BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive

Subject: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: GUEST,The right to be bland and inoffensive
Date: 15 Feb 06 - 08:53 PM

I've been thinking about this for some time. I think it might be a good idea to secure legal rights for people to be bland and inoffensive in public places. As things stand right now, there is a lot of intolerance out there toward the bland and inoffensive, such as myself and most of my friends, and I am a bit worried about that. Is it right that I should fear that my inoffensiveness may offend or draw public criticism, and thereby be compelled to pretend a stridency and severity of opinion which I do not feel? I note that most humor and most drama is focused around extremes of behavior. This causes the bland and inoffensive people in society to feel left out. Not that I'm upset about it. No, I wouldn't go so far as to say that. I'm just a little concerned. I am willing to bend over backwards to tolerate offensive people of every kind, so why should they not be required by law to tolerate me?

To put it another way, why can't we all just be huggy and nice to one another? If everyone on this forum were to join a Care Bears circle and practic mutual respect and tolerance for at least an hour each day, I feel that much could be achieved.

Growing jade plants is a good way to achieve blandness. Jade plants are totally nice in every way. They have no opinions and no prejudices. They never disagree with anyone. If we were all to commune with a jade plant on a daily basis and learn to emulate its calm acceptance of life, think how it would improve this forum.

But I'm not suggesting that anyone change for me. No indeed. That would be pushy. Pushiness is not in my blood. Cuddlesmores have always made a point of getting along with everyone and seeing the good in all people.

I have a huge collection of recordings by the Carpenters and the Captain & Tenille and Terry Jacks. It would be really nifty to get together with other Catters sometime and listen to those great songs for a whole weekend.

Well, those are my thoughts for today. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: GUEST,Wilfred Cuddlesmore
Date: 15 Feb 06 - 09:17 PM

OH DEAR! I got the title of this thread mixed up with my name somehow. This is disturbing. The thread is supposed to be called: "the right to be bland and inoffensive" I am Guest, Wilfred Cuddlesmore.

What should I do? Someone may well be offended by this faux pas on my part.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 06 - 09:36 PM

Well, I certainly am offended with your obvious deception. My friends will call upon you and, as the challenged party, you can have the choice of swords or pistols.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Feb 06 - 09:40 PM

I can hear the giant sound of a stunned silence on the other end of the line, Rapaire... ;-) What will Wilfred do now??????

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Feb 06 - 10:07 PM

He will answer the telephone in a very polite non-obtrusive manner and be NICE. bin Laden is going to call him with his height.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Feb 06 - 11:18 PM

Dear sweet Wilfred,

You may post a message to the help forum and the nice forum moderator or his worthy assistants will repair your little boo-boo. I know because I did precisely the same thing once when I couldn't log on and had to post as a GUEST. It was very embarassing.   Not as embarassing as being caught in a compromising situation with a barnyard animal, and certainly not as embarassing as being caught in a compromising situation with a male barnyard animal, but pretty embarassing just the same. Oops! Hope that didn't offend anyone.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: GUEST,Cluin
Date: 15 Feb 06 - 11:27 PM

But I like the thread title as it is. Changing it would offend me.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Janie
Date: 15 Feb 06 - 11:28 PM

Dear Uncle Wilfred,

I hope you are not offended, but I think you should probably not talk to people who mess around much with barnyard animals. Barnyard animals are very nice, I'm sure, but they smell--please forgive me for being so blunt---like a barnyard. Also, (and I fear I am being terribly bold in saying this), people who s-p-e-l-l out their initials are also probably best to be avoided.

Again, I don't want to seem presumptious or bold in giving you this advise. I hope I haven't hurt your feelings.

Best Regards from your neice,

Wilhelmia

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Janie
Date: 15 Feb 06 - 11:31 PM

Oh Dear, Mr. Cuddlesmore,

Please accept my apologies for allowing your neice to get on my computer. It is very embarrassing. Please, please don't be offended.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Dead Horse
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 07:31 PM

Chant of the inoffensive...
What do we want?
Err, nothing at all really, thank you.
When do we want it?
Oh, err, anytime will do. No hurry.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 07:40 PM

Chant of the defensive:

What do we want?
None of yer damn business!
When do we want it?
Git th' hell off mah land!

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 07:43 PM

Bee-Dubya, how do you know how embarassing those incidents involving barnyard animals are?

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 07:49 PM

I can see it now: a Bill of Rights for the Bland and Inoffensive.

