BS: Nipples

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: GUEST,Gez
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 09:54 PM

My wife has massive breasts and a slim figure. If she could afford a reduction operation she would have it in the morning. She finds men talk to them not her, women bitch and cling on tight to their husbands or boyfriends in her company. We have heard all the jokes and the shouts on the street from guys. In the workplace she is an object to the guys to dare eachother. It's not the dream you think guys. Beach holidays are a nightmare.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 09:56 PM

Do I entirely misunderstand the way you Brits use decimals in your monetary system, or did Skipy drop a decimal point in his calculations?

He says that his total expense for fuel and parking was "£23-00", which I take to mean "twenty-three pounds". And he says that as a result of that expenditure he sighted forty nipples, at an average cost per nipple of "£05.75", which I take to mean "five pounds and seventy-five of whatever you Brits call your pocket change nowadays". Well, twenty-three divided by forty is not 5.75! It's only .575, which means that Skipy's viewing cost per nipple is only slightly over a half-pound. A bargain!

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: GUEST,Al
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 10:28 PM

Wow, you guys are milking this for all it's worth.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Ron Davies
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 10:49 PM

Wolfgang--


That looks like a fantastic song--do you have to be a "member" of that site to download it? Free, but only to members? It appears so. I may well do it. It actually is similar, on a different topic-- to McGrath's wonderful "Marmite's with the Gravy" song.

Why don't you come to the Getaway and sing the "Nippel" song?

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Joe Offer
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 11:27 PM

In high school I had an English teacher who spent hours discussion how everyone who got killed in the Iliad, got stabbed in the left nipple. I've been rather unaeasy about nipples ever since....

The same guy showed us slides of his trip to Florence, and then stopped at the picture of Michelangelo's David and spent a long time discussing whether or not David was circumcized.

These two images have stayed with me all these years. Was I warped by this English teacher (or did I get warped all by myself)????


Waitaminit.......what's this "nippel" song, Ron - and why didn't Wolfgang post it?


-Joe-


Songtext: Mike Krüger - Der Nippel
   Aus dem Album: nicht angegeben [Album hinzufügen]

Diesen Song gratis und legal downloaden

Ich konnte gerade lesen, da kam ich auch schon drauf,
fast alles ist heut eingepackt,
man kriegt es sehr schlecht auf.
Jetzt steh ich hier am Würstchenstand,
und schwitze, weil ich kämpf
mit einer kleinen Tube: drin ist Senf.
Und drauf steht:

Sie müssen nur den Nippel durch die Lasche zieh'n,
und mit der kleinen Kurbel ganz nach oben dreh'n;
da erscheint sofort ein Pfeil,
und da drücken sie dann drauf,
und schon geht die Tube auf!

Aber erst den Nippel durch die Lasche zieh'n,
und mit der kleinen Kurbel ganz nach oben dreh'n;
da erscheint sofort ein Pfeil,
und da drücken sie dann drauf,
und schon ist die Tube auf!


An `ner Autobahnraststätte da hatt ich großen Durst.
Es gab nur Automaten, doch das war mir ganz Wurst.
Ich drückte auf zwei Knöpfe, da war ich auch schon nass,
halb voll Cola und halb voll Bier vom Fass.
Kam 'ne rote Lampe raus, auf der stand:

Mensch, Sie müssen erst den Nippel durch die Lasche zieh'n,
und mit der kleinen Kurbel ganz nach oben dreh'n;
da erscheint sofort ein Pfeil,
und da drücken sie dann drauf,
und schon kommt da unten Kaffe raus.

Ich musste Mal ins Krankenhaus,
mein Blinddarm war defekt.
Die Narkose hat nicht so gewirckt,
da hab ich mich erschreckt.
"Mann, wie kriegen wir denn sie bloß auf?"
hat der Chefarzt mich gefragt.
"Nichts einfacher als das", hab ich gesacht.

Sie müssen nur den Nippel durch die Lasche zieh'n,
und mit der kleinen Kurbel ganz nach oben dreh'n;
da erscheint dann auch ein Pfeil,
und da drücken sie dann drauf,
mal sehen: da geht der Bauch schon auf.

