BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 10:31 AM

Bedtime on the Enterprise.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 10:28 AM

It's worse than that, It's piles Jim...

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 10:19 AM

Scrape `em off, Jim!

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 10:16 AM

But does he have problems with the Klingons?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 09:30 AM

Kirk turds all over the galaxy.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: GUEST,Kloogah
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 09:27 AM

Many have not even been there since.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 04:27 AM

CLUIN..sorry but have only now started reading this thread......Captain Kirk surely went where no man has ever been before.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: EBarnacle
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 08:12 PM

RE: Shatner above, Shit happens and becomes dark matter when entropy strikes.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 07:24 PM

Yeah? Well, you just watch out for the heat-seeking missiles, Bobert! He KNOWS who's been naughty and who's been nice.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Bobert
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 07:21 PM

Well, I for one, am ready for the sumabitch this year... Last year he crapped all over my roof an we had a warm spell right afterwards and we had flies all over the house comin' in fir a tasty bit of Santa-poo...

So i got the 12 guage loaded and this year is gonna be differenter...

In the words of George Bush, "Bring it on, (Santa)"....

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 07:00 PM

Why would you think that Chongo never goes to the toilet?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 06:58 PM

LH:

I am also certain that Shatner does and Chongo, never.

Go figger.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 06:48 PM

Ah....such as Borat, Jack Black, Adam Sandler, Howard Stern, Spaw...

Yeah, it is a kind of short list, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 06:08 PM

They call it "dropping the kids off at the pool".

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 06:04 PM

Perhaps a shorter list would be one of people that DO hear of going to the toilet?

I am going to the toilet right now. Here I go....

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 05:27 PM

We never hear about Socrates, Sartre, or Sinatra going to the toilet either.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 03:36 PM

"To be is to do"    – Socrates

"To do is to be"    – Sartre

"Do be do be do"    – Sinatra

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 01:12 PM

That last post was for Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 01:03 PM

Yes, but we never hear about it, do we???

The same principle applies in the case of Santa.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 01:02 PM

Santa slumps back down onto his bag stool

From the Tavern thread comes the definitive answer. Santa does indeed have baggy stools.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 12:38 PM

Well, aside from the bits from which I must recuse myself, I judge Peace's Zen post to have the first prize in this thread.

Let me add that the list I cited was not meant to be complete.

However I am morally certain that Nathan Hale DID.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Bert
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 11:49 AM

Does W ever go to the toilet?

Nah - He's all FULL OF SHIT!!

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 11:20 AM

What do you think bad little boys and girls get in their stockings?

used hypodermic needles, set mousetraps, scorpions, brown recluse spiders...

Santa is one sadistic prick sometimes.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rasener
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 11:17 AM

>>What do you think bad little boys and girls get in their stockings?<<

Christmas Poo ding

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 11:06 AM

What do you think bad little boys and girls get in their stockings?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 10:56 AM

That's why Santa's so fat.

He needs to tap summa that off soon.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 10:49 AM

Mr. Hanky says "No".

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 09:09 AM

Yes.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cool Beans
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 09:03 AM

Well, there was this one time when Rudolph and the reindeer pulled up to a little brown shack out in a backyard, with a half-moon carved in the door. "No, you idiot," Santa yelled. "I said the SCHMIDT house!!"

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 08:57 AM

You mean it's relative motion, and to a third observer either Santa could have a poo, or a poo could have Santa?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 08:53 AM

At warp speeds no one needs to poop. And no one can hear you scream, either. See, it's Einsteinian. When you go that fast you're left hanging, so to speak, and the red-green shift effect kicks in and, well, there's a lot of esoteric math and shit that happens. It's like when you watch a train go by and your train is going faster the other way and you're using the train's toilet. It gets all relativistic. The answer, in the end, is "Where do you think all of that dark matter came from?"

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 07:20 AM

But did Captain Kirk ever go to the toilet?






Not even to rub a quick one off?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 06:17 AM

I would imagine that he would need some relief, especially after all those mince pies, sherry, milk and cookies that get left for him..... we left a bran muffin one year. That would have helped him get a wiggle on over Belgium.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 04:27 AM

You never hear about Mary Worth, Charlie Brown, Orson Welles or Nathan Hale going to the toilet either. Why single out Santa Claus?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Severn
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 03:19 AM

I always wanted to know where Yule Logs came from!


But I heard it from The Pope himself, that he shits in the woods. But if Pope Poopery smells like Papal Potpourri, what does a Yule Log-arhythmic-function SMELL like?

Keep on dreaming of a Brown Christmas, folks!

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rasener
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 02:09 AM

When Santa got stuck up the chimney
A Poo A Poo A Poo

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: skarpi
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 01:17 AM

have a LOL Bert :>(

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Bert
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 12:10 AM

soil his image - and his pants.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: GUEST,EBarnacle
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 08:57 PM

It was Chico Marx who stated that there was no sanity clause.
In common with other magical beings, and unlike the Buddha, Santa does not have to relieve himself during his travels. He knows it would soil his image...as well as slowing him down.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 07:59 AM

As any parent will tell you, there's no such thing as a Sanity Clause...

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: GUEST, ...
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 05:54 AM

And as for the Green Man - haven't you noticed that sometimes the Jack-in-the-Green pauses rather longer than usual above a drain?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: DMcG
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 05:42 AM

An article on this year's UK Christmas stamps

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rasener
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 05:27 AM

Fortunately not Sooz :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 04:37 AM

Don't you believe in Sanitary Claus?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 03:05 AM

Santa slashes,
I've the proof.
A yellow glacier,
On my roof.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Sooz
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 02:33 AM

Have you got a chimney, Villan?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 02:23 AM

O Jenny O!

