BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.

Subject: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: The Shambles
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 05:16 AM

This thread is specally created as one where any poster who may wish to - and surprisingly there seems to be quite a few - can talk shit about turds, play spelling games or (if they really wish to) make personal judgements about their fellow posters.

I think the title about sums this thread subject up - but I will probably be also judged wrong in this.......

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 05:53 AM

higgledy piggledy Vladimir Horowitz
played the piano while picking his nose
psychoanalysis failed to dissuade him
as quick or as well as the snot on his clothes

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 06:03 AM

69

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 07:13 AM

Richard the Turd, or was it Dick the shit.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 07:22 AM

Roger is having a tantrum because people didn't take his posts seriously in Harpgirl's thread, funny what he responds to.
G..

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: bobad
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 07:57 AM

Shambles rambles.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: kendall
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:06 AM

Higgledi piggledi Benjamin Harrison, served between Clevelands but other than that idiosincrasy didn't do much.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: JennyO
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:26 AM

A-well-a everybody's heard about the turd
T-t-t-turd, turd, turd, t-turd's the word
A-well-a turd, turd, turd, the turd is the word
A-well-a turd, turd, turd, well the turd is the word
A-well-a turd, turd, turd, t-turd's the word
A-well-a turd, turd, turd, well the turd is the word
A-well-a turd, turd, t-turd's the word
A-well-a turd, turd, turd, t-turd's the word
A-well-a turd, turd, turd, well the turd is the word
A-well-a turd, turd, t-turd's the word
A-well-a don't you know about the turd?
Well, everybody knows that the turd is the word!
A-well-a turd, turd, t-turd's the word
A-well-a...

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-oom-oom-oom
Oom-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Well don't you know about the turd?
Well, everybody knows that the turd is the word!
A-well-a turd, turd, t-turd's the word

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:48 AM

Sometimes I shits and stinks
An' sometimes I just shits.

G..

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:57 AM

I agree with Roger on this one. Turds simply aren't funny. I know, cos I step in them quite often, due to having 3 dachshunds who DO give a shit! (regularly) Furthermore, jokes about turds aren't funny, they're just tedious and boring. Same goes for jokes about farts...very, very tedious, unless one got caught in a state of arrested development sometime before the age of 10.

I feel that this is essentially what prevented Spaw from reaching a level of true brilliance in the annals of inane BS on Mudcat (though some will dispute that!). If not for his puerile fascination with scatological humour, that boy could have been a contender! He could probably have secured a spot on the Board of Directors of the WSSBA and be sitting back right now getting his feet massaged by nubile young things in fishnet stockings, while perusing promo shots of Winona Ryder, and listening to David Bowie sing "Space Oddity". He could have done all kinds of wonderful stuff...but no! He had to go on and on and on and on...about farts! Pathetic.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: John O'L
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:02 AM

Thanks Shambles.

I've been waiting, God, it seems like years, for someone to open a thread on which I could spell turd.

Tee, Yew, Ah, Dee.

Ta,
John

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: *daylia*
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:12 AM

t?
u
R
d (-ranged!)

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: mooman
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:19 AM

Sorry to disagree LH...

Shitner has the edge on Shatner...

moo

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 11:19 AM

Why Shambles, are you trying to limit free speech in other threads by shifting the discussion here?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 11:22 AM

fucksthisaboot?

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 11:23 AM

Subject: RE: HI Max: What about Shambles requests?
From: The Shambles - PM
Date: 23 Aug 05 - 02:08 PM

...

... I for one have no wish to have a say in how Max's site is run.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: The Shambles
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 11:33 AM

This was the post in full - for your sins and Susan's sillines.

Subject: RE: HI Max: What about Shambles requests?
From: The Shambles - PM
Date: 23 Aug 05 - 02:08 PM

Shambles, what part of what MMario said do you not understand? It is quite clear to most of us that this site belongs to Max. We have NO say in how it is run.

Kendall - It is indeed long been clear that this site belongs to Max and I for one have no wish to have a say in how Max's site is run.

However this is a part of Max's website that he has very generously set aside for invited contributions from the public and called the Mudcat Discussion Forum. I have some agreement - for my reference to this part of Max's site - as our forum. It is from a very unlikely source - and perhaps you would agree with the both of us?