Ich hatte mal 'ne Freundin - ich bin auch nur ein Mann -
doch leider trug sie 'nen BH,
man kam da sehr schlecht ran.
"Man Mädel, wie geht denn das? Ich komm da nicht mehr mit."
Sie sagte: "Komm, mein Jung, ich geb dir mal ´nen Tipp."

Du musst doch nur den Nippel durch die Lasche zieh'n,
und mit der kleinen Kurbel ganz nach oben dreh'n;
da erscheint dann auch ein Pfeil,
und da drückst du ganz leicht drauf,
und schon geht die Sache auf.

Ich flog mal so ein Flugzeug,
da fiel der Motor aus.
Zum Glück trug ich 'nen Fallschirm,
und kam auch ganz gut raus.
Draußen wollte ich ihn öffnen,
hab die Schnur schon in der Hand.
Voll Entsetzen las ich, was darauf stand:

Sie müssen erst den Nippel durch die Lasche zieh'n,
und mit der kleinen Kurbel ganz nach oben dreh'n;
da erscheint sofort ein Pfeil,
und da drücken sie dann drauf,
ich wollt es grade tun, da schlug ich auf.

Dass ich das nicht überlebt hab
wird jeder wohl verstehen.
Jetzt steh ich hier vorm Himmelstor,
kann keinen Menschen sehen.
"Komm, lasst mich rein, ihr Engels!"
Schrie ich, und tobte wild -
da sah ich an der Tür das goldne Schild.
und drauf stand:

Sie müssen erst den Nippel durch die Lasche zieh'n,
und mit der kleinen Kurbel ganz nach oben dreh'n;
da erscheint sofort ein Pfeil,
und da drücken sie dann drauf,
und schon ist die Himmelspforte auf.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Slag
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 02:51 AM

There I was with Kate, Jackson Hole (WY) just gazing at those Grand Tetons, thinking about plumbing and utter things. I needed to get two 3/4" nipples to fix things up. Our young 'un had just come down the Grosvent and was hungry. He cried and that is when I discovered nipple spotting. 'tit's true, we men look to those fountains of youth with great fondleness. Some of our earliest mammeries are attched to them.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: s&r
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 03:14 AM

Thanks to Wolfgang this should be above the line. For non German-speakers I attach a translation courtesy of Babelfish:

I could read straight, there came I drauf, nearly everything am packed up already heut, one kriegt it very badly up. Now stand I here at the small sausage conditions, and sweat, because I fight with a small tube: in it is mustard. And drauf stands: They must only the nipple by the latch zieh'n, and with the small crank completely upward dreh'n; there immediately an arrow appears, and there they press then drauf, and the tube already comes up! But only the nipple by the latch zieh'n, and with the small crank completely upward dreh'n; there immediately an arrow appears, and there they press then drauf, and already is the tube up! ` ner motorway restaurant hatt there on I large thirst. There were only automats, but that was me completely sausage. I pressed on two buttons, there was I already wet, half fully Cola and half full beer of the barrel. ' ne red lamp came raus, on which: Humans, you must only the nipple by the latch zieh'n, and with the small crank completely upward dreh'n; there immediately an arrow appears, and there they press then drauf, and there down Kaffe already comes raus. I had mark in the hospital, my blind intestine was defective. The Narkose gewirckt, there I frightened themselves not in such a way. "man, as wars we it bare up?" the chefarzt asked me. "nothing more simply than", I gesacht. They must only the nipple by the latch zieh'n, and with the small crank completely upward dreh'n; there then also an arrow appears, and there they press then drauf, times see: there the belly already comes up. I had times ' ne friend - I am also only one man - nevertheless unfortunately carried it ' nen BH, one came there very badly ran. "one girl, how that can be done? I do not come along there." She said: "come, my young, I geb you times ' nen tap." You must nevertheless only the nipple by the latch zieh'n, and with the small crank completely upward dreh'n; there then also an arrow appears, and there you press completely easily drauf, and the thing already comes up. I flew times such an airplane, there failed the engine. Fortunately I carried ' nen parachute, and came also completely well raus. Outside I wanted to open it, have the cord already in the hand. Fully a frightening I read, what on it: They must only the nipple by the latch zieh'n, and with the small crank completely upward dreh'n; there immediately an arrow appears, and there they press then drauf, I want it degrees to do, there impacted I. That I that did not survive everyone will probably understand. Now stand I vorm for sky gate, can no humans here see. "come, leave me pure, their angel!" I cried, and raved wildly - there I saw the goldne sign at the door. and drauf stood: They must only the nipple by the latch zieh'n, and with the small crank completely upward dreh'n; there immediately an arrow appears, and there they press then drauf, and already is the sky gate up.


