BS: Never....

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 08:42 PM

Joe, the initial post about never double-tying the drawstring in a pair of sweatpants is definitely from firsthand experience. Quite recent, in fact.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Teresa
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 08:56 PM

Oh pffft darn me, I thought that seemed familiar re: Fargo ...

Ok, mine was true, unfortunately. I have many more similar ones for any who care. ;)

er, never stand too close to folding doors when you close them.

never touch a fur-clogged vacuum, at least not the metal part, after it's been running awhile. Had blisters on my fingers for three days.

Never put your hand on a wood stove for balance.

That should do for now. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: beardedbruce
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:04 PM

Teresa-

Was that a wood stove, or a wood-BURNING stove?

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST,Layah
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:06 PM

Mine was only partially true. I removed things from boiling oil with a fork, then immediately picked it up off the fork with my fingers.

Others from personal experience:
Never drink from a water fountain without first testing where it sprays to.

Never cut your toenails with a knife.

Never light a tissue on fire without first having some plan for putting it out or some place to set it down.

Never try to blow out a tissue that has been lit on fire unless you want bits of burning kleenex to spread all over the place.

Never let bits of a burning tissue fall onto your computer keyboard.

I'm sure I could list a few more things and ways not to light things on fire.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Teresa
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:09 PM

I never knew there were wooden stoves. Learn something new ever' day.   :)

teresa

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: frogprince
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:16 PM

...try to tell anyone he doesn't understand biblical prophecy...

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:21 PM

Lick your genitals in public.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:31 PM

UNless you are working as a side-show artist in a carnival....


A

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:56 PM

Good advice. If you lick your genitals in public this week, you'll be chasing cars and peeing on fire hydrants next week.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST,ragdall
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:08 PM

"..let your braces dangle in the toilet bowl."

Is this something an orthadontally challenged teen may do when driving the porcelain bus?

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST,ragdall
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:08 AM

...try bare-handed, to catch falling cement blocks when you've just peeled more off from a wall with a sledge hammer than you intended. (ouch!)

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: kendall
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 05:26 AM

...tell a cop to go fuck himself.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Micca
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 06:40 AM

NEVER try to pick up hot glass bare handed when carrying out Glass-blowing operations NB Hot glass looks EXACTLY like cold glass
Never sniff a flask you suspect may contain Ammonia, the resulting recoil and fall backwards over several Lab stools can cause much hilarity amongst colleagues.
On a serious note NEVER do mouth to mouth on anyone you even suspect may have inhaled a noxious or toxic gas, You could join them unconcious on the floor, This applies to Houshold as well as Chem lab accidents , ie Bleach inhalation, Car exhaust fumes etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: sian, west wales
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 06:47 AM

... give a child a child-safe chemistry set if the child next door has also been given a child-safe chemistry set, but not the same make and model of the first child's child-safe chemistry set (are you following this?) because just because one manufacturer's set of chemicals is safe within itself, it doesn't necessarily follow that the two together are.

On a similar note point out to said children ...

Never think that an aerosol can of room freshener can be used in lieu of fire extinguisher if, by combining more than one chemistry set, your mother's basement curtains catch on fire.

I've always thought there might be a ballad in there somewhere - something along the lines of The Sicknote ...

siân

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Crystal
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 06:51 AM

Re the ammonia sniffing, NEVER take a deep sniff of 2M hydrocloric acid, it burns!
Never eat twiglets, then rub your eyes, I was up last night trying to wash bits of twiglet dust out from under my eyelids!

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: robomatic
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 07:00 AM

whack your bicycle handlebars on one side to get the grip back in place while you're riding.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 09:18 AM

forget which paticular 'of course it's safe if you know what you're doing' dangerous substance you're mucking about with. Liquid Nitrogen, 100% ethanol.

bunnahabhain.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: JennyO
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 10:19 AM

leave liniment on your hands after using it - you'll find out why when you absent-mindedly rub your eyes!

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 10:44 AM

Never drop your children off just anywhere in the school drop off zone (like in the middle of the street with cars moving on either side of you). Use the curb, and have them get out of the door next to the curb. Don't stop at the first point along that curb that you come to--PULL FORWARD!!! (My morning pas de deux x 100) You'd think some of these people had kids to spare, the way the just plop them out anywhere amongst the moving traffic.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:25 PM

steal georgian silver's favourite number.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 01:53 PM

pdq, oh my, on the thigh, thank you for that memory!