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Bert
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 01:40 AM

Well of course he doesn't dump over Iceland, he's only just started out when he gets there.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: skarpi
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 01:37 AM

oh dear

All the best Skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Bert
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 01:23 AM

Probably not, I don't think he has time. He just drops his drawers and takes a dump over the side of the sleigh.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rasener
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 01:09 AM

Do Tony Blair and George Bush go to the toilet?

Do Tony Blair and George Bush come down the chimney?

Do Tony Blair and George Bush get a visit from Santa?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 12:19 AM

Of course, some people, and I'm not going to name names, think that their shit doesn't stink...

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: GUEST,Scoville
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 11:01 PM

Easter bunny! My mother refuses to put licorice jelly beans in Easter baskets because they make her think of rabbit turds. Ha ha!


My parents are so weird.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 09:03 PM

"Zen Toilet

We tend to think of the divine spirit in terms of radiance, but it encompasses all things, including the polluted, filthy, and vile.

Yes, zen can be found even in the toilet.

A monk once asked the zen master Ummon, "What is Buddha?"

The reply came, "A shit stick!"

The monk was shocked by the master's vulgarity. But Ummon's message was that all things speak of God, even soiled toilet paper. We may think of bodily waste as dirty, and yet it feeds the ground as fertilizer.

Another zen story tells of a student who asked his master, "Please show me zen."

The master said, "I have to go relieve myself."

Upon returning, the master said, "Zen is like going to the bathroom. I cannot go for you. You have to go for yourself."

Rich or poor, famous or anonymous: We all have to go. When nature calls, listen to Nature."

from the www.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 08:59 PM

Steady on, Rapaire -- but YES, I think Amos could be calling your wrong......you never know, I may be misinterpreting this serious discussion but..........

And what about Buddha? Did HE go to the toilet.....???

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 08:51 PM

Amos, are you...are you...calling me wrong???

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 08:44 PM

He missed a whole bunch of Em....Virgin Mary, Joseph and the ArchAngels, The Green Man...sheesh, people.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 08:34 PM

Actually, to be precise good Rapaire, you are trying to MAKE me wrong, as usual -- a very different thing. And you're about as Thor as a flying pig.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 08:11 PM

No, he's saying Thor is fictitious. And he's wrong (as usual). I did some work around here today and I'm mighty Thor!

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 08:09 PM

You missed the Easter Bunny.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: bobad
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 08:05 PM

Are you saying that Santa is fictitious?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 08:02 PM

Why do you people believe in a fictitious entity, and then argue about his attributes. None of the following go to the toilet:

Batman
Superman
Thor
Harvey, the giant Invisible Rabbit
Jesus Christ
God Almighty.

See me after class if there are any questions.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 07:54 PM

bobad's 17 Dec 06 - 05:32 PM "caught in the act" was the picture on a fairly widely circulated Xmas card a few years back, with the caption/title:

          YOUR GIFT IS ON THE WAY!

I seem to remember someone in the family sending out a few of them.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 07:49 PM

APWATW

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 07:44 PM

Just take a look at the Raymond Briggs' book, Father Christmas some time.

I should blooming think so.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 07:36 PM

Good one, Jenny.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 07:36 PM

Peace, I hope that's not the new toilet that's coming to my house this year.

Does your new toilet flush distantly, Ebbie?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:37 PM

I'm certainly glad I've been a good boy all year!

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rasener
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:36 PM

Ther you go, that proves it. Thank you Bobad

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: bobad
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:32 PM

Caught in the act

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:28 PM

As Calvin once said to Hobbes, "When he comes down the chimney, you grab the bag and I'll close the damper."

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rasener
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:23 PM

No it definately wasn't flies Don :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rasener
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:22 PM

Oh Guest you have just disillusioned me boo hoo.

So what the hell has been coming down my chimney then?

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Don Firth
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:20 PM

Major breakthrough!! I just realized!

That "Humbug!" that Scrooge kept complaining about was a fly buzzing around a Santa dropping!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:19 PM

There is NO Santa.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:18 PM

Villain, I'm gonna' throw up...................oy..............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:15 PM

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rasener
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:13 PM

Bloody hell, that was a quick response.

Surely Santa has never had such a luxurious toilet as that Peace

I was always led to believe that Santa crapped down the chimney and most people think that the remains left on the plate are the droppings from the mince pies , but in actual fact they are the Santa Claus droppings and the fluid left in the glass is milk when in actual fact its the deposit left by Santa when he comes down the chimney.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Ebbie
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 05:03 PM

Peace, I hope that's not the new toilet that's coming to my house this year.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 04:59 PM

It would seem so.

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Emma B
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 04:59 PM

Well, I lost my faith in fairies when I met one of Santas rather larger than life "little" helpers in the Ladies of a department store when I was 4 years old!

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 04:59 PM

I would be very suspicious of any of the blue ice packs that occasionally drop from the sky if one drops on Christmas eve. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 04:58 PM

Geeziz Villain.....Did you think that brown stuff falling from the sky on Christmas Eve was all reindeer shit?

Spaw

Subject: BS: Did Santa ever go to the toilet?
From: Rasener
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 04:55 PM

Just wondered about this, as you never hear of him going to the toilet.

Anybody got any insider information on this one ?