BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 11:50 AM

Bugger the sprouts and beer...

epn was at a certain Midlands UK University roughly at the same time as a certain runner, now elevated to the Upper House. Said runner broke the World Record for 800 metres... or was it 1500, or even the mile? just after epn completed his finals; probably said runner was recovering the record from a Mr Ovett on this particular day,as they seemed to trade titles like billy-o.

We swore blind that he was assisted by the jet propulsion effect of Hall breakfasts - beans every day!

Then, of course, there was Blazing Saddles...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 04:52 PM

Hell, who needs a military background to play with explosives... just give me another helping of sprouts, wash it down with beer and stand the hell way back!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 11:01 AM

EPN, he thinks, should have taken a course in explosives & demolitions from the US Army, followed by one on improvised explosives. And his mind drifts back, for a pull at the wine brings an old soldier's dreams from afar....

...to the latter part of the 1960s and a bridge, a dangerous span, that was slated for destruction by the E&D class. To the calculations carefully calculated to blow the abutments, to cut the stringers into precise lengths for later disposal. To the group working on blowing the center pier, and watching them fasten 40-pound cratering charges (each of which could could blow a hole in an Interstate highway that was eight feet deep and 15 feet across), one leg of the charge bent to angle the blast upwards, one charge to each side, the pier then wrapped in PETN detonating cord and blocks of TNT. To the governor of Illinois pushing pushing the button that triggered the blasts. To the careful crumbling of the abutments, to the steel stringers blown into precise 8-foot length, to the center pier disappearing in a blast that tossed debris about 200 feet in the air, to the E&D class rolling around with laughter...

...and he thinks on EPN and what he missed, and is grateful that EPN did.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 04:44 AM

The punkoid stirs from his reverie...

Wow - those were some pyrotechnics! It had all seemed like a dream to him, the dream of a lifetime.

How long had he been staring, glassy eyed, at the remnants of the cake?

The memories of that glorious burst started drifting back - the hasty scramble to relight the fuse (why hadn't they let him burn Mr Gibson's guitars?), the explosions, the fires...

Oh joy, oh rapture, oh... Poop Poop!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 07:52 PM

He peeks back into the place, smiles at the mess, and re-enters. There is knocking from somewhere and the squid shifts restlessly, like someone whose sleep is being disturbed.

From above, a tentacle grasps the door to the steam room and rips it off, flinging it somewhere, where it lands with a crash.

The tentacle withdraws.

Thirstily, he approaches the bar. Perhaps there is some form of drink left.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 07:27 PM

And it's still Christmas for another 4 days!!!

Er... can someone unlock the door of the steam room please? Much more of this and I shall shrink to 3'2" and be the same in height as I am in width.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 11:24 AM

Oh, gawd, look at the state of this place. . . bottles and bits of paper on the floor and tables. What was in that cake besides cake?. . . Sleeping people everywhere. . . cats and ducks sleeping together. . .and the squid ended up in the rafters. Now THAT must be a story!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 01:30 AM

SAME TO
YOU!
LIBRARIANS RULE!

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 12:01 AM

Well, pee, he says, and relights it well away from the puddle.

The fuse burns, an inch a minute. It reaches the point where it branches off to other fuses, pauses, and the multitude of fuses lights.

He very quickly walks outside, well away from the lights of the Tavern.

There is a muffled FWOOF! as the explosives ignite, and from the dark that surrounds the Tavern mortars fire pre-planned charges into the night sky, where in a burst of pyrotechnics they explode, and in the cold night air hangs for many minutes a flaming

HAPPY NEW
YEAR!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 11:06 PM

but someone with the initials "Martin Gibson" pissed on it before it had time to burn to the cake covered with sparklers that would go off at midnight to wish everyone a happy new year! (So El Punkoid will no doubt whip out his trusty lighter and start it up again soon).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 09:42 PM

"Boy," he thinks, "this joint is way too quiet."

And he lights the fuse.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 05:51 PM

Surreptiously, he fingers a lighter...and a fuse that ends who knows where....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Pauline L
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 05:05 PM

I want to wish everyone Happy New Year!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 04:34 PM

All seriousness aside....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 12:27 PM

There's a guy at our song circle who does "Hang on the bell, Nelly" every time. I could do harmony, Rapaire.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:44 PM

Oh, pooh. And he lets go of the rope, because Serious Mario has asked a serious question which deserves a serious answer, seriously.

No. But the song was recorded by the Chad Mitchell Trio on their Mightly Day On Campus album (Kapp KS-3262, 1961) and The Best of the Chad Mitchell Trio (Kapp KS-3334, 1963).

I took the words from the DT, but here's how I remember the Trio sang them:

The scene was in the jailhouse, and if curfew rang that night
The guy in number 13 cell would go out like a light.
She knew her Dad was innocent, and so poor Little Nell
Tied her tender torso to the clapper of the bell.

cho: Oh, hang on the bell, Nelly, hang on the bell
Your poor Daddy's locked in a cold prison cell.
As you swing to the left, Nelly, swing to the right
Remember that curfew bell must never ring tonight.

