Open Letter to Min

Subject: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,The Shingles
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:38 AM

What are you doing with the great all-British leather telescope?

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:41 AM

Ah Mrs Bannister, didn't I see you on the stairs?

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,big dick
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:41 AM

hey shingles your days are numbered.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:56 AM

Hugh Jampton might pop into this one!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:56 AM

I think he just did!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 11:19 AM

Oh, this one's promising!
Going for an Eccles caake now.

Seamus

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: gnu
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 05:13 PM

Hehehehe... that's just nasty enough to make me chuckle. Good one!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: skipy
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 05:41 PM

"Letter to Loretta"
The Case of Mrs. Bannister (1955)
Skipy

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 05:45 PM

He opened the door in his pyjamas, I thought 'That's a funny place to put a door'
G.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,wordy
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 06:10 PM

I would leave this thread but the wick in the engine's gone out!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:16 PM

He's fallen in the war-ter!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 03:59 AM

Neddy - I tell you I'm as sane as the next man!
Eccles - little does he know, I'm the next man!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 04:02 AM

Can you see ahead Eccles?

Yup, a dirty great bald one!

A doomp a doomp a doomp, a doomp a di ☺

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: fat B****rd
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 05:35 AM

"Hold tight,MMMotoring Min. We're doing three miles an hour"
"OOOOOOOOOOOh, we'll al be murdered in our beds"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:04 AM

Nine miles I swam; the last three were hell. They were over land!!
Finally I woke up in a heap on the ground.
I've no idea who left it there!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:30 AM

Anyone seen Neddy Seagoon?

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Leadfingers
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:35 AM

It was a man with a military bearing , which he threw into the air and caught.
He emerged from the daekness and walked into the light.

               {CLANK}

                               "OOOW!"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:55 AM

How do you spell artillery, one L or two?
Two Ls.
To hell with you too, you rude person

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 07:23 AM

Prisoner in prisoner of war camp;
"Eccles, how's your german"
Reply from next cell;
"He's fine, how's yours?"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: fat B****rd
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 08:07 AM

Neddy "Eccles"
Eccles "Yah"
Neddy "When the guard comes in with our food, let him have it"
Bluebottle "An' what are we gonna eat ?"

This could go on for ever, and why not ??

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 08:33 AM

Why are the Germans holding their fire Eccles?

Perhaps they haven't got a fireplace!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:02 AM

"Bluebottle: What's the time Eccles?
Eccles: Just a minute, I've got it written down on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote it down for me. If anyone asks me the time, I show it to them.
Bluebottle: Let me see that paper. It is writted here that it is 8 o'clock. Here what happens if they ask you and it's not 8 o'clock.
Eccles: Then I don't show them the piece of paper!
Bluebottle: But how do you know if it's 8 o'clock?
Eccles: I've got it written down on this piece of paper!
Bluebottle: You should get one of those things my grandpa has. It tells the time, gets you up in the morning, makes you tea.
Eccles: Oh yes, what do you call that?
Bluebottle: My grandma!
Eccles: Here! How does she know what time it is?
Bluebottle: She's got it writted on a piece of paper!"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:04 AM

Eccles, "Why are you wearing that Wellington boot on your head?"
"Because it fits"

Then, all of a sudden, NOTHING HAPPENED!.
- But it happened suddenly!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:09 AM

Seagoon: Listen! Warning! Do not land at Croydon Airport because it's not there yet.

Bluebottle: Right oh then!

Seagoon: Now, what is your exact position?

Bluebottle: I'm lying on my side, with my knees drawn up, under my chin.

Seagoon: Why?

Bluebottle: I'm at home, in bed.

Seagoon: You fool, McChisle. You've got the wrong number!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 04:53 AM

[Neddy Seagoon]
I was dressed as a leopard, so cunning was my disguise that even my own Granny wouldn't have recognised me.

[Deep male voice]
Hello Neddy!

[Neddy Seagoon]
Hello Granny!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 07:57 AM

The blinds are drawn - they are not real!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 02:42 PM

Splat!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 02:46 PM

How do I open the door?

Turn the knob on your side.

But I haven't got a knob on my side!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 12:09 AM

Min, put the cat out,   why ?   it's on fire.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dead Horse
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 09:42 AM

Here Bluebottle, have a big fat red cigar with a wick on the end!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 10:01 AM

Take this evidence to the west of minster forensic laboratory, and get it forensicked!
G.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 12:35 PM

Now... have a gorilla.

No thanks – I only smoke baboons.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: open mike
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 12:45 PM

who's min?

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: bobad
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 01:26 PM

Opposite of max.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 03:05 AM

Mrs Crun, wife of Henry ?

eric

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: autolycus
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 05:21 AM

Seagoon: I arrived on Brighton beach.
   Suddenly,I saw someone sitting on a deckchair.
   "Eccles,what are you doing here?
   Eccles: I'm on holiday.
   Seagoon: Well,what's all this snow doing on the beach?
   Eccles: That's on holiday as well.




    Ivor

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 07:02 AM

Minnie is Minnie Bannister and she is friend and possibly consort to, Henry Crun.
G

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 07:27 AM

Avalanche!

No thanks, I've just had breakfast.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 11:46 AM

Consort? We'll have no such lewd allegations here!

'Companion of Honour' is the good lady's status sir!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dead Horse
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 12:19 PM

It is all in the esteemed Radio Times, produced by the Beeb Beeb Ceeb. and at only thruppence, dear listeners! Why, I would rather curl up with the Radio Times and have a good read by the fireside than listen to the wireless, indeed I would.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: autolycus
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 02:16 PM

Bluebottle.   Eccles,why aren't you wearing any clothes.

    Eccles.      I've just been to answer the 'phone.

