BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Janie
Date: 16 Feb 06 - 10:22 PM

Robert E Leej thought he'd pulled a fast one. But Bro' Joe had spotted him right away. He knew this type. In fact, he was pretty sure he knew this particular man. Now Bro' Joe was all-in-all a pretty tolerant fella. He'd keep an eye out for this guy, but not go interferin' unless it was absolutely necessary. It wasn't like he hadn't warned everybody that they still needed to watch out for themselves and use appropriate caution, it bein' a midway and carnival an' such as all that.

"I don't know, though," he thought. "Maybe I should tag along after him for awhile."

He turned and began to follow Leej as he moved down the boardwalk. Then he noticed a circle with campfire singing off to the side. He forgot all about Robert E. Leej and headed for the singing.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 08:58 AM

The morning sun lifts itself over the lapping blue bay, casting tenuous shadows on the forms sleeping here and there on the beach in affectionate twos and even threes. Morning business is lively, as some tune, some stare bemusedly into large mugs of black coffee from Ron-Ron's Java Specialties of the World stand (Do do Ron-Ron!), or stagger down the sandy paths to Jen Ellen's House of Love and Animal Husbandry for a tall glass of Mojo Woman's Sure-Fire Hangover Remedy.

From the shade of the promenade deck, a lean and handsome gambling man stepped onto the gangway of the Albert L. Hansell, noticing with a small smile the hasty overpainting on the large gilt name-plaque on her superstructure. Ole Spaugh never was one for middle names, he thought wryly. He flexed his shoulders and trimmed his calfskin vest, pleased with the chink of gold eagles in the secret inner pocket. Yes, this had been a good trip, clear from the broad delta of the Mississippi to this hidden bay and island of delight in the middle of an unknown sea. He'd done well at the tables, and the beautifully matched, engraved derringers in his left and right inner pockets and not been needed once.

He strode ashore, delighting in the rich breakfast aromas and musical sounds rising from the Boardwalk and the far-flung Capo Carnivale. He thought of Robert E. Leej, had seen him wandering onto the beach a short while back, and wondered what the old cuss was up to.   He made his way along the boardwalk, passing with a smile a gang of early songsters around a campfire, and followed his intuition down the line of the bay, smiling at the beautiful demoiselles along the way, hearing and seeing everything, and missing nothing. That was how you survived, as a Gambler. Miss nothing, and be ready for anything. And he would have it no other way.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 09:59 AM

The ancient mariner has been very fortunate, his hat runneth over with silver coins and bank notes from all corners of the world (but predominately with US presidents on em)

Hoisting his sea bag and slinging it over his left shoulder with the ease many years of practise can give you he wanders towards the tavern where his shipmates from the schooner Mudcat are.

Ahoy Mates! He smiles at the lovely barmaid, and orders 10 jugs of Best Bitter   She frowns and asks the mariner don't you mean a jug and ten glasses? No Lassie ten jugs one each fer me and me mates.
Having a party she asks? No Lassie just a quiet drink with some old friends. He winks and leaves her a large tip....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 10:11 AM

In the corner of the tavern, shaded from the morning sun by the hanging sign outside bearing the Stilly's Sterling Stout, Tipples and Tupples sign, a small and foxy lady stands with a fiddle at her chin.

She notices the transaction between the comely barmad (none other than Stilly herself!) and DTAM, and tapping her foot, launches into Whiskey Before Breakfast, sensing intuitively it was the most appropriate of all her many songs. The drinkers nod, sway and tap their feet in appreciation.

The doorway fills with a tall shadow, and an impeccably dressed Southern gentleman wearing a Panama hat slouches in to the bar.

"Robert E. Leej, at your service, ma'am," he says softly to Stilly.

"A shot of good sippin' bourbon would suit me. And if you have any information about this I woudl be most grateful to know of it..." He unfolds a parchment form from his inner breast pocket and shows her the carefully inked black and red images inscribed there on in delicate steelpoint.

Stilly shakes her head, and gives him his bourbon. He wanders among the tables. For some reason, she watches his progress carefully, almost nervously. Ignoring the calls of customers,she doesn't take her eyes off him for a second.

