BS: Want to win some chess for a change?

Subject: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 05:10 PM

Chess is a demanding game. It requires total concentration...unless you are playing against an incompetent opponent. Well, I have found one. Michael, the character from the comic "For Better Or For Worse" (an excellent comic, by the way) is a seriously incompetent opponent. He knows the basics, sort of, but he makes incredible errors, like throwing his queen away by willingly exchanging her for a knight or a bishop.

I've beaten Michael about 50 times now. It gets boring, but it's more enjoyable than the miserable experience of being ground down and beaten 500 times in a row by a really good chess program or player.

So if you want some light chess entertainment, go to the "For Better or for Worse" website and play chess against Michael.

Chess with Michael

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: gnu
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 05:32 PM

Milfred was my most challenging opponent... my only opponent really. We started playing chess against each other in grade six. We played constantly, throughout the years, even when thousands of miles apart. No matter where life took us. He beat me routinely, except on the odd occasion, until about two years ago. He shot himself... out of the blue. No explanation, from anyone. My board remains frozen, in his memory. And I had him! SOB! I know he is laughing about it, too. He loved to laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 05:48 PM

Hmmm.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Amos
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 06:27 PM

But this Michael program is really goofus -- I am a rank amateur at chess, and I beat him in about ten moves!! Big L, man!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 06:30 PM

He misses moves and screws up the ones he does take. Don't play it too often or the quality of your game will drop.

However, another approach would be to try to LOSE. I'll give it a shot later. Be a hoot I think.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 06:36 PM

I have tried starting games by playing very passively or carelessly. Got in serious trouble a couple of times, even lost my queen, and STILL managed to turn it around by getting serious and playing to win. This may just be the worst chess program ever.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 06:38 PM

I don't think it's possible to lose. Try it.

The game had the option to take a piece or allow me to fork the Queen and Rook. The Queen moved to where taking the Rook would allow a fork of the King and Queen. No more wins for this kid. Try losing and take it seriously. Lemme know what happens.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 06:40 PM

Okay....

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 06:46 PM

I think you're right. It's virtually impossible to lose to this opponent. Very strange.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 06:50 PM

I tried playing against a real chess program. The friggin' thing never made a mistake, of course. Neither did I, at least not anything obvious. We exchanged evenly as time went by, losing most of our fighting pieces. The upshot of the game was I had a rook and a king and one pawn left, the other side had a rook and a king and 4 pawns, and I was clearly heading for eventual defeat when one of those pawns advanced. It wore me out on the pawns.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 07:19 PM

I'm a lousy chess player and I even won.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 09:03 PM

Okay, I decided to simply play suicidally badly and see if it could checkmate me. I eventually ended up with a solitary king, facing a queen, 2 rooks, a bishop, a knight, a king, and several pawns. "Michael" could have checkmated me innumerable times, but seemed unable to summon up the determination to do so, preferring to advance pawns and queen them. Many, many moves later I was facing 4 queens (!), 2 rooks, a bishop, a knight, and a king with just one king. Still no checkmate.

His rooks for some reason were content not to bother joining the battle at all, when they could have nailed me in one or two moves. His knight also seemed to have decided to just sit and rest for awhile. The bishop and two of the queens made halfhearted and uncoordinated attempts to harass me.

I finally ended up in a situation where I was not in check, but couldn't go anywhere without getting into check.

Stalemate!!!!