[PM] Joe Offer BS: Censorship on Mudcat (1009* d) RE: BS: Censorship on Mudcat 31 Mar 05

Well, I have to agree with Shambles that Max seems to convey the idea that this is "our" forum. However, it also seems quite clear that very few of us want "our" forum to be taken over by those who would wish to make it a place of combat and chaos.

So, Max appointed some of us to try to keep down the worst of the nastiness. We don't do enough to satisfy some people (Clinton Hammond, for example), and we do too much to satisfy Shambles.

So, we continue to stumble along what we see as the middle path, knowing that we will never satisfy everybody. Such is life.

-Joe Offer-

Our forum is certainly not Joe Offer's and it does not say that it is in the FAQ - yet.

TURD.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: MMario
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 11:37 AM

though in this particular case "I for one have no wish to have a say in how Max's site is run." certainly is a complete statement and not open to misinterpretation.

Unless you have now changed your mind and wish to tell Max how to run his site?

So why include all the extraneous crap that didn't make sense the first time you posted it - and certainly makes even less sense now that it is being qouted totally out of context with the conversation you originally posted it in.


rearrange turds and you have durt. which is what life does anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 11:54 AM

There was a young man from the Clyde
Who fell down a sewer and died
Along came his brother,
Who fell down another
And now they're interred side by side!

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: The Shambles
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 12:15 PM

Life is only partly about turds.

But new life does spring from them.

I am often reminded of the local dump where human waste (or turds) were dumped after processing. The whole place was alive with tomato plants.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: MMario
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 12:18 PM

If the tomatoes came from night soil/human waste - then it was incorrectly processed. Correct processing of human waste would prevent the tomato seeds from sprouting.

Of course the seeds could easily have come from birds overflying the site - or other less processed waste.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 12:53 PM

Shambles, are you trying to limit free speech in other threads by shi**ing the discussion here?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: curmudgeon
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 12:56 PM

Tooraloo, tooralay, a rolling stone gathers no moss, so they say.
Sing along, with the birds. It's a wonderful song but its all about turds.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 03:41 PM

Shambles is undeterred.
G..

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 04:49 PM

We moved to a suburb of Columbus in 1959 and into a new brick home in a subdivision filled with others just like ours. Like other middle class families we had the requisite "things" that made us middle class. From tableware to appliances to fads, we all kept up with the Joneses. Where the Joneses got the idea that some of this stuff was essential to living the good life, I'll never know.

Fortunately my parents were not much into that and as a kid I was typically pretty oblivious. In this new subdivision it became important to distinguish your home from others through landscaping and lawns, and in that we did put some time. The company that built the homes had come through and scraped all the topsoil away from the rich farm field before they started building homes. When each house was done they stuck a sapling in the front yard and sodded the clay. The sod was okay but everyone needed to enrich the ground so we all bought loads of topsoil to spread. Of course they were selling us back the same topsoil, dumping the pile in the driveway. I recall looking down our street at one point and seeing a pile at almost every home.

After a few years every house began to be a bit different. My Dad's one great talent was building things with rock so we had lots of lovely beds and planters. Our neigbor, Bud, was a lawn freak. While our lawn was adequate, his was the kind of which a greenskeeper would be jealous. The turf was so thick and the Kentucky Bluegrass so lush and dense that you couldn't see the top of your shoes. It sprang right back into shape after you moved on. Bud was a railroader like my Dad and had an irregular schedule but mornings when he was home you'd see him out in his yard at 6 AM. He would sit on his honches with a plastic bucket at his side pulling weeds by hand. No one else ever saw any weeds so the neighborhood joke was that he was removing the individual blades of grass he didn't like. Fanatic is not too strong a word.

Somewhere or another Bud read about processed sewage and it's great value as a fertilizer so he had to have some. He talked it up in the little conclaves of men who would pass an evening together standing in front of someone's house and playing the Jones game. Whatever Bud had was, in his words, "the best gawdamn whatever it was you can buy." And so it was his sewage was delivered and spread and we all looked on waiting to see how this great new idea could possibly make his lawn better. For blocks around people would walk past daily or gawk out their car windows waiting anxiously for the first sign of change.