She doesn't notice, therefore, the quiet form of the Gambler watching these peculiar goings-on from the doorway. He nods quietly to himself and slips back into the shadows, and moves on down the promenade.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 10:49 AM

Since "Queen Anne's Revenge" drove headlong and under full sail into the bank, it's grounded rather firmly in the stinking black mud, probably never to sail again. The crew have long since disembarked by sliding down lines attached to the bowsprit.

Still, a long figure treads the deck, smoke rising in the still morning air from the slow matches burning around his hatbrim. The sunlight glints off the ribbons in his curly black beard -- and from the evil, maniacal glint in his eyes.

Off in the distance, the calliope changes to a Gregorian Chant -- the "Dies Irae".

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Janie
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 11:55 AM

The more musically astute (at least those without hangovers) notice a sudden but subtle shift in the tones of the calliope. It seems to have sheifted from gregorian to byzantine. Could it possible be....

The eyes of the devilish captain narrow, and his lips turn up in a thin smile. "Ah," he thinks to himself. "My old nemesis, El Greko, must be here, along with his crew of Byzantine Babes."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 01:46 PM

El Greko and the Byzantine Babes, having slipped to the top deck of the Albert L. Hansell, surround the calliope player with an unmoving wall of disapprobation and stern demand.

Cowed, the poor, raggedly dressed po'boy at the triple keyboard, confesses, overcome with remorse.

"I did it. It was that Bluebearded Teach feller over on the man-o-war. He offered me a doubloon, and he lit all these sulfur matches in his beard and threatened to behead me if I said anything!!!"

El Greko reaches into an overstuffed fanny pack and draws out a wad of greenbacks.

"Doubloons, be damned, lad. Here's twice their worth in good American buckaroos if ye can make that monster machine of yours play in flatted thirds and other devious intervals and rhythms unknown to Western ears.

And sure enough, given the right incentive, the po' boy finds it in his clever fingers to rap out the theme from Back to Istanbul with remarkable dexterity, and El Greko and the BBs slither off down the gangplank pirouetting in the best belly-dance tradition.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 02:52 PM

"GENTLEFOLK OF ALL PERSUASIONS!!" booms the loudspeakers (for the Norteamericanos) and tannoys (for those from the Old Sod).

"Step right up to the Midway where you will see sights never before seen and which will never be seen again! See the Bearded Lady! See her shave right before your eyes!! See the tattoed banjo player! Yes, tattoed by with every single banjoist joke known to man or woman! Tattoed as a punishment by the savages of Lowereastside, from whence he escaped with his life hanging by a thread! See the fire sword swallower, the only woman in the world who swallows flaming swords! And over in the tent next to the Dragon, you'll find a true marvel of the Age: the last living Chicago Cub who played in a World Series! Come one, come all! For only twennty-five cents (of the country of your choice) you will see the marvels and wonders you have never dreamed of!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: MMario
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 02:59 PM

Anyone willing to keep an eye on the barbecue pit while I catch the 4 pm matinee of 'East Side Story - the Musical' ; I hear they have a new arrangement of 'there's a couch for us' that'll knock your socks off.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 07:15 PM

One of the boiler hands from the steamboat gladly takes the chance to cool off by the barbecue for a while. He turns the mastodon steaks slowly on the giant spit, grinning at the pretty damsels wandering around wearing little more than their instruments in the warm midday sun, doffing his ragged kerchief and grinning gappily as they wave and walk on by.

From the back of her tavern, Stilly rolls out a gigantic cart laden with plates, trenchers, napkins and cutlery, and a feast is set out in front of the barbecue for those who need to line their stomachs against the assaults of strong drink and stronger hilarity in the evening ahead.

From the shade of a nearby banyan, the Gambler appears, fingering the gold coins in one pocket, and he leans over to Stilly for a whispered conversation while she lays out the settings. She shakes her head nervously, looking around to make sure she isn't being watched from some quarter, and speaks rapidly to him from the corner of her mouth. He thanks her, straightens up and vanishes among the shadows once again.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 09:46 PM

Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it....

The phrase crept through the back thoughts of Charles Stonewall Delacroix, Gambler, as he watched the modern merrymaking folkies swarm to the groaning board laid out for them.

