BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends

Subject: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 01:26 PM

"I asked Mrs Nowak about the steel mallet and the BB gun. Mrs Nowak stated that the BB gun was going to be used to entice Ms Shipman to talk with her."

Who writes this stuff?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 01:29 PM

Mrs. Premise? Mrs. Conclusion?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: gnu
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 01:38 PM

What stuff?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 01:42 PM

Looks like spam filter decoy to me. Came in an email, did it?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 01:44 PM

See this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 01:59 PM

No No No. Very real modern astronaut stuff. Here

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: jeffp
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:00 PM

Looks like copspeak.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:09 PM

Mrs. Nowak is the US astronaut who was arrested for attempted kidnapping and, now, attempted murder.

More of the quote for context:

Detective William Becton interviewed Mrs Nowak at the airport. In the charging affidavit he states that Ms Nowak was involved in a relationship with Mr Oefelein, a father of two. "The relationship was categorised as more than a working relationship, but less than a romantic relationship. Mrs Nowak discovered that Mr Oefelein was also involved with Ms Shipman."

He adds in the document: "Mrs Novak stated that she was not trying to cause any bodily harm to Ms Shipman and that she only wanted to scare her into talking with her.

"I asked Mrs Nowak about the steel mallet and the BB gun. Mrs Nowak stated that the BB gun was going to be used to entice Ms Shipman to talk with her."

As to Heric's query about "Who writes this stuff?", I don't see where anybody wrote anything. It's a direct quote, straight out of the detctive's mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:12 PM

jeffp's right. It's copspeak.

You see these guys on the news and they talk like nobody else.

Who else says "attended at the residence" when they mean "went home"?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:12 PM

This has to be the strangest story I've heard about in a long time. And there's a Texas connection, all the better!

Anyone taking bets as to how long it takes to make it into a movie?

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Wesley S
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:18 PM

Starring Nicole Kidman?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:23 PM

Margot Kidder?

Anne Heche?

Angelina Jolie?

Julia Roberts?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:27 PM

A sparse account was on last night's Anchorage, Alaska news. Oefelein lives there, and this was his first space flight. I don't think he is married.

Alaska breeds some odd ducks, though. A few years back a woman I knew casually hid in a closet of her married former lover and when he and his wife returned home she shot and killed him. She wounded the wife before she turned the pistol on herself.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Don Firth
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:38 PM

Methinks the lady is a bit spaced-out. . . .

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 02:44 PM

ho ho

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 03:02 PM

She's love-crazed, but there is no sign she was homicidal. Dunno why she dumped pepper spray on her rival, though.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: RangerSteve
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 03:12 PM

She drove 900 miles and wore Depends so she wouldn't have to go to the bathroom. I wonder why I never thought of that when I drive long distances? Wait, I do know. I prefer to keep my self-respect.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 03:14 PM

BEsides, you can use pop bottles like the big truckers do.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 03:15 PM

Was she still wearing Depends when she was arrested?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Scoville
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 03:20 PM

I swear today has got to be the weirdest news day yet:

1. Homicidal Astronaut in adult diapers.

2. That preacher Haggard has been proclaimed officially heterosexual.

3. Some woman in town here led police on a 110 mph chase with her daughter, dog, and two cats in the car, and had to be stopped with tire-spike strips, because she was upset with her husband and "wanted him to suffer like she had suffered". None of which makes any sense.



I don't get the adult diapers thing. She still had to stop for gas, right? So just pee when you stop for gas like a normal person.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Scoville
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 03:22 PM

It will be on C.S.I. or Law & Order in a month or so. Everytime the start with the "these events are pure fictional . . . " advisory you know it's right off the front page.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 04:21 PM

"I don't get the adult diapers thing. She still had to stop for gas, right? So just pee when you stop for gas like a normal person. "

But that doesn't make you near cranky enough to do what you think you have to do when you get where you think you're going.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: jeffp
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 04:51 PM

Some cars will go as much as 300+ miles on a full tank. That's 5-6 hours at highway speeds. That's a long time to hold it.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 05:12 PM

I imagine that having recently returned from a shuttle mission where diapers are a given, the thought of utilizing them would more likely occur to her than it would to most of us.

(psssst Are healthy adults prone to diaper rash?)

