'diff)
Cos an IVFDF bus
Is full of us!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 12:38 PM

If there isn't any heave and there isn't any hell,

For the likes of us it's just as well.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Lighter
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 02:47 PM

Seems to me this thread relates
They sing it in Britain more than in the States.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: moongoddess
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 06:19 PM

Here's a verse that is timely, with the gas prices going here, there and everywhere.

Oh you can't get to heaven in and SUV,
'Cause even in heaven, the gas ain't free.

Here's one for all guitar players....

Oh you can't get to Heaven playing mandolin,
'Cause the Lord only lets guitar players in.

This was one of my FAVORITE Girl Scout camp songs!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 11:00 PM

As a kid in Philadelphia in the early 60's, we sang one verse that probably dated from my father's time:

Oh you can't get to heaven in a trolley car
'Cause the PTC doesn't go that far

(The PTC was the Philadelphia Transportation Company, which started out long ago as the Philadelphia Traction Company, and since about 1969 has been the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority, or SEPTIC--sorry, SEPTA)

The other Philadelphia verse, which has been borrowed by other songs, is:

Oh, you can't get to heaven on the Frankford El
'Cause the Frankford El goes straight to Frankford

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE:
From: Azizi
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 09:35 PM

Has anyone else ever wondered what the heck "Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More" means? I think I shared these thoughts on another thread, but offer them here too.

I believe that "Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More" originally was an African American gospel song which translated in standard English is "I'm not going to mourn [be sorrowful] anymore".

The word "Lord" appears in a number of African American gospel, blues, and other genre of songs at the beginning of the sentence [sorry, I'm not sure what parts or part of speech this is called].
"My Lord! and "Lord Lord" also is used as an interjection in the middle of the sentences or lines in a number of different types of African American songs.

I don't think that the "My Lord" statement even necessarily means that the person is talking to the Lord God [Jesus?]. IMO, "My Lord" is an intensifier that stengthens or emphazizes the statement the person makes about not grieving anymore. In that case, the sentence means "I'm really not going to mourn anymore."

Of course, there's no way to know if my theory about the meaning of this sentence is true, but it works for me.

****
btw, I like the parody verses that are being shared in this thread. I hope my analysis of that lines meaning isn't a downer since I look forward to reading more of those verses.


Azizi


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 24 Sep 05 - 06:56 AM

Azizi:

I've always understood the line to mean:
I'm not going to do anything in future which would grieve (give grief to) My Lord:

The whole song is about getting to heaven (although in a very lighthearted manner) and most Christian sects require that you not only repent past transgressions, but also intend to avoid repeating them.
I Ain't gonna grieve My Lord no more!

Nigel


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Azizi
Date: 24 Sep 05 - 12:16 PM

Nigel,

Well, I guess it could mean that too.

But I like my theory better. And I think my theory is more in keeping with the African American cultural use of the word "grieve" and "my lord".

And maybe your meaning and my meaning and propably other meanings are right depending on who sung that song and when the song was sung.

Best wishes,

Azizi


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Gurney
Date: 25 Sep 05 - 12:00 AM

Minor varient: Rocking chair.....no rockers there.
Were there rockers in America? Motorcyclist/leather gear/rock-n-roll?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 25 Sep 05 - 12:13 AM

Azizi, I'm going to have to go with Nigel on this one. The reason I say that is because in the version we sang at Penn Valley Day Camp the first verse went like this:

I grieve my Lord
From day to day
I'm off the straight
And narrow way

I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more...


I don't know if anyone mentioned that verse previously, but there it is.

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 25 Sep 05 - 12:22 AM

Gurney, was that the mods and rockers from around 1967? I remember seeing an article about them in Life Magazine. Soon afterwards "mod" took off here in a big way, but we didn't get the rocker side very much, at least, it wasn't called that.

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 25 Sep 05 - 01:08 AM

The older versions I have found of the song (in White, etc.) support Azizi's interpretation. No more grieving, no more mourning.

The same idea- no more grieving, no more dying- is expressed in another spiritual, "Sooner in the morning, I ain't a going to die no more."
Chorus:
Oh! ain't I glad
Oh! ain't I glad
I ain't a gonna die no more;
1. Going to Meet those happy Christians
Sooner in the morning (3x)
Meet those happy Christians
Sooner in the morning,
I ain't a gonna die no more!
(and other verses)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 25 Sep 05 - 09:58 AM

And, for those who wish to cast their minds back,

"Oh, you can't get to heaven / In a Navaho, / 'Cause Charlie Wilson / Ran out of dough."