Stu

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 03:14 AM

Is this thread supposed to make people titter?

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 04:01 AM

Or turn them into bosom buddies?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 04:05 AM

Bee-Dubya-Ell:

You're right to query Skipy's stats. I got stuck much earlier, with the first line:
Distance 84 miles each way, 164 miles.


CHEERS
Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 04:12 AM

In the interests of gender egalitarianism will anyone start a similar thread principally for female mudcatters?

Suppose a female mudcatter drove to Southend for a pot of winkles for tea (the edible kind of tea). What then?

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 04:24 AM

Of course, if he'd gone a bit further round to Swanage, he'd've seen many many more on the nudist beach there....

Gad, I miss Dorset....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: skipy
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 05:23 AM

Sorry, the 164 is a typo.
The cost per nipple is indeed just over 1/2 a £.
The question now posed is would I stand still for just over 8 mins. & pay a passing female 58p (rounded up) if she flopped one out for me.
Answer yes, yes, yes, yes..................maybe I need to be carrying a lot of loose change at Warwick this weekend!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 05:43 AM

Good trick.

Bet a girl £1/$1 you can make her tits move without touching them, then stand and stare at them, [good so far!]. Pretend to concentrate hard on them, wave your hands around like you're casting a spell, and then have a quick feel of her boobs. They are delighted [momentarily, till they realise they've been fooled] that they won the bet, and you are delighted too, 'cos £1/$1 is a cheap price to pay for a quick feel.
Giok

BTW, run like buggery after you've grabbed them!

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:07 AM

is it time for an election!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: webfolk
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:17 AM

did you say election?

rrrrrrrr

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: skipy
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:37 AM

SPECIAL FESTIVAL OFFER:-
I WILL LOOK AT 2 FOR A £ AT WARWICK FESTIVAL.
WILL ALSO DO BUY ONE SEE ONE FREE.
SKIPY
(read small print)
Bare in mind if you show me one, it may be the other one that I am prepared to pay for.
Bare is a pun.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: kendall
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 07:19 AM

The most beautiful form in all of nature, and we make fun of them?

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Rasener
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 09:35 AM

Sorry that was me as Guest thinking about elections :-)

Are men better at the breast stroke than women ?

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: GUEST,Bill Kennedy
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:15 AM

In American monetary terms, in junior high or earlier it was 'Can I have two nipples for a dime?' (nipples, nickels, two five cent pieces for a ten cent piece, and yeas if you have to explain it it isn't funny, but in junior many things seem funny that later we know just weren't!)

My favorite calendar, I give copies to dozens of my friends each year, is the simple lifestyle calendar made and sold by Appalachia-Science in the Public Interest, out of Mt. Vernon, Kentucky. If you had this calendar you will note that coming soon, the week of August 1-6 is National Breastfeeding Week. The following week, August 7-13 is National Smile Week! (the 13th is Lefthander's Day, by the way! and an early warning, Septermber 19th is National 0r should be International Talk Like a Pirate Day!, eegh, aargh!)

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:38 AM

You guys are making it so difficult.

Beautiful nipple.
[link removed, SRS's request] (as a bonus, Rome in the background). Those animated boobs look like they hurt, all of the bouncing around.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:49 AM

Out of that series (the artist used to have more of them online) [link removed, SRS's request] is also a very good one.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 12:27 PM

life is SO complicated!