He thought back on how time had unfolded itself to this delightful confluence. A time long ago stirred within him, and a century raced into view in his mind's eye. He let the memories of the past unfold -- his early days on the river, followed lightly in the stream of mental images by recollections of his disappearance, his amazing encounters across time and space, and how it happened that folk music was saved from tyranny in that long ago place and time.

He watched the fruit of his labors, as a young woman wearing a hand-made mandolin struck up a fine duet with a shaggy lad playing a Taylor with some skill, and harmonizing sweetly to Lorena.

It matters little now, Lorena,
The past is in the eternal past;
Our hearts will soon lie low, Lorena,
Life's tide is ebbing out so fast.
There is a future, oh, thank God!
Of life this is so small a part---
'Tis dust to dust beneath the sod.
But there, up there, 'tis heart to heart.

His eyes moistened, and he drew himself together, remembering the new risks which made it necessary for him to be here, watching, seeing everything.

Innocence, he thought. They have no idea of the risks they take and the dangers into which they are standing even as they sing.

Through the trees, he again caught sight of the form of Robert E. Leej strolling toward one of the distant amusement rides, and thought again of the mysterious parchment, with its fine red and black lines, that Leej had shown the tavern mistress. He hastened crosslots in back of some shrubs and disappeared behind the banyans in hasty pursuit.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 11:05 PM

Hmmm. That was some nap. . . last thing I remember I was grilling salmon and listening to bawdy songs in the pickemup truck. . . turns over and goes back to sleep . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Once Famous
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 11:11 PM

Little Hawk said I would have fun here.


?!

This thread qualifies for the Joe Offer rubber stamp:

THIS THREAD IS CLOSED.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 11:14 PM

Canadians are known for their dry sense of humour, Martin. What I really meant was that this thread would bore the shoes and socks right off your feet...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Once Famous
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 11:24 PM

You are right about that.

Dry sense of humor?

What humor?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: number 6
Date: 17 Feb 06 - 11:32 PM

we spell it.. humour .. Martin.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 12:03 AM

Shane wanders forlornly about, trying to find just one sign of real North Ontario culture, one Death Metal workshop, one Ozzie cover band, one wet T-shirt contest, one really dumb girl with majorly visible assets and not much good judgement, one replay of Hockey Night in Canada...in a sea of sophisiticated, cosmopolitan, multi-cultural folkies.

"I feel like a stranger in a strange flippin' land," he mutters disconsolately. Then he brightens up for a moment. "Geez. That'd make a good title fer a book..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: number 6
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 12:05 AM

What the hell would Shane know about a book ... I doubt whether he can read.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 12:14 AM

He has ambitions as a writer. He figures it's a good way of getting paid without really working... (grin)

Didn't you know that he writes a humorous column for the Sudbury Sapsucker? Officer Dana got him started on it when he was in the pen, and he has kept it going since, earning a few bucks on the side. His readers fall into 3 camps: those who think he's an incoherent idiot, those who think he's a brilliant comic pretending to be an incoherent idiot, and those who embrace his idiotic hoseristic values themselves. So far it seems to be working out okay. It's Trailer Park Boys for readers.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: GUEST,The One
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:59 AM

The Boys from Brokenback Mountain strike again.
Mr. no wit, passive aggressive, wannabe Guru and his plebeian Buddies, the Mouth and the Hanger on.
Mr. no Wit manipulates yet another nightly mission to seek and destroy anything that takes away from himself and the sad fools he uses to vent his very obvious repressed anger. The Mouth was a gift from the dark side for him. A no brain who could be whipped into a frenzy on command and a Yes man. Perfect combo. A Mac Donald's Unhappy Meal of sorts.
Mission unaccomplished as usual however.
Meanwhile in the distance Folks are starting the arrive on the Boardwalk oblivious to the nocturnal antics of a few sad men.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 12:00 PM

The Gambler felt a cold wind sweep through the continuum, and he turned around to see what could have caused it. The day was bright and warm, the blue as blue, the music as fair. But something was surely stirring in the vibes, and it wasn't good.

