NYCFTTS re-opens

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 07:34 AM

Nor me either.... I've been to the vets.

You could utilise the Morris dancers in the Occupational Therapy dept, not quite sure what as, but you could utilise them there.

LTS

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 09:55 PM

I'm afraid that the Morris dancers may, in their primitive fertility rite, impregnated one or more of the people standing around.

I am not one of them; I'm on a pill.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 09:50 PM

Roger - get the F***in Morris Dancers out of ER. I don't care if their feet are stuck in the bedpans, Then empty the bedpans and sterilize them. I want them so clean that you are ready to lick them!!! Understood???

Severn will be arriving presently. He needs a sanitary environment and REST! No bells. No swords. No sticks. And above all, no Jell-O.

Spaw - check into the BS/Wedding thread. If we handle this properly there will be plenty of funds to keep the place running another year and for renovating the padded rooms. BYW, is Neil still locked in one of them? I haven't heard a word out of him since...HMMMM

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 09:06 AM

...seeing that I seem to have a clone, I'll let him do the work!

RtS

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: GUEST,Roger
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 07:13 PM

Yeeeeeeeeeees, maahster?

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 03:24 PM

Oh No! watch out for the flying swords and hurling bells and sticks, lots of sticks. Jell-O filled bedpans everywhere. Roger! Roger! Get your butt in here NOW!

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: MMario
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 03:08 PM

Morris hankie-waving dancers trip over bedpans.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 02:59 PM

Morris-waving hankie dancers leap by.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:19 PM

You'll know, Spaw. Believe me, you'll know.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 12:30 PM

Hankie waving Morris Dancers leap by...

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 09:23 AM

Thank you Rap........but as the Center is still awaiting our federal bailout money which is due us as a former CIA asset, I find we are short of capital to advance for this fine offer. However, if you could take it upon yourself to supply the needed transfer funds, the NYCFTTS will give you 40% of the proceeds from not only this fine lady's offer but another 40% of the bailout money as well.

When can we expect the transaction to be completed?

Spaw

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:20 AM

I have forwarded Spaw's bank account information to a nice lady in Nigeria or maybe the Netherlands, one or the other, who is going to transfer sixty million US dollars into it for the NYCFTTS. She only asks that we remember her late father-in-law, who either Minister of Finance or the Head of the National Bank, in some appropriate way and share in the costs of transferring the money to the US.

I thought this would be the fastest way for Spaw.

No need to thank me. Just doin' my job.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 10:51 PM

Is that mode Gray?

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 10:21 PM

In Dorian mode, I hope....

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 09:44 PM

Nose flutes? I thought they were...nevermind.

The crazed tiple noseflute band has been replaced by the Childless Ballad Singing Morris Dancers. Their first number will be - of course - Dainty Davey, done to the double timed drilling of a diatonic dildo.

And a ONE and a TWO and a...

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 01:52 AM

Can I have a P please Bob.


LTS

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 11:35 PM

I'm sorry to hear of your problems.

Would a few hundred million in stimulus money stimulate you?

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 09:37 PM

As the Chairman of the board and CEO of the NYCFTTS including the James Taylor Catatonic Blandness Rehab Center, I need to report a few problems we've encountered of late.

First, this new Head Nurse is a terrific pain in the ass, lacking in any humanity or compassion, while possibly exhibiting a violent streak a mile wide. She recently threatened to castrate two patients who complained of her treatment. Two days later these two guys ended up heading for spots in the Vienna Boys Choir. Although no one actually was sure she did it, evidence, like the Commando Knife on her belt, pointed in her direction. Needless to say, the investigating police valued their own balls and never asked.

Then there's the nose flute problem. I put that simpleass Skiff in charge of ordering in both kazoos and nose flutes. Since we've lost CIA funding for the crazed tiple-noseflute bands and we've had to go for the best price we could otherwise find. The Koreans made a great bid but the only problem was Koreans have small noses and the damn things were useless. Sadly they sent a second shipment when we complained about the first which that fool Skiff accepted as well. These were MUCH larger....actually they were too big for Jamie Farr or Karl Malden or the ghost of Jimmy Durante! So we're shot-up-shit-outta'-luck til we get some more revenue coming.