    Bluebottle.   You don't have to take your clothes off to do that.

    Eccles.      Well, you learn something new every day.




    Ivor

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 30 Oct 06 - 09:10 AM

You want us to steal Napolean's piano? That'll be a sticky job!

Why?

It's just been varnished!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Oct 06 - 11:18 PM

Pull up a bollard!

No thanks, I've just put one out!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Gurney
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 12:36 AM

Where are you?

I'm hidin', in the piano!

Don't be silly. Haydn's been dead for years!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 02:38 AM

Here, sit on this photograph of a chair.

eric

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Michael
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 01:19 PM

"The floor was so cunningly laid that no matter where you stood it was beneath your feet"

'The curtains were drawn but the furniture was real"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: autolycus
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 04:33 PM

Seagoon: That's anice tie,Eccles.

E:       Yah,I got it in Cambridge.

S:       You were at Cambridge.

E:       Yer.

S:       What were you doing there.

E:       Buying a tie.




    Ivor

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,Allen in OZ
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 09:33 PM

Neddy: "Dear mother; she was like one of the family"

AD 1943

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 11:20 PM

Peter - Tell me, tell me, tell me Mister Man, tell me Mister Man can a woman with a wooden leg change a pound note?

Ken - Can a woman with a wooden leg change a pound note? Of course she can.

Peter - No she can't, you see she's only got 'Half a Nicker' ha ha!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 04:23 AM

I went to Eton you know
What were you doing there?
I was delivering the groceries
Why were you a greengrocer?
No, more a sort of dirty yellow colour

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Michael
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 12:49 PM

From, I think, the same source as autolycus's ;
Seagoon: Why do you keep that thermometer in a hot water bottle,Eccles?

Eccles: Because If I take it out it will drop below zero and we'll all freeze to death.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: fat B****rd
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 03:53 PM

Ned of Wales "Eccles, what are you doing here"
Eccles "Everybody's got to be somewhere"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 06:49 PM

Before you shoot me, just let me see the Old Country again!

What Old Country?

ANY Old Country!!!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Mr Fox
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 11:25 AM

"Spriggs, give that crocodile a tow!"
"What for, Jim? He's had three of mine already!"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Michael
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 02:20 PM

"Does this bus go past Brixham Jail?"
"Why do yo want to go past Brixham jail?"
"Well I certainly don't want to go in."

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,Allen in OZ
Date: 02 Nov 06 - 06:08 PM

Major Bloodknock to Colonel Chinstrap ( after a night of heavy drinking)

" I suppose by now Colonel, you're wondering why you called me in here "


Cheers

" Here's to the Old Country"

"What old country"?

" Any old country"

AD1943

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Paul Burke
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 03:27 AM

Please! Brixham is a rather pleasant little seaside resort in Devon. The jail is in Brixton, Sarf London, which isn't quite so pleasant for holidays.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 04:21 AM

Did the Constable swear the hoath?

Yessir!

Did the prisoner swear?

I never 'eard such language!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Michael
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 04:48 AM

Paul, very sorry I know that and should have done it right.
Don't know what came over me Min.

Mike

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,Allen in OZ
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 09:29 PM

Private Parts : " Sir: good news ! The relief column has arrived."

Colonel : " Thank God !   Send her in!"

Out here in the Colonies ( viz. Australia, New Zealand, South Africa etc) in the 1950s, the Goon Show was edited. The BBC removed all the risque comedy to protect our sensiblities.   Thank God Sir I hear you cry !

AD 1943

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 04:15 AM

Australian ! sensibilities ! surely an oxymoron.

eric

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 05:02 AM

I'll match your oxymoron, and raise you 2 phtaaaaangs!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 07:02 AM

"Out here in the Colonies ( viz. Australia, New Zealand, South Africa etc) in the 1950s, the Goon Show was edited. The BBC removed all the risque comedy to protect our sensiblities"

Fortunately, having led a very sheltered life - i.e. not having been in the ranks of the military - the posh upper (officer) class BBC censors let slip thru a lot of lines that they did recognise as being the punch lines of certain 'risque' jokes (very popular among the ranks - read "real people") - thus lines such as

"It's your turn in the the barrel"

made it thru...

:-)

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 07:05 AM

As did Hugh Jampton

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 07:18 AM

"Hugh Jampton"

Hampton Wick - rhyming slang for ...

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 07:26 AM

Shambles?

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 07:33 AM

Big D...

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Gurney
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 11:15 PM

Bloodnock, after the usual rumbustious intro: "Batman, take this suit back to the hire shop!"
Batman: "Yes sir. There is a deposit on it."
Bloodnock: "Don't worry, it will brush off."

I wonder if there are any puzzled Americans out there.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Nov 06 - 11:21 PM

Bloodnok: I vowed they would never take me alive, but in the end I made them come to me on my hands and knees!

Seagoon: How did you do that?

Bloodnok: I hid in a drain!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Mr Happy
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 09:19 AM

http://www.whirligig-tv.co.uk/radio/index.htm

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: fat B****rd
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 02:38 PM

The prisoner of war camp was full of English officers who had sworn to die rather than be captured.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 06:44 PM

Seagoon: Bloodnok, what are you doing in this goal cell?

Bloodnok: I've got an OBE and a packet of squid!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST, Allen in OZ
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 06:50 PM

To Eric the Red

"Australian sensibilities" may perhaps rank with "British morals" for oxymoronicness ! Nurse! The screens !

Last of the small "i" intellectuals. There is a saying out here in the colonies that nobody ever went broke underestimating the level of Australian intelligence

Best wishes to Modern Min fans

AD 1943

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 08:24 PM

"There is a saying out here in the colonies that nobody ever went broke underestimating the level of Australian intelligence"

I thought that was American...