He saw a dog-eared mustachioed acne-ridden folkie sidling toward the barbecue, carrying a Japanese guitar. Something, he knew, something was wrong with the fellow--not quite right. Delacroix' eyes narrowed in thought.

With a few swift steps, he came up behind the folkie in the black slouch hat and dog-eared jeans jacket.

"Excuse me, friend....". The man turned, and Delacroix looked him in the eye.

"Have you seen the Heron?"

The man's jaw dropped as fast as the cheap Japanese guitar, as he grabbed for something in his pocket. Too slowly, as it happened; In a half-second Delacroix had closed with him, and muffled by their bodies the sound of the silvery tooled derringer going off against the man's chest was muffled, and drew no attention.

The Gambler stretched the now lifeless form out against a jacaranda tree, with its hat over its eyes, and the Japanese guitar laid over the entry wound. Just a hung-over folkie, sleeping it off.

He slipped the man's knife from the jacket pocket, and heard a crisp and dusty rustle. In the inner pocket, he found a piece of parchment, looking as ancient as Karnak, but undamaged by time. He looked briefly at the strange red and black lines engraved on it, and slipped it into his own pocket behind the second derringer.

He noticed, but ignored, a small card that fell from the dead man's pocket. Wet with blood, its type was obscured. ".....bson,Agent Provacateur and Bassi...", it read.

Robert Stonewall Delacroix turned and headed for the Albert L. Hansell, leaving the cold, sleeping form to its rest.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 12:25 PM

Nice...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Once Famous
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 02:08 PM

humor should not be spelled humour on an American website.

And some of you should not forget it is an American website.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Janie
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 05:44 PM

"Anybody know where MMario got off to? I'm hungry as a bear!" exclaimed Janie, as she walked up to a group of sleepy, hung over songsters sprawled around a campfire. "I ain't never eat mastadon before and I am eager for to try some. These here funnel cakes is awlright, I guess, but they don't stick long in yer stomick." She was busy trying to brush the powdered sugar off her chin and t-shirt.

"Anybody up for a little gospel singin', seein' as how tommorrow is Sunday, and from the looks of it, some of you has done enough sinnin' the last 24 hurs that you better get an early start on repentin'."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Janie
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 09:39 AM

Jeri turned over, gave Janie a dead-eyed stare, then pulled her jacket up over her head to block out the light. Sinsull Who Does Not Snore kept right on snoring. Gutbucketeer, who DOES snore, sat up and grinned.

Kendall, Jacqui and Amos were already up. Mugs of coffee in their hands, engrossed in their own conversation, they completey ignored the scene around the ashes of the campfire.

Charlie Baum popped out from behind a tree and cheerfully sang a Yiddish folk song. Carly sat up and immediately joined in.

In the distance, the calliope started up with "Stars and Stripes Forever." Rapaire, looking quite swashbuckling in his 3 Musketeers Hat with a rapier at his side, jumped up on the picnic table and began playing the flourishes on his trumphet. The Brits threw paper cups at him, but his mission was accomplished. Everyone was up.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 09:56 AM

Sated with rich food, folkies disperse to all corners of the Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Capo-Clinching Carnival, some to take the languorous Swan Boat Ride through the winding tunnels of the Mystery Tune and Lost Chord Cruise, some to meander past the stands sniffing the jasmine, the quaint incense, the bright-colored scented soaps, or admire the hand-made jewelry on offer. Not Joe Offer -- he doesn't wear that stuff.

Two wrinkled men steer across the clearing behind the barbecue to resume a bluegrass session, one carrying an elegant Silver Lady, the other an worn but beautiful D-28. They step over the ankles of the still, prostrate form leaning against the jacaranda tree, its hat gently laid over its eyes.

"Sleeping off a bad night, pal?", one remarks as they step over, heading for the gathering.

"Don't bother him," the guitar player rejoins. "Believe me, we're better off with him sleeping it off. I played with him for a while when we first got here, and if ever there was a candidate for an asshole costume, it's that guy."

The sun in early afternoon made bright whites and dark shadows of the gingerbread along the quarterdeck of the Albert Hansell as the Gambler came out of his stateroom and moved down the deck to the door that led to Robert E. Leej's quarters. He took a small folded card, engraved with his name and station, out of his pocket, and wrote on it briefly with a small pencil stub.

