LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 11:02 AM

I hate crying in front of others too. I always feel like Mary Tyler Moore on the Dick Van Dyke show - "Ohhhh Roooooo-oooob"
Sniffle blub and all I am trying to say is that I am fine.
Embarrassing.

And to the rude ones who stare at your baldness "At least when I had hair I washed it occasionally."

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 06:29 PM

crying helps flush the body of toxins. tears are good for keeping the eyes healthy. crying releases stress.

Just you go ahead and cry.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 07:50 PM

Today is a better day. My husband and I went for a ride in the woods and then to one of my favorite places to kayak. We walked around the lake for a bit and that did wonders for my spirit.

But the truth is, I cry every day. Sometimes for just a second or two but this past week has been a LOT more. I'm not entirely sure what brings it all on, I'm just weepy. Can't help it. I got a birthday card today with a sweet note in it and I cried. I also got a package from the Ovarian Cancer Alliance.....another lap blanket, pins, magnets, pens, survivor stories in print and a DVD and lots of literature for both me and for my caregivers (had a really cool list of things people can do to help that I might draw from if I need it). I opened the booklet for me to a page all about hospice care. That did it. BAWL. BAWL. BAWL. I can't get away from it. It's ok. I'm ok. And Susan...don't be surprised if I'm weepy at church...I swear I have no idea what sets it off sometimes.

I spent this afternoon writing some long overdue cards to people and it feels good...wish I had done it sooner. Tingly fingers (neuropathy from the chemo) make it somewhat more difficult to do so I just take my time and stop when I need to.

I know I shouldn't think it but as my birth approaches this year, I can't help but wonder if I will be here for my next birthday. I know it's not a guarantee for any of us but....well.....these last few months have brought that closer to home.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:09 PM

Hey, Micelle... If you need to cry then cry... Meanwhile, the cancer has alot more to cry about 'cause it's getting a major butt whuppin'... As fir yer next birthday??? Yeah, you'll be here and for alot more to come after that one...

BTW, while hospice is a wonderful organization, you don't need to be reading about that stuff 'cause you ain't gonne be needin' them folks...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:00 PM

Bobert,

   Tell P-Vine to cover her eyes cuz I'm sending a BIG HUG your way!!!!!!

<3 Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Severn
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:07 PM

I've been offline for a while, but am hangin' in with you. I'm glad you're able to get things done. Early on in my treatments, i was lucky enough to have my good stretches of time coinciding with things I wanted to do, but later on, I had to cancel lots of activities because they fell on times of weakness. I didn't have a partner to see me through and be with me if I had to pull the plug on any activities I started if I reached my energy limits, and it will get worse before it gets better, but I'm damn proud of how you're seeing it all through and the spirit you show, so keep it all up! Use caution and good judgement.

Books helped me at times more than music ot TV when I was unable to sleep and was too sick to concentrate on other things and was bothered by sounds. Ambien did the trick for me for sleeping when all the medicines that were supposed to make you sleepy, didn't.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:21 PM

Thanks Severn!!!!!!   

Ambien is doing the trick for me too as well as books. :)

As for it getting worse before it gets better.....as long as I know it will get better, I'm finding I can put up with an awful lot!!!

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 10:55 PM

You know my stand on tears, Michelle. :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 01:26 PM

Michelle,
Keep in mind that sorrow is one of the stages of grieving. Maybe you have reached it. ut I suspect that maybe your "feelings" are just a bit closer to the surface right now. Happy tears. Sad tears. Grateful tears.
They are all good. And better times are ahead. Keep focussed on that baby soon to arrive. COme September this will all be behind you.
M
Did Pete's package ever arrive? I may have mis-addressed it. M

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 03:49 PM

Mary,

YES!!!! YES!!!! YES!!! His package DID arrive and I have been meaning to tell you!!!! Even though the pens (minnows...how cute!!!!) are sitting on the table and were used just this morning to write out some checks, I totally forgot to say THANK YOU!!!!!! He was tickled pink and very surprised that a package that came to this house was FOR HIM!!!!!!   Thanks for making my honey bunny smile...you are the best!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 07:20 PM

Cool- I'm glad Pete's getting some attention! He must feel like the first-born toddler in the house of a newborn sometimes.

