 sj |
||
|
||
BS: Businessmen's Cliches...
|
|
|
Subject: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:31 PM Businessmen and salesmen have always played the old "let's try and impress the hell out of each other" game by mouthing certain idiotic phrases meant to convey an attitude... Amos had mentioned a couple of those phrases in another thread when he said: The flagpole line was part of the subculture of "Madison Avenue ad men" in grey flannel suits who typified and represented the conformist mindset of the 1950's. "Toss it around and see if it makes a salad" was another similar cliché of the era. Most of these ad men were commuters who road the New York, New Haven and Hartford railroad from Rye, Greenwich, Stamford, Westport, Wilton and similar communities in suburban New York and Connecticut." Okay, so we have: 1. "Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes" (duh!) 2. "Let's toss it around and see if it makes a salad" (double duh!) and this one... 3. "we need a guy who can take the ball and run with it" (gaaahh!) Does it make you feel queasy to hear them? I know it has that effect on me when I hear these phrases during a business discussion, and I hear them a lot! Got any more of these gems? Post 'em here. If you master 20 or more of these tough-guy-dipstick-in-a-$300-suit abortions of the English language you are probably all ready to fight your way to the top of the corporate world, maximize your returns, prioritize your key objectives, and kick ass in the boardroom. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:34 PM I made a little mistake with the italics codes there...but it hardly matters. Amos's quote ended with the word "Connecticut".\ [fixed, anyway] ..joeclone |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Ebbie Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:38 PM I've recounted this incident on another thread but I'll have to repeat it... I was at a meeting where the boss said: "I was kind of hoping someone here would pick up that ball and roll with it." I choked myself down but no one else seemed to have noted the image. All I could think of was pit pat pit ka-thunk, pit pat pit ka-thunk, pit pat pit ka-thunk... LOL |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:41 PM Ha! Ha! Ha! Omigod. Well, he was trying, right? Must've read the "road to success" manual a little too quickly. I suspect most people in such meetings hardly listen to what the other guy says, because they're so busy concentrating on the next thing they are going to say... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:45 PM Just thought of another one I hear all the time lately: "massage" Businessmen don't modify a report or a system or a prototype anymore. They don't update it. They don't improve it. They don't change it. They massage it! Unbelievable. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:58 PM "Grow", in the sense of "Grow a business." It's a business, not a friggin' Forsythia! Buildings, flowcharts and bank accounts are not grown! They're built, created, established but not grown. Yes, businesses grow, and businesspeople do things to promote the growth of businesses but nobody actually grows the damned things. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Gurney Date: 20 Feb 06 - 10:13 PM The term that lights my fuse is "At the coalface!" Oddly enough it is never used by miners (or once-miners like me), but by some salesman, who a days work would kill, to quote the song. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Amos Date: 20 Feb 06 - 10:17 PM Hahahaha! Great thread!! Don't forget how they have to initiate and finalize things. And integrate 'em in a way that won't be counter-productive even if it seems counter-intutiive compared to the game plan. It just looks that way to people who haven't prioritized in a team-sensitive manner in order to proceed on a going-forward basis. It wouldn't optimize the teamwork. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Amos Date: 20 Feb 06 - 10:19 PM ALso, at the end of the day, things may take on a different perspective, since they'll be closer to being finalized and wrapped up. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 20 Feb 06 - 10:26 PM And they have to incentivize their employees. When I was an employee, I didn't need to be incentivized. I thought that was what the paycheck was for. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Feb 06 - 10:27 PM By God, Amos, you are ON YOUR WAY to the top! Will you still associate with us ordinary Joes afterward? Gurney, I have never heard "at the coalface" used before. Very dramatic! I'll have to see if I can alert the lads in this neck of the woods to this very aggressive expression ASAP. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Feb 06 - 10:32 PM Maximal incentivization produces major compensatory progress in the primary developmental areas that need massaging the most. That's the bottom line. Money talks, bullshit walks, and pigs don't fly. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Feb 06 - 11:09 PM "bullshit baffles brains" - another favorite around here. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: frogprince Date: 20 Feb 06 - 11:27 PM Not really a business office line, more a patriotic thing: "What this country needs is more men with real two-fisted guts on their shoulders". |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Bert Date: 20 Feb 06 - 11:41 PM State of the Art. We're really excited about this. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Feb 06 - 11:45 PM Oh, yes! 2 perfect candidates, Bert. Moving to the nastier stuff, how about, "I was underwhelmed by his presentation. He keeps dropping the ball." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Feb 06 - 11:47 PM "You're playing with the big boys now." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: jonm Date: 21 Feb 06 - 09:40 AM The thing to remember about climbing the management ladder is that when you look down, all you see is brains and when you look up all you see is arseholes! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: mooman Date: 21 Feb 06 - 10:23 AM Let's take a helicopter view... Aaaarrrggghhh! Mr xyz, I'd like to talk about our offering... Why would I want to know about his church donations! Let's get this idea of the ground and see if it will fly... (a comatose state is creeping on...) I'd like us all to sing from the same hymnsheet please... (Uh ho, he's losing control of the meeting again!) Peace moo |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 21 Feb 06 - 01:02 PM Ha! 4 more good ones. God, it must be so cool to be a high-powered businessman and get to say these ultra-cool things to other businessmen in meetings! Mmmm-boy. Even cooler than being a cheerleader or getting on the next Survivor show... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: catspaw49 Date: 21 Feb 06 - 01:16 PM I ain't even going on this one.......15 years in sales, sales training and sales management and I know (and detest) them all. They are very tough to not use at times when they are in such common usage. So I try to "hold the line" and "maximize" the language. That's the real "bottom line" with me! Geeziz........... I did at times come up with a few of my own which I overused liberally. Probably best known among my reps was when they ask my opinion of something I would simply say, "Too early to tell." Then someone would ask if I was bothered by it being too early to tell and I'd respond, "Too late to care." Selling is a game of the moment. Not related exactly but I love it when one phrase gets used in a way you're not used to hearing it. Watching Curling the other day, an announcer said the Skip delivered "the high, hard, one." Karen and I both looked at each other and cracked up. Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 21 Feb 06 - 01:23 PM What were you selling, Spaw? Not refrigerators, I hope... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: WFDU - Ron Olesko Date: 21 Feb 06 - 01:30 PM "Let me be truthful with you" or "To tell you the truth" - what, have you been telling me lies before this??? Not exactly a business cliche, but I hear it too often in the office. "Give me your elevator speech" - meaning, I want a very quick and condensed synopsis of what you are trying to do. "Turn a negative into a positive" - okay, you fucked it up - now fix it. "make some lemonade from these lemons" - see above "this dog won't hunt" - this cliche is a good reason for not hiring management from below the Mason Dixon line. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: WFDU - Ron Olesko Date: 21 Feb 06 - 01:34 PM ooo... I remember another one from my ex-boss. "It would be easier to nail jello to the wall" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: WFDU - Ron Olesko Date: 21 Feb 06 - 01:37 PM another one.... "let's take that discussion offline". |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 21 Feb 06 - 01:43 PM Lovely. I note that Bobert has long been infected with the "that dog won't hunt" line. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Donuel Date: 21 Feb 06 - 02:05 PM Lookout here comes the corporate motivational posters that have a water view and a trite terse power phrase that is suppose to typify achievment despite any costs. gaaaaak I have long thought of doing a parody on those. "Only the good fry young" ( pic of a McDonalds grill employee) "Power is Justice" (pic of police sent away from ranch by secret service.) "Dedication" (Sailboats and beach with Abramoff like character in a black hat and bathing suit). |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Morticia Date: 21 Feb 06 - 03:11 PM My two all time favourites were used, I want you to note, with completely straight faces.......'Future proofing' ( so where do you keep your crystal balls then, big man?) and ' I think we need to cascade this information up'.....wtf? Can you cascade up? Does, in your repertoire of idiocy, banality and back stabbing, also come the ability to reverse gravity? I should note thatmy face, on the other hand, could not maintain anything resembling straightness and that's why I don't work there anymore. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 21 Feb 06 - 04:05 PM I know where I'd like to cascade it up.... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 21 Feb 06 - 07:13 PM 'We're all one big happy team here'... yeah... like f**k! How many of your big happy team are a) on your wage, b) on the fiddle c) on anti-depressants or c) on their last warning? LTS |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Bert Date: 21 Feb 06 - 07:18 PM Good one Squeaks. The guy sitteng next to you, is also stealing your work and passing it off as his own. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 21 Feb 06 - 07:18 PM Then there's the seagull - the new employee who is hired specifically to fire people so that no-one in charge can be blamed or feel bad about it. Basically, the seaguller flies in, eats all the food, shags all the opposite sex, craps over everything and flies out. LTS |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 21 Feb 06 - 07:20 PM Ta Bert - trouble is, the 'guy' next to me is on a higher dose of meds than I am and talks to herself for most of the afternoon. LTS |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Bobert Date: 21 Feb 06 - 08:02 PM Well, my dad came up in the Dale Carneigie erra and ended up teaching the stuff so I had to listen to this crap from an early age... Most of the things that have been mentioned allready were staple in our home but my dad always wanted to "close the deal" so he's use stuff like: "What's it going to take to get your business..." "When would like to have the ___________ delivered", which was said even before the guy said he wanted __________. Then along came my brother who was the master of all salesmen and he also was teaching sales training classes... The lines were "massaged" a little but the intent was the same and all aimed at getting to the "done deal"... BTW, I hate the term "done deal"... As for "that dog don't hunt", I got that one from my mom... Well, I've ruin it around a barn enought for now so lets just throw it up on the wall and see what sticks... Bobert |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 21 Feb 06 - 08:04 PM (groan) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: JohnInKansas Date: 22 Feb 06 - 07:21 AM The great efficiency expert Juran, somewhere back in that era when all this became popular, produced an "efficiency consultants handbook" of some 3200 pages that was widely