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: Christians & Marxists think suffering must mean something. :||


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Azizi
Date: 25 Sep 05 - 01:26 PM

Q,

Thanks for posting that Oh! ain't I glad; I ain't a gonna die no more" song.

It seems obvious that the line "I ain't a gonna die no more!" does not refer to reincarnation ;O)

My take is that the experiences of living through slavery or other horrible times are being compared to dying since that is what some people think of as the most terrible thing that can happen to a person.

When something horrendous has happens or people fear that it will happen, they say that they "die a thousand deaths". IMO, that is what the song composer was thinking about.

In what some might consider a "pie in the sky" mode of thinking, the song composer basically gives up on the possibility of being free from and grief down here on earth and instead focuses on being happy in heaven [since he/she is "going to meet those happy Christians [in heaven]sooner in the morning".

I like the creativity of the made up word "sooner". This word means means "sooner than soon" or "very soon". The same concept is used in one of my favorite African American spiritual {gospel?} songs
"Soon and Very Soon" [we're goin to see the King]. The song composer is basically longing for release from his/her 'trials & tribulations' as soon as possible.

I wouldn't be surprised if this song was sung uptempo. But that doesn't change the fact that this is a very sad song which was probably sung by folks who were all but defeated by terrible hardships.

That said, I guess "all but" is the crucial point.

I give honor and praises to these unnamed folks for preservering in spite of it all.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 25 Sep 05 - 07:50 PM

As a pure spiritual, "I Ain't Gonna Grieve" was found in St, Helena Island and in South Carolina. I don't have copies. Also reported from Georgia (White).

"I Ain't Gwine Grief Muh Lawd No Mo'" - Ballanta-Taylor, St. Helena Island Spirituals, p. 64
"Ain't Gwine Grieve My Lord No More" - Diton. Thirty-six South Carolina Spirituals.

It seems to have been taken over, changed and largely spread by white gospelers; then many secular derivatives developed.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 25 Sep 05 - 09:51 PM

Q, I'd be curious to know if you've found any other instances of the verse "I grieve my Lord from day to day/I'm off the straight and narrow way." It sounds like a natural lead-in to the chorus. And the word "grieve" can certainly be used as a transitive verb. (I'm not ready to give up my interpretation just yet!)

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 25 Sep 05 - 10:16 PM

OK, Mark- I'll look. But I think you should read it, 'I grieve, my Lord, from day to day.' Your interpretation could be possible for a version sung by whites, since that twist to theology is not encountered in the African-American songs with which I am familiar.

(If I find it your way, I promise not to suppress it- grin)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: GUEST,Seonaid
Date: 26 Sep 05 - 10:00 PM

Long ago in a glee club far, far away......
After they sang the presumably final verse:

"That's all there is,
There ain't no more,
Said old Saint Pete
As he shut the door."

One young woman came back with,

"Oh yes there is,
There's just one more,
'Cause the heavenly cat
Has his tail in the door!"

That was my mother, bless her heart.
Tin ear, but a ton of glee.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Mo the caller
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 03:29 AM

Hey, the tune in the DT is not the tune we sang in the UK.
In the 40s / 50s in London and my daughters Guide camp in Cheshire in the 80s.
We sang it in two parts, an echo in the verse, and one part going up and down in the chorus.
A lot of the words were as above (I'd forgotten about the 'fat girl guide'


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Azizi
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 08:48 AM

Since I was focused on trying to figure out the meaning of "Aint gonna grieve my lord no more" I didn't share a version of the preacher went down".

I don't remember singing this verse when I was growing up. I heard it for the first time from an African American woman in her mid to late 30s in 2002 {Duquesne, PA}. I had come to the summer camp where she worked to meet with the children there to gather some rhymes {songs} that they knew. In between their informal renditions of some handclap and other rhymes, this woman {Miss Crystal} said "I got one". And she told the children and me to repeat each line after her. And then she started sing/songing these words:

Oh the preacher went down
To the cellar to pray
But he got drunk
and stayed all day
Oh the preacher went down to the cellar to pray
but he got drunk and stayed all day

[and then Crystal chuckled and abruptly ended the song]
-snip-

The 2nd time that Crystal sung the "Oh the preacher.."and "He got drunk..." lines, these lines were sung much faster than the first time it was sung.