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: frogprince
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 12:32 PM

SRS, I do hope that link was a misfire...

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 01:07 PM

I'm beginning to see the point of this thread!
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: gnu
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 01:54 PM

Yup... I think SRS's link(s) need some tweaking.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 02:16 PM

Yeah, that link has been hijacked and is redirecting. Same thing happened to me once. I've sent SRS a PM so she could ask Joe for its deletion. She must be having to do some real work today instead of play on the Mudcat...

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Cool Beans
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 02:35 PM

A song we sang as kids in the 1950s also addressed the issue of unit pricing:

Heigh ho, Heigh ho!
We're off to the burlesque show.
We pay two bits to see two tits.
Heigh ho, Heigh ho!
---
Two bits is 25 cents American. The 25 cents of the 1950s is probably worth $3 or $4 today. Even allowing for inflation, on a cost per unit basis it's stil less than Skipy is paying.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 02:39 PM

On a hot day doctors say we do not eat enough fruit. Me I like a nice Pair, pear.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 02:43 PM

Lots of "art" sites block direct links to individual images and sometimes to sub-pages, and send you to an index instead as a "traffic control" measure. That appears to be all that's happened to SRS's two links above.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: beardedbruce
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 03:05 PM

off-topic, but amusing...

http://www.thefreethings.com/linkdump/AmazingBreastFlexer/

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: fat B****rd
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 03:07 PM

Amazing breasts !!

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: beardedbruce
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 03:20 PM

"How sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 03:39 PM

Guest 2.39....

I've got a lovely pair of mangoes for half price today.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 04:47 PM

I've got a loverly bunch of coconuts!
G

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: GUEST,Frug
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:09 PM

Lets nip this in the bud and accept that its all gone tits up !!
Frank

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:16 PM

So you're blowing the hooter on it then?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:24 PM

Feet? What feet?

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: webfolk
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:26 PM

See Nipples and die!!!

Geoff

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:50 PM

Okay, I sent a post and another and another post (not all intentional) to the help forum to fix that.

Goddamned porn stuff--it mangles the beauty of erotica when that happens. I think my Symantec wasn't letting the redirect through so I wasn't aware of it. I notice that since I went back to Symantec I also don't have to view the ad page that loads before the local tv channel's weather information comes up as well. I was experimenting with the software Earthlink provides, and it let it all through, so I canned it. That would have probably allowed me to see the redirect (unhappily!)

You get what you pay for. The Earthlink stuff was free to subscribers.

Now back to the regularly scheduled nonsense. . .

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Ron Davies
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:25 PM

I got Kevin's song wrong--actually" The Bovril's with the Gravy but the Marmite's with the Jam". As I said, there are similarities between Wolfgang's Nippel song and Kevin's song--though not in subject.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Slag
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 01:29 AM

This thread is beginning to suck.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 03:03 AM

SRS, very artistic I grant you but those weren't nipples, they were goosebumps.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 08:02 AM

One of those days in Old England - hot weather all day, even hotter in the evening, had a few beers, fell asleep in front of the TV earlier than usual. Woke at 8 o'clock, to wife telling me I'd missed Sarah in 'Coronation Street' in tight t-shirt and no bra! Watched every episode since in hope of a repeat performance. No luck; brain turning to mush, however.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:29 PM

George, she was lying down. That makes a difference to the size of the breast, but this thread is about nipples. I don't think anyone here is interested in breasts, are they?








I'll get my hat on the way out. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Slag
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:31 PM

Now wouldn't a nipple look ridiculous hanging off some lass's forehead?

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:49 PM

I like big aureolae too.
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:55 PM

Big? as in wide...or the 'puffy' ones? There are categories in these things! How can we debate generalizations? You may not be asked to run for Titular head of the Temple of the Golden Globes.

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:57 PM

Best ones I found was on "ask jolene"

Subject: RE: BS: Nipples
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:58 PM

50 pairs of nipples.
G