circulated, and lots of people pretended to have studied it. I never found anyone who'd studied enough of it to recognize the half chapter he devoted to explaining: "What you tell them to do doesn't have to work." "You never listen to the people who have to do what you tell them to." "The ONLY PERSON you have to make believe it will work is the manager who hired you (the one who signs your paycheck)." Apparently he did understand how it all works. John |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: GUEST Date: 22 Feb 06 - 07:43 AM Actually I think there are a number of expressions that ought to be banned..my nominees are Level Playing Field At the end of the day Pre owned (read second hand) Rationalizing costs( Firing people) Outsourcing (union busting) Consolidating resources(making evryone but the higher up do two jobs for the price of one) And Esttate agents do have a language that is totally absurd...but that is probably another whole post. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Purple Foxx Date: 22 Feb 06 - 07:44 AM Don't know about other countries but in British politics & commerce the perfectly adequate word "Family" has been all but completely replaced by the Speechwriters phrase "Hard Working Families" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: GUEST Date: 22 Feb 06 - 07:56 AM In Canada the NDP (slightly leftish political party) Have spent the last thirty years being "outraged and appalled". hence my resistance to voting for them. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: catspaw49 Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:32 AM Bobert, if they were both salesmen then I'm sure you had your fill of the ultimate closer called the "Sharp Angle Hook"----- "If I can, will you?" ..........as in, "If I can get it for you in purple with pink and chartreuse stripes, will you take delivery on Tuesday....or would Monday be better?" Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: GUEST,DB Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:54 AM I used to work, in the UK, for a big American company. Every 5 minutes a Senior Vice President would be stabbed in the back and his successor would be obliged to do a World Tour, taking in the UK. Prior to the arrival of this person he would always be described as a "Nice Guy" and, of course, we were encouraged to address him by his Christian name as in: "Tod's the new VP of baby killing/pussy cat strangling/widow smothering - he's a really nice guy!" When Tod finally arrived he was just as big an arse-hole as the rest of them, and could probably have given Genghis ("he's a really nice guy!")Khan lessons in human head pyramid building. Other management cliches that I detest are: 'proactive', 'team-work' and 'new-ways-of-working'. The latter means: "throw out everything that works and replace it with bullshit". |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: David C. Carter Date: 22 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM Asked about the whereabouts of an opposition poltician,the answer was:"He's going round the country,drumming up indifference". "I'm talking,chintz,lilac,satin,azure blues,late 60s,y'know" French:C'est "attitude",c'est "rock'n'roll",re-looky,"c'est "tendance".... A Brittish band-The Balham Alligators,put out an album entitled: "Life In The Bycycle Lane" D |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: GUEST,catsPHiddle@work Date: 22 Feb 06 - 11:55 AM All this talk about team work....I was in a meeting today where the phrase "there is no I in team" was used by one of the managers....I thought quietly, and hopefully didn't vocalise this too loud but will find out in my appraisal on the 7th March..."there's no F in team either" Another one of my pet hates is "let's touch base"...touch what exactly??.. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Donuel Date: 22 Feb 06 - 12:28 PM Any "mission statement" with more than 7 words. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Bill D Date: 22 Feb 06 - 12:43 PM tired of ALL the 'verbing' of nouns! "My staff has surfaced a lot on information on this matter." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Little Hawk Date: 22 Feb 06 - 01:46 PM Ah, the glorious drek rolls on... Just think, folks, if we could only have mastered all this jargon by the age of 23, why, we'd be among the movers and shakers today, the big boys, closing the big deals, joining exclusive clubs like Skull & Bones... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 22 Feb 06 - 06:34 PM Donuel, does the number 7 count as a word? :-) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Bill D Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:46 PM Just in case you missed it when someone else posted it!!! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Bert Date: 22 Feb 06 - 10:17 PM Let's do lunch. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Hrothgar Date: 23 Feb 06 - 05:54 AM I was being interviewed for a job once by a young, yuppie-looking individual. His mobile phone rang during the interview (a really bad faux pas in my book, but I needed a job). As part of the conversation he said to the party on the other end, "What time is it at ths point in time?' I think my opinion showed on my face. The interview never reached any great heights after that. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: GUEST,Pete. Date: 23 Feb 06 - 06:25 AM Unless I've missed it, no-one has mentioned Bullshit Bingo. I only have it on an old fashioned piece of paper(sooo twentieth century) but I'm sure a search will find it on the web. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Tootler Date: 23 Feb 06 - 08:45 PM I used to have this on my office wall until I retired last year. Just combine one word from each column to generate a meaningless jargon phrase. Some of the words may be a little dated, but I am sure you can think of suitable replacements.
By the way,don't forget to "touch base" occasionally :-) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: Bert Date: 23 Feb 06 - 10:21 PM Hrothgar, how did you manage to keep a straight face? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Businessmen's Cliches... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 24 Feb 06 - 02:39 AM Hey! you touch my base again and I'll... |