What an exciting prospect.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 07:51 PM

Won't Question Period be interesting?

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 07:52 PM

"Bee-Dubya, how do you know how embarassing those incidents involving barnyard animals are?"

Say it ain't so, Joe!

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 08:07 PM

With any luck we may even see a bland and inoffensive person elected president one day!

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 08:46 PM

Gerald Ford doesn't count. He was appointed. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: GUEST,Shep the Sheepdog
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 09:57 PM

Just thought I'd jump in here and clarify my master Bee-dubya-ell's comment about being caught in a compromising situation with a barnyard animal. Let me assure you he was speaking in a purely hypothetical fashion. It's my job to protect the barnyard animals around here and I would never allow anything untoward to take place between my master and any of my flock.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 10:16 PM

I'm glad to hear that, Shep. I will rest easier tonight.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 10:18 PM

So will the flock.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 10:22 PM

"The right to be bland and inoffensive"

Not to be outdone, allow me to counter with

"The left to be bland and inoffensive, too!"

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 10:41 PM

LOL! Great line about the flock, Peace...

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Janie
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 10:45 PM

I am just a little concerned that this thread is moving away from bland and inoffensive--just a thought, now, not trying to suggest anyone is doing anything that they shouldn't--I mean--we all do have the right---that is----if you want to shag shee--er, that is be sharp and offensive that is perfectly ok with me. It won't hurt my feelings at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 10:55 PM

You're right. We are verging on sensitive subjects here. Someone might be offended. Dear me.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 10:59 PM

Janie got real close there. REAL close.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 11:16 PM

*phweeephewbbbb*

Oops!

Sorry, I farted.


Sorry, everyone!

Sorry...

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 11:19 PM

Keriste, Cluin. My screen is melting. Have a heart will ya? And stop already eating kidney. I mean the above in the nicest possible way.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Gurney
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 01:05 AM

'Bland.' Adjective. Smoothly agreeable and courteous, with a degree of sophistication.
'Inoffensive.' Adjective. Morally respectable.

Wordweb dictionary.



Sounds like Little Hawk, now that he's sold his goat.


Or am I mixing him up with someone else.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 01:06 AM

His goat may have caused a dibbs outbreak in Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: Wilfred Cuddlesmore
From: SunnySister
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 01:24 AM

Yup, I thought Little Hawk started the dibbs issue... he's always smack dab in the middle of everything "dibbs" related.

Good call, Peace!

-- SunnySister, who knows a bit about dabs and dibbs

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Joe Offer
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 01:34 AM

At the request of Little Hawk, I have changed the thread title to The right to be bland and inoffensive. Some might ask, "Now, what right does Little Hawk have to speak on behalf of Wilfred Cuddlesmore?"

I suppose that might be a valid question, but I don't think I want to know the answer...

-Joe Offer-
[sigh]

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 05:51 AM

some of us just offend people. we try, but it just happens. perhaps we can't do bland. i don't think I have have that stick in my golf bag, as it were.

which is a pity. I mean look at the steam radio and the stuff that gets played - the bland people have taken over.

if I could have been bland, I would have. then I'd be a millionaire, possibly even a mogul....

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 06:31 AM

Well,...I'm not sure really...ummm....I suppose so...but then again...sorry, sorry...it's just that...well I...SORRY!

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 06:38 AM

"It's not easy being bland."

Kermit the Frog's cousin Ed, the world's only known beige frog

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 08:38 AM

There is a animated dog carton of a bland and inoffensive nature.
I just don't remember the name of that Tex Avery character.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 11:32 AM

Beige is a very inoffensive colour. I like it. If the USA flag were changed from red, white, and blue to beige, beige, and beige, I think that peace would spontaneously break out everywhere.

Let's do it.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 11:38 AM

Beige is just another form of pink. Ghastly, IMO.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 11:42 AM

That just because you don't want to spontaneously break out everywhere.

(Can't say I blame you...)

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: GUEST,Cluin
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 04:11 PM

I can't emphasize this strongly enough....

I had NOTHING to do with Little Hawk's goat!

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 04:47 PM

Maybe not Cluin, but you did say you had dibbs this weekend!

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: number 6
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 05:49 PM

Would anyone care to join me in a nice bowl of porridge?

I'm sorry, but I don't have any brown sugar or jam to put inot it.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 05:52 PM

What a lovely idea. I had some this morning as a matter of fact. No sugar, no syrup, no jam...just porridge and rice milk. How inoffensive can you get?