It all began when Nelly said, "No! No!" to Handsome Jack
And struggled for her virtue down there by the railroad track;
Her Dad rushed up to save her as the train came down the line,
And Jack fell back across the track and paid the price of crime.

Her Daddy was arrested, and brought up before the Law,
The P'liceman said,"Old Handsome Jack ain't handsome any more!"
Nelly came and pleaded, but the jury did not care ---
They didn't have a sofa, so they offered him the chair.

Well, they pulled upon the bellrope, but there was no ting-a-ling
They could not get their foul deed done, for curfew would not ring!
Upstairs, poor Nell was swinging, while below they pulled and heaved,
When suddenly a voice cried "Stop! Your Daddy's been reprieved!"

They cut her fair young body down, while she made protest weak
And as they laid her on the ground, she cried with girlish peep,
"Look! I tried to save my Daddy! A true and noble thing!
But man! while I was up there, I learned it's fun to swing!"

I thought I had the specks in my copy of The Mitchell Trio Song Book (Quadrangle Books, 1964), but it's not there. However and for what it's worth, the following ARE there:

The John Birch Society
Alberta
Maladyozhenaya
The Banks of Sicily
Green Grow the Lilacs
You Can Tell The World
The Virgin Mary
Alma Mater
Mighty Day
Me Voy Pa Bete
I Feel So Good About It
What Did You Learn In School Today?
Tell Old Bill
Rum By Gum
The Golden Vanity
The Ides of Texas
The Hip Song
Bonny Streets of Fyve-io
The Story of Alice
Paddy West
Ain't No More Cane On This Brazos
Moscow Nights
Super Skier
The Unfortunate Man
Whup Jamboree
Rally Round The Flag (medley with In The Summer Of His Years)
Hello, Susan Brown
The Marvelous Toy
Queen Elinor's Confession
James James Morrison Morrison
Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream
Johnnie
Tail Toddle
An Irish Song
The Twelve Days of Christmas

And I can sing Nelly for you if you want, but I don't have the recordings anymore.

Seriously.

And I make this offer: I'll scan in and email any of the above on request.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:07 PM

Martin, scram. If you don't want to play nicely just don't bother to come in here.

The giant squid raises its head, loosens its grip on the harness and reaches one tentacle out toward the surly man standing complaining in the doorway. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 10:32 AM

Please make sure you take your Christmas decorations down in a timely manner or you will upset sensitive non-christians.

Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:48 AM

Rap - you don't happen to have tadpoles for that do you? it's one of the "missing tunes"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:42 AM

And whilst going up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down, the bells pealing madly overhead, he bursts into song!

The scene was in the jailhouse, and if curfew rang that night
The guy in number 13 cell would go out like a light.
She knew her Dad was innocent, and so Poor Little Nell
Has tied her tender torso to the clapper of the bell.

cho: Oh, hang on the bell, Nelly, hang on the bell
Your poor Daddy's locked in a cold prison cell.
As you swing to the left, and you swing to the right
Remember that curfew must never ring tonight.

It all began when Nelly said, "No! No!" to Handsome Jack
And struggled as he tried to kiss her by the railroad track;
Her Dad rushed up to save her as the train came down the line,
And Jack fell back across the track and paid the price of crime.

Dear Daddy was arrested, and brought up before the Law,
The P'liceman said,"Old Handsome Jack ain't handsome any more!"
Then Nelly came and pleaded, but the jury did not care ---
They didn't have a sofa, so they offered him the chair.

Well, they pulled upon the bellrope, but there was no ting-a-ling
They could not get their business done, the curfew would not ring!
Upstairs, poor Nell was swinging, while below they pulled and heaved,
When suddenly a voice cried "Stop! Your father's been reprieved!"

They cut her fair young body down, while she made protest weak
And as they laid her on the ground, she cried with girlish peep,
"Look! I tried to save my Daddy! A true and noble thing!
But man! while I was up there, I learned it's fun to swing!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 08:52 AM

the steam is loverly! I am fighting off a cold myself - major symptom being I can't seem to get warm! (not normally a problem for me) - I haven't checked into the recovery room because Nurse Ratched scares me!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 04:04 AM

Volume (noise wise) has never been my problem... but I'll take you up on it... it's about time the pores got a good swill out.

Can you please drop a little lavendar oil on the coals? And don't be using any eucalyptus... I don't need my sinuses cleared from my toes up!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Pauline L
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 02:47 AM

MAG, thanks for the steam room. It's just what I need to recover from my cough. Aaaaah, that feels so good.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:14 AM

I think a steam room is better for colds than a sauna; sauna could play havoc on your mucus mambranes while a steam helps you breathe. Through this plexigalss door you will find a small chamber with clean sheets, for spreading down or wrapping up. Nice wide benches so you can lie down or have your feet straight out. Higher benches for the diehard Russian steamroom types. Coed OK as long as everyone behaves. (oh how stupid to say that.)You know how great your voice gets in a steamy shower? Well, just think how much volume we can get up in here! Bar service available through that little window over there. I'll have a haahen dazs and tia maria sundae, please.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:10 AM

You like the bell rope, you'll LOVE the harness! Just watch that first step. . . if you're not careful you'll end up out on the roof.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 07:22 PM

...bell rope, and high in the belfry the bells begin to peal a welcome to the new year, even though it's still a tad early. But the real reason that he is ringing the old year out and the new year in is not some excess of enthusiasm for the change of the calendar, but because he holds onto the rope, and the bells pull him up and down -- a ride better than a swing.