Sending you long-distance hugs for your times of tears, my dear. Don't be afraid to cry whenever you need to- listen to these wise mud-sisters, brothers and aunties!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 09:48 PM

Tears can be so healing, honey. I am often struck at how many people do not like to cry in front of people. We feel we must apologize for a natural thing, just as a woman might apologize for nursing in public, another natural function of our bodies; both can be so important for us. If someone gives you a dirty look when you're crying just know they are not being honest with themselves and their own need to cry/vent/let go...crying can equal letting go which signifies a release of control, which can be another good sign in one's faith.

I think you made an interesting typo: ...as my birth approaches this year.. Just as Spaw has had a "new" birthday dating from his heart surgery and I have kind of counted mine from when I had heart surgery as we both were kind of "reborn" so may you feel a new "birth" leaving all of this hard work behind as you heal up!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 10:22 PM

I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable with the crying business....just the way I'm wired I suppose!

Today was my 42nd birthday and it's been a WONDERFUL day!!! I spent most of the day with Pete out in the woods. We explored mostly by car but also did a little bit of hiking, found a beautiful waterfall and I had fun taking photos of Pete in his element. The weather was absolutely PERFECT to be outside.....high 50s, cool, crisp, bright blue skies....couldn't have asked for a nicer day! We spent some time with my mom (who gave me a dark purple bagallini bag that I've been wanting...WOOO HOOOOOO!!!), went to the cemetary to put spring flowers up at my nana's grave, stopped for ice cream and went home to relax a bit. I have been feeling really, REALLY good these last 2 or 3 days and am thankful that today was the same. I went to a yoga class, stayed for 45 minutes and left early so I could go to a Saturday night church service. I parked half a mile from the church and walked. Afterwards I walked back to the car even though I had an offer for a ride. It felt good to walk and take in the early evening air. I picked up some Chinese food for dinner on the way home.....got home to find that it totally sucked and decided it just wasn't worth being upset about and made myself a tomato sandwich instead.
    Pete gave me a 12 month subscription to OneTrueMedia which is the program I like to use to make my montages with. With a membership I can use an unlimited number of photos and can add both my own music and text if I like. I also have access to more music that they have at the site. It's something I really enjoy doing especially on days that I can't do much else. Perfect!!!   He's the best!!! When the local nursery has lilac bushes out, we'll get one to plant on the bank near the house....that's an annual thing for us. I always get a flowering shrub....the bank is getting to be quite beautiful!!! :)

Have a good night everybody!!!

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 04:11 AM

what a great birthday.

sending birthday hugs & wishes for many more perfect birthday (& other) days.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 08:25 AM

You have achieved the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 08:45 AM

Hey, I recall a time when if a man hugged another man everyone looked on in horror... Now guys hug all the time... Huggin' is in and folks don't give it a second thought... Cryin' ain't far behind...

Meanwhile, the way to get thru chemo is one day at a time... But it's more than that in that Good Lord has given us all today so, heck with the chemo, just live today to the fullest and all that other stuff will take care of itself...

Thanks fir the BIG HUG, Michelle...

Now go out and have some fun today... Even if it's sittin' on your porch listening to the sounds of spring...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 01:16 PM

I'm working on my montages and looking through some olders ones I made last year. I can't help but watch and wonder who that woman is with all the hair.

Also, question for those of you who have had a hysterectomy....a full abdominal cut hysterectomy. Did you have any on and off lingering pain after the outsides were healed? I'm having some pain....most like an ache if I put pressure on a spot on my abdominals...it worries me. DH says it's still healing under (yeah, but 3 months later?)there which might be the case...but it still worries me. I have a Dr. appointment next week and will be sure to talk to him about it but in the meantime, anyone else have this happen? You have to know that all weird lingering pain freaks me out and makes me wonder about my cancer spreading. :(

It's time to get outside and go for a walk.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 02:30 PM

Yes.
I had a sharp pain for years which I was told was scar tissue inside. It did go away eventually.
Anyone else?