The change came seemingly all at once and as fate would have it when Bud was out on a run. I myself remember my Old Man laughing his ass off as he perused the crop of young tomato plants rising up in the sunlight. By the time Bud got home it was quite a sight. Funny thing though...As much as Bud later complained about it, the next few weeks as he removed each and every tomato plant individually, squatting down with his trusty blue plastic bucket at his side, may have been the happiest days of his life.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: jacqui.c
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 05:16 PM

That's a wonderful story Spaw.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 05:39 PM

Well, this is very interesting. I did a Google search on "higgledy piggledy" "vladimir horowitz", and I got a whole bunch of hits that look like thinly disguised porn sites. I clicked on one with this name and description...

"LARGE PENIS MAN noseless
... tree poppy gallop stormily or inconsequently vladimir horowitz ecumenic. ...
Chock-a-block genus calystegia triangulate higgledy-piggledy primarily
...www.large-penis-man.more-asstraffic.com/ - Similar pages"

...and it sent me to a page entirely in Polish with pictures of a gorilla and the Pope near the top. No mention of Vladimir Horowitz though.


And this was in the page for the Burnham Clarion Inn, PA...

"Forthrightly isoroku yamamoto profit pragmatically and patently sarcosome beautiful. Beyond any doubt demobilisation butterfly convulsively or slap mental unsoundness ubiquitous. Flirtatiously ustilaginaceae knock off cash on delivery distinctly self-adapting program drenched in. Along uranologist crimp half-heartedly or tragically allyl resin iritic. burnham clarion inn pa Nightly distraction miff pointedly or powerlessly social work spice-scented. Polysyllabically line organisation soar up weightily or garishly blewits hepatic. Most importantly theater of war pull wires obscenely ulteriorly u.s. house of representatives dropped."

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 05:58 PM

I think many porn sites are using collections of 'interesting' words hidden in their front page to lure in folks who do searches. Sometimes it is done white-on-white so you don't see the trick.....oughta be a law!

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: GUEST,Peter Woodruff
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:31 PM

Let us not forget Karl Rove. He is the original "Turd Blossom." I hope the courts hang him for treason!

Peter

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:43 PM

The Fable of the Migrant Bird.
Tune: The Dalesman's Litany. Words by Paul Haines. Copyright 1984.
Adapted from an anonymous office broadsheet.

A little bird set out one day an his migrant winter flight,
He'd been delayed in flying south, out larking late at night,
When flying up in high snow clouds, his wings began to freeze,
And he fell to earth in a farmer's field collapsing on his knees.

Just as he was about to slip into death's last frozen sleep,
Young Buttercup came wandering up, all for to take a peep,
And seeing the birdy on the ground, a-shivering where he lay,
Young Buttercup raised up her tail, crapped on him, and walked away.

As this steaming heap of warm fresh shit began to thaw the birdy,
He roused himself, and from death's door, awoke and 'came quite sturdy,
He chirped a song of happy mirth, though his movements were restricted,
By the gooey lump of hot manure, that to his wings was stickted.

Hearing this merry chirping sound, sly Felix from the farmhouse,
Slipped through the cat-flap in the door, and swift as any fieldmouse,
He hooked the birdy from the mound, and wiped him on the grass,
And, when he was all nice and clean, he gobbled him up fast.

The moral of this tale is clear, and conclusion now it lends,
That he who gets you out of the shit, he may not be your friend,
And he that comes and craps on you, he may not be your foe,
But if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, then keep your big mouth closed.

Shambles, please read and inwardly digest.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: jacqui.c
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:45 PM

Don. that's great! I'm going to pinch it and use it.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: s6k
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:54 PM

THIS THREAD IS TERD

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:59 PM

Anyone remember Turd Ferguson? He was part of a comedy skit. Celebrity Jeopardy with Burt Reynolds and others unable to answer the simplest question. Burt insists on wearing a huge foam cowboy hat and being called Turd Ferguson.

I got the identical cowboy hat for my nephew and had it delivered to Turd Ferguson. You should have seen the look on the UPS man's face as he asked if Turd Ferguson was at home.

An Aunt Mary moment.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:03 PM

GREAT story, Spaw! You are a contender, after all. As Austin Powers once said to Mini-Me..."I salute you!"

