BS: Good excuses for refusing sex

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: *daylia*
Date: 12 Aug 06 - 12:19 PM

Who needs an excuse? "No" works okay, and if anyone needs or wants more info than that a simple "Sorry, not interested" is more than enough.   

Unless you're married, of course. In which case if the "not interested" lasts longer than 20 years (and the "still interested" is still interested) counselling is probably a good idea.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,jaybird
Date: 12 Aug 06 - 11:59 AM

Why do you ask?

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 06 - 11:54 AM

How happy are jaybirds?

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Aug 06 - 06:24 AM

I got married.. no excuse needed.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 12 Aug 06 - 02:16 AM

I suspect the answers to this one are many and diverse.

I'm sorry if my comments messed up your holiday. who knows - perhaps you would have both had a nice time without sex - people do, after all. Look at all those nuns - happy as jaybirds!

I think you must have been worried though, to bring the problem here, to this rather impersonal forum.

its funny we all need a really good friend to talk to, when this goes wrong in our lives. and so very few friends have this shot in their locker - this ability to talk in a sensible, friendly supportive way about this subject. even those awful tv programmes like Jeremy Kyle show how desperate people are to talk about this subject. Even Kyle harranguing them in his dumb judgemental way, is preferable to the sterile vacuum of their own thoughts on the subject.

being concerned about the problem is at least a start to sorting it out. when I have a medical problem, I find its worth reading a bit about it - the library and the internet. family doctors are usually a bit useless in explaining your predicament and its implications - they just haven't got the time. one thing's certain all these nasty tricks that our body plays on us, have all been encountered before and someone has written about it, and often has worked out an answer that works for them, and it might work for you.

all the best.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Slag
Date: 12 Aug 06 - 01:47 AM

Sex? No marriage should be without it.
Why screw up a good relationship?
Sex? I think I remember that.
"Sex? I did that once." quoth Bobby Fischer
Or how about, "Darling I love you so that it goes beyhond the bounds of mere mortal flesh. You are a goddess to me (or god) and I cannot defile such a spiritual relationship. Etc."
Or here's the best one I know: "NO."

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 12:59 PM

There is NO flippin' good excuse for refusin' sex!

And beleeve me I heard plenty.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 12:38 PM

I did suggest taking and/or using drugs, and no apologies are offered, despite the Guest who would dismiss such recommendations. In this day and age it isn't unreasonable to explore the emotional and chemical reasons for a change in attitudes toward something so basic and pleasureable as sex, with or without a partner.

Sounds like the fellow traveler wasn't a fellow traveler after all, and his backing out of the trip and the relationship gives you a great deal of information about him. I'd say "good riddance."

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,Bee
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 12:27 PM

Guest, too old: I never said you should be interested in sex or take medication (which I did NOT suggest). My comments were meant to be useful if you missed your own sexuality. And if well meant suggestions make you mad, perhaps you shouldn't ask such questions.

Apparently you don't. Books are fine, and so are friends.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,too old etc
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 11:56 AM

Good friends are in plentiful supply as are good books

thanks

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Paul Burke
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 11:44 AM

Sounds like it was the ashes of a burnt out relationship anyway. Stick to friends!

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,Why should I
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 11:42 AM

Makes me mad when people say other people should be interest in sex when they are not.
And that they should start taking drugs.
Nothing wrong with a good book.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,Bee
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 11:37 AM

You'll likely find your interest returning after menopause has settled in for the long term, and in spite of the medication. In the mean time, certainly you should explain your feelings to him before the trip. For your own well-being, however, may I suggest that the saying 'use it or lose it' applies, as menopause does not eliminate your entire hormonal output, and stimulation encourages healthy glands, as it were. In fact, it is thought the effects of testosterone (which women do produce in small amounts) are 'unmasked' to some extent when estrogen production slows down, and that, my dears, is A Good Thing, and doubtless is Why We Have Cougars.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,too old etc
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 11:33 AM

weelittledrummer - your right, spoke to him this morning, he has decided to cancel the holiday - so problem sorted. He has also decided to cancel the relationship. Ah well.........thats life.

STR going onto to amazon to check out that book.

Thanks everyone.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 10:45 AM

You can get an Rx for compounded topical creams from your doctor that might assist with problems of menopause without boosting the breast cancer risk. And there are a number of good herbal treatments. Check Christian Northrup's books--I used her Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom after cancer surgery and having to decide on a form of hormone replacement therapy. She has one about menopause that is more recent, and if it is anything like her earlier book, you'll find she has good discussion and appendices with useful information.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 07:45 AM

I think the place for a frank discussion is with frank himself in this case.

you know the relationship and what it will bear,and what Frank needs, what you need - what sort of accomodation can be made.

we don't.

one thing sure as hell, it isn't very fair to save it for a holiday surprise.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,too old etc
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 03:45 AM

I think a frank discussion before the holiday is best. The medication is for high blood pressure - apparently I'm on it for life.

I'm also in the throws of the menopause which is great fun..not. Can't take hormones cos of breast cancer in the family.
I used to like sex, but now would rather read a book or go for a walk.

I'm not depressed, infact I'm quite a jolly person (so I've been told)
Thanks for your ideas, honesty seems the best thing for this situation.