Speaking of revenue......I'd rather not. We had a whole monstrous influx of applications when the Bush Regime was falling apart and the mortgage crisis was hovering. The gawddamn bailout sent the whole damn bunch of them to Easy Street instead of the NYCFTTS.

I'm doing my damndest to get things going. Rest assured, I have no Golden Parachute.   I do have a small kite made of ripstop nylon with a huge pink titty in the middle......but that's about it. So I need to get some help in here and some new patients as well. I'm going to assign Skiff as the personal assistant to Nurse Ratched in the hopes they will cancel each other out.....perhaps literally.

I could give a fuck which way it goes.

Regards,

Spaw
CEO,Chairman of the Board, and Original Developer of the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 08:39 PM

Neil Young Center For The Terminally Screwed.

Oh dear. Nurse RatcheD is awaiting Severn's arrival. Maybe, Johns Hopkins is best after all.

Silly old cow - I spelt it right in the other thread.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 08:34 PM

Honor, sir? You speak of HONOR? Would you be willing to defend that honor with your blade?

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Joe Offer
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 07:48 PM

Google tells me that NYCFTTS is something really important, but I feel honor bound to move it to the non-music section.....

It has something to do with New York City, right?

-Joe, terminally screwed now, for sure-

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:59 PM

ALL us peons are in trouble!

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:50 PM

Urine trouble now!

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:43 PM

Sounds like a royal "WEe" - for all of that urine, I suppose.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: GUEST,Nurse Ratched
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:37 PM

It's Ratched, dear, with a "d." Mildred Ratched.

Keeper of the Combine.

We are looking forward to Mr. Severn's occupancy.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:32 PM

Just a slight refrain. I walked it off.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:27 PM

Have you frained before then? You didn't hurt yourself did you?

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:17 PM

I think I will refrain.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:12 PM

URine or you're out, as the gambler said to the sado-masochist....



A

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:12 PM

At this point I should and could make some awful references to urine and thumbin', but since about 0.00000000000000000000000000001% of the population of the Mudcat (and far lower for the whole world) would understand I shall refrain.

Everyone now please join me in the refrain!

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:03 PM

Urine? Not me. Count me out.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 03:31 PM

Do you use vodka to prepare the Jell-O? If so, definitely use the little individual paper cups.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 03:16 PM

Okay, deal. Gnu -- urine? If so, ante up.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 02:55 PM

How about urine, gnu? It seems we have a choice.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 02:23 PM

I don't care for Jello in my cup.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 02:14 PM

EEWWWWWW!
Bulk Jell-O mixup or those little individual cups too?

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 09:36 AM

I thought I had put it below the line. The clones probably think some UK pub has re-opened. LOL

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 08:59 AM

[NB Prolly should be below the line, podners]
'Catters may wonder why I haven't been at the Tavern recently. Well after the mix-up with the jello deliveries- you may remember I was also emptying bedpans at the NYCFTTS at the time- well, what with the sick leave and the litigation and the restraining order and all, I've had to be an inmate not an intern,here, but it'll be nice to see some new patients now I'm out of quarantine. Apparently they had to burn my washboard because of contamination (so they said).

RtS
Patient #101
Ex-bedpan disposal operative and jello delivery person.

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 10:01 AM

Good!
I am scooping the lime Jell-O out of the Jell-O Pit in the tavern. It's fairly easy to pick out the feathers and scales. Should be fine...

Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 09:47 AM

Stethescopes are chilling in the cooler as well.

Subject: NYCFTTS re-opens
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 08:40 AM

Seems only fair that Severn should have a vehicle in which to recouperate. Someone tell Nurse Ratchet that her services are needed.
Bedpans in the fridge; dull needles at the ready.