BS: Ambiguity and Silliness

Subject: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: jimlad9
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 04:27 PM

Is Atheism a Non-prophet organisation?.

If a Fly had no wings would it be a walk?.

If Man evolved from Monkeys and Apes then why do we still have Monkeys and Apes?.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is this a hostage situation?.

Who's cruel idea was it to spell lisp with a 's' in it?.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Alec
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 04:33 PM

If nothing acts faster than Annadin,shouldn't we take nothing instead.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 05:16 PM

How does my Anadin know which part of me hurts?

Do elephants have belly buttons?

And what cruel bastard thought up the word 'dyslexia'?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 06:23 PM

Should rhetorical questions be allowed?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 06:30 PM

Does evewyone in Gweat Bwitain have twouble pwonouncing the letter "r", or just the ones who get hired as wadio weporters for the BBC?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 06:35 PM

What does an occasional table become when it isn't?

When the guy inventing the drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?

Why is there only one monopolies commission?

Why does someone always answer the phone when you get a wrong number?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: John Hardly
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 06:44 PM

Doolin builds guitars?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Scrump
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 06:59 PM

"Does evewyone in Gweat Bwitain have twouble pwonouncing the letter "r", or just the ones who get hired as wadio weporters for the BBC? "

Shouldn't that have read:

Does evewyone in Gweat Bwitain have twouble pwonouncing the letter "w", or just the ones who get hiwed as wadio wepowtews fow the BBC?

:D

I'm sometimes surprised by the number of newsreaders and TV presenters with speech impediments. Maybe it's PC to employ them these days though. The days when being able to speak correctly to hold down an announcer's job seem to be past.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 07:03 PM

Shome shilly shod employsh dem

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 07:16 PM

"The days when being able to speak correctly to hold down an announcer's job seem to be past."

At least there is not much going on in Nick-ah-RAG-you-uh these days.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 09:10 PM

Today I found myself writing the phrase, "the British Empire was expanding to all corners of the globe." Now I know I'm not the first to use that expression, but am I the first to look at a globe? Or am I just the first to look and fail to find the corners?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 09:31 PM

There'a a town called Tillman's Corner near Mobile, Alabama. That's one corner, but I don't know where the others are.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: John O'L
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 09:40 PM

When I was young there were a lot of corner stores, but lately there seem to be fewer and fewer. I guess the world is getting rounder as it gets smaller.
Do you think this is significant?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:04 PM

Well, around here we have Tyson's Corners, which is big enough to be all the rest!
And close to me we have the "Four Corners" area in MD....golly, we got enuf corners to make a dodecahedron!

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:13 PM

Why don't you then?

(Just a suggestion!)

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:30 PM

"Why don't you then?"

Why, the environmental impact studies, of course!

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:36 PM

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't dodecahedrons roam the earth in large, peaceful, environmentally-friendly herds for longer than mankind has existed, until the first global-warming crisis melted all the corners right off the globe (Tillman's, Tysons, Four, and certain stores excepted)?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:58 PM

I don't know the lady in the picture, but out here WE have the greatest FOUR CORNERS of them all and I've been there. That's right, stood right there in Colorado, New Mexico, Arizon, and Utah all at once! Boy, did I feel like a square.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 11:14 PM

The demise of the neighborhood corner store is largely due to the rise of "big box" home center stores like Lowe's and Home Depot. It's a shame because they really don't have the broad selection of corners that the old corner stores did. I was looking for some corners in Lowe's the other day and all they had was three sizes in two colors. Pathetic!

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: John O'L
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 11:46 PM

When is a corner not a corner?

Cameron's Corner is the junction of Queensland, South Australia and New South Wales

Poeppel's Corner is the junction of Queensland, South Australia and the Northern Territory

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: autolycus
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 02:59 AM

If we are here to help others,what are the others here for?


    If you are a complete pessimist,,are you positively negative?



    Which is the more absurd,a champagne socialist, or a working-class conservative?