If he does read this thread I hope he understands that I don't want to upset him, but I don't think he would recognise me.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 03:43 AM

but you enjoy yourself so much more on your own.....

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Barry Finn
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 02:54 AM

old person #1`Honey why don't we go upstairs & bump uglies!

olp person #2 We can go upstairs or we can do the nasty but I can't do both.


So what if you took the viargia, it says see a doctor if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours, not me.

Barry

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,DtG sans cookie coz he is on son #3s puter
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:41 PM

I am an anorexic lesbian. I fancy women and everytime I look in a mirror I see a fat person...

Off to bed now. Ernst and Julio have had their toll.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:34 PM

I think I am a lesbian. (thats me not her)
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:19 PM

We must have been to the same festivals!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Jeri
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:14 PM

Just be honest, if for no other reason than it prevents the stress of having to keep covering up for the lie. Other reasons include showing respect to this person, and showing respect for yourself for refusing to feel guilty.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:13 PM

Dunno - Dave Polshaw, Swinton Folk Club. Called Dave the Gnome coz I am so tall and handsome..;-)

Used to have piccies on the Swinton Folk Club site but they seem to have dissappeared.

Why? Is that a come on..?

:D (tG)

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:08 PM

Dtg, give me clues- do I know you?
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:07 PM

We need to get a life!

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:07 PM

Dtg - looking that way!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:06 PM

We need to book a b&b for xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:05 PM

skipy? Have you bugged my bedroom?

:D (tG)

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:05 PM

We have to get the plastic glasses out of the attic

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:04 PM

We have to sort out the raffle prizes

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:04 PM

We have to sort out the 4th bedroom for the artists

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:03 PM

We have have to write a programme

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:03 PM

We have to make some posters

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: skipy
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 07:02 PM

We have to number these tickets!

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 04:42 PM

"I have herpes."

"I'm HIV+."

"I have AIDS."

* "I'm gay."

* to be used only in heterosexual situations

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 04:32 PM

Politics Alert!!

Sometime in fall of 1945, George H. W. Bush said to Barbara, "Let's have an early night tonight, honey. I'm feeling a bit frisky."   

That would have been an auspicious time for Barbara to have had a headache.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 04:04 PM

If you are serious, PM me...

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 03:00 PM

May I suggest as an excuse on 31 August 2006 during the hours of 7pm and 11pm.............

Keep-it-CASH @ "music exchange" hosted by harriWatts band

Europes leading Johnny Cash tribute BAND. Recently featured on BBC TV and radio, the band was chosen by 20th Century Fox to perform at the European launch of the "Walk The Line" DVD.

Keep-it-CASH website

Date: Thursday 31 August
Venue: Dorchester Hotel, Beverley Road, Hull, HU5 2TH
Tickets: In advance £8 at the door "including food" (concessions apply)
Doors open 7.15pm, food is served 7.30pm til 8.30pm, live music 8.30pm - 11.00pm - PLEASE NOTE NEW TIMES

Tickets are available in advance - call Dorchester Hotel 01482 343276, PM Sttaw Legend or call Dave Watts on 07980 282266.
Alternatively email [e-mail].

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Kaleea
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 02:36 PM

Darling, I'd love to, but I've just come down with the most horrid case of lice in the most serious location and, lord love a duck, the Dr. says it will take at least a couple of weeks for the little buggars to go away. What say we get twin beds, eh dearie?

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 02:28 PM

Be honest. "It's not going to happen. How about a friendly cuddle and a good night's sleep?"
Or arrange separate beds and let him/her know ahead of time and WHY. A friend will understand.
How about oral sex? Just a thought, not an offer.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 02:12 PM

I agree with BillD and a couple of the others--if your meds are part of the problem, then you need to discuss that with your doctor, the sooner the better. And you need to resolve the sleeping question before you two are in bed. Make other arrangements if sleeping together is going to be a hardship (pun intended!) for him or you.

If this is one of those complicated trips where you travel and he's paying, then you really need to sort it out before the trip. Is being good company enough? I hope so.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,Willie Dewitt
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 01:13 PM

"I don't think we should, dear. I just had sex with the Green Bay Packers on the weekend...the whole team, I mean...and I'm a little worried that I might have caught something."

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 01:03 PM

I can understand the "not interested" feeling but according to my doc it's not normal and should be treated. If you were interested in this fella before your meds then "in my opinion" you should seek out some other meds to counteract the effect.

It's great exercise and reduces stress.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 12:45 PM

*grin*...the other interesting question is, does he read Mudcat?

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Elmer Fudd
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 12:40 PM

Remember Lysisitrata....

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 12:36 PM

Well, surprise.

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 12:28 PM

"I'm saving myself for marriage."

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 12:03 PM

"We do not live together and we see each other rarely"

well, that doesn't exactly answer the question, but it DOES indicate that he should not automatically 'expect' anthing. As I said, just make things CLEAR, or it will be more awkward trying to explain at a crucial moment.

(one wonders why the need to 'share a bed' in order to share a holiday)

Subject: RE: BS: Good excuses for refusing sex
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 11:55 AM

Thank you Clinton, as always so predictable