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 08:01 PM

the trouble with small talk, it's never quite small enough....

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Azizi
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 08:13 PM

"peace would spontaneously break out everywhere".

-Peace, I ain't no doctor or nurse, but I've heard that camomile lotion's good for that.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 09:01 PM

the trouble with small talk, it's never quite small enough...

the trouble with small talk, it's never quite small enough...

the trouble with small talk, it's never quite small enough...

the trouble with small talk, it's never quite small enough...

the trouble with small talk, it's never quite small enough...

By George! He's right! No matter how hard I try I can't make it any smaller!

I can make it fainter.

the trouble with small talk, it's never quite small enough...

But not smaller.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 09:03 PM

But the weekend hadn't gotten here yet.

Dibbs phoned. She can't make it. So forget what I said.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Peace
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 02:56 AM

"Would anyone care to join me in a nice bowl of porridge?"

Is it OK to wear a bathing suit?

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: GUEST,Anger Management Inductee
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 05:37 AM

Bland is my dream, my future and my past. But my present is evil.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:21 AM

if you know you're doing it, I don't think it counts.

all these guys like Ted Bundy and the Yorkshire Ripper and Hitler - I think they probably were doing what felt right for them.

it's maybe hormonal imbalance or something.

with me it's songs that no one else would write. probably no one should write. recently after a gig, someone said, Al - how COULD you write something like that, it's like whipping out your cock at the dining table!

I suppose the thing is to have a beige cock.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: GUEST,Gloria Ironbox
Date: 01 Mar 08 - 03:02 AM

Many an offensive thing has been done with a beige cock.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Mar 08 - 11:54 AM

Thank goodness no one is trying to be blond and inoffensive! We philosophers would characterize that as a category error.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Mar 08 - 11:55 AM

It's simply a case of the bland leading the bland, Bill.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Mar 08 - 11:55 AM

Oh my....I may have offended at least one blond there! There may BE one who knows what a category error is.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: GUEST,Shimrod
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:47 AM

The meek shall inherit the Earth!

And when we do, us meekies are going to kick the living sh*t out of the rest of you!

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Gurney
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 08:11 PM

Wilfred, I insist that you immediately purchase Les Barkers' CD 'Arovertherapy' and listen to item 6 'Blessed are the Meek' because it was written for YOU.   

Sales Department.

Shimrod, you do it, too, matey boy, or else they'll do it to you, first.



That is the first Haiku I ever wrote, knowingly.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Janie
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 10:05 PM

That is ok, my dear Bill D. We blondes are much too bland to be offended by 'blonde' jokes. We don't get mad at all. We just get even.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: GUEST,Bud Buh
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 01:35 AM

i have lurked at the Mudcat for many years and until now i have never had the nerve to post anything. This topic hits a warm button with me though and i feel impelled to say something. i am the kind of person who has the ability to become invisible when i eat at a restaurant. i can sit for an hour and no one will wait on me. Anyone who is with me also becomes invisible, so i usually eat alone. At restaurants, anyway. Thanks for listening.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 10:28 AM

Lambs of mercy gracious sakes, what a splendid thread.

Thank you for the infromation on how to place new sod on the lawn.
The tip about putting the green side up made all the difference.

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 12:12 PM

Janie...you get even by sending us to links that don't work? *grin*

..(and guess who I was thinking of when I felt compelled to add that "at least one" blond reference...)

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 01:02 PM

That link does work, Bill, but it has a subroutine that blocks utter doofuses. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 01:20 PM

'Utter doofuses'

That was really neither bland nor inoffensive, LH, no offense. (Mightn't it be 'doofusses?)

Subject: RE: BS: The right to be bland and inoffensive
From: Janie
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 09:58 PM

Oh dear, must we have another potentially conflictual - even - dare I say it -conflictuous, and therefore potentially offensive discussion regarding doofuss, doufuss, doofuse, doufuse, and the related terms dooflous, doofluss, doofloovious, and dofussisity?

Oh dear, what have I done? Please allow me to withdraw my comments. Sorry. Too much wine. Please just pretend I never spoke....in case my comments might offend, lead to conflict, or heated discussion, or....

whatever.

Sorry.

No, really.

I am truly sorry.

Honest.

Pretend I wasn't even here...just.... a fly on the wall....that's me....go on....nevermind....

Let's change the subject to goats and sheep, shall we?