"Wheeeeeeeeee!" he shouts.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 07:08 PM

Count on Martini Gibson to put a damper down. It never works on Catters, though, for some reason.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 06:30 PM

Blow it Martin, Christmas doesn't end until 12th Night!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 05:38 PM

OK, last call. Christmas is over.

Please find someone to drive your drunk ass home.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 05:01 PM

and releases the harness with which the squid has formed a firm and lasting attachment

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 04:22 PM

squid tentacle

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 04:18 PM

Quietly, as is his wont, he re-enters and glides to the corner. Once there, he again reaches up and pulls sharply on the dangling....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 11:41 AM

I thought the saying was drunk as a skunk, not drunk as a duck. That bird is going to be plastered. No telling what he might get up to!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 06:37 AM

As the duck honed in on the punkoid, he realised that it wasn't transylvanian after all - it was his good friend, the partially deaf duck. The poor avian was sooooooo pleased to see him after all his adventures, and wanted to thank him for the duck tape with which he had been able to severely incapacitate the squid.

"Hey bartender!" called the punkoid. "You got any Jersey cream?"

"No sir - cream comes from Cows, not Jerseys!" replies the bartender, in his best impression of Jeeves.

"You got ANY cream? From Jersey Cows?"

"I'll have a shot of rum, same of kahlua, and a couple of ounces of cream then. Oh, and pass me that cocktail shaker, will you?"

The punkoid pours the three measures into the shaker, and tango's around the room with it. Once round the room, then pours the well mixed content into a glass.

"Hey doll!" he calls to MBSLynne. "Just to prove I'm not just a dab hand at raising fires, I'm also one meeeeeeeeeean cocktail shaker. Rum Alexander - on the house, Babe!"

The punkoid reaches into his top pocket, pulls out a nutmeg and grater, and, having grated a sprinkling of nutmeg onto the drink, passes it down under the chair.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 03:18 AM

DAmn... I knew there was something!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 03:30 PM

Liz should have taken the coats out first. That's all.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 12:43 PM

Vampire Shmoos?


Who wanted to convert the coat closet into a sauna? it doesn't seem to be working - but if we strap that cedar plank to the rotisserie in the fireplace we could "plank" someone as a substitute...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 12:35 PM

"I was thinking more of an Al Capp or Capn and the Kids kid of duck, not a vampire duck" thought Sage. . . "maybe a Shmoo would be better."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 05:56 AM

As the Transylvanian duck sinks it's beak (?!) into the punkoid's neck, MBS Lynne sinks gratefully into the chair under which she has been crouching all Christmas...."Anyone got a Brandy Alexander? And what food is left? Merry Christmas everyone!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 03:56 AM

The punkoid stares back at the duck.

"Transylvanian ducks?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 07:48 PM

To quote one of my favourite literary characters...

Thag you bery buch!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 05:22 PM

*pulls cedar boards and heater out of Mary poppins-esque handbag*

There ya go, pal! :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 05:14 PM

I think we need to turn that coat closet into a sauna so Liz can go sit for a while and bake that cold out of her system. Anyone have some good cedar boards and a heater handy?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 04:42 PM

I god a sdinkink cowd add a hed full of stod. Padd ober the hod doddy and let be stuggle up by duh fire.....

LTShooooo

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 02:59 PM

Sorry people, i passed out for a couple of days there...OI! Why am i wearing fishing waders and somebody elses pants on my head? *looks round accusingly*

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:31 PM

Sage eyes the harness at the side of the room, wondering if it will get some use come the New Year's celebrations. The cats stretch on their perches in the rafters and work their way down to the bar for any tidbits missed during the cleanup. A duck waddles out from under the tree, looks el punkoid directly in the eye, and announces "Qvack!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Chet
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 10:55 AM

I meant to say:

Ooowww! Ouch!

Have YOU ever had your...like in the song...

"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Chet
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 10:54 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 09:54 AM

Two drunk-as-a-skunks coming your way Pauline...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 07:48 AM

"Blimey - that was close! Thank goodness Marks and Spencer are still sufficiently old fashioned to do a good line in asbestos underpants! (And that people here are too polite to look too closely at one's nether regions...)"

The punkoid pauses to make sure that everyone knows that he knows that an orang-utan is NOT a monkey, and squeezes his way back into the bar.

Disguised by his newly clean shaven appearance, and clothed head to toe in soot from a now trimmed holly tree, the punkoid finds his way back to his beloved french horn. "Now for some heavy metal folk..."