And happy birthday. The beginning of a whole new year.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 02:41 PM

My mom is 82. she had a cesarean at 40 years old in 1968. Huge scar across her belly. her scar still gives her twinges from time to time, especially after extraordinary activity.

Still early days Michelle. If something was wrong with incision there would be other signs, wouldn't there? Try not to worry. Worry is not good.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 12:00 AM

I had a vaginal hysterectomy and had so much scar tissue, it was painful for years until I found a female doc who understood and cauterized it. Also, five years on from open heart surgery and where they cracked me open still is very tender at times; not just the incision, but deep down. You have just been through an extreme assault on your body. It is your job to get out of the way, i.e. stop your mind from wandering down those dark roads labelled "What If?" and let your body do its healing. It is also important for your mental and emotional health. Speak calming words to your body; let it know that all is well and tell it thank you for getting you this far and for the joy you will have with it all healed up. Try not to claim it as "my cancer." That can fill your mind with all kinds of continuing relationships with it and I know that is not really what you want. Let it go, let it be gone. When you must speak of it, or think of it, use "the" instead of "my," okay?:-)

When Myrtle Fillmore was full of tuberculosis she started praying about it and repeated over and over "I am a child of God. I do not inherit sickness." She was healed and folks started coming to her for affirmative prayers. That was one hundred and twenty years ago when Silent Unity came into being. I know you have your own spiritual support/church there, but Silent Unity is available 24/7 and take phone calls from all over the world, from all walks of faith. My sister used to be one of the Silent Unity prayer operators. Anyhow, when you get scared and if it would help, you could always call them Silent Unity at 1-800-669-7729 (1-800-NOW-PRAY). I don't usually post stuff like this, but it seems it may be of help to you.:-)

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee
From: Rowan
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 08:38 PM

A belated "Happy birthday" wish to you Michelle.

And don't forget that while things are healing (and it takes a longer bit of time for some tissue groups than for others) the chemicals dealing with killing cancer cells are also interfering with more normal tissue activities, including healing. Time is said to heal all wounds and, in your case, I'll bet this happens. Relaxation, meditation, communal support will all help the process; you have the last of these in spades (should that be "hearts"?) and now are ready for the first two to have their effects.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:05 PM

Kat,

Thanks for the number....it might just come in handy one night when I can't sleep and am upset. I haven't really called a friend during those late hours even though I've been told it would be ok to do that.

And Rowan? Yes....I have support here (and in my life) in hearts....lots and lots of hearts!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the reassurance that things are more than likely just healing. I had no idea it could take that long for the inside parts to heal!!!

I spent the day in Ithaca today, all day....shopping. I got pretty tired around 3:00 (that's after about 4 hours of leisurely shopping) and got sick. BLAH. Still feeling kinda crappy but I guess I overdid. I did find myself a nice little light for a side table by my chair and 4 smallish purple planting pots which I will plant purple flowers in. Pete is building a shelf to span the upper part of our kitchen table window which gets a phonominal amount of sun...perfect for growing flowers and herbs!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:24 PM

my cancer scar still hurts 15 months after the op - but then it is just above the fold of my leg so gets stretched every time I sit or stand or walk. And as my physio emphasised, it'd deep as well as long.