Urgent we talk; call on me at any hour. C.S. Delacroix

He tucked it under the brass number plate on the door, annoyed that the man he most needed to talk to was not answering his knock.

He returned to his own quarters and sat on the small bench against the wall, and cleaned and reloaded his silver derringer. You never know, he thought, when you are going to want one primed and ready.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 11:17 AM

Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, a freds turned on a hyperspatialtransdimensional warpviewer, scanned for a bit, and then called his friends and genetics to see what itshehe had found. A steamboat, a sailing ship beached in stinking black muck, a carousel, a gambler -- they all gasped in amazement and chuckled at what fools these Earthlings be. Still, they wished that the labrador retriever would come through without injury; not that they were animal lovers, but because they needed the genetic material....

And back on the Boardwalk, a black lab chased seagulls....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Janie
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM

One of he/she/its decided to lock on to the labrador with a tractor beam. Why take a chance on it being destroyed before they had a chance to use its DNA? Moving targets presented no problem, the quark sight was really quite reliable under most circumstances. They might get a seagull also, but--what the hey....

The a fred flipped the switch on the tractor beam. The beam travelled across space and time, zeroing in on the labrador. Nanoseconds before the beam would have captured the dog, a skinny fella in a black hat with a steel resonator guitar stepped into the line of fire. The beam deflected off of the shiny resonator at an oblique angle, and locked onto the apparently still sleeping honcho under the jacaranda tree. The body of the fella dissapperated in less than an instant as the particles began their long journey
up through space.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 02:01 PM

Through the bluegrass and marching band music, came the sound of the caravan.
The North Gypsy Caravan of Color, all pulling in at the west end of the beach.
Their buses and trailors loaded down with firewood and fiddles, dulcimers and drums, pigs and pipes, bangles and barrel organs, tamborines and a tipsy sailor with his pet bandicoot, they had picked up along the hyway. The tipsy sailor said his name was Fillmore East, so they took it as an omen to go to the west.
The band parked and started to unload and set up camp, raising the (freak) gypsy flag, announcing their arrival.

Zeak of Zerkel starting for the boardwalk to invite one and all to the drum circle tonight, followed by the sultry sounds of Isadora of Isanti playing her customized concertina in the key of C sharp. A concert sure to stun all senses!

Rustic Rebel of Rayville climbs out from behind the wheel of one of the buses, streches, yawns, throws her clothes of in a flash and makes a mad dash into the sea. It's been a long overdue trip for this one...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 02:13 PM

Robert E Leej waited for the footsteps to fade down the hallway before slowly opening the door to his quarters. He saw the card from Delacroix, closed the door, read it in silence. He then took a piece of foolscap from his writing chest and scribbled a note. It read
"Charley old friend,
I say this to you with thoughts in mind of the many kindnesses you have shown me through the years, of the bloody miles we traveled together in the late lamented rebellion, and of the many poker pots we have split amicably since those days. I am aware that you have been making certain inquiries. So are others whose malicious attention you have attracted. Even now, you are followed. Please, Charlie, leave this matter be. You must not involve yourself, as it holds the greatest threat to your life, your soul, and your honor. I am duty-bound to warn you from this course of action that will likely involve me in direst disaster, and you, should you be foolish enough not to desist.
Having said all of this, I am fairly certain, due to the same bull-headedness that made you charge the Yankee line at Antietam with a minie ball in your shoulder, that you will make the wrong decision and plunge headlong into this peril. If this is your decision, then I wash my hands of the consequences. Meet me at eight this evening at the Great Oak in the wood behind the Whizzy Wig Gospel Tent. Mind the pale, ginger haired fellow who will attempt to follow you.

