How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: mousethief
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:42 PM

Not very much.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:50 PM

Well, if you take the last 2 letters of Baal, delete everything else, then add 4 different letters, one of them doubled............then I'd say the similarity is striking between the two! They are indeed much alike. I had never noticed that before now. Thanks MT and Matt.

Spaw

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:15 PM

Well if you just drop the 'l' from both words I might see a similarity.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:16 PM

The best troll I ever had was with a 4 inch daredevil on Summit lake. I caught a 29 pound lake trout with it.

Spud

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:28 PM

Thanks Spud!!! Flattop buddy....Do you see it now? The similarity is NOT to Baal, but between flattop and "lake trout." Thanks Spud for pointing the way!!!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:43 PM

Not flattop and "trouser trout?" How about Spud Murphy and that 4 inch daredevil? Wow!

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:19 PM

SIGH!!! I had to ask.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:46 PM

I know I have extrapolated a great deal from the little information provided

Yes you did, Naemanson, and you may well be right in your extrapolations. But you might equally be wrong, because it would be possible to extrapolate lots of different stories from the hints we've been give. Inevitably we are all liable to read this as being similar to some story in which we have had some involvement. But it's dangerous giving advice without knowing a great deal more than we have been given.

It's a human instinct to try to advise when asked for advice. (Assuming we have been, which is open to question. But I think it is a good rule not to risk erring on the side of being unhelpful, just because we might be taken in. Chesterton once said something on the lines "The man who is always taken-in sees the inside of everything.) But the only real advice that can be given here is to tell the full story to someone who can be trusted.

Whether that's going to mean counselling or advice is another matter. Counselling in this sort of context doesn't mean giving advice, it means helping someone decide what it is they really want. Sometimes what people really want actually is advice.

Here's another Chesterton quote, from something I was reading only yesterday:

If people can be divorced for "incompatibility of temper", I cannot conceive why they should not all be divorced. I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From:
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:12 PM

I have no idea who is real and who is not but assuming she is, she has just been abused further.

mg

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: bflat
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:29 AM

If snowflakes can be unique then why not apply the same logic to a person and their style of expression. Not everyone will write well the emotional experience they may be living through so as to provide us with an opportunity to pass judgement on the authenticity of their portrayal in a post. Milly, you need comfort, support and competent counseling. Make sure you get it. I understand your situation very well and would be happy to speak with you. If you become a member than we can PM and exchange phone numbers. I really wish you well. You might try some yoga to relax and focus.

Kindest regards, Ellen

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:49 AM

Milly can't become a member, because the machine she uses is her husbands work machine, She is allowed to use it but for some reason its not cookie friendly(I havn't a clue why).
I've know Milly for about 14 years, we were pregnant together and so know something of her life. I used to live across the road from her, and when I had pretended to give up smoking I used to nip across to her house and have a crafty one.
I recommended Milly speak to someone, (she has heard me praise mudcat to the highest heights.........I think thats why she posted the thread) I have tried to help her myself, but past and recent events have made me not the best listener just now
Patrish

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:27 PM

In that case, Milly, please accept my sincerest apologies and wishes for a positive outcome and thanks, Patrish, for clearing that up.

kat

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Noreen
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 02:23 PM

Patrish, (this is a bit difficult as you're guesting aswell at the moment) please feel free to give Milly my e-mail address if I can be of any help- you'll see the similarities in our situations. Bill Sables has my e-mail address if you haven't.

Milly, you have got friends here.

Noreen

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 08:43 PM

Please keep in mind, in this mirror relatives will seem closer than they really are.

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:08 PM

Try an email. Heading- "Not so Dear formerly SO." That is probably enough.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:37 PM

Hey Guest: I don't have a clue who you are but I definately appreciate your sense of humor! Milly: I've been there once and am probably heading there aain ... believe me "Honesty is the best policy" ... maybe making your SO feel like shit isn't the most pleasant thing but at least you'll feel good about yourself for telling the truth! LL

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:45 PM

Lyrical Lady, email wasn't around when I had to do it to keep my sanity (and a little sense of humour. My ex didn't have one).

