BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising

Subject: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 08:13 PM

Somebody sent this e-mail to Ingrid the other day.

Message
THESE ARE ACTUAL NEWSPAPER ADS!

1.) FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful
little dog. Bites

2.) FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky
neighbor's dog.

3.) FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part
stupid dog

4.) FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks
German.

5.) FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat .. been
out awhile. Better be a reward.

6.) COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED...Also 1 gay bull for
sale.

7.) NORDIC TRACK: $300 hardly used, call Chubby

8.) GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb.

9.) JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and
dryer $300

10.) WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Stephanie

11.) FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia
Britannica - 45
volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.
No Longer needed,
got married last month. Wife knows everything

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: pdq
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 08:28 PM

12) For Sale: Slightly used farm wench.      Make offer.

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 10:09 PM

I actually saw this ad, in one of those freebie small newspapers:

'For Sale: 26 Postholes. Cheap.'

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 12:20 AM

26 postholes?????

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 12:25 AM

I know, Stephen. It quite possibly was a giggle ad, but it gave a name and a phone number.

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 03:34 AM

Fresh eggs going cheep ?

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: John O'L
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 04:04 AM

I once saw this in the classifieds of a local paper:

Sheep. Kill kill kill kill kill.

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Peace
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 04:10 AM

Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign

September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA

In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a good or bad time to stop my vehicle."

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 11:37 PM

Peace,
    I think that that woman's response to the law can reasonably be used as a working definition of the word "idiot".

Stephen Lee

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Peace
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 11:38 PM

It reminded me of Will Rogers: "It's easy being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: JennyO
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 08:27 AM

Boy wanted to work in aquarium - must live in.

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Bainbo
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 08:49 AM

A guy I know who used to typeset ads for our local paper used to get so bored he'd slip in some of his own. Ones like: "For sale, one pair of gloves (left one missing)"; "For sale, Santa suit, blue"; and the one I like best, though I don't know why - "For sale, clothes line, used, needs attention".

They used to get in the paper, too, though I don't know whether there ever any reponses.

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Emma B
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 06:23 PM

From the Grantham Journel -
"Miss Goldhurst has NO MALE GOAT this season and refers all clients to Mr Harris"

From a Yorks paper -
PLEASE NOTE: You can order our rings by post. State size or enclose string tied round finger.

From The Daily Mail -
Applications are invited for the post of superintendent for the making of nurses' uniforms. Successful candidate must have knowledge of upholstery.

From a Washington paper -
CAPITAL PET ANIMAL HOSPITAL Dogs called for, fleas removed and returned to you for only $1.00

Lots more in "The Best of Shrdlu"

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: s&r
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 05:33 AM

Dry cleaning budget rates.
Senior citizens Mon-Thurs

Stu

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: s&r
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 05:37 AM

Are these the post holes? Here

Stu

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 08:07 AM

Local printing company looking for employee - "Help Wanted - Pressman -- Web or sheepfed."

Classified ad, so the typo was prolly the newspaper's fault rather than the print shop.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 11:54 AM

I don't think so, Stu. You mean, that the holes referred to might have been the posts shown that have blank squares for where the posts are to be inserted? That design is fairly new, I should think. That ad was from 20 years or more ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 02:04 AM

Ebbie -

The design is fairly old, probably at least back to the '50s in easy commercial availability. I've never heard them called "post holes" though. Common US name was "post anchors."

Maybe the original ad was meant to be "pest holes" or something. Or possibly "port holes?"

John

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: sian, west wales
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 06:40 AM

I Googled to try to find some Church Bulletin announcements I remembered from my youth and found the exact same ones ... as Jewish Synagogue announcements. Go figure.

Don't let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help.

Join us for our Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

We are pleased to announce the birth of David Weiss, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs. Abe Weiss.

Thursday at 5:00PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the rabbi in his private study.

The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.

A bean supper will be held Wed. even. In the community center. Music will follow.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the JCC. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

Rabbi is on vacation. Massages can be given to his secretary.

Mrs. Goldblum will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Men's Club is warmly invited to the Oneg hosted by Hadassah.
Refreshments will be served for a nominal feel.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Rob, who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

We are taking up a collection to defray the cost of the new carpet in the sanctuary. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you!

The Associate Rabbi unveiled the synagogue's new fundraising campaign slogan this week: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

I also remember seeing an actual advert in one of our National (Welsh) papers, The Western Mail. Air Wales, a very small airline flying very small airplanes within the UK and Ireland, were advertising for stewardesses "under 5ft 4in and able to swim". It made it onto the UK National BBC News ...

siân

Subject: RE: BS: Strange Newspaper Advertising
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 07:45 PM

I believe it was in the early 1980s or so that the Bell Telephone people came up with their catch phrase "Let your fingers do the walking - through the Yellow Pages." The phrase was intended to mean that you could look it up first in the Yellow Pages and save lots of time and money you'd otherwise spend looking for stuff.

For the clueless, in US phone books it has been traditional for the "Classified Listings" for business to be printed on Yellow pages, and the sale of ads/listings was marketed pretty aggressively.

Numerous "spot ads" referring to the "fingers walking" theme were sprinkled among the Yellow Pages ad/listings to remind people that "you too can advertise."

In the first issue of the Wichita Kansas phone book in which the Bell folk relented their previous policy and printed ads for "Massage Parlors," someone placed immediately below the largest "Parlor" ad - the standard filler ad:

"Imagine 20 million walking fingers."

I was told, but never could confirm, that the person responsible was fired, although it would have been hard to select a more appropriate one of their ads for that page.

John