Regards

Robt L Leej"

Leej folded the note, sealed it with candle wax, and strode down the companionway to the Hansell's Tavern. There he saw a cabin boy, whom he tipped with a two-bit piece, saying "go fetch Mr Delacroix, lad." Soon, the boy returned with a puzzled and perturbed Delacroix in tow.
Delacroix strode up to Leej, saying "what's this? Summoning an old comrade in the manner of a King, Bobby!" Leej smiled and handed the note to Delacroix, saying quietly "I trusted no one to take it to you. Read it, then burn it." With this, Robert E Leej tipped his hat and strode toward the entrance, stopping to place his hand firmly on the shoulder of a pale, ginger fellow who had just entered. "Bartender. Give this jovial-looking fellow an absinthe. Actually, make it two." The green liquid was served up, and Leej fixed the man in his glance, clicked glasses in a toast, then drank, casting a quick glance toward Delacroix. "Excellent!" said Leej, placing a folded bill on the bar. "Now, I really must be going, but see that this fine fellow gets two more of the same." Leej turned his back on the baffled pale man, smiled at Delacroix, and left.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 02:23 PM

From the water's edge comes a gurgling, whistling sound and one eye, an eye the size of the clock face of Big Ben, peeks above the waves.

The brouhahahahahaha has reached down into the deep and awakened...Architeuthis (Archie to his friends), the Giant Squid.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 03:31 PM

A tanned young folkie, deck-hand of the Albert Hansell, sat on the gray, weathered beams that marked the boundary of sand and boardwalk, changing strings on his scarred but sturdy Martin. He hummed as he rolled the old set into neat coils and tucked them away for emergencies. A, D, G...the afternoon sun was pleasant on his shirtless form and his legs beneath the ragged cutoff jeans he wore, and he hummed a shanty to himself as he worked.

Ye bully boys of Liverpool, I would have ye to beware
And when ye sign to a packet ship, no dungaree jumper wear.
But have a good donkey jacket, all ready to your hand,
For there blow some cold nor'westers....!!!!

He looked up in astonishment as the waters of the gentle surflline seemed tp part with shimmering awe, revealing the form of a beautiful and bounteous woman wading out from a swim. Her ringlets, plastered to her fair brow, dripped graceful rivulets of sea water onto her gleaming, suit-less shoulders. The boy's jaw began to drop as he took in the monumental eloquence of this shimmering form.

He nearly choked on his next words, a mixed gurgle and shout driven by fear and infatuation in roughly equal volumes. "Looo...looo..loook OUT MISSSS!!"

He leapt to his feet, tearing across the sands at a surprising clip. From the slightly darker water behind the beautiful lass, a froth and a rippling sound broke out, and a huge, writhing tentacle, lined with suckers and dotted with barnacles, snaked through the warm after noon air, seeking and sensing....

He tore past the puzzled but beautiful damsel, who only began to shriek after she followed his flight past her into the shallows behind her. He slugged the leading tip of the nearby tentacle as hard as he could, feeling it was futile, but knowing he had to do something. The giant, serpentine form veered away and then back, sensing and seeking revenge. In an instant it had begun to wrap itself around the sturdy deck-hand's shoulders, blistering his tan hide with sucker-marks and barnacle scrapes. The woman screamed louder, numbed with terror, as a second tentacle loomed out of the deep and writhed toward her.

Struggling to free his shoulders, the lad twisted mightily and got one arm free. He looped the used B string rapidly, once, twice, around the base of the massive snakelike arm; and gritting his teeth wrapped the ends around either hand and drew tight; tighter and tighter. The blood began to spurt from the cuts in his handfs where the wire dug in, but he closed his eyes and heaved harder on the ends, and the wire cut surely and deeply into, and finally completely through, the foul tentacle at its thickest part.

A spray of ugly dark blood spouted from the shorn stub, which thrashed angrily. A storm of heaving waves, froth and flying tentacles began at the surface just a few yards off shore, and with a huge hissing and screaming sound the body of the giant monster through itself into the air, landing with a towering splash of water and dark clouds of blood, and thrashed its way into the deep waters, away from the shallows along the tip of Point Sharp, thrashing and foaming the surface as it went.

The lad staggered ashore and put one hand on the lovely woman's trembling shoulder as they watched the monster's wake disappear beyond the point.

"Are...are....are you all right, ma'am?", he asked timidly.

She looked at his lacerated shoulders and bleeding hands, and at the bloody stump of tentacle still slopping in the surf-line, and she looked at him.

Still dripping seawater from her naked form, she smiled....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Janie
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 10:26 PM

Uh.....lessee.........uhmmm......