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 08:56 AM

Milly, this sounds like something a friend went through recently. Fortunately she was at the other end of the relationship. He had asked her to move in with him. She was seriously considering it. As we talked I asked about any complications in following her dream of becoming a midwife. Her response was that he had said he would LET her follow that dream. I stopped her there and asked her to repeat that portion of her statement. She did, and she still didn't get it. So I asked her to rephrase it in such a way that it wouldn't sound like he was giving her his permission. She couldn't and she finally got it. With that the door opened and understanding of the nature of the relationship dawned. Shortly after that she terminated that relationship.

My point is that it is easy to blind oneself to the shortcomings of a potential partner, or to the shortcomings of a long term partner. When the light dawns you have to realize you cannot change him/her. Either you continue to live with it or you bail out. It sounds like you are ready to bail. Do it.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 02:53 PM

If you sing in public try singing songs that give support to the message you want to give.

"Thanks, but no Thanks" type songs.

Failing that try leaving books about the house like "Do-It-Yourself divorce".

It eases the pain for you both but at the end of the day "truth" is the only sure-fire way and it ain't gonna get any easier waiting. Practice the key points you want to say, but don't be too rigid with the delivery.

Here in the UK the counselling service is called "Relate" and you can go on your own. They will have insights on opening the subject with s/o.

Best of luck.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: tiggerdooley
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 03:18 PM

Maybe somebody should start a thread: 'How to spot a Mucat fake', 'cos I'm a bit lost. Why would s/he start a thread like Milly's for no reason. It seemed real to me. Maybe I'm a bit green...

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 03:32 PM

Lots of reasons tigger.....but I'm just a bit paranoid after watching a few trolls have a go here. If Milly is real, fine. She has gotten some good info here along with the "abuse." as many have said, its better just to assume that ALL are reputable and respond in kind. Its a good policy that I sadly don't always subscribe to. That's not an excuse, just a fact. Hopefully you do better than I do.......

Spaw

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: tiggerdooley
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 03:42 PM

Thanks, Spaw. Give me time and I'm sure I'll end up a paranoid cat, too!
P.S. how do I know if I'm a troll.
P.P.S. if it should transpire that I AM a troll, how do I know whether I am a real troll or a fake troll?....

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:02 PM

How many read a thread like this because they are at the same point in their life? Magnet is a word that hovers round here. AND...

How to tell the Kids? Just as hard a task, viz: to avoid their guilt hang-ups.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Naemanson
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 10:17 PM

Tiggerdooley, you are a troll if you post a provocative bit of fluff and sit back to watch the fur fly.

Example: I heard that Spaw likes to blow up the butts of small woodland creatures.

You are a flamer if you post something that attacks someone. (Note the exclamation points)

Example: Spaw couldn't play an oppossum if it were made of clay and hollow!!!!

All others are genuine. It boils down to intent.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Milly
Date: 03 Apr 01 - 11:45 AM

Hi, everyone, I hope my typing is better than the last posting to this forum. My appointment for the counselling is today. I have just read back through this question and help I was asking - again I thank you and will let you know what happens to my situation. I realise I do need help that is not involved in the situation. I am lucky because it is not three months - I have a cancellation to make my problem sorted earlier. I am still not a member, but if I get myself ok, I am hoping to be soon and join in with all the musical questions and answers
many, many thanks mils

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Apr 01 - 12:12 PM

Milly, thanks for the update. I'm with you, and please do keep in touch. And becoming a member is so easy, do it soon!

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Mr Red at the local Library
Date: 04 Apr 01 - 07:55 AM

best of luck. be gentle.

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: GUEST,Brian S. formerly Froodo....
Date: 04 Apr 01 - 02:02 PM

I don't think any of you are real. At least not very kind....

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Noreen
Date: 04 Apr 01 - 02:11 PM

Brian S.... care to explain what you mean?

Subject: RE: How do I tell My SO I want a divorce?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Apr 01 - 03:28 PM

Milly, remember it is not all your fault. No matter what anyone else says, you are not to blame for everything. I left a violent, domineering partner after he fractured my skull. I should have left him earlier. He tried to make me see that it was all my fault that he liked to drink too much and hit people who couldn't hit back, either physically, emotionally or financially. Even the counsellor I saw tried to make me see that it was my fault he got mad at me. Keep telling yourself - it isn't all my fault, and believe it.

LTS