BS: Bizzarre weight problem...

Subject: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 06:36 PM

OK, this has been bugging me for ages..why do i weigh less when i stand on the scales on my tiptoes? Doesn't make any sense to me...

Are my scales broken? Am i broken? Am i imagining things?

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 06:38 PM

I want to know why I weigh more naked than I do dressed.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 06:39 PM

You don't.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 06:43 PM

Yeah, and i weigh more when i'm not wearing a bra, too...it all just leaves me deeply discombobulated. I have enough to be discombobulated about without all this weird and shifty scales stuff..

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 06:46 PM

Why do you stand on your toes on the scale? Seems pointless unless you want to fool yourself into believing you weigh less. A simple and less dangerous method is to turn the dial back so that it underweighs when flatfooted. Does anyone on this site have a life?????

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 06:55 PM

i was standing on my toes because i was standing on the scales in order to reach a shelf...me being short and all. I don't need to fool myself into thinking i weigh less, i live on thirty quid a week...works wonders for your figure:0)

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 07:00 PM

Were you leaning on anything while you were standing on your toes?

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 07:08 PM

a mechanical type scale only gives true weight when that weight is centered on the scale - shifting weight towards one of the edges gives false readings.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 07:23 PM

Nah, i wasn't leaning on anything. I should have been because if i had been leaning on something i wouldn't have fallen off due to acute discombobulation;:0)

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: skipy
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 08:15 PM

I've never worn a bra on a pair of scales, but I'm going to.

Why is it a pair of scales when it is really only one unit?

Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: jimmyt
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 09:51 PM

my situation is different. I way 175 with or without thong. Go figure,

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 10:03 PM

You may call it a pair of scales in the U.K., but in the U.S. we've gotten past that. We step on the scale. THIS is why it is called a pair of scales. It's all in how they used to work. (Now you can use that old set of scales as the bra you don't wear. . .)

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: jimmyt
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 10:09 PM

I defend Blissfully Ignorant's right to not wear a bra. Anyone with me???????? LEts hear it for individul..and pair liberties

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 10:43 PM

In the spirit of detente, I would like to defend BI's right (and left's right) not to wear a bra--and jimmyt's right not to wear a bra, two.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 10:45 PM

Mammary lapse there. The last word in the above post should be 'too'. Don't know what I was thinking about.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 10:47 PM

Ahem. The first word in the above post should be memory.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 10:55 PM

these memory lapses are bizarre, but I support any attempts at support for those who dont feel the need for support.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 11:13 PM

However, I should stop trying to be a wiseass and get serious for a few secs. I too have noticed that when I weigh myself I am heavier than when I don't weigh myself, or after I eat Chinese food. Ya know how people always say, "Hey, I ate twelve pounds of Chinese food at the buffet and three hours later I was hungry?" Well, if you eat fourteen pounds or more, you actually drop in weight. It's a fact.

For instance, just last Friday while I was wearing the bra (it was a very strange party and I won't go into details here), I weighed myself. The scale, or balance beam if that's what ya wanna call it, showed my weight with the bra to be 168 pounds. When I took the bra off, I weighed 170 pounds. On tiptoes with the bra (no, I was on tiptoes--the bra HAS no toes although it does have tips) I was a mere 98 pounds. NOW, here's the strange part. When I weighed the bra all by itself, it was 197 pounds, and it (or they, if yer gonna get all pedantic about it) tried to eat the toilet bowl! I am never wearing THAT bra again. Anyway, the Chinese food I ate weighed 17 pounds. I was 170 pounds without any clothes on in the restaurant, not even the bra, and after I ate I weighed--are you ready for this?-- 63 pounds.

If I had been on the moon, I would have weighed in at less than eleven pounds. If an eleven-pound guy ate his weight in Chinese food, he'd just plain disappear, and all that would be left is a bra with a toilet bowl in its mouth. This almost happened to me, folks. Take a word of advice: unless you're fish, stay away from scales.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 11:27 PM

i want to weigh in on this discussion, and give my three ounces worth. it is a myth that Chinese food makes you fat, it is not Chinese food but the oil they cook it in that makes you fat, bruce, and so there is no need to tiptoe through the chewlips after eating Chinese food, or any other heavy item. i accept that if you were on the moon, or was that over the moon, you would weigh less, but only with the bra off.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 01:17 AM

OIL. OIL. OIL. DAMMIT, IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT OIL!