Crystal didn't sing any other verses with this song. She also didn't end it with the "aint gonna grieve my lord" line. Because the song ended abruptly, I asked her "Was that the end" and she said "Yes". I then asked her when and where she learned this "song". She said she learned it when she was growing up Duquesne {a community near Pittsburgh, PA}.

It wasn't until I read this thread that I connected that rendition with the song "Aint gonna grieve my lord". I suppose that this version is part of that song, but Crystal either didn't learn it that way or didn't remember those verses or the song's ending line.

I should note that Crystal sang this song with a kinda "This is naughty, but so what. Let's have some fun" attitude. It was my impression that the children {ages 5-12 years} in attendance at that camp definitely did not know this song. But they repeated the words like she told them to do. I thought that this song was kinda strange to be singing to children and that maybe it wasn't the right thing to do to sing a song about the preacher being drunk. But I went along 'with the flow'. I remember that the children's response to this song was on the order of "Hun??? What was that about?" I got this imprssion from the children's facial expressions. They were much too respectful of their "teacher" to say these words out loud.

I should note that immediately after Crystal answered my question about when she learned that "song", she said "Here's another one." She then shared another kinda risque call & response song/rhyme with me and the children. But that example doesn't have anything to do with this thread.

After those two examples, Crystal gave the children more opportunities to share songs that they knew. I think that seeing their teacher share songs that she knew helped the children feel more comfortable about singing and performing in front of me -though they appeared to be pretty comfortable doing so before Crystal offered her examples. {I hope no one misinterpretes these remarks. I am very grateful to Crystal for sharing those two songs and allowing me the opportunity to collect some songs from the children present-and see them perform them. It was a very interesting, culturally enriching and productive, experience.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Azizi
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 09:03 AM

On second thought, maybe the other song that Miss Crystal sang at that session did have something to do with the "preacher went down to the cellar to pray" song.

It's possible that the custom was to sing these two songs one right after the other. But maybe not. Both of these songs have the same tune. And both of them start with Oh... And both of them talk about something associated with church {the preacher in one song, and Sunday morning in the next song... But this is all speculation on my part since I failed to ask my "informant" if there was connection between these two songs, and I've lost contact with her.

But in case this isn't completely off-topic, here's the other song that Miss Crystal sang. Btw, I misstated that this is a call & response song.

OH I WOKE UP SUNDAY MORNIN
Oh I woke up Sunday mornin
I looked up on the wall.
I saw a gang of roaches
playin a game of basketball.

The score was nine to nothing.
The roaches had the lead.
I went and got my roach spray
And sprayed them 1, 2, 3.

You better stop them roaches
crawlin up my wall.
Feed them chicken & rice
and some day they'll be
shootin dice.

-snip-

Again, the children's response was a kinda blank "Okay"... They definitely didn't know this song. And neither did I. But, since then I've read some versions of this song/poem here on Mudcat and elsewhere.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Joe Offer
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 01:33 PM

Ca anybody send me a MIDI of alternate versions of the tune?
-Joe-
joe@mudcat.org


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Mo the caller
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 06:32 PM

I hardly know what a MIDI is, so someone else.

No-one got drunk in our version, it was always
The lights went out
So he stayed all day

But then I moved in very respectable circles (teetotal even)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jul 07 - 06:40 PM

I believe the Max Hunter wesbite may have a MIDI.

~S~


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Joe Offer
Date: 06 Jul 07 - 04:57 AM

Q sent me a very nice arrangement:

I Ain't Gwine to Grieve My Lord No More

Oh, look up yonder! (Oh, look up yonder, yonder what I see?) What I see?
Bright angels coming after me (Bright angels coming after me).

CHORUS:
I ain't gwine to grieve my Lord no more,
For the Bible told me so;
I ain't gwine to grieve my Lord,
To grieve my Lord no more, no more.