I've also had the impression that while Dr B. started stitching edge-to-edge from my right side, he switched to tucking flesh under when stitching the last bit cos that has always felt very tight. My physio has worked on that very tight flesh several times & it needs more work.

love & hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 09:48 AM

New discovery. Being really angry takes a ton of energy. Came home to wooden stakes with pink ribbons flying from them in our field yesterday. For those of you not living in north central PA, this means the gas drilling people were here. They do NOT have permission to be on our land or to do anything from the surface. I called about it last night. They returned my call promptly this morning all sunshine and roses. With our agreement, they have to give 24 hour advance notice AND SOMEONE HAS TO COME TO THE DOOR....we have a large dog and by letting us know they are in the field, we can make sure she stays here at the house.....it's a safety issue for THEM. Duh. Well, needless to say, no call and no one came to the house. They were all apologies and sunshine and roses. Seems to me we've heard this from them before. In addition, they put the stakes through our raspberry patch, blueberries, grapes and asparagus bed isn't far from there. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Gr. I called the main office this morning and got the secretary who was initially very sweet. Yes dear, we got your message. You'll have to talk to so and so who, unfortunately, is out of the office. I said ok and told her that she had workers coming to my house this morning (anytime now really) to discuss moving those markers away from the garden. I'll not agree to testing of any kind until I get to speak to a manager as this is the 2nd time they have breached the contract (yep....it's all in writing) and I want it addressed. She got an attitude. Go figure. I'm not too worried about it. Since they can't figure out WHY we want them to come to the door before being in the field, (even if they were to give 24 hour notice, which they didn;t), I'm letting Mags answer the door. All 120 pounds of her. Maybe THAT will sink in.
   So yeah. Being angry sucks up far too much of my energy. Enough. Attitude from any of the workers on my property will find a request for them to leave. Refusal to do so = 911.

:) They are here. GO MAGS GO.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:14 AM

Go get em.

Careful not to let that anger take over.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:19 AM

Lily,
Can you not simply remove the stakes? Do they plan to drill on your land?
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: maeve
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:33 AM

I'll be interested in the follow-up to this episode. Let us know, please!

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:33 AM

Ok. So they sent 4 people this time (LOL...if you say no to one of them, they send groups). They moved the stakes and I'm ok with it. I did let the dog answer the door and when I walked over to open it, they had backed off the porch and were standing in the yard. Made me giggle inside!!! Maybe they got the point...big dog...run loose...me get hurt. Who knows. The good news is that the stakes are there for seismic testing which means we will have a really accurate idea of what is under our land and that will increase the money coming in once it's all finished (I told them I am more concered about the water than the cash....don't get me wrong, I could really use it....but fresh air and the peace of the country mean more to me than the carrot of a check they like to hang in front of your nose). The REALLY good news is that because we were so adamant about NOT drilling for ANYTHING on our land, they aren't going to use the explosives here but rather around the outer edges of our property. They will put boxes here and a small metal stake into the ground to measure the waves from the explosives. NO drilling here. Perfect. Bad news? Helicopters are coming...starting each day at 5am and ending at sunset until mid May. I think it's a hassle but Pete is going to be one irritable puppy all month long....he hates big noise like that.

The men that were here were very nice, talked in circles, tried to avoid my questions until I told the manager (no need to talk to him on the phone now as he came in person), "You're pretty good at dancing around my question and changing the subject but the question remains...." LOL Is it terrible that I liked to watch them squirm for a change?

They asked why we didn't want to fully lease our land so I relayed to them what my husband said this morning. Leasing your land is like giving someone permission to come use your house and they take a dump in the middle of the living room floor and wipe feces on the walls.

They nodded in agreement.

I find the whole thing kinda funny in a very strange way at the moment....not sure why....but I do.

Ok. Onward with my day of puttering!!!

Enjoy your day!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: maeve
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:51 AM

Well done indeed, Michelle!

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 11:30 AM

yes.

What a horrible situation - but we can have the same here - we own our land, but not what's under it.

how will the constant noise affect you on a low day?

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 12:05 PM

LOL at the picture in my head of MAGS putting the fear of Dog in them. Well-done, both of you!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 12:13 PM

I'm not sure about how the noise will effect me on a low day. I have ear plugs and can use them if necessary. Or I might go out in my moo moo and bald head and scream at the universe (that might just scare them away!!!). Either way, I'm going to be stuck with the noise.....not directly over our house/field as we denied access to all vehicles, helicopters included....but my neighbors.....well, they did full leases so the helicopters will be laying cable around the neighborhood.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 12:50 PM

Squeam alert-- this is for LF only (local info).