    Why do people with closed minds open their mouths?



    Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "Up Over"?


    If all the world's a stage (c.w.Shakespeare),where does the audience sit?






       Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Scrump
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 03:02 AM

Talking about the four corners of the globe, are there really seven seas? They mostly seem to be joined together, as far as I can see.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Alec
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 03:24 AM

How,exactly do you tune a fish?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: jimlad9
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 03:26 AM

Is there another word for synonym?.

Where do Forest Rangers go to get away from it all?.

Do children enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?.

Why do they call them hemmorrhoids and not asteroids?.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Scrump
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 04:35 AM

- How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

- How young can you die of old age?

- A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

- I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

- I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

- I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.

- I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

(And there's more where that lot came from!)

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 05:38 AM

Lady Macbeth when she kicked her dog out of the house "Out damned spot"

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: redsnapper
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 06:09 AM

I never saw any bulls in Birmingham..

RS

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 06:16 AM

A humming bird eats its own weight in food every day - but how does it weigh the food?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST, Grimmy
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 06:18 AM

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Why is 'phonetic' not spelt as it sounds?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Alec
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 06:20 AM

I'd wish you all a "Good Morning" but "Good Morning" is an oxymoron.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST, Grimmy
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 06:21 AM

...and what's another word for 'thesaurus'?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Scrump
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 08:05 AM

A humming bird eats its own weight in food every day - but how does it weigh the food?

Good point. It probably weighs itself empty, and then keeps eating and weighing itself until it reaches double the 'empty' weight.

But how does it know when it's empty?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 08:40 AM

And if it's eating so much, when does it get time to hum? Wouldn't it have been more accurate to call it "the eating bird"?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 08:44 AM

And speaking of Superman - as the other fellow once pointed out, if they think it's a bird or a plane up in the sky, what are they so damned excited about?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: autolycus
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 08:51 AM

A synonym for 'thesaurus' is 'wordlist'. Harumph.






       Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Scrump
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 10:01 AM

Here's some more (I warned you!)

- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

- I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST, Grimmy
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 10:32 AM

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Thus:

There's no time like the present for putting things off.

and

Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can put off 'til a week next Thursday.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Scrump
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 10:39 AM

He who laughs last dies happy.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 01:33 PM

Doctor Finlay, Doctor Finlay......Doctor Snoddy and I have been taking a look at Mrs MacTavish's Roger......!

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 02:01 PM

If cabbage is so good for you...why do cabbage white butterflies live only for one day?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 02:07 PM

Why do psychics keep putting their flyers through my letter box. If they're as good as they say, they'll know I don't want to see them.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Ebbie
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 02:58 PM

Assuming that the believers are correct and will have mansions in the afterlife, who is going to live in them? Each person/being will be alone?

(Somebody didn't think it through, imo.)

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: autolycus
Date: 11 Feb 07 - 05:50 AM

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

   What is a free gift given that all gifts are free?

   Why are 'a wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?(Discuss)

   If you jogged backwards would you gain weight?


   If love is blind,why is lingerie so popular?






    More where that came from.

    Shan't get me coat.







       ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 Feb 07 - 07:27 AM

Jesus Saves.



The Devil Invests.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 11 Feb 07 - 08:32 AM

"Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?"

Um - I hate to be a stick-in-the-mud - okay, I actually like to be a stick-in-the-mud - but DID they wear helmets?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Alec
Date: 11 Feb 07 - 09:10 AM

As far as Kamikaze pilots go some did, some didn't.
Now why do envelopes state "Photographs do not bend" when photographs bend very easily?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Feb 07 - 11:31 AM

I well remember our dear 'Willie Rushton' on Blankety-blank, when he was asked..."Willie, what does Kami-Kaze mean"? and in his usual inimitable way he replied "Ah yes I know what that means..it means there's a nasty nip in the air"

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Feb 07 - 01:54 PM

*groan*:-)

Why is there allergy-causing dye in antihystamines(benadryl)? (True! Just found dye-free benadryl and quit itching!)