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Micca
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 02:24 PM

Never Use a standard -5degC to 105degC thermometer to record the Heat of dilution of Sulphuric Acid( diluting from Concentrated to 2 Molar) as the resulting sudden rise may shoot the end of the thermometer across the prep room and part the Hair of the Senior Technician 20 feet away like a small bullet, leaving said Senior Tech VERY unamused. This also applies to making Caustic Soda solutions ( My thats hot, I wonder HOW Hot?)
Never set a trap for the Junior Tech by connecting the handle of the door of the tea room to a VandeGraaf Generator on a dry Summers afternoon. The Senior Tech with the weak heart and the Pacemaker may arrive first and be somewhat startled by the 2ft long blue spark that leaps to his hand from said door handle. aid Senior may also be very displeased with you some hours later when he has recovered and is known for bearing a grudge.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 03:05 PM

"Don't use your bare hands to cut up jalapenos and take a leak afterwards. (That warning is for the guys). "

Or indulge in firkytoodling with your girlfriend either....

Not personal, but someone I know......

Don't choose a hawthorn bush to indulge in your first ever outdoor 'shenanigans'.... the operative word is THORN.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: frogprince
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 03:32 PM

To the tune of "Mona Lisa"

Firkytoodling, firkytoodling, Liz has called it,
I'm sure I have never heard that word before....

My closest associate sometime calls me "fingers", and occasionally "titty twiddler", but I hope she never gets hold of
"firkytoodler"; I don't think I could take it.

LOL.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 11:50 AM

Dont eat yellow snow

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bert
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 02:55 PM

Try to get by someone who is backing out of a parking space.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 07:30 PM

froggie - never heard it called that before? You HAVE had a sheltered life!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: artbrooks
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 08:01 PM

Never do a panic stop on a bicycle by squeezing the front hand brake really hard...unless you want to join the "over the bars club".

Never give your significant other a back rub with Bengay and then go directly on to serious cuddling.

Never read these things with a mouth full of liquid...any liquid...unless you are far away from your keyboard.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bert
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 01:22 AM

Never ever step upon his tail.

If you ever, ever, ever see a whale that is.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST,Rachel Wasbest
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 01:48 AM

Firkyfronttoodling or firkybacktoodling?

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:13 AM

Rachel - either.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST,Rachel Wasbest
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:18 AM

Count me in.

When do we start.

Wots the password.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Crystal
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:43 AM

never leave obvious marks.
I'll leave it up to your warped imiginations as to what and where this applies!

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:17 AM

never get told off for leaving obvious marks. Revenge in kind tends to result...

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Layah
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:05 PM

Never buy a bra before obvious marks have faded. (For those of you who don't know, most fancy bra shops the clerks help you make sure the bra fits right)

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:11 PM

Nice work if you can get it!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:30 PM

never try to understand the tangled web of relationships round here.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST,OOOOOOOH!
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 04:08 AM

Never push your piles back in after slicing green chillies!

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bert
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 07:11 PM

Never join a songwriter's club that has a blind member. 'Cos they actually LISTEN to your songs

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bert
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 07:16 PM

Go to Pueblo Colorado. Their only industry is the jail and court system. THEY'LL GET YA.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Cluin
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 08:45 PM

Never get drunk in the afternoon if you have to play that night. There's no "sleeping it off" in time.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Chris Green
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 08:57 PM

...hit your mother with a shovel. It leaves a dull impression on her mind. (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, 1969)

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 11:21 PM

Never take a long soaking bath to ease your aching back and then when you are toweling off decide that now is a good time to apply Ben Gay. You might find yourself furiously funneling cold water at great speed onto your suddenly blistered back.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Teresa
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 11:41 PM

Hahahaha, Bert: "Never join a songwriter's club that has a blind member. 'Cos they actually LISTEN to your songs"

I resemble that remark. :):)

Don't have a brainstorm while you are cooking and leave the house for a couple hours, or you'll be lucky it doesn't burn down!

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 11:50 PM

....fart in a pair of pantyhose.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: LadyJean
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 12:17 AM

Three Nevers I learned before I was 21

Never eat grits that have been cooked in a restaurant. (Mom made grits and they were sublime. Restaurang grits taste like library paste.)
Never shotgun slivovitz.
Never trust a man who knows all the words to the ball of Kerriemuir

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Peace
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 12:29 AM

"....fart in a pair of pantyhose."

The above remark was posted by Susu's Husband. I do NOT want to know.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Bert
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 12:33 AM

That one was meant for you Teresa. Most people go to song writer's clubs for a pat on the back only.

There's a blind gal at PASA (Philadelphia Area Songwriter's Alliance) and she always comes up with some comment that the others have missed and it's obvious that she actually listened to the song. Which is a bugger when you've done something wrong *GRIN*

Aha! Lady Jean, Slivovice is a SIPPIN' drink. And grits at Eunice's in Huntsville Alabama are really good. And I know a lot of the words of ball of Kerriemuir so don't trust me either. And I've never tasted library paste.

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: GUEST,Skipy
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 05:53 AM

Never stand on stool on a settee! to put up xmas decks,
Never never ever do this if you are a 70 year old female, alone in your house with the doors locked!!
My mother in law did!
Result - broken hip - JR Hospital - several week living down stairs at our house - monthS with walking sticks - TRUE!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Never....
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 06:13 AM

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