Heads up's.

1. "We will not drill here"s diff from "we will not drill UNDER and THRU here."

2. Their main geol dude visited the church recently to take pix inside with wife. Cn CS did not have a chance to get an agreement for a copy of same-- which we could surely use.

3. Don't forget to let them see your land as a place where y'all (or others) could be shooting at any time. I just hate it when a critter has to be put down, don't you? Or when target shooting on one's property goes horribly wrong. Or when a chemo patient forgets to put on her glasses when she goes out back for stress relief with targets and..... or when a landowner can't keep OTHER hunters (tourist type) off the place and someone gets hurt....

4. Cn CS has some info you may want to know about these guys. Tell him I said to tell you what we told our chef.

5. Anger and exhaustion?!?!?!?-- YEAH.

6. Noise? Psalms.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 02:23 PM

I know that they can drill on our neighbors and get gas from under our property..no way around that and it's the only reason we have a non-surface lease. The no drilling I was referring to for today was for seismic testing where they do drill small holes X amount of feet down and detonate an explosive and measure the waves that indicate just how far down and how much gas is in there. Thankfully they will not be drilling for anything. I love my non-surface lease!!!

They are also aware I am going through chemo as we chatted about that today (kinda hard NOT to notice...even if I hadn't said anything...I hate to admit it but I DO look like a cancer patient....um...probably because I am one..DUH Michelle).

And um...something else I hate to admit...we DO have a target range ih our front yard....we ARE hillbillies you know!!!!   Gun near the door too (not that I ever expect to have to use it for THAT...we shoot possums that are on the porch) or critters in the garden.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 02:26 PM

I know that all of you here understand that music can be an inspiration. I was listening to some music today and found a good deal of the lyrics to match my feelings about the cancer in my body...here's the video....different, powerful....perfect.

Fighter

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: gnu
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 05:24 PM

Did they do a pre-blast survey of your propertyÉ (É= question mark on my keyboard today). If not, make sure you check the entire house for any cracks anywhere over the next week. Usually, there is no damage, but it`s a good idea to document anything.

Yes, I know that might sound a bit off, but it can happen even with minor charges.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:23 PM

Went to a book club tonight, sat for 2 hours leaning forward in a metal chair...got up with some intense pain in my side. I think I was putting too much pressure on that side. Still hurt an hour later when I got home. :( I thought I was done with these pain pills.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 12:02 AM

I'm hungry. And tired. And floaty.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 12:24 AM

And still in pain. More oxy to the rescue. Please just let this be something I pulled and please let it stop hurting. :(

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 12:53 AM

Michelle,

Take it easy. Pulled muscles happen, don't let it scare you.

I have the same thing going on in this area re: gas exploration. I own the land, I own the mineral rights, I leased, and they are getting perilously close to the five years they have to either drill and start paying royalties or they have to renegotiate the lease. They do the seismic work around here with some big white trucks that "thump" the roadway and they have sensors placed all over, with aerials, so they transmit the information. I could use the royalties also. :-/

Some people got huge signing bonuses. I didn't, it was okay, bigger than what was first offered, because my lot is so much larger than most they deal with. I had them prorate for acreage. Some folks got clobbered with income tax on it, but it wasn't too bad, and I hope the important part, the royalties, were high enough to make some nice cash every month happen.

It sounds like you're doing really well, and with all of that gardening activity (asparagus! raspberries! blueberries! grapes! - okay, I have grapes, wild grapes, across the road, but anyway, grapes! envy envy envy) you'll certainly have a healthy diet and a lot to tempt you to go outside for fresh air and good activity.