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: able
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 05:23 PM

If this woman was an astronaut, then I think the powers that be better take a good long look at their psycholigical testing of astronauts. This woman is obviously a few bricks short of a full load. I couldn't even begin too pull a stunt like that without knowing I was completely out of my mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: skipy
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 05:26 PM

She was wearing a nappy! lets not go there!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Charley Noble
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 05:51 PM

Well, she apparently had something very carefully planned out. But she failed to anticipate that her quarry might get spooked by seeing someone shadowing her in a trenchcoat.

I think it's a sad pathetic story and I'm only pleased that someone wasn't killed or multilated.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 07:40 PM

However it turns out, I suspect her space career is likely over.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 07:43 PM

Maybe she went nuts AFTER she got back because of cosmic rays.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 08:15 PM

Weightless sex! Better or worse? Or the same?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: frogprince
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 08:40 PM

She flew to close to some of those "hacked" satellites!

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 08:42 PM

It's never the same!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 09:06 PM

It's the same, only diffrent...

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:06 AM

This just in---------She was the baby sister of Major Tom, psychotic astronaut and the original space oddity. That explains nothing except that David Bowie has a screw loose and so does this nutcase. Maybe she can land a Depends ad........"I was gonna' gun her down packin' a 3 day load in my Depends because I was still comfy and dry, albeit a bit whiffy."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: heric
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:31 AM

Space Cowgirl, Gangster of Love.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Mrrzy
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:44 AM

This isn't pathetic, it's hilarious!

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: jeffp
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:51 AM

Did anybody see the video of her court appearance? Was she blinking with her eyes?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:55 AM

I wonder what her husband and Mr Oefelein are thinking, being caught up in something as unusual as this.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:37 PM

She was separated from her husband. The new man in her life isn't married but has a couple of kids. There are a lot of gray areas in the story.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:10 PM

Maybe I don't read the right books or hang out with the wrong people but what's a gray area for me is the purpose of rubber tubing and latex gloves. It doesn't sound good, somehow.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: frogprince
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:14 PM

The latex gloves might have something to do with disposing of a fully loaded adult diaper...

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: jeffp
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:29 PM

Or a dead human trussed up with rubber tubing and placed in garbage bags.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:46 PM

This what they're teaching in Astronaut School these days?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: jeffp
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:48 PM

They do adult education courses on their own time, silly!

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:51 PM

If she'd used some shuttle diplomacy, she would have to get her hands dirty and wouldn't have needed the rubber gloves.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:58 PM

I hate stuoid f__king typos. Time to take a break from this place again.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Cluin
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:59 PM

yeah...

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: dianavan
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:25 PM

Where's Donuel? I'd like to see a cartoon of this ...uh, maybe not.

Seriously, do you think the space flight might have scrambled her marbles?

My niece wants to be an astronaut. She's going to get alot of teasing from the family over this.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:28 PM

Hey her parents are my neighbors and they are ok in my book.
As for their daughter, I never met her.

If all people who had primitive personalities with a psychotic core were charged with attempted murder for an obsessional act like stalking/pepper spray... half the people in the US would be in jail.

Perhaps she was exposed to one too many gamma rays.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 03:01 AM

More information.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Peter T.
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 07:12 AM

"I just want some space in our relationship". Breakup lines one comes to regret.

yours,

Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: kendall
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 09:46 AM

Speaking of typos, does everyone know the difference among:
To'
Two'
and Too?

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 10:24 AM

Know, I don't think we dew.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 11:09 AM

I due two Jeri!! Oh......Your just making fun of you're peers huh? There you're peers so, they're ya' go......Their open to your jokes!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 11:19 AM

Stilly said....."She was separated from her husband. The new man in her life isn't married but has a couple of kids. There are a lot of gray areas in the story."

I would suspect a few brown areas as well. If she had been successful, she could have easily gotten a contract from Depends. I can see the ad now.................She's standing outside the car smiling and says, "Thanks to Depends I was able to take control of my life.".......(pulls .357 and shoots rival in car)...then says, "And HERS!"

Seriously, the real problem with this whole story is it is so damn funny all by itself that making a joke is simply redundant and stupid! That's the problem with most of the news anymore. It is already so fucked up that the truth is funnier than anything you can add to it. "Vice President shoots hunting partner in the face." What can you possibly add to that?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 12:01 PM

I think Cheney going Penguin hunting would be funnier.

mmm, Lunch of the Penguins.

Subject: RE: BS: Homicidal Astronauts in Depends
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 12:02 PM

My only Depends story began with my asking a grocery clerk "where are the pens?"