And THEN what happened?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 10:32 PM

Scenting the blood of Archie's amputated arm, a sperm whale (Physeter macrocephalus), fully mature and full of aggression, swims into the harbor and straight for the squid!

"Ladeees AND Gennlemen! Come one, come all, to the Beach to see the greatest combat ever seed in these parts! A whale of a whale versus a giant squid! A sight rarely seen and never before by human beans! Drop what you're doin' and come to the beach! Admission is only one thin US dollar!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 10:58 PM

The ancient mariner loads his Colt Commander and straps the Galco holster and double mag pouch on. Holstering the Colt in cocked and locked condition, he adjusts the knife on his left side and checks his cutlass. This place can be downright dangerous guess I should take a few precautions before venturing around here....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 12:09 AM

The water explodes! Great sheets of spray, tinged red with the blood of the two mammoth marine monsters, reflect rainbows over the heads of the awe-struck crowd. Never had they even imagined a sight like this! The first human beings to see this epic battle between ancient foes! Levithan and Kraken, the world seemed composed of nothing but flukes, tentacles, and those immense sheets of scarlet-tinted water!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Janie
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:00 AM

In the stunned silence a voice was heard, "Hey, somebody ought to write a song about this!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:56 AM

Awed by the incredible spectacle off Point Harp, the deckhand the the wind-drying folkie lass stood in the sand, his hand still on her shoulder, until the battle had waned and the heaving seas of the battleground had calmed. Then she turned and smiled again, and said, "I really should get my clothes on. What will people think? And you need some first aid. Let's head over to Jen's. She has just what we need, I am told, to put things right. I'm parked over on the west edge, near her place."

The boy, his normally placid mind already overburdened with love, terror, pain and adrenalin, nodded mutely.

"You were a hero, you know. I can't think about what might have happened if you hadn't been there tuning your guitar...."

They strolled back down the boardwalk, a dramatic ripple in the tides of people going to and fro by the great bay. In the sunlight. In the afternoon. At the Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Capo-Clinching Carnival...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 10:01 AM

Queen Janie commands and i obey over the hills and far away.....

If you'll gather 'round me children
A story I will tell
Of Delacroix the gambler
Oh the Mudcat knew him well.

It was on the Carnival broadwalk
It was Saturday afternoon
His friends a drinking in the tavern
As on the decks he strode.

There a scruffy folkie approached him
In a manner rather rude
threatening him with violence
and the gambler he pursued

The folkie grabbed a long knife
And the gambler grabbed a gun
And in the fight that followed
He laid that folkie down.

He took to the steamboat Albert Hansell
He knows a life of shame
but no crime in Mudcat city
was added to his name

As through this world I ramble
I've see all kinds of men
Some will rob you with a Six gun
And some do it with a ballpoint pen.

All your life you travel
As through your life you roam
You won't never see old Delacroix
Drive a folkie from their home.

with suitable appologies to Woody Guthrie fer hijacking his song Pretty Boy Floyd

Yours, Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 10:04 AM

(LOL DTAM!! Nice to see you in top form!)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 10:07 AM

Yours, Aye cap'n Amos

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Janie
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 11:15 AM

Mean while, Janie has moved to a bench near the center of the midway. Her eyes are closed and she basks in the warm sun, feeling quite pleased to have been called a Queen. "If I were a Queen," she muses, "I'd make that old mariner an Admiral."

"I wonder if I dare try to ride the 'Holy Modal Harmonica' attraction. Do Queens puke?"

She opens her eyes and gasps in shock. "Greatgawdallmighty, lookit there--it's a nekkid lady coming right down the midway--not a stitch of clothes nor an ounce of shame upon her!" Passers-by glance at the nude young lass, then turn to gape at the hillybilly woman making such a spectacle of herself.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 11:29 AM

Meanwhile out in the bay, the sperm whale is seen hoisted above the water by four rigid tentacles. The whale is spun around, first clockwise and then counterclockwise, and finaly SLAMMED to the surface! The crowd goes mad! And then, as two tentacles breach and begin to shake each other in the traditional manner, they vanish -- pulled straight down by...something!