Take care, keep making progress, and don't let the gas guys bring tears to those beautiful eyes.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 07:41 AM

Cautiously moving around this morning, pain seems to be gone which I am thankful for but plan on taking it ultra easy today. Still going to call the Dr.

Michelle who was up until 4:30am

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 07:50 AM

You are a powerful woman, Michelle!
Remember, our bodies hold anger in many different ways, and the pain could be one way your bod is processing yesterday's anger.
Don't forget to breathe!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 08:56 AM

Haven't been into the thread for a couple of days. Belated birthday greetings Michelle - have a good birthday month, live long, die happy.

I had the full on hysterectomy and was still getting twinges a few months later, even without follow up radiation. I also had to have a hernia repair in 2006 and 2008 and still have some problem with scar tissue, so pain at three months is probably not a problem. However, mentioning it to your doctor is a good idea, even if just to put your mind at rest.

Anger can make you tense up physically and that accentuates any aches and pains that you might have. Deep breathing is a good way to dissipate that anger. Fantasising about what damage Mags could do to anyone stupid enough to ignore instructions about coming onto your property might also help!:0)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 07:40 PM

Thanks for the birthday wishes!!! :)

Today has been a crappy day. I called my surgeon's office to talk to his head nurse early this morning but she was in a meeting until late afternoon. I called my chemo nurse and she talked to my chemo Dr. about this pain I'm having. They really couldn't help me so finally my surgeon's nurse called back. I like her very much as she is very pleasant to talk to and she explains things well.

Here's the deal. This pain COULD be me healing or an adhesion or something else. She said it sounds like a healing issue and I should expect weird strange pains for awhile off and on. I told her my fear of it being cancer spreading and she said that's a normal fear but that I shouldn't worry about it until they tell me to worry. I have an appointment with my surgeon on Monday....he will do an exam and we will talk. She said if he feels it's necessary, they might order some imaging tests. I am trying not to worry.....it's not easy for me.

I also talked to my friend Tracy today. We talked for 3 hours. We laughed, cried, talked about cancer, talked about other stuff and cried together some more. She recently found out that she has polyps on her liver that may or may not be cancerous. We both know how serious that is and had some end of life conversation....that's a really difficult topic of conversation when you know that you could very well be in the same boat.....not only that, but my friend is hurting and scared and so am I....so yeah...we cried a lot today.

I got dressed, put some make up on and got myself out of the house. Sometimes it's amazing how how you are dressed makes you feel. I was in jeans and an old white stained up t-shirt, big old black cardigan, a brown scarf and 2 hats....I was cold today. Looked like a commercial for some cold meds. So anyway, I fixed myself up, went to the drugstore, post office, visited my former student teaching mentor and went to Walmart where I wandered for over an hour....had some prints made up...ok, about 100 of them...picked out a few frames....some for me, some to frame photos for others and I made myself a little foot spa basket.....little tub for soaking my toes, cream for my feet, a little nail polish....nothing extravagent. I also got myself a small tripod. People have been asking me to do a video talking about my story and as a way of keeping up with me....so I needed the tripod to hold my little iFlip camera. I'm going to do the video (set it all up and the battery died) and keep it real...it won't be pretty but my story isn't pretty.
   Anyway, it's time to get dinner going.

I'm tired and don't particularly want to be alone right now.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 08:57 PM

reads like a good day looking after yourself, spending (quality) time with a good friend, sharing real stuff rather than 'how are you? lovely weather today, did you see the latest movie' ...'

And I like the nurse's advice - don't worry till we tell you - sez. someone who does a very good line in worrying (what if ...) I spend a lot of my time living in the future - usually bad, I'm never worrying about winning the lottery!

I remember reading a meditation/thought of the day re dressing well (even on a very low budget, some of my best clothes come from charity shops!) - because looking your best is a reflection of your self-worth or something like that! So put on your best dress, your war paint & favourite hat & wow 'em.