I guess it IS impossible to lose to this chess program. Un-f*cking-believable.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 09:14 PM

Yep. Worse I did was "Stalemate". I don't think the bot knows HOW to checkmate.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 09:20 PM

Strange, isn't it? Someone should let them know about it. Michael doesn't deserve to be embarrassed this way.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 09:20 PM

Playing to lose spectacularly.... stalemate in 23 moves.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 09:22 PM

I think we should go for a different objective here: see who can checkmate "Michael" in the least number of moves.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 09:22 PM

But I watched it pass on at least three chances for a checkmate on me. I was waiting for it to make those single moves and it didn't each time.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 09:23 PM

Yeah, same here.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 10:31 PM

Well, I got him in 4 moves...the classic "fool's mate". I don't expect there's any way to do it quicker than that.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 10:41 PM

I couldn't get him to fall for that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: kendall
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 09:09 AM

It wouldn't let me castle.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: GUEST,TIA
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 09:46 AM

Yup, he's incapable of a checkmate. Best (worst) I could do was force a stalemate in 32 moves.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 10:11 AM

You can castle when you click the king and move it two to either left or right. The rook will move then automatically.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 10:23 AM

I just got it to checkmate me. Give away all your pieces and eventually you get caught. Do not take any pieces you don't have to--and there are few of them. It will take pieces when it has the chance. Does anyone know where there's a good bridge game on the 'net?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 10:24 AM

Or, in a pinch, Hearts?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 11:49 AM

It will always castle on the short side, but sometimes refuses to on the long side for some reason.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 11:51 AM

Huh. I castled king side with no problem. Didn't try queen side. Thanks, LH.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: GUEST,TIA
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 02:17 PM

You are correct! I gave away all of my pieces, and he finally checkmated me. But I had to walk my king into a spot where he couldn't help it. He had all major pieces, plus three queens and six pawns.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 02:27 PM

That's what the USA would have had to do for Saddam to win the Iraq war...

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Cluin
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 05:11 PM

Are you on Windows XP, Peace?

If so, there should be an Internet Hearts game included on your computer.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 10:54 PM

No. On 2000.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Cluin
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 11:56 PM

My condolences.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Wolfgang
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 09:30 AM

Kendall,

your mistake most probably was to move the rook when intending to castle. Move the king two fields and you'll be able to castle.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: GUEST,TIA
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 02:59 PM

Poor guy falls for the fool's mate every time if you bring white bishop out first.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 03:01 PM

Yeah, it's pretty sad. I would not have believed a chess program could be this weak, had I not seen it.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 05:27 PM

Why, yes! I'd love to win some cheese for a change. Some nice brie or smokey cheddar. A couple of pounds of pepper jack. Could you maybe throw in some hard salami or beef summer sausage? And some good crackers.

By the way, what's all this crap about checkmate and castling that people keep talking about on this thread? Somebody playing some kind of game? Screw games! Give me cheese!

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 05:46 PM

It messes up your digestive system, Bee-dub.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 05:56 PM

I had a king against four pawns, two rooks, two knights and a queen. I made a mistake, didn't lose. Got a stalemate. I don't doubt this game is some sort of Russian trick to diminish the quality of chess in North America.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 06:13 PM

You're accusing a beloved Canadian cartoonist and a champion of just regular folks everywhere of being the agent for a Russian chess plot????

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 06:16 PM

Oooops.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 08:11 PM

I love cheese, especially on cracklin toast.

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: autolycus
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 07:10 PM

Bee-dubya-ell, if you have too much cheese and have to rush to the loo, that's check(to what you were doing) , mate. And castling is when you're at a picnic and you swap any other cheese for roqueFORT.

Mate.

Oh sorry, mate means the end of the picnic,mate.

Cheeeez !

Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Peace
Date: 02 Mar 06 - 07:24 PM

Is there anything that can constipate the sh#t outta ya?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Cluin
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 12:55 AM

I tried losing spectacularly and I just got checkmated by Michael in 7 moves! Gotta be a record.

1. h2 h4   e7 e5
2. f2 f4   e5 f4
3. g2 g3   f4 g3
4. h1 h2   g3 h2
5. a2 a4   h2 g1
6. e2 e4   d8 h4
7. e1 e2   h4 e4

Checkmate!

Maybe he's getting smarter?

Subject: RE: BS: Want to win some chess for a change?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Mar 06 - 12:57 AM

Holy mackerel. That's incredible.