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BS: Joke thread for 2024 |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 02 Jan 24 - 11:27 AM We understand it Don. It just isn't funny. I suspect that it could be a transatlantic thing. There are are some US comedy shows and stand ups that work on both sides of the pond but I do find a lot of US comedy about as funny as toothache. I think it is the same the other way too. How about some Christmas cracker jokes :-D Why was the snowman in veg patch? He was picking his nose What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet? A mistle-toad What happened to the man that stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Donuel Date: 02 Jan 24 - 10:47 AM Pretending to be a dumb shithead isn't always a pretense. Gary Larson is on the far side but Republicans are over the edge. |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Steve Shaw Date: 02 Jan 24 - 10:20 AM And the punchline is...? |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Donuel Date: 02 Jan 24 - 09:38 AM By coincidence, Biden and Trump die on the same day. They both see that the stairway to heaven has no handrail at the pearly gate. St. Peter tells them they are both welcomed by executive privilege. Biden starts climbing up the stairs on all fours. Trump asks Peter "Is there an escalator"? NO "How about an elevator"? NOO Trump calls heaven a shit hole, shuffles back to his limo, and takes the highway to hell. |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Steve Shaw Date: 01 Jan 24 - 02:53 PM SOME things! And never applied via a garlic crusher! |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Mrrzy Date: 01 Jan 24 - 02:12 PM Oh, Steve, what an image, thank you! Somehow my visual has an oldish curmudgeonly Brit in it, telling folks not to put garlic in things... |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Steve Shaw Date: 01 Jan 24 - 12:38 PM Heard Doddy saying this on the wireless when we were on holiday in Criccieth in 1965: "What a beautiful day! What a beautiful day for jumping naked into a supermarket trolley and shouting, 'How about THIS for a special offer!'" |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Geoff Wallis Date: 01 Jan 24 - 09:56 AM It's always wise to check Snopes. Birdwatchers call each other As penance, here's some Ken Dodd gags. I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome, it started off badly but by the end I really liked it. I used to think I was marvellous in bed until I discovered that all my girlfriends suffered from asthma. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it. |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: gillymor Date: 01 Jan 24 - 09:41 AM Wouldn't be surprised. |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Steve Shaw Date: 01 Jan 24 - 09:26 AM I heard that that was actually a true story, gillymor. Names different, of course! |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: MaJoC the Filk Date: 01 Jan 24 - 09:14 AM Just seen in RISKS Digest:
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: gillymor Date: 01 Jan 24 - 08:40 AM That's disturbing, Don. Each evening bird-lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl. One night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next-door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Steve Shaw Date: 31 Dec 23 - 09:24 PM A young girl brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings, his general scruffiness. The girl's mum says quietly to her daughter, “Darling, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, for goodness sake, mum," says the daughter, "If he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?” |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Donuel Date: 31 Dec 23 - 02:13 PM blue fish red fish dead fish blue fish The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest including creatures who crawl, run and creep I know you're not thirsty. That's bullshit. Stop lying Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep. The kittens nestle close to their mothers now. The lambs have laid down with the sheep. You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear Now go the fuck to sleep. Dr. Neuss |
Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Georgiansilver Date: 31 Dec 23 - 12:36 PM I asked my blonde lady friend why she had named her dogs 'Rolex' and 'Timex' 'Helloooo' she said, 'isn't it obvious....they're watch dogs'!! |
Subject: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Steve Shaw Date: 31 Dec 23 - 12:16 PM As the hedge fund manager gets out of his brand-new Porsche, a truck goes racing by, taking off the door. “My Porsche! My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined!” he screams. A police officer on the scene shakes his head in disgust. “I can’t believe you,” he says. “You’re so focused on your possessions that you didn’t even realize your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you.” The hedge fund manager looks down in absolute horror. “Oh, no!” he cries. “My Rolex!” (Cheers, RD!) |