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 Feb 07 - 05:57 PM

"Why is there allergy-causing dye in antihystamines"

You MUST be in the USA. That's called 'the free market' - no Govt regulation.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Joe_F
Date: 11 Feb 07 - 09:35 PM

"There's a hint of fall in the air."
"Don't talk with your mouth full."

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Feb 07 - 09:37 PM

Oops, spelled it wrong..antihistamines and yer right, fools, it is the USA!

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: jimlad9
Date: 12 Feb 07 - 04:31 AM

The Irish Kamikazi pilot who got killed on his 20th mission.

We met some Irish people on holiday and I asked who do the Irish tell jokes about. The lad replied the Kerrymen, and went on to tell me that the Irish government had a scheme to build Mental Hospitals in Ireland. They built one near Dublin,one near Galway but then found it was cheaper to put a roof over Kerry.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Scrump
Date: 12 Feb 07 - 09:49 AM

There's more, there's more:

- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

- I got stopped for speeding. I said: "Officer, I know I was going faster than 60 Miles Per Hour, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour".

- I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

- I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

- I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

- A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said: "You didn't borrow this." I said: "I will."

- When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

- Sponges grow in the ocean. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen?

- If a word in the dictionary were mis-spelled, how would we know?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: autolycus
Date: 12 Feb 07 - 02:35 PM

More than a hint of Steven Wright.






       Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Alec
Date: 12 Feb 07 - 02:41 PM

If men,as is claimed,think about sex every 12 seconds how long do we think about it for?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Scrump
Date: 13 Feb 07 - 06:43 AM

Well spotted, Ivor. I was waiting to see if anyone identified him as the source.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 13 Feb 07 - 06:53 AM

I thought I passed the source...

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Scrump
Date: 13 Feb 07 - 08:05 AM

Why thank you - much appreciated.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: jimlad9
Date: 13 Feb 07 - 01:05 PM

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms,are they afraid someone will sneak in and
clan them?.

If a Turtle has no shell is it homeless or naked?.


If the Police arrest a mime artiste does he have the right to remain silent?.


What was the best thing before sliced bread?.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 13 Feb 07 - 06:45 PM

"What was the best thing before sliced bread?. "

'A loaf, a jug, and thou'

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: autolycus
Date: 14 Feb 07 - 02:53 PM

Silence when you speak to me. Bloodnok in Goon Show.






       Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Bainbo
Date: 14 Feb 07 - 03:48 PM

One in five people in the world is Chinese. And there's five people in our family. So it's either me, or my mum, or my dad, or my brother Colin, or my other brother Sun-Ji Tsang.





But I think it's Colin.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Feb 07 - 07:41 PM

Rochester NY has a TWELVE CORNERS.

If you actively support an illegal, bloody, amoral yet profitable WAR for a select few corporations, does that make you guilty of aiding and abetting murder?

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: Joe_F
Date: 14 Feb 07 - 09:49 PM

Every third person is subclinically neurotic.... Fortunately, there are only two of us. -- Michael Flanders

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST,Billy the Bunnie
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 11:35 AM

If you set out to fail, and succeed in doing so......

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: GUEST,Billy the Bunnie
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 11:37 AM

And, "Don't look at me in that tone of voice".

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Feb 07 - 09:15 PM

Military Intelligence.

Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness
From: autolycus
Date: 18 Feb 07 - 06:34 AM

I come from a family of 14 children and it was all because my mother was hard of hearing.
   
    I'll be glad to explain.


    long as I'm not busy.

    See,every night when it was time to retire,my father would say to my mother,

    "Do you want to go to sleep or what?"

    And she'd say,"What?"

    But my mother was a clever woman,'cos she found out that every 15th child born in America was an Indian. She figured the Indians didn't have Jewish children,so why should she have anIndian child.

       c within a circle Jackie Mason, c.(not in a circle) 1962.







       Ivor