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: ranger1
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:49 PM

I don't know why I read this thread. I've been dealing with other peoples' (and their dogs')shit all summer. Today's clogged toilet should have gone into the Guinness Book of World Records.

ranger1 (having an "I hate the general public" day)

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:53 PM

No way, man. Not unless you are knee deep in shit right now. I bet I seen worse at our place the time we tried to flush 5 pounds of dope down the toilet...which was already flippin' plugged!

We had unexpected "visitors" that day. Know what I'm sayin'?


- Don the Man

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Joe Offer
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 01:45 AM

I was afraid this was going to be another one of those threads that was all full of Shambles shit. I'm glad it's not, because I want to talk turds. In fact, I want to complain about turds. And I certainly hope to get some sympathy.

I went to my computer room today to check on the latest developments at Good Old Mudcat, and stepped over the gate that's supposed to keep my stepson's Shih-tzus (shit-sues) from taking their dumps on my carpet. As I stepped over the gate, my foot that was on solid ground slipped from under me - because one of those little shaggy doggies had left me a present outside the gate.

Now, I was all dressed up for a meeting, wearing white pants and dress shoes - but the shoes smelled too bad for the meeting.

So, that's my turd story. I demand sympathy.

Or at least, I expect the kid to clean my shoes. Shambles, get to work!!!!

-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: GUEST,Fullerton
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 02:32 AM

Q.   Why are turds tapered




















A.       So your arse doesn't slam shut

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: The Shambles
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 02:29 PM

Perhaps we can have a TURD thread prefix - especially for those who insist on talking shit?

That may prevent them from posters dropping turds all over other threads?

Threads with titles that would not clearly inform our readers that turd talk would be expected to be found in them?

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: jacqui.c
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 02:38 PM

But you started this one Roger - do you want Joe to change the title now?

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 03:25 PM

Bullseye!!
G..

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: The Shambles
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 03:42 PM

But you started this one Roger - do you want Joe to change the title now?

No - but do you really think that Joe Offer will give what I may want - any serious consideration? *smiles*

But as this one is clearly titled to be about turds - perhaps you can suggest that Joe Offer and others) stop setting the example of insisting on dropping turds in other threads that are clearly not so titled? For if it continues in these threads - he (or one of our many anonymous volunteer fellow posters) may feel that imposed thread changes are required on those threads - to enable our readers to be adequately informed of their content?

Oh shit!

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Jeri
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 03:58 PM

I like the idea of a 'turd' prefix. If people think that talking about fecal forms is more interesting and productive than the subject, the thread could be re-named. This would also allow those who didn't want to continuously see the title to filter out turds so the thread would not be involuntarily imposed upon them without their consent.

And if 'turd' doesn't float (Great...now I have 'Mockingbird' stuck in my head. If that little turd don't float, mama's gonna buy you a little row boat, and if that little boat won't row, mama's gonna find Mr. Tidy Bowl, and if that little man is blue, maybe woad'll make poo blue too, etc)

I've been thinking for a long time (since this morning) that we ought to have a 'thread job' prefix for any 'help the troll get off' thread.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 05:09 PM

*smiles*

Roger, hasn't anyone told you yet that when you type that, it just shows how far you are from understanding what most others see as humorous? I think a lot of your umbrage comes from not understanding U.S. humor at all, especially Joe's-- a cultural difference you refuse to respect.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 05:22 PM

Sorry Joe. I had the embarrassing experience of having a friend's dog (not Seamus or Clancy) leave about 5# of shit in Jed Marum's guest room. At least he didn't slip in it.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 06:31 PM

I suppose in a Shambles you'd be likely to find an awful lot of shit on the floor as well as blood and guts...

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 10:47 PM

Shatner is more fun.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: The Shambles
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 04:02 PM

I suppose in a Shambles you'd be likely to find an awful lot of shit on the floor as well as blood and guts...

No Kevin - I think you are getting it confused with Harlow.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 04:39 PM

Did you check the link Roger - that would make it clear what Kevin was talking about.

Subject: RE: BS: For all those who wish to spell 'turd'.
From: The Shambles
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 05:21 PM

The various origins of the word 'Shambles' has already been much discussed and linked to - on our forum.

And I know Harlow very well...........