Oh, Paul and Silas (Oh, Paul and Silas, Silas bound in jail) bound in jail,
The one did sing while the other prayed (The one did sing while the other prayed).
CHORUS

If you get there (If you get there before I do) before I do,
Look out for me, I'm coming through (Look out for me, I'm coming through).
CHORUS

Carl Diton, Thirty-six South Carolina Spirituals, G. Schirmer, Inc. NY 1928




Click to play


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Mo the caller
Date: 06 Jul 07 - 05:40 AM

The way Azizi desribed Miss Crystsal singing 'A preacher went down' was how we did it. The leader sings a line, everyone echos it, sings the next, echo; all sing those 2 lines faster (no echo); two part chorus; someone else leads another verse that they remember or invent.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Azizi
Date: 06 Jul 07 - 07:10 AM

Btw, the "Paul & Silas bound in jail" line was used in a verse of the African American Civil Rights song {Freedom song} called "Hold On":

Paul and Silas bound in jail
With no money to forgo their bail
Keep your eye on the prize
And hold on

-snip-

See http://www.cocojams.com/freedom_songs.htm for a version of this song.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: semi-submersible
Date: 06 Oct 09 - 04:59 AM

When Mom was a girl on a bus headed for camp, they began with:

Oh the Deacon went down to the cellar to pray.
He fell asleep and he stayed all day.


The next verse I remember from Mom led naturally into the chorus:

Oh, I grieved my Lord, and I went astray:
I left the straight and narrow way.

[Repeat the verse, faster and without pauses, then chorus:]

I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
[Repeat chorus twice fast, then once slow.]

Other verses included:

Oh, you can't get to heaven with powder and paint
'Cause they make you look like what you ain't.

Oh you can't get to heaven on a trolley car
Cause the goldurned tracks aren't laid that far.


Then their bus driver improvised a verse. A teacher named Glen, with a couple of students left over after the bus filled, had started out following the bus in his own vehicle but had dropped behind at the last gas station. The driver sang:

Oh, you might get to heaven in the Jeep with Glen.
You might get to heaven, but I don't know when.


The kids loved it.


I never doubted that "grieve my Lord" meant "make Him sad." Since "I am not going to grieve him any more" is perfectly clear English, from a literate point of view Nigel's explanation seems more economical than Azizi's. This is certainly the case in the "day by day" verse: I hurt my Lord daily by transgressing. I won't do it any more.

However, Q, I think you suggested that in the lyrics of old African-American spirituals God is never the one feeling the grief. If true, this would convince me Azizi had it right: the oral version preceded the more literate interpretation (and explanatory verses). Did I understand you correctly, and have your further researches supported this assertion?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 06 Oct 09 - 01:17 PM

semi-submersible, I don't worry overmuch about it.
To those of us who have sung the 1001 or more verses, around the campfire and at other gatherings, marching along, etc., well-lubricated with beer, coke, or just good spirits, it makes no nevermind.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: clueless don
Date: 07 Oct 09 - 08:52 AM

I'm going to bet that this has already been cited, if not in this thread than in some other. But for completeness, here is a verse I remember from my Boy Scout days:

Oh you can't get to Heaven [Oh you can't get to Heaven]
On Superman [On Superman]
For the Lord he is [For the Lord he is]
a Batman fan [a Batman fan]


Don


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 07 Oct 09 - 09:51 AM

It sounds terrible now, but back in the 60s we used to sing,
"A nigger went down to the cellar...."

We really meant nothing by it and were sincere in our oath to be a friend to all.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: Steve Howlett
Date: 07 Oct 09 - 09:58 AM

There's been one a bit like it above, but we used to sing

Oh you'll never get to Heaven
In a Ford Coupe
'Cos the Lord's got shares
In Chevrolet

Each line was repeated by the others on the bus. (We always sang it on the bus on school trips.)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ain't Gonna Grieve My Lord No More
From: GUEST,Donna of Minnesota
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 12:11 PM

This was very interesting. When I was in grade school in the 1950's in rural Minnesota, we took the school bus. An older girl (she must have been in third grade when I was in second), Patty B., used to lead us in this song as a call and response also. I had never heard this song anywhere else. Including girl scout camp or church camp. I also thought the song was 'I ain't gonna GREET my Lord no more'. Grieve does makes more sense although at that time I figured since it was about not getting to heaven 'greet' did work all right. I especially remember the lines (which seemed quite risque at the time),

Oh you can't get to heaven (Oh you can't get to heaven)
In a strapless gown (In a strapless gown)
'Cause the Lord's afraid ('Cause the Lord's afraid)
It might fall down (It might fall down)

Then it was sung faster and louder without the response, with the last line being 'I ain't gonna greet my Lord no more.


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