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 04:44 AM

LtS - I want to know why I weigh more naked than I do dressed.....


Is it because, when you're fully naked you don't have your specs on and therefore can't read the scales properly - or is it that bits of you tend to get in the way of the dial ? Never mind - help is at hand, I'll be quite happy to read the scales for you while you're standing on them naked.

Of course it could be something to do with all those helium balloons in your pockets . . . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: matai
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 05:07 AM

We need oil to feed the machine....

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 05:15 AM

How can you have pockets when you're naked? I suppose it could be depressions left by the liposuction. Teach you not to DIY with the hoover!

I would have thought that keeping the bra on would be better as it would be a suspended weight rather than a dead one.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 10:20 AM

It's live weight when one wears a Playtex Living Bra.

Hey, Dave Bryant want to read her weight on naked scales. GOOOOOOOOO, Dave. You da man.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: jimmyt
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 10:20 AM

I have to say that everything Brucie says about theis whole bra-Chinese-moon thing was true becaues I was with him. I have to admit, the sight of him standing on those scales butt naked except for that carton of moo goo gai pan in his right hand and a framed 8by 10 of me and Liz the squeak naked on her scales (next time Liz, you can ride piggyback on my back, I don't feel right about you carrying me on the scales) was in fact a sight to behold. I am going to get back on my medicine now. "Nurse, would you put me to bed? and I would like some extra pudding today, if you don't mind."

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 10:29 AM

The Combine, not the machine. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 12:01 PM

But would Dave be naked too? This is mind boggling stuff and I'm not sure if my imagination is up to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 12:17 PM

Scales read different on a carpet to what they do on a varnished or bare floor.
Ever since I put the roof over the tool shed, I always stand on tip toe to read the scales, [ or see my toes!]
Giok [Libran]

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 04:11 PM

How to Lie to the Bathroom Scale

* Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner...as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.

* Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

* When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

* Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage, of course.

* Always go to the bathroom first.

* Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter. (Waving them is optional but occasionally helps!)

* Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.

* Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

* Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?)

* Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.

.....

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."

"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Joybell
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 05:32 PM

AND take out your teeth - or at least give them a good clean and floss. Joy

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 07:44 PM

Ah, yes, false teeth. The one good thing about them is that you can brush and eat at the same time.

Jimmyt: That all comes back to me now. That was the day i told you, "Hey, fellow, take your hand off my leg." You replied, "It's not my hand!" I said, "It's not my leg." But vanilla pudding, right, vanilla. Or peach.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 07:48 PM

Are your scales on a hard floor! if you have them on carpet they will not read correct, usually under. Go way of boosting your ego, use the scales on a nice pile carpet.

Are your scales corrected for local gravity? Gravity varies in different places, even within the same country. Call up the weights and measures people tell them you need a local gravity figure to correct the scales whilst you stand on tiptoes with no clothes. I am sure they will be helpfull.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 07:54 PM

Also, if you have lots of iron in your body, that could disturb the magnetic field and throw the scale's accuracy waaaay off.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: jimmyt
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 11:16 PM

Brucie...are you just happy to see me or are those scales in your pocket?

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 11:58 PM

Right...so, if i wanted to lose weight, all i would have to do is walk around on my tip-toes wearing nothing but a bra?

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 12:01 AM

Hell, no. Just get RID OF THE SCALE!

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 12:07 AM

"Right...so, if i wanted to lose weight, all i would have to do is walk around on my tip-toes wearing nothing but a bra?"

I got arrested in Safeway for that.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 12:16 AM

My Psychiatrist told me I wasn't allowed to post on this thread...

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 12:20 AM

...but the very best weigh to weigh yourself, is to lie down on your back with your legs up in the air (bra optional) and have your Psychiatrist place the scales so they're balancing on your two feet.

The reading is very accurate, and afterwards you can go out for Chinese Food with your Psychiatrist , and he/she/they will pay.

..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 09:22 AM

Welcome to the wacky world of EP!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: jimmyt
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 09:34 AM

Ellenpolly, I can swing by and weigh you next time I am UK, Do you prefre Szechuan or Cantonese?