And the surface of the water roils and boils and two huge heads break the surface.

The combatants, bloody and beaten, look at each other and their gaze softens...and they are still.

And to the delighted surprise of the crowd, the sea creatures turn to the open ocean and swim away, fluke in tentacle, their anger spent and replaced by something far nicer....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM

Robert E Leej puffed a cheroot and sipped a glass of Madiera as he watched the horrific struggle in the bay. Suddenly, an idea took bloom in his eyes and he drained the wine, heaving the stogie into the corner of his mouth. Leej stripped off his swallow-tail jacket, rolled up his sleeves, and borrowing a boat-hook from one of the crewmen, began to fish about in the gory brine. At last he had what he had sought and, dropping it into a bucket, made his way to the tavern where he found Delacroix, and his the man who had been following him, were gone. He spoke a few words to the bartender, then handed him the bucket.
Leej returned to his room, where he busied himself with cleaning and loading his two-shot Derringer pistol, and reviewing his plans for the evening. He had not been long at this when a knock was heard at the cabin door, and he opened it to usher in a steward with a rolling cart, upon which stood a silver bucket holding Spanish Cava on ice, and a large covered dish. As the steward closed the door behind him. Leej seated himself by the cart, popped the champagne, and lifted the lid of the dish, disclosing the freshest, not to mention largest, plate of calamari he had ever had the pleasure to behold.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Pied Piper
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 12:08 PM

Meanwhile overhead at 10,000 feet a Hercules transport plane with the logo of the Confederate air force circles, as a crack team of Mudcat neo-cons prepare for the jump.
Their leader crew cut and boot blacked gives them some final encouraging words
"Lets get down there and kick us some whinin' liberal Ass"

The bay door swings open the wind howls like a hammer and one by one they are gone.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 01:53 PM

Focused on their jump and fear they would instill upon landing, they realized half-way down that it would have went much better if they had remember their parachutes....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 02:32 PM

You'd better miss me boys i'm no liberal, glide west young men......

The ancient mariner passes a fresh towel to the lovely young naked lady who is now trying to open the door to a ladies changing room to retreive her clothes surrounded by some dangerous looking men who were chasing her down the broadwalk.

"Stand Fast" he steps in front of the men and his hand drops instinctively to the Colt .45 "The lady don't need your company in there"   The mob becomes angry some of them are reaching inside their pockets for weapons when the mariners eyes menace them into innaction He says very firmly "If you draw a weapon boys don't blink cause you'll die in the darkness if you do" Only one man decides to try; out of his pocket comes a snubbie .38 S&W revolver
The .45 fires three times two bullets concentrated dead centre in the mans chest and one large hole appears in the mans forehead he is dead before the body hits the broadwalk.

That's called the Mozambique drill boys, anyone else need a demo?

The crowd quickly fades away.... The mariner sits down and waits for the police to arrive....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 03:19 PM

"So, you say this man drew on you while you were defending the naked lady?", said the Marshall, sucking thoughtfully on the left handlebar of his droopy moustache.

"That's keerect." replied the old salt, who was wiping out the barrel of his .45 and refilling the mag. "She hadn't asked fer their company, and when I suggested they stand off a ways, he took serious exception. Unfortunately, my serious exception was a little faster than his'n."

"Wal, I guess it was self-defense, in the course of chivalrous activity. So we won't be pressing no charges, Mister Mariner. 'Round these parts, that's considered commendable, not culpable. But I would suggest you keep your peace and your piece in the future; we don't want to start no gun-waving foolishness, you understand."

"Perfickly, Marshall, and thanks very much. APpreciate your quick and accurate judgement in the matter."

The old sailor slipped the hogleg back inhis saggy sailor's torusers, and tipped his hat to the Marshall, who turned to oversee the trash collectors hauling a large black plastic packageover to their dumptruck.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Janie
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 04:45 PM

"Pretty small place when the Marshall and the supervisor of Public Works are the same person," remarked a cocky looking young man with tatoos all up and down his arms and torso.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Funhouse, Boardwalk and Carnival
From: Amos
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 05:44 PM

(The Marshall was just making sure the body was being treated with appropriate respect, Janie!)