Soon I'll be putting on my face & a favourite outfit (which always includes a hat, tho my favourite is that Australian classic, an Akubra, & having lunch with my best friend

sending big virtual hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 09:11 PM

Your story is beautiful, Michelle. You inspire many of us in such unexpected ways. I don't expect you to brag about your prowess but never underestimate your shining brilliance. You have made so many insurmountable problems childs play for me.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 12:26 AM

I think I have a book around here one of my best friends sent ages ago. I read most of it (daily ruminations) and it might be interesting for you. I may have passed it on to someone else, so I'll look before I say more.

I have the same hernia Jacqui did (hiatal hernia) but my doctor said it's apparently quite small, so not to worry about it for now. Every so often when I move wrong--it's quite unpleasant. I remember mentioning it to Jacqui in a post ages ago and I think she's the one who put a name to it, and my doctor confirmed it.

I thought I'm mention here, apropos of nothing, that I had two Mudcat shawls, the most recent a beautiful dark blue one from Jacqui, and one that I won in a Mudcat auction years ago, done by MMario. I took Leo's shawl, one with several blues and turquoise yarns, out to old the friend we stayed with in Arizona. She has such a great sense of style and I knew she'd have some of those colors in her wardrobe. Amazing how you can "shop your closet," and she came up with two garments that now go together perfectly when she wears the shawl with them. For me it was a reminder of supporting Mudcat, and for Bette, it is a reminder of me. And for Michelle, when you have a bad day, even if it is warm so you don't wear your shawl, keep it handy and let it remind you of all of the energy invested, headed your way to help you feel better.

You're getting there, and the aches and pains will subside.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee
From: Rowan
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 02:12 AM

When people ask how I'm doing, quite often I'll reply "Never a dull moment!" It's usually accurate but, Michelle, I have to hand it to you; your life is much more exciting than mine has been for quite some time.

"Adhesions, eh?" Well, they do tend to tie one down a bit. And, if they 'let go' of their own accord, that can feel a bit exciting too, as I found out when the ones that formed between the broken big toe bones let go of their own accord while I was walking down at Wilson's Prom many years ago.

All the best.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 05:42 PM

Today has been a better day. I had a nice call from a girlfriend, went to a Ladies Guild luncheon, did a little grocery shopping and right now I just popped a cake (a very rich chocolate cake....devils food chocolate cake, chocolate pudding, sour cream, canola oil, 4 eggs and water, mix in chocolate chips, put in a bundt pan and bake)in the oven....and no one is here but me so I got to lick batter off BOTH beaters!!!! *GRIN* We're going to the neighbor's house for dinner!!!

I got to spend time with one of my favorite church ladies today....haven't seen her in at least a month....I just LOVE her!!!!   I walked her back to her car this afternoon and she INSISTED that she give me a ride to my car (which was around the block). I told her walking is good for me and she said, "Too bad. I want you with me!" I could just squeeze her!!!!

I'm feeling better today about the pain in my side issue. I noticed that when I bend to put dishes on the lower rack in the dishwasher, to take stuff out of the dryer or even to tie my shoes....it hurts exactly like it did after I got home from my surgery...I have to move the same way to accomodate/avoid pain. Keep your fingers crossed that it's just healing please. :)

I'm off to read for a bit....joined a book club at a nearby library and we are reading All Other Nights byt Dara Horn and another book but the title escapes me. If all goes according to plan and the date doesn't fall on the same date as my chemo, I'll be going with my friend and a group of about 25 to Maryland by bus to see some of the things/places we are reading about. :) YAY!!! Something to look forward to!!!

Lator Gators!

Michelle

PS. I have 2 shawls...one that Jacqui made and that stays right here in the living room with me and another from a local woman and that one stays upstairs!   :) They do make a body feel better and comforted.....great reminder that there are lots of people pulling for me and many prayers being said!!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 06:01 PM

Whenever you need to, wrap yourself in one of those shawls and give yourself a big Mudcat hug!

Someday you'll look back at all these posts and be amazed at your own strength.

Love you, dear.

Allison