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 10:13 AM

As long as they're Freudian, you can take your pick, Jimmy.

;-D

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 11:43 AM

Freudian!!! You're supposed to remove your slip surely.

Anyway, isn't Chinese JUNK food?

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: open mike
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 12:08 PM

if you play the air guitar while standing on the scale(s)
it softens the blow a bit...of the ever-growing triple digits

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: jimmyt
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 10:58 PM

what if you stuff the underside of your scales with marhmallows?

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Peace
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 11:01 PM

Tell THAT to a 20' python.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: matai
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 08:23 AM

Try scales with kilos rather than stones. It'll give you a smaller number and I like the plush carpet idea especially in the bathroom although then I'd be wanting to stand on the carpet rather than cold metal scales. In fact I'd probably pick up the scales and throw them out the window.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 08:29 AM

Changing your more intimate measurements to metric has the opposite effect.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: freda underhill
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 10:30 AM

Standing tiptoes on a python stuffed with marshmallows while wearing a bra and eating junk food, all the while on a "shag" pile carpet?

..(why shag piles? .. beats me, but there's a certain *ring* to it)

what's the bleedin' point?

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 10:40 AM

The common cormorant (or shag)
Lays eggs inside a paper bag,
You follow the idea, no doubt?
It's to keep the lightning out.
But what these unobservant birds
Have never thought of, is that herds
Of wandering bears might come with buns
And steal the bags to hold the crumbs

by Christopher Isherwood

There's your answer Freda!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 12:49 PM

Ok, to get back to sensible ideas:

Everyone knows that cookies dipped in milk or tea (or coffee) have less calories than those eaten dry.

..(now where ARE my meds?)

..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 01:38 PM

SRS:
Sorry to disappoint you, but the Blicky you gave produced not 'a pair of scales' but a twin pan balance.
In order to be 'scales' (in English or Ammmurrikan) they need to show a result as a scalar quantity, i.e. they need to be graduated

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 01:42 PM

As a Libran I'm with SRS thanks Nige, you picky old tart ;~)
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 02:39 PM

Ever weigh yourself before and after a poop?

















If so, get help.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 03:39 PM

Is that what they call a 'brown study'?
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: freda underhill
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 05:51 PM

try going to the loo in Germany or Austria, then you'll know what a brown study is.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 07:46 PM

Nigel, are you suggesting Mudcatters should hoist themselves upon those wicked-looking hooks to weigh themselves?

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: freda underhill
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 07:57 PM

Rafiq described the interrogation room. It had several thick metal hooks and wires hanging from the ceiling, and tables with batteries, electrical prods, metal clamps and other devices. The walls were splattered with streaks of blood, and there were stains of fresh blood beneath the hooks. This room was where he and the other inmates were regularly subjected to a range of excruciating, relentless, disgusting and debilitating tortures. At the end of each session he was hung from the ceiling and beaten and punched. The soles of his feet were whipped with a cane until they bled. When taken back to his cell, they would become infected from the filth on the cell's disgusting floor. Rafiq learnt to lick his feet, to keep them from becoming gangrenous.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 09:05 PM

To the ladies,

Whereas I feel I have no right in deciding whether a lady should wear a bra or not, I feel it my duty to suggest that while cooking over an open flame a lady should wear one.

Otherwise she might find herself discomboobulated!

I used to do the toe trick to the yeoman chief all the time. shifting your weight forward onto your toes can be accomplished without lifting your heel. This will usually cause a loss of ten to fifteen pounds. They think they've got you overweight and are so disappointed when you end up fifteen pounds under.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: matai
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 10:48 PM

Give old tarts a break will ya!

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 14 Nov 04 - 12:49 AM

Well, gulp, freda, thank you, um, for sharing.

I've now been put off my food for the morning.

If this is a weight loss practice, I'd rather do without.(Sorry, that description was NO laughing matter.)

..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Nov 04 - 01:08 AM

Anyway, isn't Chinese JUNK food?

Only the seafood.

Subject: RE: BS: Bizzarre weight problem...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Nov 04 - 01:11 AM

What's all of this standing on toes, anyway? I just lean on the edge of the sink with one hand--it's easy to weigh in much lighter. :) The trick is to stand still enough that the readout doesn't vary wildly as you balance like that.